spoiled all; but now-here's company coming, friend, give me the paper. [Going to PRIM hastily. Obad. Here it is, Simon; and I wish thee happy with the maiden. Miss L. "Tis done; and now, devil, do thy worst. Enter SIMON PURE, COACHMAN, and others. Simon. Look thee, friend, I have brought these people to satisfy thee that I am not the impostor which thou didst take me for: this is the man that did drive the leathern conveniency, and brought me from Bristol-and this is Col. F. Look ye, friend, to save the court the trouble of examining witnesses-I plead guilty, ha, ha! Obad. How's this? Is not thy name Pure then? Col. F. No, really, Sir: I only made bold with this gentleman's name-but here I give it up safe and sound: it has done the business I had occasion for, and now I intend to wear my own, which shall be at his service upon the same occasion at any time.-Ha, ha, ha! Simon. Oh! the wickedness of the age! [Exit COACHMAN, &c. Obad. I am struck dumb with thy impudence, Anne; thou hast deceived me-and perchance undone thyself. Mrs. P. Thou art a dissembling baggage, and shame will overtake thee. [Exit. Simon. I am grieved to see thy wife so much troubled: I will follow and console her. [Exit. Enter SERVANT. Col. F. When I have put on my beau clothes, Sir Philip, you'll like me betterSir P. Thou wilt make a very scurvy beaufriend Col. F. I believe I can prove it under your hand that you thought me a very fine gentleman in the Park t'other day, about thirty-six minutes after eleven; will you take a pinch, Sir Philip?-One of the finest snuff-boxes you [Offers him snuff. ever saw. Sir P. Ha, ha, ha! I am overjoyed, 'faith I am, if thou be'st the gentleman-I own I did give my consent to the gentleman I brought here to-day-but whether this is he I can't be positive. Obad. Canst thou not!-Now I think thou art a fine fellow to be left guardian to an orphan.-Thou shallow-brained shuttlecock, he may be a pickpocket for aught thou dost know. Per. You would have been two rare fellows to have been intrusted with the sole management of her fortune; would ye not, think ye? But Mr. Tradelove and myself shall take care of her portion. Trade. Ay, ay, so we will.-Didn't you tell me the Dutch merchant desired me to meet him here, Mr. Freeman? Free. I did so, and I am sure he will be here, if you'll have a little patience. Col. F. What, is Mr. Tradelove impatient? Nay, then, ib ben gereet voor your, he be, Jan Van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Van Feignwell, vergeeten! Trade. Oh! pox of the name! what have you tricked me too, Mr. Freeman? Col. F. Tricked, Mr. Tradelove! did not I give you two thousand pounds for your consent fairly? And now do you tell a gentleman he Serv. Thy brother guardians inquire for has tricked you? free: here is another man with them. Miss L. Who can that other man be? [To COL. F. Col. F. "Tis Freeman, a friend of mine, whom I ordered to bring the rest of the guardians here. Enter SIR PHILIP MODELOVE, TRADELOVE, PERIWINKLE, and FREEMAN. Per. So, so, you are a pretty guardian, 'faith, to sell your charge: what, did you look upon her as part of your stock? Obad. Ha, ha, ha! I am glad thy knavery is found out, however I confess the maiden over-reached me, and I had no sinister end at all. Per. Ay, ay, one thing or other over-reached you all-but I'll take care he shall never finger a penny of her money, I warrant youFree. Is all safe? Did my letter do you ser- over-reached, quotha! Why I might have vice? Col. F. All, all's safe! ample service. [Aside. Sir P. Miss Nancy, how dost do, child? Miss L. Don't call me Miss, friend Philip; my name is Anne, thou knowest. Sir P. What, is the girl metamorphosed? Miss L. I wish thou wert so metamorphosed. Ah! Philip, throw off that gaudy attire, and wear the clothes becoming thy age. Obad. I am ashamed to see these men. [Aside. Sir P. My age! the woman is possessed. Col. F. No, thou art possessed rather, friend, Trade. Harkye, Miss Lovely, one word with you. [Takes hold of her hand. Col. F. This maiden is my wife, thanks to my friend Prim, and thou hast no business with her. Trade. His wife! harkye, Mr. Freeman, Per. Why you have made a very fine piece of work of it, Mr. Prim. Sir P. Married to a quaker! thou art a fine fellow to be left guardian to an orphan trulythere's a husband for a young lady! been over-reached too, if I had no more wit: I don't know but this very follow may be him that was directed to me from Grand Cairo t'other day. Ha, ha, ha! Col. F. The very same. Per. Are you so, Sir? but your trick would not pass upon me. Col. F. No, as you say, at that time it did not, that was not my lucky hour-but, harkye, Sir, I must let you into one secret-you may keep honest John Tradescant's coat on, for your uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, is not dead -so the charge of mourning will be saved, ha, ha, ha!-Don't you remember Mr. Pillage, your uncle's steward? Ha, ha, ha! Per. Not dead! I begin to fear I am tricked too. Col. F. Don't you remember the signing of a lease, Mr. Periwinkle? Per. Well, and what signifies that lease, if my uncle is not dead?-Ha! I am sure it was a lease I signed. Col. F. Ay, but it was a lease for life, Sir, and of this beautiful tenement, I thank you. [Takes hold of Miss L. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha! Neighbour's fare. Free. So then, I find, you are all tricked, ha, ha! Per. I am certain I read as plain a lease as ever I read in my life. Col. F. You read a lease, I grant you; but you signed this contract. [Showing a paper. Per. How durst you put this trick upon me, Mr. Freeman? Didn't you tell me my uncle was dying? Free. And would tell you twice as much to serve my friend, ha, ha!" Sir P. What, the learned and famous Mr. Periwinkle choused too!-Ha, ha, ha!-I shall die with laughing, ha, ha, ha! Trade. Well, since you have outwitted us all, pray you, what and who are you, Sir? Sir P. Sir, the gentleman is a fine gentleman.-I am glad you have got a person, Madam, who understands dress and good breeding. I was resolved she should have one of my choosing. Trade. A beau! nay, then she is finely helped Col. F. Look ye, gentlemen-I am the person who can give the best account of myself; and I must beg Sir Philip's pardon, when I tell him, that I have as much aversion to what he calls dress and breeding, as I have to the enemies of my religion. I have had the honour to serve his majesty, and headed a regiment of the bravest fellows that ever pushed bayonet in the throat of a Frenchman; and notwithstanding the fortune this lady brings me, whenever my country wants my aid, this sword and arm are at her service. MIDAS: AN ENGLISH BURLETTA, IN TWO ACTS. BY KANE O'HARA. REMARKS. THE mythology of the ancients has furnished subjects for ridicule in this English burletta; but the deities of the heathens were almost too absurd for burlesque. The humour of this piece is considerable, though not always apparent on the stage; aided, however, by the powers of the orchestra, and the great vocal talent usually employed at our royal theatres, it never fails to please and attract. This piece was first performed as an opera, but found its appropriate place as an afterpiece. Graces, Attendants, Chorusses, &c. &c. SCENE. First on Mount Olympus, afterwards on the Pastures of Lydia. Cow'd deities, Like mice in cheese, Or gnaw. MIDAS. Jup. [Rising.] Immortals, you have heard And culprit Sol's high crimes. Shall we who your plaintive sov'reign, [govern, Brook spies upon us? Shall Apollo trample On our commands? We'll make him an example. As for you, Juno, curb your prying temper, or We'll make you, to your cost know-we're your emperor. Juno. I'll take the law. [To JUPITER.] My proctor, with a summons, Shall cite you, Sir, t'appear at Doctors' Com[mons. Jup. Let him-but first I'll chase from heaven yon varlet. Juno. What, for detecting you and your vile harlot! AIR. Think not, lewd Jove, Thus to wrong my chaste love; For, spite of your rakehelly godhead, By day and by night, Juno will have her right, Nor be, of dues nuptial, defrauded. I'll feret the haunts Of your female gallants; In vain you in darkness enclose them; Your favourite jades I'll plunge to the shades, Or into cows metamorphose them. Jup. Peace, termagant-I swear by Styx, our thunder [wonder, Shall hurl him to the earth.-Nay, never Apol. Hold, hold, have patience, AIR. Be by your friends advised, The world will think you mad. Jup. You saucy scoundrel-there, Sir.Come, disorder, Down, Phoebus, down to earth, we'll hear no [further. Roll, thunders, roll; blue lightnings flash about him. The blab shall find our sky can do without [him. [Thunder and lightning. JUPITER darts a bolt at him; he falls;-JUPITER re-assumes his throne, and the Gods all ascend together, singing the initial chorus ; Jove, in his chair, &c. SCENE II-A Champaign country, with a distant Village. Violent storm of thunder and lightning. A shep. herd sleeping in the field is roused by it, and runs away frightened, leaving his cloak, hat, and guitar, behind him.-APOLLO (as cast from Heaven) falls to the earth, with a rude shock, and lies for a while stunned; at length he begins to move, rises, advances, and, looking forward, speaks. Apol. Zooks! what a crush! a pretty, decent tumble! Kind usage, Mr. Jove-sweet Sir, your hum. [ble. 149 Well, down I am;-no bones_broke, though Here doom'd to stay.-What can I do?-turn follow. [son, Sil. Whom have we here? a sightly clown! I'll now take on, for faith I'm almost starving. DUET. Sil. Since you mean to hire for service, You can help to bring home harvest, Come, strike hands, you'll live in clover, We'll dance to your strum-strum. Pol. I strike hands, I take your offer, Hungry guts and empty purse. Sil. Do strike hands; 'tis kind I offer; SCENE III.--SILENO's Farm-House. Daph. But, Nysa, how goes on Squire Mi- Nysa. Your sweet Damætas, pimp to his I've cur'd him I believe of such commissions. great worship, Brought me from him a purse ;-but the con[ditionsDaph. The moon calf! This must blast him with my father. Nysa. Right. So we're rid of the two frights Both. Ha, ha, ha!-ha, ha, ha! Enter MYSIS. Mysis. Hey-day! what mare's nest's found? T Sil. Now, dame and girls, no more let's hear you grumble [ble At too hard toil;-I chanc'd just now to stumOn this stout drudge-and hir'd him-fit for labour. [caper. To 'em, lad-then he can play, and sing, and Mysis. Fine rubbish to bring home; a strol!ing thrummer! What art thou good for? speak, thou ragged mummer! [TO POL. Nysa, Mother, for shame Mysis. Peace, saucebox, or I'll maul you. Pol. Goody, my strength and parts you undervalue, For his or your work, I am brisk and handy. Daph. A sad cheat else Mysis. What you, you jack-a-dandy? Daph, Sil. Nysa. Mamma! Pshaw! Pshaw! Papa! Ah! ah! Mamma, how can you be so ill-natur'd, Pshaw, pshaw, you must not be so ill-natur'd; Ah, ah, to a lad so limb'd, so fea- Daph. To the gentle, handsome swain. SCENE IV.-MIDAS' House. Enter MIDAS and DAMÆTAS. [Exeunt. Mid. Nysa, you say, refus'd the guineas British, Dam. Ah! please your worship—she is wondrous skittish. Mid. I'll have her, cost what 'twill. Odsbobs, I'll force her→→→→→ Dam. A halter Mid. As for madam; I'll divorce her.Some favour'd lout incog our bliss opposes.. Dam, Ay, Pol, the hind, puts out of joint our noses. Mid. I've heard of that Pol's tricks, of his sly tampering, [scampering. To fling poor Pan, but soon I'll send him 'Sblood, I'll commit him-drive him to the Where is old Pan? [gallows! Dam. Tippling, Sir, at th' alehouse. Mid. Run fetch him-we shall hit on some To rout this Pol. [expedient Dam. I fy; [Going: returns.] Sir, your obedient. Mid. What boots my being squire, [Exit. If saucy little Nysa's heart, rebellious, My squireship slights, and hankers after fellows? AIR. Shall a paltry clown, not fit to wipe my shoes, Dare my amours to cross? Shall a peasant minx,whenJustice Midas woos, Her nose up at him toss? I'll No: I'll kidnap. -then possess her: sell her Pol a slave, get mundungus in exchange: So glut to the height of pleasure, My love and my revenge. No: I'll kidnap, &c. [Exit |