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spoiled all; but now-here's company coming, Col. F. When I have put on my beau clothes, friend, give me the paper.
Sir Philip, you'll like me better [Going to Prim hastily. Sir P. Thou wilt make a very scurvy beauObad. Here it is, Símon; and I wish thee friendhappy with the maiden.
Col. F. I believe I can prove it under your Miss L. 'Tis done; and now, devil, do thy hand that you thought me a very fine gentleworst.
man in the Park t'other day, about thirty-six
minutes after eleven; will you take a pinch, Enter Simon Pure, COACHMAN, and others. Sir Philip?-One of the finest snuff-boxes you
[Offers him snuil. Simon. Look thee, friend, I have brought Sir P. Ha, ha, ha! I am overjoyed, 'faith I these people to satisfy thee that I am not the am, if thou be'st the gentleman—i own I did impostor which thou didst take me for: this is give my consent to the gentleman I brought the man that did drive the leathern con here to-day-but whether this is he I can't be veniency, and brought me from Bristol-and positive. this is
Obad. Canst thou not!-Now I think thou Col. F. Look ye, friend, to save the court art a fine fellow to be left guardian to an orthe trouble of examining witnesses I plead phan.—Thou shallow-brained sjuttlecock, he guilty, ha, ha!
may be a pickpocket for aught thou dost Obad. How's this? Is not thy name Pure know. then?
Per. You would have been two rare fellows Col. F. No, really, Sir: I only made bold to have been intrusted with the sole managewith this gentleman's name—but here I give it ment of her fortune ; would ye not, think ye? up safe and sound: it has done the business I But Mr. Tradelove and myself shall take care had occasion for, and now I intend to wear my of her portion.own, which shall be at his service upon the Trade. Ay, ay, so we will.–Didn't you tell same occasion at any time.-Ha, ha, ha! me the Dutch merchant desired me to meet Simon. Oh! the wickedness of the age! him here, Mr. Freeman?
[Exit COACHMAN, &c. Free. I did so, and I am sure he will be Obad. I am struck dumb with thy impu- here, if you'll have a little patience. dence, Anne; thou hast deceived me-and Col. F. What, is Mr. Tradelove impatient ? perchance undone thyself.
Nay, then, ib ben gereet voor your, he be, Jan Mrs. P. Thou art a dissembling baggage, Van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Van Feignwell, and shame will overtake thee, (Exit. vergeeten! Simon. I am grieved to see thy wife so
Trade. Oh! pox of the name! what have much troubled : I will follow and console her. you tricked me too, Mr. Freeman?
[Exit. Col. F. Tricked, Mr. Tradelove! did not I Enter SERVANT.
give you two thousand pounds for your consent
fairly? And now do you tell a gentleman he Sero. Thy brother guardians inquire for has tricked you? Thee: here is another man with them.
Per. So, so, you are a pretty guardian, 'faith, Miss L. Who can that other man be? to sell your charge: what, did you look upon
[To Col. F. her as part of your stock? Col. F. 'Tis Freeman, a friend of mine, whom Obad. Ha, ha, ha! I am glad thy knavery is I ordered to bring the rest of the guardians found out, however-I confess the maiden here.
over-reached me, and I had no sinister end at
all. Enter SiR PHILIP MODELOVE, TRADELOVE, Per. Ay, ay, one thing or other over-reachPERIWINKLE, and FREEMAN.
ed you all-but I'll take care he shall never
finger a penny of her money, I warrant youFree. Is all safe ? Did my letter do you ser-over-reached, quotha ! Why
might have vice?
been over-reached too, if I had no more wit: Col. F. All, all's safe! ample service. I don't know but this very follow may be him
[Aside. that was directed to me from Grand Cairo Sir P. Miss Nancy, how dost do, child ? t'other day. Ha, ha, ha!
Miss L. Don't call me Miss, friend Philip; Col. F. The very same. my name is Anne, thou knowést.
Per. Are you so, Sir ? but your trick would Sir P. What, is the girl metamorphosed ? not pass upon me.
Miss L. I wish thou wert so metamorphosed, Col. F. No, as you say, at that time it did Ah! Philip, throw off that gaudy attire, and not, that was not my lucky hour-but, harkye, wear the clothes becoming thy age.
Sir, I must let you into one secret-you may Obad. I am ashamed to see these men. keep honest John Tradescant's coat on, for
(Aside. your uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, is not dead Sir P. My age! the woman is possessed. --so the charge of mourning will be saved, ha, Col. F. No, thou art possessed rather, ha, ha!-Don't you remember Mr. Pillage, friend,
your uncle's steward ? Ha, ha, ha! Trade. Harkye, Miss Lovely, one word with Per. Not dead! I begin to fcár I am tricked you,
[Takes hold of her hand. too. Col. F. This maiden is my wife, thanks to Col. F. Don't you remember the signing of a my friend Prim, and thou hast no business lease, Mr. Periwinkle? with her.
Per. Well, and what signifies that lease, if Trade. His wife! harkye, Mr. Freeman. my uncle is not dead ?-Ha! I am sure it was
Per. Why you have made a very fine piece of a lease 1 signed.work of it, Mr. Prim.
Col. F. Ay, but it was a lease for life, Sir, Sir P. Married to a quaker! thou art a fine and of this beautiful tenement, I thank you. fellow to be left guardian to an orphan trulythere's a husband for a young lady!
(Takes hold of Miss L. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Neighbour's fare.
Free. So then, I find, you are all tricked, Col. F. Look ye, gentlemen-I am the perha, ha!
son who can give the best account of myself Per. I am certain I read as plain a lease as and I must beg Sir Philip's pardon, when I ever I read in my life.
tell him, that I have as much aversion to what Col. F. You read a lease, I grant you ; but he calls dress and breeding, as I have to the you signed this contract. [Showing a paper. enemies of my religion. I have had the hon
Per. How durst you put this trick upon me, our to serve his majesty, and headed a regiMr. Freeman? Didn't you tell me my uncle ment of the bravest fellows that ever pushed was dying ?
bayonet in the throat of a Frenchman; and Free. And would tell you twice as much to notwithstanding the fortune this lady brings serve my friend, ha, ha!
me, whenever my country wants my aid, this Sir P. Wbat,' the learned and famous Mr. sword and arm are at her service. Periwinkle choused too!-Ha, ha, ha!--I shall die with laughing, ha, ha, ha!
And now, my fair, if thou'lt but deign to smile, Trade. Well, since you have outwitted us I meet a recompense for all my toil: all, pray you, what and who are you, Sir ? Lore and religion ne'er admit restraint,
Sir P. Sir, the gentleman is a fine gentle. And force makes many sinners, not one saint ; man.-I am glad you have got a person, Still free as air the actire mind does rove, Madam, who understands dress and good And searches proper objects for its lore; breeding. I was resolved she should have But that once fix'd, 'tis past the power of art, one of my choosing.
To chase the dear idea from the heart: Trade. A beau! nay, then she is finely helped 'Tis liberty of choice that sweetens life,
Makes the glad husband, and the happy wife. Miss L. Why beaux are great encouragers
(Exeunt. of trade, Sir, ha, ha, ha!
AN ENGLISH BURLETTA,
IN TWO ACTS.
BY KANE O'HARA.
REMARKS. THE mythology of the ancients has furnished subjects for ridicule in this English burletta ; but the deities of the heathens were almost too absurd for burlesque. The humour of this piece is considerable, though not always apparent on the stage; aided, however, by the powers of the orchestra, and the great vocal talent usually employed at our royal theatres, it never fails to please and attract. This piece was first performed as an opera, but found its appropriate place as an asterpiece.
As originally acted at COVENT GARDEN, 1764. DRURY LANE, 1804. COVENT GARDEN, 1614.
Mr. Sedgwick. Mr. Tinney.
Mrs. Harlowe. . Miss Logan.
Mr. Caulfield. Mr. Emery.
Mr. Higman. BACCHUS,
Master Wilson. MINERVA,
Mrs. Davies. Venus,
Mrs. Norman. BELLONA,
Miss Williams. LUNA,
Miss Arne. НЕВЕ,
Mrs. Mountain. Mrs. Stirling.
Miss Bolton. ORACLE,
Graces, Attendants, Chorusses, &c. &c.
Well, down I am ;-20 bones_broke, though Like mice in cheese,
sore pepperd! To stir must cease,
Here doom'd to stay.-- What can I do?-turn Or gnaw.
shepherd [Puts on the cloak, &c. Jup. [Rising.) Immortals, you have heard No more, but Pol the swain, some flock I'll
A lucky thought. In this disguise, Apollo your
plaintive soy'reign, [govern, And culprit Sol's high crimes. Shall we who Nor doubt I, with my voice, guitar, and per
[son, Brook spies upon us? Shall Apollo trample On our commands ? We'll make him an ex. Among the nymphs to kick up some diversion. ample.
Enter SILENO. As for you, Juno, curb your prying temper, or We'll make you, to your cost know-we're Sil. Whom have we here? a sightly clown! your emperor
and sturdy : Juno. I'll take the law. (TO JUPITER.] My Hum-plays, I see, upon the hurdy-gurdy.
proctor, with a summons, mons. Seems out of place—a stranger-ali in tatters; Shall cite you, Sir, t'appear at Doctors Com- I'll hire him--he'll divert my wife and daughJup. Let him—but first I'll chase from Whence, and what art thou, boy? [ters. heaven yon varlet.
Pol. An orphan lan, Sir. Juno. What, for detecting you and your Pol is my name-a shepherd once my dad, Sir! vile harlot!
I'th' upper parts here--though not born to
I'll now take on, for faith I'm almost starving. Think not, lewd Jove,
Sil. You've drawn a prize i'th' lottery.--So Thus to wrong my chaste love;
have I too; For, spite of your rakehelly godhead, Why—I'm the master you could best apply to. By day and by night,
DUET. Juno will have her right,
Nor be, of dues nuptial, defrauded. Sil. Since you mean to hire for service, l'll feret thé haunts
Come with me, you jolly dog ;
You can help to bring home harvest,
Tend the sheep, and feed the hog. Your favourite jades
Fa, la, la. I'll plunge to the shades,
With three crowns, your standing wages, Or into cows metamorphose them.
You shall daintily be fed ; Jup. Peace, termagant- I swear by Styx,
Bacon, beans, salt beef, cabbages, our thunder
Buttermilk, and oaten bread. Shall hurl him to the earth.--Nay, never
Fa, la, la.
Come, strike hands, you'll live in clover, I've sworn it, gods.
When we get you once at home; Apol. Hold, hold, have patience,
And when daily labour's over, Papa.-No bowels for your own relations!
We'll dance to your strum-strum.
Fa, la, la.
Pol. I strike hands, I take your offer,
Farther on I may fare worse ;
Zooks, I can no longer suffer
Hungry guts and empty purse.
Fa, la, la. His roaring bucks, when drunk,
Sil. Do strike hands; 'tis kind I offer; Than break the lamps, beat watchmen,
Pol. I strike hands, and take your offer; And stagger to some punk ?
Sil. Farther seeking you'll fare worse ;
Pol. Farther on I may fare worse. Jup. You saucy scoundrel-there, Sir.- Sil. Pity such a lad should suffer, Come, disorder,
(further. Pol. Zooks, I can no longer suffer, Down, Phoebus, down to earth, we'll hear no Sil. Hungry guts and empty purse, Roll, thunders, roll; blue lightnings flash Pol. Hungry guts and empty purse. about him. [him.
Fa, la, la. The blab shall find our sky can do without
[Exeunt, dancing and singing. [Thunder and lightning. JUPITER darts a
bolt at him; he falls ; - JUPITER re-assumes SCENE III.--SILENO's Farm-House. his throne, and the Gods all ascend together,
Enter Daphne and NYSA. singing the initial chorus; Jove, in his chair, &c.
Daph. But, Nysa, how goes on Squire Mi
das' courtship? SCENE II.-A Champaign country, with a
Nysa. Your sweet Damætas, pimp to his distant Village.
[ditionsViolent storm of thunder and lightning. A shep, I've cur'd him I believe of such commissions.
Brought me from him a purse ;-but the conherd sleeping in the field is roused by it, and
Daph. The moon calf! This must blast him runs away frightened, leaving his cloak, hat,
with my father. and guitar, behind him.-APOLLO as cast
Nysa. Right. So we're rid of the two frights from Heaven) falls to the earth, with a rude
together. shock, and lies for a while stunned ; at length
Both. Ha, ha, ha!-ha, ha, ha! he begins to move, rises, advances, and, looking foricard, speaks.
Enter Mysis. Apol. Zooks! what a crush! a pretty, de- Mysis. Hey-day! what mare's nest's found ? cent tumble !
[ning ? Kind usage, Mr. Jove-sweet Sir, your hum. Ye rantipoles-is't thus you mind your spin.
Nysa. Ah! ah !
Nysa. Mamma, how can you be so ill-na
Daph. Ah, ah, to a lad so limb'd and fea.
Nysa. To the gentle, handsome swain,
Daph. Sure 'tis cruel to give pain ;
Nysa. Sure 'tis cruel to give pain ;
Daph. To the gentle, handsome swain.
Mysis, Girls, for you my fears perplex me,
I'm alarm's on your account.
Sil. Wife, in vain you tease and vex me,
I will rule, depend upon't.
Nysa. Mamma !
Mysis, Pshaw! Pshaw !
Ah! ah !
Daph, Mamma, how can you be so ill-na
tur’d, Enter Sileno, introducing Pol.
Pshaw, pshaw, you must not be so
ill-natur'd ; Sil. Now, dame and girls, no more let's hear
Nysa. Ah, ah, to a lad so limb'd, so feayou grumble
tur'd ? At too hard toil ;-I chanc'd just now to stum
Daph. To the gentle, handsome swain. On this stout drudge-and hir'd him-fit for
Sil. He's a gentle, handsome swain. labour.
[caper. Nysa. Sure 'tis cruel to give pain. To 'em, lad—then he can play, and sing, and
Mysis. "Tis my pleasure to give pain, Mysis. Fine rubbish to bring home; a stroll
Daph. Sure 'tis cruel to give pain. ing thrummer!
Sil. He's a gentle, handsome swain. What art ihou good for? speak, thou ragged mummer!
Nysa. To the gentle, handsome swain. Nysa. Mother, for shame
Mysis. To your odious, fav’rite swain.
[Exeunt. Mysis. Peace, saucebox, or I'll maul you. Pol. Goody, my strength and parts you un
SCENE IV.-Midas' House.
Enter Midas and DAMÆTAS.
Mid. Nysa, you say, refus'd the guineas
Dam. Ah! please your worship-she is won
drous skittish. Pol. Pray, goody, please to moderate the
Mid. I'll have her, cost what 'twill. Odsrancour of your tongue : (eyes ?
bobs, I'll force her Why flash those sparks of fury from your Dam. A halter Remember, when the judgment's weak, the Mit. As for madam ; I'll divorce her. prejudice is strong :
Some favour'd lout incog our bliss opposes.. A stranger why will you despise ?
Dam, Ay, Pol, the hind, puts out of joint
Mid. I've heard of that Pol's tricks, of bis
sly tampering, [scampering. If you cast me Off, you blast me
To fling poor Pan, but soon I'll send him
'Sblood, I'll commit him-drive him to the Never more to rise. Where is old Pan ?
(gallows ! Pray, goody, &c.
Dam. Tippling, Sir, at th'alehouse.
Mid. Run fetch him-we shall hit on some Mysis. Sirrah, this insolence deserves a
To rout this Pol. drubbing.
[expedient Nysa. With what sweet temper he bears all
Dam. I fly ; [Going : returns.) Sir, your
obedient. her snubbing !
[Exit. Sil. Oons, no more words.- -Go, boy, and Mid. What boots my being squire, get your dinner.
Justice of peace, and quorum; Fie, why so cross-grain'd to a young beginner ? Churchwarden-knight o'the shire, Nysa. So modest !
And custos rotulorum ; Daph. So genteel!
If saucy little Nysa's heart, rebellious, Sil. (To Mysis.] Not pert, nor lumpish. My squireship slights, and hankers after Mysis. Would he were hang'd!
fellows? Nysa. Daph. La! mother, why so frumpish!
Shall a paltry clown, not fit to wipe my shoes, Nysa. Mamma,how can you be so ill-natural Dare my amours to cross ?
To the gentle, handsome swain ? Shall a peasant minx,whenJustice Midas woos, Daph. To a lad so limb’d, so featur'd,
Her nose up at him toss ?
No: I'll kidnap
-then possess her: Sure 'tis cruel, &c.
I'll sell her Pol a slave, get mundungus in Mysis. Girls, for you, my fears perplex me,
exchange : I'm alarm’d on your account:
So glut to the height of pleasure,
My love and my revenge.
No: I'll kidnap, &c.