Sneer. But isn't it odd they never were taken notice of, not even by the commander-in-chief?

Puff. O lud, sir! if people, who want to listen or overhear, were not always connived at in a tragedy, there would be no carrying on any plot in the world.

Dang. That's certain!

Puff. But take care, my dear Dangle! the morning-gun is going to fire.

Dang. Well, that will have a fine effect!

[Cannon fires

Puff. I think so, and helps to realise the scene. [Cannon twice.] What the plague! three morning guns! there never is but one !-Ay, this is always the way at the theatre : give these fellows a good thing, and they never know when to have done with it.-You have no more cannon to fire ?

Und. Promp. [Within.] No, sir.

Puff. Now, then, for soft music.
Sneer. Pray, what 's that for?

Here she comes !

Puff. It shows that Tilburina is coming;—nothing introduces you a heroine like soft music. Dang. And her confidant, I suppose ? Puff. To be sure ! minuet in Ariadne !

Here they are-inconsolable to the [Soft music

"Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANT

Tilb. Now has the whispering breath of gentle morn
Bid Nature's voice and Nature's beauty rise;
While orient Phoebus, with unborrow'd hues,
Clothes the waked loveliness which all night slept
In heavenly drapery! Darkness is fled.

Now flowers unfold their beauties to the sun,
And, blushing, kiss the beam he sends to wake them-
The striped carnation, and the guarded rose,
The vulgar wallflower, and smart gillyflower,
The polyanthus mean-the dapper daisy,
Sweet-william, and sweet marjoram—and all
The tribe of single and of double pinks!

Now, too, the feather'd warblers tune their notes
Around, and charm the listening grove. The lark!
The linnet! chaffinch! bullfinch! goldfinch! greenfinch!
But O, to me no joy can they afford!

Nor rose, nor wallflower, nor smart gillyflower,
Nor polyanthus mean, nor dapper daisy,
Nor William sweet, nor marjoram—nor lark,
Linnets, nor all the finches of the grove !"

Puff. Your white handkerchief, madam !

Tilb. I thought, sir, I wasn't to use that till heart-rending

woe.

Puff. O yes, madam, at the finches of the grove, if you please.

Linnet, nor all the finches of the grove! [Weeps"

Puff. Vastly well, madam!

Dang. Vastly well, indeed!

"Tilb. For, O, too sure, heart-rending woe is now
The lot of wretched Tilburina!"

Dang. Oh !-'tis too much!

Sneer. Oh !-it is indeed!

"Con. Be comforted, sweet lady; for who knows,

But Heaven has yet some milk-white day in store?

Tilb. Alas! my gentle Nora,

Thy tender youth as yet hath never mourn'd

Love's fatal dart. Else wouldst thou know that when
The soul is sunk in comfortless despair,

It cannot taste of merriment."

Dang. That 's certain !

"Con. But see where your stern father comes:
It is not meet that he should find you thus."

Puff. Hey, what the plague !—what a cut is here! Why, what is become of the description of her first meeting with Don Whiskerandos-his gallant behaviour in the sea-fight-and the simile of the canary-bird ?

Tilb. Indeed, sir, you'll find they will not be missed. Puff. Very well, very well!

Tilb. [To CONFIDANT.] The cue, ma'am, if you please.

"Con.
It is not meet that he should find you thus.
Tilb. Thou counsel'st right; but 't is no easy task
For barefaced grief to wear a mask of joy.
Enter GOVERNOR

Gov. How's this !-in tears?-O Tilburina, shame!
Is this a time for maudling tenderness,
And Cupid's baby woes?-Hast thou not heard
That haughty Spain's pope-consecrated fleet
Advances to our shores, while England's fate,
Like a clipp'd guinea, trembles in the scale?
Tilb. Then is the crisis of my fate at hand!
I see the fleets approach-I see-"

Puff. Now, pray, gentlemen, mind. This is one of the most useful figures we tragedy writers have, by which a hero or heroine, in consideration of their being often obliged to overlook things that are on the stage, is allowed to hear and see a number of things that are not. Sneer. Yes; a kind of poetical second-sight ! Puff. Yes. Now then, madam.

"Tilb.

I see their decks
Are clear'd!-I see the signal made!

The line is form'd-a cable's length asunder!
I see the frigates station'd in the rear;
And now I hear the thunder of the guns!

I hear the victor's shouts -I also hear

The vanquish'd groan !—and now 'tis smoke-and now

I see the loose sails shiver in the wind!

I see I see-what soon you'll see

Gov. Hold, daughter! peace! this love hath turn'd thy brain!
The Spanish fleet thou canst not see-because

-It is not yet in sight!"

Dang. Egad, though, the governor seems to make no allowance for this poetical figure you talk of.

Puff. No, a plain matter-of-fact man;-that's his character.

"Tilb. But will you then refuse his offer?
Gov. I must-I will-I can-I ought-I do.
Tilb. Think what a noble price.

Gov. No more-you urge in vain.
Tilb. His liberty is all he asks."

Sneer. All who asks, Mr. Puff? Who is

Puff. Egad, sir, I can't tell ! Here has been such cutting and slashing, I don't know where they have got to myself.

Tilb. Indeed, sir, you will find it will connect very well.

"And your reward secure."

Puff. Oh, if they hadn't been so devilish free with their cuttings here, you would have found that Don Whiskerandos has been tampering for his liberty, and has persuaded Tilburina to make this proposal to her father. And now, pray observe the conciseness with which the argument is conducted. Egad, the pro and con goes as smart as hits in a fencing-match. It is indeed a sort of small-sword logic, which we have borrowed from the French.

Tilb. A thousand pounds!

Gov. Ha! thou hast touch'd me nearly!"

Puff. There you see-she threw in Tilburina, Quick, parry quarte with England !-Ha! thrust in tierce a title !— parried by honour. Ha a pension over the arm !-put by by conscience. Then flankonade with a thousand pounds -and a palpable hit, egad!

"Tilb. Canst thou

Reject the suppliant, and the daughter too

Gov. No more; I would not hear thee plead in vain :
The father softens-but the governor

Is fix'd!

Dang. Ay, that antithesis of persons is a most established

figure.

"Tilb.

"Tis well,-hence then, fond hopes,-fond passion, hence. Duty, behold I am all over thine

Whisk. [Without.] Where is my love-my

Tilb.

Ha!

Enter DON FEROLO WHISKERANDOS

Whisk. My beauteous enemy !

Puff. O dear, ma'am, you must start a great deal more than that! Consider, you had just determined in favour of duty when, in a moment, the sound of his voice revives your passion-overthrows your resolution-destroys your obedience. If you don't express all that in your start, you do nothing at all.

Tilb. Well, we 'll try again!

Dang. Speaking from within has always a fine effect.
Sneer. Very.

"Whisk. My conquering Tilburina! How! is 't thus

We meet? why are thy looks averse? what means

Tilb.

That falling tear-that frown of boding woe?
Ha! now indeed I am a prisoner !

Yes, now I feel the galling weight of these
Disgraceful chains-which, cruel Tilburina!
Thy doating captive gloried in before.-

But thou art false, and Whiskerandos is undone !
O no! how little dost thou know thy Tilburina !
Whisk. Art thou then true?-Begone cares, doubts, and fears,
I make you all a present to the winds;
And if the winds reject you-try the waves."

Puff. The wind, you know, is the established receiver of all stolen sighs, and cast-off griefs and apprehensions.

66 Tilb.

Yet must we part 1-stern duty seals our doom:
Though here I call yon conscious clouds to witness,
Could I pursue the bias of my soul,

All friends, all right of parents, I'd disclaim,

And thou, my Whiskerandos, shouldst be father,
And mother, brother, cousin, uncle, aunt,

And friend to me!

Whisk. Oh, matchless excellence! and must we part?
Well, if-we must-we must-and in that case
The less is said the better."

Puff. Heyday! here's a cut !—What, are all the mutual protestations out?

Tilb. Now, pray, sir, don't interrupt us just here: you ruin our feelings.

Puff. Your feelings !-but zounds, my feelings, ma'am ! Sneer. No; pray don't interrupt them.

Puff. 'Sdeath and fury !—Gad's life !—sir! madam! if you go out without the parting look, you might as well dance out. Here, here!

Con. But pray, sir, how am I to get off here?

Puff. You! pshaw! what the devil signifies how you get off edge away at the top, or where you will-[Pushes the CONFIDANT off.] Now, ma'am, you see

Tilb. We understand you, sir.

"Ay, for ever.

Both Oh! [Turning back, and exeunt.-Scene closes."