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Abs. Softly, softly; for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope with me as Ensign Beverley, yet am I by no means certain that she would take me with the impediment of our friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and the reversion of a good fortune on my side; no, no; I must prepare her gradually for the discovery and make myself necessary to her, before I risk it.Well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day at the hotel ?

Faulk. Indeed I cannot; I am not in spirits to be of such a party.

Abs. By heavens ! I shall forswear your company. You are the most teasing, captious, incorrigible lover! -Do love like a man.

Faulk. I own I am unfit for company.

Abs. Am not I a lover; ay, and a romantic one too? Yet do I carry everywhere with me such a confounded farrago of doubts, fears, hopes, wishes, and all the flimsy furniture of a country miss's brain!

Faulk. Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not, like mine, fixed immutably on one only object. You throw for a large stake, but losing, you could stake and throw again :-but I have set my sum of happiness on this cast, and not to succeed were to be stripped of all.

?

Abs. But, for Heaven's sake! what grounds for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure up at present Faulk. What grounds for apprehension, did you say? Heavens ! are there not a thousand? I fear for her spirits her health-her life. My absence may fret her; her anxiety for my return, her fears for me may oppress her gentle temper: and for her health, does not every hour bring me cause to be alarmed? [If it rains, some shower may even then have chilled her delicate frame! If the wind be keen, some rude blast may have affected her! The heat of noon, the dews of the evening, may endanger the life of her, for whom only I value mine. O Jack when delicate and feeling souls are separated, there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension !

Abs. Ay, but we may choose whether we will take the hint or not. So, then, Faulkland, if you were convinced that Julia were well and in spirits, you would be entirely content ?

Faulk. I should be happy beyond measure-I am anxious only for that.

Abs. Then to cure your anxiety at once-Miss Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment in Bath. Faulk. Nay, Jack-don't trifle with me.

Abs. She is arrived here with my father within this hour. Faulk. Can you be serious?

Abs. I thought you knew Sir Anthony better than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this kind.-Seriously, then, it is as I tell you-upon my honour.

Faulk. My dear friend !-Hollo, Du Peigne ! my hat. -My dear Jack-now nothing on earth can give me a moment's uneasiness.

Re-enter FAG

Fag. Sir, Mr Acres, just arrived, is below.

Abs. Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives within a mile of Sir Anthony, and he shall tell you how your mistress has been ever since you left her.-Fag, show the gentleman up. [Exit FAG

Faulk. What, is he much acquainted in the family? Abs. Oh, very intimate: I insist on your not going: besides, his character will divert you.

Faulk. Well, I should like to ask him a few questions. Abs. He is likewise a rival of mine-that is, of my other self's, for he does not think his friend Captain Absolute ever saw the lady in question: and it is ridiculous enough to hear him complain to me of one Beverley, a concealed skulking rival, who

Faulk. Hush -he's here.

Enter ACRES

Acres. Ha! my dear friend, noble captain, and honest Jack, how do'st thou ? just arrived, faith, as you see.Sir, your humble servant.-Warm work on the roads, Jack! -Odds whips and wheels! I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all the way as long as the Mall.

Abs. Ah! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet, but we know your attraction hither. Give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr. Faulkland, Mr. Acres.

Acres. Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you; sir, I

solicit your connections.-Hey, Jack-what, this is Mr. Faulkland, who

Abs. Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland.

Ah !

Acres. Odso she and your father can be but just arrived before me :-I suppose you have seen them. Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a happy man.

Faulk. I have not seen Miss Melville yet, sir;—I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in Devonshire ?

Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir,-never better. Odds blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa.

Faulk. Indeed!-I did hear that she had been a little indisposed.

Acres. False, false, sir-only said to vex you quite the reverse, I assure you.

Faulk. There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill.

Abs. Now you are angry with your mistress for not having been sick?

Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me: yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love. Now confess-isn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health?

Abs. Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence, to be sure!

Acres. Good apartments, Jack.

Faulk. Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so exceedingly well-what, then, she has been merry and gay, I suppose ?—Always in spirits-hey?

Acres. Merry, odds crickets! she has been the belle and spirit of the company wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour!

Faulk. There, Jack, there.-Oh, by my soul! there is an innate levity in woman that nothing can overcome.What happy, and I away!

Abs. Have done.-How foolish this is just now you were only apprehensive for your mistress's spirits.

Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company?

Abs. No indeed, you have not.

Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining ?

Abs. Oh, upon my word, I acquit you.

Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour?

Abs. No, faith; to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid indeed.

Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman ?

Abs. He is only expressing his great satisfaction' at hearing that Julia has been so well and happy-that's all -hey, Faulkland ?

Faulk. Oh! I am rejoiced to hear it-yes, yes, she has a happy disposition !

Acres. That she has indeed-then she is so accomplished -so sweet a voice- -so expert at her harpsichord-such a mistress of flat and sharp, squallante, rumblante, and quiverante !-There was this time month-odds minims and crotchets how she did chirrup at Mrs. Piano's concert!

Faulk. There again, what say you to this? you see she has been all mirth and song-not a thought of me!

Abs. Pho! man, is not music the food of love?
Faulk. Well, well, it may be so.-Pray, Mr.

what's his damned name ?-Do you remember what songs Miss Melville sang?

Acres. Not I, indeed.

Abs. Stay, now, there were some pretty melancholy purling-stream airs, I warrant; perhaps you may recollect: -did she sing, When absent from my soul's delight? Acres. No, that wa'n't it. Abs. Or, Go, gentle gales?

[Sings

Acres. Oh, no! nothing like it. Odds! now I recollect one of them-My heart's my own, my will is free. [Sings Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler ! 'Sdeath to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle to soothe her light heart with catches and glees! What can you say to this, sir?

Abs. Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry, sir.

Faulk. Nay, nay, nay-I'm not sorry that she has been happy-no, no, I am glad of that-I would not have had her sad or sick-yet surely a sympathetic heart would have shown itself even in the choice of a song she might have been temperately healthy, and somehow, plaintively gay; -but she has been dancing too, I doubt not!

Acres. What does the gentleman say about dancing? Abs. He says the lady we speak of dances as well as she sings.

Acres. Ay, truly, does she-there was at our last race ball

Faulk. Hell and the devil!

There-there-I told you so! I told you so! Oh! she thrives in my absence !— Dancing; but her whole feelings have been in opposition with mine ;-I have been anxious, silent, pensive, sedentary -my days have been hours of care, my nights of watchfulness. She has been all health! spirit! laugh! song! dance -Oh! damned, damned levity!

Abs. For Heaven's sake, Faulkland, don't expose yourself so -Suppose she has danced, what then ?-does not the ceremony of society often oblige

Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain myself-perhaps as you say-for form sake.-What, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss Melville's manner of dancing a minuet-hey?

Acres. Oh, I dare insure her for that-but what I was going to speak of was her country dancing. Odds swimmings she has such an air with her!

Faulk. Now disappointment on her-Defend this, Absolute; why don't you defend this ?-Country-dances! jigs and reels! am I to blame now? A minuet I could have forgiven-I should not have minded that-I say I should not have regarded a minuet-but country-dances ! -Zounds! had she made one in a cotillion-I believe I could have forgiven even that-but to be monkey-led for a night !—to run the gauntlet through a string of amorous palming puppies !—to show paces like a managed filly !— Oh, Jack, there never can be but one man in the world whom a truly modest and delicate woman ought to pair with in a country-dance; and, even then, the rest of the couples should be her great-uncles and aunts!

Abs. Ay, to be sure !-grandfathers and grandmothers! Faulk. If there be but one vicious mind in the set, 'twill spread like a contagion-the action of their pulse beats to the lascivious movement of the jig their quivering, warm breathed sighs impregnate the very air-the atmosphere becomes electrical to love, and each amorous spark darts through every link of the chain !-I must leave you-I own I am somewhat flurried-and that confounded looby has perceived it. [Going

Abs. Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and thank Mr. Acres for his good news.

Faulk. Damn his news!
Abs. Ha ha

[Exit

ha! poor Faulkland five minutes since

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