now, Miss, let your lieutenant or any barm-you did not mean any rudeof his crew come near you if they can. [ness, did you, Humphrey? [Exit. Lau, How this booby stares after him! [Sits down and sings. Lieut. Lauretta! Lau. Not so free, fellow! [Sings. Lau. Honest Humphrey, be quiet. Lau, Ah! O preserve me! Lieut. 'Tis, my soul! your truest slave, passing on your father in this disguise. Lieut. No, indeed, Miss; his worship knows it is not in me. Just. I know that you are a lying, canting, hypocritical scoundrel; and if you don't take yourself out of my sight Lau. Indeed, papa, now I'll tell you how it was.-I was sometime taken with a sudden giddiness, and Hum Lieut. Have you forgot your faith-phrey, seeing me beginning to totter, ful soldier? ran to my assistance, quite frightened, poor fellow! and took me in his arms. Just, Oh! was that all-nothing but a little giddiness, hey? Lieut. That's all, indeed, your worship; for seeing Miss change colour, Iran up instantly. Just. 0, 'twas very kind in you. Lieut. And luckily recovered her. Just. And who made you a doctor, you impudent rascal hey?-Get out of my sight, I say, this instant, or by all the statutes Lau. Well now, I declare this is charming-you are so disguised, my dear lieutenant, and you do look so delightfully ugly. I am sure no one will find you out, ha! ha! ha!-You know I am under your protection; papa charged you to keep close to me. Lieut. True, my angel, and thus let me fulfil Lau. O pray now, dear Humphrey Lieut. Nay, 'tis but what old Mittimus commanded. [Offers to kiss her-Enter JUSTICE. Just. Laury, my-hey! what the devil's here? Lau. Well now, one kiss, and be quiet. Just. Your very humble servant, honest Humphrey-Don't let me pray don't let me interrupt you! Lau. Lud, papaNow that's so good-natured indeed there's no Lieut. You know my love for your vanity-now sunshine, now cloudy daughter Just. Fire! Cut-throats! Just. Treason! Gunpowder! [Enter a Servant with a blunderbuss.] Now, scoundrel! let her go this in stant. Lau. O papa, you'll kill me! Lieut. And you'll be convinced- Lieut. How injurious Just. I'll shoot—and so your very -we are, as it were, king and beggar: -then what avails Enter LIEUTENANT. Lieut. O doctor! ruined and undone. Doct. The pride of beauty- Doct. Hey! Lieut. Confound your morals! I tell humble servant, honest Humphrey you I am discovered, discomfited, Doct. Well, I think my friend is confident-fools of fortune all. now in a fair way of succeeding. Ah! Lieut. My dear doctor, I want at I warrant he is full of hope and fear, present a little practical wisdom—I doubt and anxiety; truly he has the am resolved this instant to try the fever of love strong upon him: faint, scheme we were going to put in exepeevish, languishing all day, with cution last week-I have the letter burning, restless nights-Ah! just ready, and only want your assistance my case when 1 pined for my poor to recover my ground. dear Dolly! when she used to have her daily colics, that her little doctor be sent for-Then would I interpret the language of her pulse declare my own sufferings in my receipt for her -send her a pearl necklace in a pillbox, or a cordial draught with an acrostic on the label. Well, those days are over; no happiness lasting: all is Doct. With all my heart-I'll warrant you I'll bear a part in it: but how the deuce were you discovered? Lieut. I'll tell you as we go; there's not a moment to be lost. Doct. Heaven send we succeed bet- Lieut. Right. Doct. Time must show. Lieut. Certainly. Doct. We are but blind guessers. Doct. Futurity is dark. Lieut. As a cellar. Doct. Men are moles, who are a fool, and no one but such a simpleton would be so imposed on. Just. Why, zounds! madam, how durst you talk so?-if you have no respect for your husband, I should think unus quorum might cominand a little deference. Bri. Don't tell me― -Unus fiddlestick! you ought to be ashamed to show your face at the sessions: you'll be a laughing-stock to the whole bench, and a byword with all the pig [LIEUTENANT forcing him out. tailed lawyers and bag-wigged attor SCENE IV. Justice's House, Enter JUSTICE and BRIDGET. Just. Odds life, Bridget, you are enough to make one mad! I tell you he would have deceived a chief justice: the dog seemed as ignorant as my clerk, and talked of honesty as if he had been a church-warden. neys about town. Just. Is this language for his majesty's representative?by the statutes,it's high treason and petty treason, both at once. Enter SERVANT. Serv. A letter for your worship. Just. Take it away, and burn it. Bri. Stay-Now you're in such a Bri. Pho! nonsense, honesty-hurry-it is some canting scrawl What had you to do, pray, with ho- from the lieutenant, I suppose,―let nesty? A fine business you have me see—. -Ay, 'tis signed O'Connor. made of it with your Humphrey Hum; Just. Well, come, read it out. and Miss too, she must have been privy Bri. 'Revenge is sweet.' to it.-Lauretta, ay, you would have Just. It begins so, does it? I'm glad her called so; but for my part, I never of that; I'll let the dog know I'm of knew any good come of giving girls his opinion. these heathen christian names: if you Bri. And though disappointed of had called her Deborah, or Tabitha, my designs upon your daughter, I or Ruth, or Rebecca, or Joan, nothing have still the satisfaction of knowing of this had ever happened; but I al-I'm revenged on her unnatural faways knew Lauretta was a runaway ther; for this morning, in your chocolate, I had the pleasure to administer to you a dose of poison.'— name. Just. Psha, you're a fool. Enter DOCTOR. Just. No tricks, Bridget: come, you Doct. I have but just called to inform-hey! bless me, what's the mat Bri. Lovee, stay, here's a postscript. -N. B. 'Tis not in the power of medicine to save you? Just. Odds my life, Bridget! why don't you call for help? I've lost my voice-My brain is giddy-I shall burst, and no assistance. John! Laury!-John! Just. There, he sees it already – Poison in my face, in capitals. Yes, yes, I'm a sure job for the undertakers indeed. Bri. Oh! oh! alas, doctor! Just. Peace, Bridget. Why doctor, my dear old friend, do you really see any change in me? Doct. Change! never was man so altered: how came these black spots Bri. You see, lovee, what you have on your nose? brought on yourself. Bri. O! lovee, you may be sure it is in vain : let him run for the lawyer to witness your will, my life. Just. Zounds! go for the doctor, you scoundrel. You are all confederate murderers. Ser. O, here he is, your worship. Just. Spots on my nose! Doct. And that wild stare in your right eye? Just. In my right eye! Doct. Ay, and alack, alack, how you are swelled! Just. Swelled! Doct. Ay, don't you think he is, madam? Bri. O, 'tis in vain to conceal it : indeed, lovee, you are as big again as you were this morning. Just. Yes, I feel it now-I'm poison'd -Doctor, help me, for the love of justice-Give me life to see my murderer hang'd. Doct. What? Just. I'm poison'd, I say! Just. What! can't you hear me? Doct. Your voice is so low and hol[Exit. low, as it were, I can't hear a word Just. Now, Bridget, hold your you say. tongue, and let me see if my horrid situation be apparent. Just. I'm gone then: hic jacet, many years one of his majesty's justices. Bri Read, doctor-Ah, lovee, the will-Consider, my life, how soon will be dead. you Doct. Well, there's no time to be lost; you continue to swell immensely. [Exit. Bri. What, my dear, will you submit to be cured by a quack nostrummonger? For my part, as much as I love you, I had rather follow you to your grave than see you owe your life to any but a regular-bred physician. Just. I'm sensible of your affection, dearest; and be assured nothing consoles me in my melancholy situation Doct. I never heard such monstrous iniquity. Oh, you are gone indeed, my friend: the mortgage of your little bit of clay is out, and the sexton has nothing to do but to close. We must all go, sooner or later-high and low Death's a debt; his mandamus binds all alike—No bail,no demurrer. so much as the thoughts of leaving Just. Silence, Doctor Croaker: will you behind. you cure me, or will you not? Enter DOCTOR and LIEUTENANT, disguised. Doct. Great luck; met him passing by the door. Doct. Alas! my dear friend, it is not in my power, but I'll certainly see justice done on your murderer. Just. 1 thank you, my dear friend, but I had rather see it myself. Doct. Ay, but if you recover, the pulse. villain will escape. Bri. Will he? then indeed it would be a pity you should recover. I am so enraged against the villain, I can't bear the thought of his escaping the halter. Just. That's very kind in you, my dear, but, if it's the same thing to you, my dear, I had as soon recover, notwithstanding. What, doctor, no assistance! Doct. Efacks, I can do nothing; but there's the German quack, whom you wanted to send from town; I met him at the next door, and I know he has antidotes for all poisons. Just. Fetch hin, my dear friend, fetch him: I'll get him a diploma if he cures ine. Lieut. Metto dowsei pulsum. Just. Can't he speak English? Lieut. Palio vivem mortem soonem. Doct. He says you have not six hours to live. Just. O mercy! does he know my distemper? Doct. I believe not. Just. Tell him 'tis black arsenic they have given me. Doct. Geneable illi arsnecca. Doct. Quid effectum? Doct. He says you'll die presently. |