you fear that part: if he don't know me again, am safe.-I hope he'll come. Sack. I wish all my debts would come as sure: I told him you had been a great traveller, had many valuable curiosities, and was a person of most singular taste: he seemed transported, and begged me to keep you till he came. Col. F. Ay, ay, he need not fear my running away. Let's have a bottle of sack, landlord; our ancestors drank sack. Sack. You shall have it. Col. F. And whereabouts is the trap-door you mentioned? Sack. There's the conveyance, Sir. [Exit. Col. F. Now, if I should cheat all these roguish guardians, and carry off my mistress in triumph, it would be what the French call a grand coup d'eclat.-Odso! here comes Periwinkle.-Ah! deuce take this beard; pray Jupiter, it does not give me the slip, and spoil all. Col. F. I have some, Sir, which are not yet come ashore; as, an Egyptian idol. Per. Pray what may that be? Col. F. It is, Sir, a kind of an ape, which they formerly worshipped in that country: I took it from the breast of a female mummy. Per. Ha, ha! our women retain part of their idolatry to this day; for many an ape lies on a lady's breast, ha, ha! Sack. A smart old thief. [Aside. Col. F. Two tusks of an hippopotamus, two pair of Chinese nut-crackers, and one Egyptian mummy. Per. Pray, Sir, have you never a crocodile ? Col. F. Humph! the boatswain brought one with a design to show it, but, touching at Rotterdam, and hearing it was no rarity in England, he sold it to a Dutch poet.-Lookye, Sir, do you see this little vial?" Per. Pray you, what is it? Col. F. This is called poluflosboio. Enter SACK BUT with wine, PERIWINKLE fol- bling nature-This water was part of those lowing. Sack. Sir, this gentleman, hearing you have been a great traveller, and a person of fine speculation, begs leave to take a glass with you he is a man of a curious taste himself. Col. F. The gentleman has it in his face and garb; Sir, you are welcome. Per. Sir, I honour a traveller and men of your inquiring disposition; the oddness of your habit pleases me extremely: 'tis very antique, and for that I like it. Col. F. "Tis very antique, Sir:-this habit once belonged to the famous Claudius Ptolemeus, who lived in the year one hundred and thirty-five. Sack. If he keeps up to the sample, he shall lie with the devil for à bean-stack, and win it every straw. [Aside. Per. A hundred and thirty-five! why, that's prodigious now!-Well, certainly 'tis the finest thing in the world to be a traveller. Col. F. For my part, I value none of the modern fashions a fig-leaf. Per. No more don't I, Sir: I had rather be the jest of a fool than his favourite I am laughed at here for my singularity.-This coat, you must know, Sir, was formerly worn by that ingenious and very learned person, Mr. John Tradescant, of Lambeth. Col. F. John Tradescant! Let me embrace you, Sir-John Tradescant was my uncle, by my mother's side; and I thank you for the honour you do his memory; he was a very curious man indeed. Per. Your uncle, Sir-Nay, then it is no wonder that your taste is so refined; why you have it in your blood.-My humble service to you, Sir; to the immortal memory of John Tradescant, your never-to-be-forgotten uncle. [Drinks. Col. F. Give me a glass, landlord. Per. I find you are primitive, even in your wine: Canary was the drink of our wise forefathers; 'tis balsamic, and saves the charge of 'pothecaries' cordials-Oh! that I had lived in your uncle's days! or rather, that he were now alive!-Oh! how proud he'd be of such a nephew! Sack. Oh pox! that would have spoiled the jest. [Aside. Per. A person of your curiosity must have collected many rarities. waves which bore Cleopatra's vessel, when she sailed to meet Antony. Per. Well, of all that travelled, none had a taste like you. Col. F. But here's the wonder of the world. This, Sir, is called zona, or moros musphonon: the virtues of this are inestimable. Per. Moros musphonon! What in the name of wisdom can that be?-to me, it seems a plain belt. Col. F. This girdle has carried me all the world over. Per. You have carried it, you mean. Col. F. I mean as I say. Whenever I am girded with this, I am invisible; and by turning this little screw, can be in the court of the, great mogul, the grand signior, and king George, in as little time as your cook can poach an egg. Per. You must pardon me, Sir, I can't believe it. Col. F. If my landlord pleases, he shall try the experiment immediately. Sack. I thank you kindly, Sir; but I have no inclination to ride post haste to the devil. Col. F. No, no, you sha'n't stir a foot; I'll only make you invisible. Suck. But if you could not make me visible again. Per. Come, try it upon me, Sir; I am not afraid of the devil nor all his tricks.-'Sbud, I'll stand 'em all. Col. F. There, Sir, put it on.-Come, landlord, you and I must face the east. [They turn.] Is it on, Sir? Per. "Tis on. Sack. Where, where, in the name of virtue? Ah, poor Mr. Periwinkle!—'Egad, look to't, you had best, Sir; and let him be seen again, or I shall have you burned for a wizard. Col. F. Have patience, good landlord. Per. But really don't you see me now? Sack. No more than I see my grandmother, that died forty years ago. Per. Are you sure you don't lie? Methinks I stand just where I did, and see you as plain as I did before. again. Sack. Ah! I wish I could see you once Col. F. Take off the girdle, Sir. [He takes it off. Sack. Ah, Sir, I am glad to see you with all | my heart. [Embraces him. | Per. This is very odd; certainly there must be some trick in't.-Pray, Sir, will you do me the favour to put it on yourself? Col. F. With all my heart. Per. But first I'll secure the door. Col. F. You know how to turn the screw, Mr. Sackbut. Sack. Yes, yes-Come, Mr. Periwinkle, we must turn full east. [ They turn; COLONEL sinks by the trap-door. Col. F. "Tis done; now turn. [They turn. Per. Ha! mercy upon me; my flesh creeps upon my bones.-This must be a conjurer, Mr. Sackbut. Sack. He's the devil, I think. | Per. I fancy I know the very woman-her name is Anne Lovely. Col. F. Excellent!-He said, indeed, that the first letter of her name was L Per. Did he really?-Well, that's prodi Per. Oh, Mr. Sackbut, why do you name the devil, when perhaps he may be at your elbow? Sack. At my elbow! Marry, heaven forbid!giously amazing, that a person in Grand Cairo Col. F. Are you satisfied? should know any thing of my ward. [From under the Stage. Per. Yes, Sir, yes-How hollow his voice sounds! Sack. Yours seemed just the same-'Faith, I wish this girdle were mine, I'd sell wine no more. Harkye, Mr. Periwinkle, [Takes him aside till the COLONEL rises again.] it he would sell this girdle, you might travel with great expedition. Col. F. But it is not to be parted with for money. Per. I am sorry for't, Sir, because I think it the greatest curiosity I ever heard of. Col. F. By the advice of a learned physiognomist in Grand Cairo, who consulted the lines in my face, I returned to England, where he told me I should find a rarity in the keeping of four men, which I was born to possess for the benefit of mankind: and the first of the four that gave me his consent, I should present him with this girdle-Till I have found this jewel, I shall not part with the girdle. Per. What can this rarity be? Didn't he name it to you? Col. F. Yes, Sir: he called it a chaste, beautiful, unaffected woman. Per. Pish! women are no rarities; women are the very gewgaws of the creation; playthings for boys, who when they write man they ought to throw aside. Sack. A fine lecture to be read to a circle of ladies! [Aside. Per. What woman is there, dressed in all the pride and foppery of the times, can boast of such a foretop as the cockatoo ? Col. F. I must humour him. [Aside.] Such a skin as the lizard? Per. Such a shining breast as the hummingbird? Col. F. Such a shape as the antelope? Per. Or, in all the artful mixture of their various dresses, have they half the beauty of one box of butterflies? Col. F. No; that must be allowed. For my part, if it were not for the benefit of mankind, I'd have nothing to do with them; for they are as indifferent to me as a sparrow or a flesh-fly. Per. Pray, Sir, what benefit is the world to reap from this lady? Col. F. Why, Sir, she is to bear me a son, who shall revive the art of embalming, and the old Roman manner of burying the dead; and for the benefit of posterity, he is to discover the longitude, so long sought for in vain. Per. Od! these are valuable things, Mr. Sackbut! | Col. F. Your ward! Per. To be plain with you, Sir, I am one of those four guardians. Col. F. Are you indeed, Sir? I am transported to find that the man who is to possess this moros musphonon is a person of so curious a taste-Here is a writing drawn up by that famous Egyptian, which if you will please to sign, you must turn your face full north, and the girdle is yours. Per. If I live till the boy is born, I'll be embalmed, and sent to the Royal Society when I die. Col. F. That you shall most certainly. Draw. Here's Mr. Staytape, the tailor, inquires for you, colonel. Per. Ha! colonel. Col. F. Who do you speak to, you son of a whore? [ Aside. Col. F. Confound the blundering dog! [Aside. Draw. Why to colonelSack. Get you out, you rascal. [Kicks him out. Draw. What the devil is the matter? Col. F. This dog has ruined all my schemes, I see by Periwinkle's looks. [Aside. Per. How finely I should have been choused -Colonel, you'll pardon me that I did not give you your title before-it was pure ignorance, 'faith it was. Pray-hem-hem! Pray, colonel, what post had this learned Egyptian in your regiment? Col. F. A pox of your sneer! [Aside.] I don't understand you, Sir. Per. No, that's strange! I understand you, colonel An Egyptian of Grand Cairo ! ha, ha, ha! I am sorry such a well-invented tale should do you no more service. We old fellows can see as far into a millstone as them that pick it. I am not to be tricked out of my trust-mark that. Col. F. The devil! 1 must carry it off; I wish I were fairly out. [Aside.] Lookye, Sir, you may make what jest you please, but the stars will be obeyed, Sir; and depend upon't I shall have the lady, and you none of the girdle. Now for Mr. Freeman's part of the plot. [Aside ; exit. Per. The stars! ha, ha! No star has favoured you, it seems. The girdle! ha, ha, ha! none of your legerdemain tricks can pass upon me. Why, what a pack of trumpery has this rogue picked up-His pagod, poluflosboio, his zonos, moros musphonons, and the devil knows what-But I'll take care-Ha, gone! | he discovers me, as he certainly must in the Ay, 'twas time to sneak off. Soho! the house! Enter SACKBUT. Where is this trickster? Send for a constable; I'll Grand Cairo him, with a pox to him-Ỉ Sack. Who, 1, Mr. Periwinkle? I scorn it. I perceived he was a cheat, and left the room on purpose to send for a constable to apprehend him, and endeavoured to stop him when he went out-But the rogue made but one step from the stairs to the door, called a coach, leaped into it, and drove away like the devil, as Mr. Freeman can witness, who is at the bar, and desires to speak with you; he is this minute come to town. Per. Send him in. [Exit SACKBUT.] What a scheme this rogue has laid! How I should have been laughed at, had it succeeded! Enter FREEMAN, booted and spurred. Mr. Freeman, I had like to have been imposed on by the veriest rascal Free. I am sorry to hear it-The dog flew for't: he had not 'scap'd me, had I been aware of him; Sackbut struck at him, but missed his blow, or he had done his business for him. Per. I believe you never heard of such a contrivance, Mr. Freeman, as this fellow had found out. Free. Mr. Sackbut has told me the whole story, Mr. Periwinkle; but now I have something to tell you of much more importance to yourself-I happened to lie one night at Coventry, and knowing your uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, I paid him a visit, and, to my great surprise, found him dying. Per. Dying! Free. Dying, in all appearance; the servants weeping, the room in darkness; the 'pothecary, shaking his head, told me the doctors had given him over; and then there are small hopes, you know. Per. I hope he has made his will-he always told me he would make me his heir. Free. I have heard you say as much, and therefore resolved to give you notice. I should think it would not be amiss if you went down to-morrow morning. end. Free. No, no; I have a plot for you without danger; but first we must manage Tradelove -Has the tailor brought your clothes? Sack. Yes, pox take the thief. Free. Well, well, no matter; I warrant we have him yet-But now you must put on the Dutch merchant. wish he had been an old soldier, that I might Col. F. The deuce of this trading plot-I have attacked him in my own way, heard him fight over all the battles of the late war. But, for trade, by Jupiter, I shall never do it. Sack. Never fear, colonel: Mr. Freeman will instruct you. Free. You'll see what others do; the coffeehouse will instruct you. Col. F. I must venture, however-But I Col. F. Come along then. Now for the ACT IV. [Exeunt. SCENE I.-JONATHAN'S Coffee-house in 'Change Alley. Enter TRADELOVE and STOCK-JOBBERS, with rolls of paper. 1 Stock. South-sea at seven-eights; who buys? Trade. Harkye, Gabriel, you'll pay the difference of that stock we transacted for t'other day? Gab. Ay, Mr. Tradelove, here's a note for the money. Trade. I would fain bite the spark in the brown coat: he comes very often into the alley, but never employs a broker. Enter COLONel FeignweLL and FREEMAN. Trade. Mr. Freeman, your servant. Who is that gentleman? Free. A Dutch merchant just come to Per. It is a long journey, and the roads very England; but, harkye, Mr. Tradelove I have bad. a piece of news will get you as much as the French king's death did, if you are expeditious. [Showing him a letter.] Read there; I received it just now from one that belongs to the emperor's minister. Per. Why that's true, as you say; I'll think upon it. In the mean time, I give you many thanks for your civility, Mr. Freeman, and should be glad of your company to dine with Trade. [Reads.] Sir,-As I have many obliFree. I am obliged to be at Jonathan's Cof-gations to you, I cannot miss any opportunity to fee-house at two, and now it is half an hour after one; if I despatch my business, I'll wait Pi on you know your hour. me. Per. You shall be very welcome, Mr. Freeman, and so your humble servant. [Exit. Re-enter COLONEL FEIGNWELL and SACK BUT. Free. Ha, ha, ha! I have done your business, colonel; he has swallowed the bait. Col. F. I overheard all, though I am a little in the dark. I am to personate a highwayman, I suppose-that's a project I am not fond of; for though I may fright him out of his consent, he may fright me out of my life when show my gratitude: this moment my lord has have raised their siege from before Cagliari. If received a private express, that the Spaniards this proves of any advantage to you, it will answer both the ends and wishes of, Sir, your most obliged humble servant, HENRICUS DUSSELDORP. P. S. In two or three hours the news will be public. May one depend upon this, Mr. Freeman ? 1 Stock. I'll sell five thousand for next week, at five-eighths. 2 Stock. I'll sell ten thousand, at five-eighths, for the same time. Trade. Nay, nay; hold, hold; not all together, gentlemen: I'll be no bull; I'll buy no more than I can take: will you sell ten thousand pounds, at a half, for any day next week, except Saturday? 1 Stock. I'll sell it you, Mr. Tradelove. [FREEMAN whispers to one of the Gentlemen. 1 Gent. The Spaniards raised the siege of Cagliari? I don't believe one word of it. [Aside. 2 Gent. Raised the siege! as much as you have raised the Monument. Free. 'Tis raised, I assure you, Sir. 2 Gent. What will you lay on't? Free. What you please. 1 Gent. Why I have a brother upon the spot, in the emperor's service: I am certain, if there were any such thing, I should have had a let ter. 2 Gent. I'll hold you fifty pounds 'tis false. Free. 'Tis done. 2 Gent. I'll lay you a brace of hundreds upon the same. Free. I'll take you. Trade. I'll lay any man a brace of thousands the siege is raised. Free. The Dutch merchant is your man to take in. [Aside to TRADELOVE. Trade. Does he not know the news? Free. Not a syllable; if he did he would bet a hundred thousand pounds as soon as one penny-he's plaguy rich, and a mighty man at wagers. [To TRADELOVE. Trade. Say you so?-'Egad, I'll bite him, if possible-Are you from Holland, Sir? Col. F. Ya, mynheer. Trade. Had you the news before you came away? Col. F. What believe you, mynheer. Trade. What do I believe? Why I believe that the Spaniards have actually raised the siege of Cagliari. Col. F. What duyvel's news is dat? "Tis niet waer, mynheer-'tis no true, Sir. Trade. Tis so true, mynheer, that I'll lay you two thousand pounds on it. Col. F. Two duysend pound, mynheer, 'tis gadaen-dis gentleman sal hold de gelt. [Gives FREEMAN money. Trade. With all my heart-this binds the wager. Free. You have certainly lost, mynheer; the siege raised indeed. Col. F. Ik geloy't niet, mynheer Freeman, ik sal ye dubbled honden, if you please. Free. I am let into the secret, therefore wont win your money. Trade. Ha, ha, ha! I have snapped the Dutchman, 'faith, ha, ha! this is no ill day's work.-Pray, may I crave your name, mynheer? Col. F. Myn naem, mynheer? myn naem is Jan Van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Van Feignwell. Trade. Zounds, 'tis a damned long name; I shall never remember it-Myn Heer Van, Tim, Tim, Tim-What the devil is it? Trade. That's enough. Col. F. You'll hear of me sooner than you wish, old gentleman, I fancy. [Aside.] You'll come to Sackbut's, Freeman? [Aside to FREEMAN. Free. Immediately. [Aside to the COLONEL. Trade. Mr. Freeman, I give you many thanks for your kindness Free. I fear you'll repent when you know all. Trade. Sir, your humble servant. see what I can do upon 'Change news. SCENE II.-The Tavern. [Aside. adieu. [Exit. Now I'll with my [Exeunt. Enter FREEMAN and COLONEL FEIGNWell. Free. Ha, ha, ha! the old fellow swallowed the bait as greedily as a gudgeon. Col. F. I have him, 'faith, ha, ha, ha! His two thousand pounds secure-If he would keep his money, he must part with the lady, ha, ha! Enter SACKBUT. Sack. Joy, joy, colonel! the luckiest accident in the world. Col. F. What say'st thou ? Sack. This letter does your business. Col. F. [Reads.] TO OBADIAH PRIM, Hosier, near the Building cailed the Monument, in Lon don. it? Free. A letter to Prim! How came you by Sack. Looking over the letters our post-woman brought, as I always do, to see what letters are directed to my house, (for she can't read, you must know,) I spied this, directed to Prim, so paid for it among the rest. I have given the old jade a pint of wine, on purpose to delay time, till you see if the letter be of any service; then I'll seal it up again, and tell her I took it by mistake.-I have read it, and fancy you'll like the project.-Read, read, colonel. rived from Pennsylvania, one Simon Pure, a Col. F. [Reads.] Friend Prim, there is arus eleven days, and hath been of great comfort to leader of the faithful, who hath sojourned with the brethren. He intendeth for the quarterly meeting in London; I have recommended him to thy house. I pray thee treat him kindly, and let thy wife cherish him, for he's of a weakly constitution he will depart from us the third day; which is all from thy friend in the faith, AMINADAB HOLDFAST. Ha, ha! excellent! I understand you, landlord: I am to personate this Simon Pure, am I not? Sack. Don't you like the hint? Free. "Tis the best contrivance in the world, if the right Simon gets not there before youCol. F. No, no, the quakers never ride post: and suppose, Freeman, you should wait at the Bristol coach, that if you see any such person, you might contrive to give me notice Free. I will. [Bell rings. Sack. Coming, coming! [Exit. Free. Thou must despatch Periwinkle first Free. Oh! never heed: I know the gentle--Remember his uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, man, and will pass my word for twice the sum. is an old bachelor of seventy-five-that he has seven hundred a year, most in abbey-land-mind to marry an English woman-nay, more that he was once in love with your mother; than that, he said somebody told him you had shrewdly suspected by some to be your father. a pretty ward-he wished you had betted her -That you have been thirty years his ste- instead of your money. ward--and ten years his gentleman-remember to improve these hints. Col. F. Never fear; let me alone for thatbut what's the steward's name? Free. His name is Pillage. Col. F. Enough-Now for the country put. Sack. Zounds! Mr. Freeman, yonder is Col. F. The devil! he must not see me in this dress now. Sack. I told him I expected you here, but you were not come yet. Free. Very well-make you haste out, colonel, and let me alone to deal with him: where is he? Sack. In the King's-head. Col. F. Mr. Proteus rather- Enter TRADElove. Trade. Ay, but he'd be hanged before he'd take her instead of the money: the Dutch are too covetous for that; besides, he did not know that there were three more of us, I suppose. Free. So much the better; you may venture to give him your consent, if he'll forgive you that your consent will signify nothing. the wager. It is not your business to tell him Trade. That's right, as you say; but will he do it, think you? Free. I can't tell that; but I'll try what I can do with him.-He has promised to meet and let you know. If I find it feasible, I'li me here an hour hence; I'll feel his pulse, what measures you please. send for you; if not, you are at liberty to take Trade. You must extol her beauty, double her portion, and tell him I have the entire disposal of her, and that she can't marry without my consent and that I am a covetous rogue, and will never part with her without a valuable consideration. Free. Ay, ay, let me alone for a lie at a pinch. Trude. 'Egad, if you can bring this to bear, Mr. Freeman, I'll make you whole again: I'll pay the three hundred pounds you lost with all my soul. Free. Well, I'll use my best endeavours.Where will you be? Trade. At home: pray heaven you prosper! Free. Zounds! Mr. Tradelove, we're bit, it-If I were but the sole trustee now, I should seems. Trade. Bit, do you call it, Mr. Freeman! I'm ruined.-Pox on your news. Free. Pox on the rascal that sent it me.Trade. Sent it you! Why Gabriel Skinflint has been at the minister's, and spoke with him; and he has assured him 'tis every syllable false; he received no such express. Free. I know it: I this minute parted with my friend, who protested he never sent me any such letter.-Some roguish stock-jobber has done it on purpose to make me lose my money, that's certain: I wish I knew who he was; I'd make him repent it-I have lost three hundred pounds by it. not fear it. [Exit. [Exit. SCENE III-PERIWINKLE's House. Enter PERIWINKLE on one side, a FOOTMAN on the other. Foot. A gentleman from Coventry inquires for you, Sir. Per. From my uncle, I warrant you: bring him up.-This will save me the trouble, as well as the expense, of a journey. Enter COLONEL, as Mr. PILLAGE. Trade. What signifies your three 'hundred pounds to what I have lost? There's two Col. F. I am sorry for the message I bring. thousand pounds to that Dutchman with a-My old master, whom I served these forty cursed long name, besides the stock I bought: years, claims the sorrow due from a faithful the devil! I could tear my flesh-I must never servant to an indulgent master. [Weeps. show my face upon 'Change more;-for, by Per. By this I understand, Sir, my uncle, my soul, I can't pay it. Sir Toby Periwinkle, is dead. Free. I am heartily sorry for it! What can I serve you in? Shall I speak to the Dutch merchant, and try to get you time for the pay ment? Trade. Time! Ads'heart! I shall never be able to look up again. Free. I am very much concerned that I was the occasion, and wish I could be an instrument of retrieving your misfortunes; for my own, I value it not. Adso, a thought comes into my head, that, well improved, may be of service. Trude. Ah! there's no thought can be of any service to me, without paying the money or running away. Free. How do ye know? What do you think of my proposing Miss Lovely to him? He is a single man—and I heard him say he had a Col. F. He is, Sir, and has left you heir to seven hundred a year, in as good abbey-land as ever paid Peterpence to Rome. I wish you long to enjoy it, but my tears will flow when I think of my benefactor.-[Weeps.] Ah! he was a good man-he has not left many of his fellows, the poor lament him sorely. Per. I pray, Sir, what office bore you? Per. I have heard him mention you with much respect your name is- Col. F. Pillage, Sir. Per. Ay, Pillage, I do remember he called you Pillage.-Pray, Mr. Pillage, when did my uncle die? Col. F. Monday last, at four in the morning. About two he signed his will, and gave it into my hands, and strictly charged me to |