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Abs. Really, sir, you have the advantage of me: I don't remember ever to have had the honour-my name is Saunderson, at your service.
Sir Anth. Sir, I beg your pardon-I took you—hey ?why, zounds ! it is-Stay—[Looks up to his face.] So, soyour humble servant, Mr. Saunderson? Why, you scoundrel, what tricks are you after now ?
Abs. Oh, a joke, sir, a joke. I came here on purpose to look for you, sir ?
Sir Anth. You did ! well, I am glad you were so lucky :but what are you muffled up.so for ?—what's this for ?hey!
Abs. 'Tis cool, sir; isn't it ?rather chilly somehowbut I shall be late--I have a particular engagement.
Sir Anth. Stay ~ Why, I thought you were looking for me?—Pray, Jack, where is 't you are going ?
Abs. Going, sir !
Abs. I was going, sir, to-to-to-to 'Lydia-sir, to Lydia—to make matters up if I could ;-and I was looking for you, sir, to-to
Sir Anth. To go with you, I suppose.- Well, come along.
Abs. Oh Izounds! no, sir, not for the world I-I wished to meet with you, sir,--to-to-to-You find it cool, I'm sure, sir—you'd better not stay out.
Sir Anth. Cool --not at all.-Well, Jack—and what will you say to Lydia ?
Abs. Oh, sir, beg her pardon, humour her-promise and vow: but I detain you, sir-consider the cold air on your gout. ! Sir Anth. Oh, not at 'all |--not at all ! I'm in no hurry.-Ah! Jack, you youngsters, when once you are wounded here (Putting his hand to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's breast] Hey! what the deuce have you got here?
Abs. Nothing, sir-nothing.
Sir Anth. What's this ?--here's something damned hard.
Abs. Oh, trinkets, sir ! trinkets !ta bauble for Lydia ! " Sir Anth. Nay, let me see your taste.-(Pulls his coat open, the sword falls.] Trinkets !-a bauble for Lydia Zounds ! sirrah, you are not going to cut her throat, are you?
Abs. Ha ! ha! ha! I thought it would divert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you till afterwards.
Sir Anth. You didn't ? — Yes, this is a very diverting trinket, truly !
Abs. Sir, I'll explain to you.—You know, sir, Lydia is romantic, devilish romantic, and very absurd of course : now, sir, I intend, if she refuses to forgive me, to unsheath this sword, and swear-I'll fall upon its point, and expire at her feet!
Sir Anth. Fall upon a fiddlestick's end 1-why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her.—Get along, you fool !
Abs. Well, sir, you shall hear of my success—you shall hear. -O Lydia! forgive me, or this pointed steel-says I.
Sir Anth. O booby! stab away and welcome-says she.Get along! and damn your trinkets !
(Exit CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE
Enter DAVID, running
Dav. Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Fire -Stop fire! Stop fire 1-0 Sir Anthony—call I call ! bid 'm stop ! Murder ! Fire !
Sir Anth. Fire! Murder - Where ?
Dav. Oons ! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath! for my part ! O Sir Anthony! why didn't you stop him ? why didn't you stop him ?
Sir Anth. Zounds the fellow's mad -Stop whom ? Stop Jack ?
Dav. Ay, the captain, sir l-there's murder and slaughter
Sir Anth. Murder !
Dav. Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields : there's fighting going on, sir-bloody sword-and-gun fighting!
Sir Anth. Who are going to fight, dunce ?
Dav. Everybody that I know of, Sir Anthony :-everybody is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O’Trigger, your son, the captain
Sir Anth. Oh, the dog! I see his tricks.—Do you know the place ?
Dav. Not an inch : but I 'll call the mayor-aldermenconstables-churchwardens—and beadles-we can't be too many to part them.
Sir Anth. Come along-give me your shoulder ! we 'll get assistance as we go—the lying villain -Well, I shall be in such a frenzy |-S0—this was the history of his trinkets ! I'll bauble him !
Enter SIR LUCIUS O’TRIGGER and ACRES, with pistols
Acres. By my valour! then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims |--I say it is a good distance.
Sir Luc. Is it for muskets or small field-pieces ? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me.-Stay now—I'll show you.-[Measures paces along the stage.] There now, that is a very pretty distance-a pretty gentleman's distance.
Acres. Zounds ! we might as well fight in a sentry-box ! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.
Sir Luc, Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!
Acres. No, Sir Lucius ; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards
Sir Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense ! three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.
Acres. Odds bullets, nolby my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near : do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot :-a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me !
Sir Luc. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that.—But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for
Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius—but I don't understand
Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk-and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.
Acres. A quietus !
Sir Luc. For instance, now—if that should be the case -would you choose to bę pickled and sent home ?-or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey ?I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.
Acres. Pickled 1-Snug lying in the Abbey /Odds tremors ! Sir Lucius, don't talk so !
Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before ?
Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before.
Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pity there 's nothing like being used to a thing.--Pray now, how would you receive the gentleman's shot?
Acres. Odds files -I've practised that—there, Sir Lucius-there.- [Puts himself in an attitude.] A side-front, hey? Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edgeways.
Sir Luc. Now you 're quite out-for if you stand so when take my aim
[Levelling at him Acres. Zounds! Sir "Lucius-are you sure it is not cocked ?
Sir Luc. Never fear.
Acres. But-but-you don't know-it may go off of its own head!
Sir Luc. Phol be easy.-Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance--for if it misses a vital part of your right side-'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left!
Acres. A vital part !
Sir Luc. But, there--fix yourself so-[Placing him]-let him see the broad-side of your full front-there-now a ball or two may páss clean through your body, and never do any harm at all. Acres. Clean through me a ball or two clean through
Sir Luc. Ay-may they-and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.
Acres. Look’ee ! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one ; só, by my valour! I will stand edgeways.
Sir Luc. (Looking at his watch.) Sure they don't mean to disappoint us--Hahno, faith-I think I see them coming.
Acres. Hey - what I-coming
Sir Luc. Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the stile ?
Acres. There are two of them indeed well—let them come-hey, Sir Lucius l-we-we-We-We-kwon't run.
Sir Luc: Run I.
Acres. Nothing-nothing--my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius—but I-1-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did.
Sir Luc. O fy consider your honour.
Acres. Ay--true-my honour. : Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honour. Sir Luc. Well, here they 're coming.
[Looking Acres. Sir Lucius-if I wa'n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid.--If my valour should leave me Valour will come and go.
Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast, while you have it.
Acres. Sir Lucius--I doubt it is going-yes-t-my valour is certainly going 1-it is sneaking off I fou. it cozing out as it were at the palms of my hands I?""
Sir Luc. Your honour-your honour.—Here they are.
Acres. O mercy 1-now—that I was safe at Clod-Hall ! or could be shot before I was aware !
Enter FAULKLAND and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE
Sir Luc. Gentlemen, your most obedient.Hah l-what, Captain Absolute So, I suppose, sir, you are come here, just like myself—to do a kind office, first for your friendthen to proceed to business on your own account.
Acres. What, Jack my dear Jack my dear friend !
Sir Luc. Well, Mr. Acres-I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly.- (To FAULKLAND.) So, Mr. Beverley, if you ’ll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground.
Faulk. My weapons, sir !
Acres. Odds life ! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are my particular friends.
Sir Luc. What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr. Acres ?
Faulk. Not I, upon my word, sir.