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favourite of mine, because every body | He's here [Aside.]—finished and most admirable perform

else abuses him.

Sneer. Very much to the credit of your charity, madam, if not of your judgment.

Dangle. But, egad, he allows no merit to any author but himself, that's the truth on't-though he's my friend.

[Sir Fretful without.] Mr. Sneer with him, did you say?

Enter Sir FRETFUL PLAGIARY. Dangle. Ah,my dear friend!—Egad, we were just speaking of yourtragedy.

Admirable, Sir Fretful, admirable! Sneer. You never did any thing beŠneer. Never-He is as envious as yond it,SirFretful--never in your life. an old maid verging on the despera- Sir Fret. You make me extremely tion of six and thirty: and then the in-happy; for without a compliment, my sidious humility with which he se dear Sneer, there isn't a man in the duces you to give a free opinion on world whose judgment I value as I do any of his works, can be exceeded yours-and Mr. Dangle's.. only by the petulant arrogance with Mrs. Dangle. They are only laughwhich he is sure to reject your obser-ing at you, Sir Fretful; for it was but just now that—

vations. Dangle. Very true, egad-though Dangle. Mrs. Dangle! Ah, Sir he's my friend. Fretful, you know Mrs. Dangle.-My Sneer. Then his affected contempt friend Sneer was rallying just nowof all newspaper strictures; though, He knows how she admires you, at the same time, he is the sorest man and

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alive, and shrinks like scorched Sir Fret. O Lord, I am sure Mr. parchment from the fiery ordeal of Sneer has more taste and sincerity true criticism: yet is he so covetous than to A damn'd double-faced felof popularity, that he had rather be low! abused than not mentioned at all. Dangle. There's no denying it--but a better humouredthough he is my friend.

Sneer. You have read the tragedy he has just finished, haven't you? Dangle. O yes; he sent it to me yesterday.

[Aside.

Dangle. Yes, yes,-Sneer will jest

Sir Fret. O, I know

Dangle. He has a ready turn for ridicule—his wit costs him nothing. Sir Fret. No, egad, or I should wonder how he came by it. [Aside. Mrs. Dangle. Because his jest is always at the expense of his friend. Dangle. But, Sir Fretful, have you Dangle. Why, between ourselves, sent your play to the managers yet? egad, I must own-though he is my -or can I be of any service to you? friend that it is one of the most-Sir Fret. No, no, I thank you; I be

Sneer. Well, and you think it execrable, don't you?

Sneer. That might be done,I dare be sworn.

lieve the piece had sufficient recom-in my tragedy, and put them into his mendation with it.-I thank you own comedy. though—I sent it to the manager of Covent-garden theatre this morning. Sneer. I should have thought now, that it might have been cast (as the actors call it) better at Drury-lane. Sir Fret. O lud! no-never send a play there while I live-harkee!

[Whispers SNEER. Sneer. Writes himself!-I know he does

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Sir Fret. And then, if such a person gives you the least hint or assistance, he is devilish apt to take the merit of the whole

Dangle. If it succeeds.

Sir Fret. Ay,-but with regard to this piece, I think I can hit that gentleman,for I can safely swear he never

Sneer. I'll tell you how you may

Sir Fret. I say nothing I take readit. away from no man's merit--am hurt at no man's good fortune-I say no-hurt him more. thing-But this I will say-through Sir Fret. How? all my knowledge of life, I have observed-that there is not a passion so strongly rooted in the human heart as envy!

Sneer. I believe you have reason for what you say, indeed.

Sir Fret. Besides-I can tell you it is not always so safe to leave a play in the hands of those who write them

selvss.

Sneer. What, they may steal from them, hey, my dear Plagiary?

I

Sneer. Swear he wrote it.

Sir Fret. Plague on't now, Sneer, shall take it ill. I believe you want to take away my character as an author.

Sneer. Then I am sure you ought to be very much obliged to me. Sir Fret. Hey! —sir! Dangle. O you know, he never means what he says.

Sir Fret. Sincerely then you do like the piece?

Sir Fret. Steal!-to be sure they may! and, egad, serve your best thoughts as gypsies do stolen child-be ren, disfigure them to make 'em pass

for their own.

Sneer. But your present work is a sacrifice to Melpomene, and he you know never-

Sneer. Wonderfully!

Sir Fret. But come now, there must something that you think might be mended,hey?-Mr.Dangle, has nothing struck you?

Dangle. Why, faith, it is but an ungracious thing, for the most part,

to

Sir Fret. That's no security. A Sir Fret. With most authors it is dexterous plagiarist may do any just so indeed; they are in general thing. Why,sir, for aught I know,he strangely tenacious! But, for my might take out some of the best things part, I am never so well pleased as

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when a judicious critic points out any I did not see a fault in any part of defect to me; for what is the purpose the play, from the beginning to the of showing a work to a friend, if you end.

don't mean to profit by his opinion? Sir Fret. Upon my soul, the women Sneer. Very truc. Why then, are the best judges after all! though I seriously admire the piece upon the whole,yet there is one small objection; which, if you'll give me leave, I'll mention,

Sir Fret. Sir, you can't oblige me

more.

Sneer. I think it wants incident. Sir Fret. Good God! you surprise me! wants incident!

Mrs. Dangle. Or, if I made any objection, I am sure it was to nothing in the piece; but that I was afraid it was, on the whole, a little too long.

Sir Fret. Pray,madam,do you speak as to duration of time; or do you mean that the story is tediously spun out? Mrs. Dangle. O Lud! no.-I speak only with reference to the usual

Sneer. Yes; I own I think the inci-length of acting plays. dents are too few. Sir Fret. Then I am very happy

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Sir Fret. Good God! - Believe me, very happy indeed, because the Mr.Sneer, there is no person for whose play is a short play, a remarkably judgment I have a more implicit de- short play:-I should not venture to ference. But I protest to you, Mr. differ with a lady on a point of taste; Sneer, I am only apprehensive that but, on these occasions, the watch, the incidents are too crowded. My you know, is the critic. dear Dangle, how does it strike you? Mrs. Dangle. Then, I suppose, it Dangle. Really I can't agree with must have been Mr.Dangle's drawling my friend Sneer. I think the plot manner of reading it to me. quite sufficient; and the four first acts by many degrees the best I ever read or saw in my life. If I might venture to suggest any thing, it is that the inter-ning you can spare me three hours est rather falls off in the fifth. Sir Fret. Rises, I believe you mean, sir.

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Dangle. No, I don't, upon my word. Sir Fret. Yes, yes, you do, upon my soul it certainly don't fall off, I assure you.-No, no ; it don't fall off. Dangle. Now, Mrs. Dangle, didn't you say it struck you in the same light?

Sir Fret. O, if Mr. Dangle read it, that's quite another affair! But I assure you, Mrs. Dangle, the first eve

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and a half, I'll undertake to read you the whole from beginning to end, with the prologue and epilogue, and allow time for the music between the acts.

Mrs. Dangle. I hope to see it on the stage next.

Dangle. Well, Sir Fretful, I wish you may be able to get rid as easily of the newspaper criticisms as you do

Mrs. Dangle. No, indeed, I did not of ours.

Sir Fret. The newspapers! Sir, Sneer. Why, he roundly asserts that they are the most villanous-licen-you have not the slightest invention tious-abominable-infernal-Not or original genius whatever; though that I ever read them-No-Imake you are the greatest traducer of all it a rule never to look into a news-other authors living.

paper.

Sir Fret. Ha! ha! ha! very good! Dangle. You are quite right--for it Sneer. That as to comedy, you have certainly must hurt an author of de-not one idea of your own, he believes, licate feelings to see the liberties they even in your common-place-booktake. where stray jokes and pilfered wittiSir Fret. No! quite the contrary; cisms are kept with as much method their abuse is, in fact, the best pane-as the ledger of the lost and stolen gyric-I like it of all things. An au- office.

thor's reputation is only in danger from their support.

Sir Fret. Ha! ha! ha! - very pleasant!

Sneer. Why that's true—and that Sneer. Nay, that you are so unlucky attack, now, on you the other day-as not to have the skill even to steal Sir Fret. What? where? with taste but that you glean from Dangle. Ay, you mean in a paper of the refuse of obscure volumes, where Thursday: it was completely ill-na-more judicious plagiarists have been tured, to be sure. before you; so that the body of your work is a composition of dregs and Ha! ha! ha! I wou'dn't have it o-sediments-like a bad tavern's worst therwise. Dangle. Certainly it is only to be Sir Fret. Ha! ha! laughed at; for

Sir Fret. O, so much the better.

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Sir Fret. You don't happen to recollect what the fellow said, do you? Sneer. Pray, Dangle Sir Fretful seems a little anxious Sir Fret. O' Lud, no!

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anxious,

not I, not the least.—I—But one
may as well hear, you know.
Dangle, Sneer, do you recollect?
Make out something.
Sneer. I will. [TO DANGLE]-Yes,
yes, I remember perfectly.

[Aside.

Sir Fret. Well, and pray now-not that it signifies what might the gentleman say?

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wine.

Sneer. In your more serious efforts, he says, your bombast would be less intolerable, if the thoughts were ever suited to the expression; but the homeliness of the sentiment stares through the fantastic encumbrance of its fine langnage, like a clown in one of the new uniforms!

Sir Fret. Ha! ha!

Sneer. That your occasional tropes and flowers suit the general coarseness of your style, as tambour sprigs would a ground of linsey-woolsey; while your imitations of Shakspeare resemble the mimicry of Falstaff's

page,and are about as near the stand-
ard of the original.
Sir Fret. Ha!-

Mrs.Dangle. You know,Mr.Dangle, Isha'n't understand a word they say. Dangle. But you hear there's an interpreter.

Mrs.Dangle. Well, I'll try to endure their complaisance till you come.

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Sneer. In short, that even the finest passages you steal are of no service to you; for the poverty of your own language prevents their assimilating; [Exit. so that they lie on the surface like Serv. And Mr. Puff, sir, has sent lumps of marl on a barren moor, en-word that the last rehearsal is to be cumbering what it is not in their this morning, and that he'll call on power to fertilize!

Sir Fret. [After great agitation.] Now another person would be vexed

at this.

Sneer. Oh! but I wou'dn't have told you, only to divert you.

you presently.

of

Dangle. That's true- I shall certainly be at home. [Exit SERVANT.] Now, Sir Fretful, if you have a mind to have justice done you in the way answer, egad, Mr. Puff's your man. Sir Fret. I know it—I am diverted. Sir Fret. Pshaw! Sir, why should I -Ha! ha! ha!-not the least inven-wish to have it answered, when I tell tion! Ha! ha! ha! very good! you I am pleased at it? Dangle. True,I had forgot that. But Sneer. Yes-no genius! Ha! ha! ha! I hope you are not fretted at what Mr. Dangle. A severe rogue! Ha! ha! ha! But you are quite right, Sir Fretful,Sir Fret. Zounds! no, Mr. Dangle; don't I tell you these things never fret me in the least?

very good!

never to read such nonsense.

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Sir Fret, To be sure-for if there is

Sneer

Dangle. Nay, I only thought-
fool-Sir Fret. And let me tell
Sir Fret. And let me tell you, Mr.
Dangle, 'tis damn'd affronting in you

and if

any thing to one's praise, it is a foolish vanity to be gratified at it; it is abuse,-why one is always sure to hear of it from one damn'd goodna-to suppose that I am hurt, when I tell

tured friend or another!

Enter SERVANT.

you I am not.

Sneer.But why so warm,Sir Fretful? Sir Fret. Gad's life !Mr. Sneer, you Serv. Sir, there is an Italian gentle-are as absurd as Dangle: how often man, with a French interpreter, and must I repeat it to you, that nothing three young ladies, and a dozen musi- can vex me but your supposing it cians, who say they are sent by Lady possible for me to mind the damn'd Rondeau and Mrs. Fuge. nonsense you have been repeating to

Dangle, Gadso! they come by ap-me! and let me tell you, if you

pointment, Dear Mrs. Dangle, do let continue to believe this, you must them know I'll see them directly. mean to insult me, gentlemen- and

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