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Rob. I'll have no poor people in the parish, Dol. (Crying.) I did not think you could have for I'll make 'em all rich; r'll have no widows, used us so; I am quite ashamed of you, Robin ! for l’ll marry 'em all. [Women shout.] I'll have Rob. Now doantye cry now, Dolly ; doantye no orphan children, för l'll father 'em all my- cry. self; and if that's not doing as a lord should Dol. I will cry, for you behave very ill. do, then I say I know nothing about the mat- Rob. No, doantye, Dolly, doantye, now.ter-that's all.
(Shows a purse. All. Huzza! Huzza !
Dol. How did you come by that, Robin ?
Mar. What, a purse of gold ? let me see.-Enter SNACKS.
(Snatches it, and sits down to count the money.
Dol. What have you been about, Robin ? Snacks. I have brought your lordship, the Rob. No, I have not been about robbing; I money.--He means to make 'em fly, so I have have been about being made a lord of, that's taken care the guineas shall be all light. [Aside. all.
Rob. Now then, young and old, great and Dol. What are you talking about? Your small, little and tall, merry men all, here's head's turned, I'm sure. among you-[Throws the money; they scramble.] Rob. Well, I know it's turned ; it's turned Now you've got your pockets filled, come to from a clown's head to a lord's. I say, Dolly, the castle, and I'll fill all your bellies for you. bow should you like to live in that nice place [Villagers carry him off, shouting ; Snacks at the top of the hill yonder ? follows.
Dol. Oh, I should like it very much, Robin;
it is a nice cottage. SCENE III.— Inside of a neat Cottage; table
Rob. Doant talk to me of cottages, I mean spread for Dinner.
Dol. Why, what is your head running upon ? Margery and Dolly discovered.
Mar. Every one golden guineas, as I'm a
vartuous woman. Where did you get 'em, Dol. There, now, dinner's all ready, and I
Robin ? wish Robin would come. Do you think I may
Rob. Why, where there's more to be had. take up the dumplings, mother? Mar. Ay, ay, take 'em up; I warrant him lad. I'll go and put these by,
Mar. Ay, I always said Robin was a clever he'll soon be here-he's always in pudding
Dol. Now, do tell me what you've been time.
about. Where did you find all that money? Dol. And well he may, for I'm sure you keep
Rob. Dolly, Dolly, gee'us a buss, and I'll tell him sharp set enough.
thee all about it. Mar. Hold your tongue, you baggage! He
Dol. Twenty, an' you pleasen, Robin. pays me but five shillings a week for board, Todging, and washing-I suppose be's not to be the cleverest fellow in all these parts.
Rob. First then, you must know that I am kept like a lord for that, is he? I wonder how
Dol. Well, I know'd that afore. you'll keep him when you get married, as you
Rob. But I'll tell you how it is—it's because talk of! Dol. Oh, we shall contrive to make both if I haven't it here, I have it here-Pointing to
I am the richest fellow in all these parts; and ends meet! and we shall do very well, I dare
his head and his pocket.] That castle's mine, and say; for Robin loves me, and i loves Robin all these fields, up to the very sky: dearly.
Dol. No, no; come, Robin, that wont do. Mar. Yes; but all your love wont keep the
Rob. Wont it?-I think it will do very well. pot boiling, and Robin's as poor as Job.
Doi. No, no; you are running your rigs-I Dol. La, now, mother, don't be so cross !
know you are, Robin. Oh dear, the dinner will get cold, and the
Rob. It's all true, Dolly, as sure as the devil's dumplings will be quite spoiled ; I wish Robin
in Lundun. would come. (Rohin sings without.] Oh, here he
Dol. What! are you in right down arnest ? comes, in one of his merry humours.
Roh. Yes, I am-his lordship’s dead, and he
has left word as how that my mother was bis Enter ROBIN; he cools himself with his hat,
wife, and I his son. then sings and dances.
Dol. What! Why, Robin, what's the matter with you? Rob. Yos, Dolly, and you shall be my lady.
Rob. What! you haven't heard then? Oh, Dol. No! Sball I? I'm glad of that! for I shall have the fun of Rob. Yes, you shall. telling you.
Dol. Ecod, that will be fine fun-my ladyDol. Well, sit down then, and eat your din- Roh. Now, what do you think on't? ner; I have made you some nice hard dump- Dol. My lady-Lady Rougheadlings.
Rob. Why, Dolly! Rob. Dumplings ! Damn dumplings.
Dol. Lady Roughead! How it sounds !-Dol. Damn dumplings-La, mother, he Ha, ha, ha!
[Laughs immoderately. damns dumplings. -Oh, what a shame! Do Rob. "Gad I believe she's going into a high you know what you are saying, Robin ? strike-Dolly! Dolly! [Slapping her hands. Rob. Never talk to me of dumplings.
Dol. Ha, ha, ha! Mar. But I'll talk of dumplings though, in- Rob. Doantye laugh so; I don't half like it. deed, I shouldn't have thought of such be- (Shakes her.] Dolly! haviour: dumplings are very wholesome food, Dol. Oh, my dear Robin, I can't help laughquite good enough for you, I'm sure.
ing to think of Lady Roughead.
(Very angry. Rob. The wench will go beside herself to a Rob. Are they, mother Margery? (Upsels sartainty. the table, und dances on the plates, 8c and sings.] Dol. But now is it true in arnest ? Tol de rol lol.
Rob. Ay, as sure as you are there. But Mar. Oh dear! the boy's mad; there's all my come, what shall we do? where shall we go? crockery gone! (Picking up the pieces. Oh! we'll go and see old mother Dickens; you know she took my part, and was very kind to make you happy—[Stuffing the money into his me when poor mother died ; and now she's pockets.] Come up to the castle, and I'll give very ill, and I'll go and give her something to you as much money as you can carry away in comfort her old soul. Lord! Lord! I have a sack. heard people say as riches wont make a body Frank. Proud wealth, look here for an ex. bappy ; but while it gives me the power of ample! My generous heart, how shall I thank doing so much good, I'm sure I shall be the you? happiest dog alive. cents.
[Exeunt. Rob. Lord ! Lord! doant think of thanking
a man for paying his debts. Besides, if you ACT II.
only knowed how I feel all o'er me it's a kind
of a-I could cry for joy. SCENE I.- The Road to the Castle. Frank. What sympathy is in that honest
bosom! But how has this good fortune come Enter MR. FRANK.
to you? Frank. Well, then, to the house of woe I
Rob. Why, that poor woman as you buried must return again. And can I take no com
was wife to his lordship: he has owned it on fort with me ? nothing to cheer my loving wife his death-bed, and left word as I'm his son. and helpless children? What misery to see
Frank. How strange are the vicissitudes of them want!
Rob. Now, Sir, I am but a simple lad, as a Enter Robin, unobserved by FRANK.
body may say; and it you will but be so good
as to belp me with your advice, I shall take it Rob. Want! No, there shall be no such thing very kind of you, Sir. as want where I am-Who talks of want?
Frank. I thank you for the good opinion Frank. My own distress I could bear well, you have of me; and as far as my poor abilities very well; but to see my helpless innocents go, they shall be at your service. enduring all the woes poverty brings with it, what bad luck made you so devilish poor?
Rob. Thank ye, Sir, thank ye! But pray is more than I can bear. Rob. And more than I can bear too.
Frank. It would take a long time to tell you [Throws his hat upon the ground, and takes the story of my misfortunes; but I owe them
money out of his pocket, which he throws to the oppression of Mr. Snacks, the steward. into it.
Rob. Snacks! Oh, damn un ! I'll do for him Frank. To-day I almost fear they have not soon: he's rotten here, Master Frank: I do tasted food.
think as how he's a damned old rogue. Rob. And I ha' been stuffing my damned
Frank. Judge not too harshly. guts enough to make 'em burst.
Rob. Come, Sir, will you go up to the cas[Drops more money into his hat. tle? Frank. How happy once my state! Wher
Frank. Excuse me; the relief which you e'er I turned my eyes, good fortune smiled have so generously given me, enables me to upon me; then, did the poor e'er tell a tale of return to my family. woe without reliet? Were not my doors open
Rob. Well, but you'll come back? to the unfortunate ?
Frank. To-morrow, Rob. How glad I be as I be-a lord. Hey,
Rob. No-to-night-Doo'e favour me; I what! Yes it is; Mr. Frank. Lord, Sir, I'm want to speak to you. very glad as I met with you.
Frank. I have a long way to walk, and it Frank. Why so, my friend ?
will be very late before I can return; but I Rob. Because you be mortal poor, and I be will refuse you nothing. mortal rich; and I'll share my last farthing
Rob. Thank ye, Sir; you're very kind; I with you.
shall stay till you come, if it's all night. Frank. Thank you, my kind lad. But what
[Exeunt. reason have you? Rob. What reason have I? Why, you gave
Enter Rattle. me when I wanted it. Frank. I can't remember.
Rat. Well, every thing's prepared for my Rob. Mayhap not; but that's no reason as I attack on the castle to-night; and I don't much should forget it ; it's a long time ago, too ; but fear but I shall find means to terrify the eneit made such a mark here, that time wont rub my, and make him surrender at discretionit out. It's now fourteen years sin' poor Yes, yes, Master Snacks, I shall soon be with mother died ; she was very ill one day when you. Shouting, music, and ringing of bells withyou happened to come by our cottage, and saw out.) What a damned racket here is in the vil, me stand blubbering at the door ; I'was then lage to-day!-I wonder what it's all about ? about tbis high. You took me by the hand ; and I shall never forget the look yon gave me,
Enter Robin. when you axed me what was the matter with me; and when I told you, you called me a good Holloa, there! Stop, my fine fellow. Pray lad, and went in and talked to mother. From can you tell me what all this uproar is about that time you came to see her every day, and in the village ? gave her all the help as you could; and when Rob. Why, you be Master Rattle from she died, poor soul! you buried her: and if Lunnun. ever I forget such kindness, I hope good luck Rat. Well, I don't want to be told that. will for ever forget me!
Rob. Gee us your hand, Rattle, thou bee'st Frank. Tell me your name; it will remind a damned honest fellow, and I like thee; I do
indeed. Rob. Robin Roughead, your honour; to-day Rat. Very familiar, upon my word. I be come to be lord of all this estate ; and Rob. I liked you ever sin' you let old Toppin the first good I find of it is, that I am able to have the three pounds to pay his rent with;
and now whilst I think on't, here 'tis again
Enter DOLLY and MAROERY. take it, for I wont let any body give away money here but myself.
Are you the young woman that wanted to Rat. Why, what in the name of wonder is speak with his lordship? all this? What are you at? I think I'll open a Dol. Yes, Sir. shop here for the sale of bad debts.
Snacks. And pray what might you want Roo. Here, take the money.
with him? Rat. Put it up, my fine fellow! you'll want Mar. She wants to settle some matters of it, perhaps.
her own with him. Rob. Me want money! Shall I lend you an Dol. Yes, that's all, Sir. odd thousand, and set you up in a shop?
Snacks. dare say! But I must know what Rat. Why, who the devil are you?
these matters are. Rob. Why doan't you know? I be Robin. [Margery feels herself of great importance,
Rat. Robin, are you? 'Egad, I think you and is particularly noisy through the sing like a goldfinch.
whole of this scene. Snacks is alarmed Rob. Very well, Rattle, that's a good joke.
lest Robin should heur her. Rat. Why, curse me, if I am up to you, Mar. Such matters as consarn nobody but Master Robin; you are queering me, I be themselves, and you must not meddle with lieve.
them. Rob. Well, I shall be glad to see thee at the Snacks. Curse that old devil, what a tongue castle, Rattle. You see, I'm not ashamed of she has ! I shall never be able to manage her. my old acquaintance, as some folks are. (Aside.) You can't see his lordship, he's enRat. Not ashamed of his old acquaintance ! gaged.
(To DOLLY. Why, what do you mean?
Dol. Yes, I know his lordship's engaged, Rob. I can't stop to talk to you any longer for he promised me a long while ago. -Good by, ..attle; thou bee'st an honest fel- Snacks. Oh, then you are the poor unfortulow, and I shall be glad to see thee at the nate young woman thatcastle,
[Exit. Mar. (Very angry.] No, Sir: she is the lucky Rat. I declare I'm quite dumb-foundered, young woman that is to be my lady; and. I'd -And have I lived all my days in Lombard- have you to know that I'm her mother. street for this to be bummed by a clown! Snacks. Ah, poor soul! I pity her, I do in(Laughing, music, ringing of bells, &c. without.] deed, from the bottom of my heart, I believe the people are all mad to-day ; I Mar. But she is not to be pitied; I shouldn't can't think what they are at.
have thought of that !-pity, indeed!
Snacks. Poor dear creature ! it's a sad job,
but it can't be helped : his lordship is going Enter Clown, in a hurry.
to be married to-morrow to another woman. Here, here, Hob! I want to speak with you.
Dol. What! Clown. You mun meak heast then, for I be
Snacks. It's true, indeed ; I am very sorry. going to dine wi' my lord, and I shall be too
Mar, And she is not to be my lady, after late.
all ! Rat. Weugh! What, are you drunk ?
Snrcks. No, poor girl! Clown. Noa, noa, bụt I soon shall be, I take ing., on dear, oh dear? I was afraid how
Dol. And Robin has quite forgot me! [Cry. it, for there's plenty o'yeale to be gotton. Rat. Plenty o'yale to be gotten, is there?
it would be when he came to be a lord-and Clown. Ees, I shall have a rare swig at it.
has he quite forgot me? Rat. Pray, my fine fellow, can you tell me
Snacks. Yes, he told me to tell you that he what the bells are ringing for?
has done wit: you. Clown. Ees, to be sure I con.
Mar. (Very noisy.) But I have not done with Rat. Well, what is it?
pretty work indetd; but I'll Clown. Why, it's bekeas they do pull the ring a peal in his ears, that shall bring him to ropes, I tell thee.-[Gets round.] Dinner his senses, I warrant; I'll teach him to use will all get yeaton up whilst I stond here talk- my daughter ill-he's a rogue, a rascal, a ing wi' you.
scapegallows, a vagabond; l'll find him out [Runs of; RATTLE runs after him, and brings
-I'll him back.
Snacks, [Trying to appease. her.) Hush! Rat. You are a very communicative young
hush ! fellow, indeed—I have learned one thing
Mar. I'll raise the dead, I will. froin you, however--that there's plenty of
Snacks. Be cool, be cool !-Robin will eating and drinking going on ; so I'll try if I certainly hear this old bell-wether, and I shall can't be in at the death. Now, start fair, and be blown.
(Aside. the devil take the hindmost. [They run off
Mar. I'll make him down on his knees, I will ; I'd have him to know, that though he
is a lord, he shall remember his promise ; Pil SCENE 11.- A Hall in the Castle. A door play the very devil with him, if I can find leading to an inner apartment.
him. I'm in such a passion, I could tear his
eyes out: oh, if I can but see him! Enter SNACKS, speaking.
[Going ; SNACKS stops her.
Snacks. Here, bere ; stop, stop-I'll go and Snacks. Tell her to come this way. A young bring him to you.--Curse her old throat ! woman wanting bobin This must be his [Aside.] Only just walk in bere a moment, I'll sweetheart, Dolly, that he talks so much talk to him myself ; I will indeed ; perhaps I about; they must not come together; if they shall bring bim round, my dear. do, it will knock up all my plan.- What Dol. Thank ye, Sir í tell him Vll killmyself shall I do with her ? if I could but get her if he doesn't marry me.
(Goes in. into this room, she'd be safe enongh_here Mar. And tell him I'll kill him if he doesn't she is.
[Goes in. Snacks locks the door.
Snacks. Well, they are safe for the present- Snacks. Oh, shameful, shameful! if I was I wish they were out of the house though. If | behind him, I'd make him walk. i can bnt bring this marriage to hear, I'm a Enter a Servant, with a whip, which he gives to made man. I have been very careful of the
ROBIN, old lord's money, and I should like to take care of a little of the young lord's money: if I Rob. Come, Snacks, dance me a hornpipe. can but marry the girl and him, I'll soon Snacks. What? double
the twenty-six thousand pounds I have Rob. A hornpipe. in the five per cents. sacked from my old mas- Snacks. A hornpipe !-I can't dance, my ter.
lord. Rat. [Without, in u hollow voice.) Villanous Rob. Come, none of your nonsense; I know robber!
you can dance; why, you was made for dancSnacks. O Lord ! what's that ?-[Pauses.] It | ing—there's a leg and foot-Come, begin! has put me in such a fright ;-that ghost's Snacks. Here's no music, abroad again-What else could it be? I am Rub. Isn't there? then I'll soon make someafraid to open my eyes for fear he should stare Lookye, here's my fiddlestick; how d’ye like me in the face : I confess I've been a rogue, it?-Come, Snacks, you must dance; it's my but it's never too late to mend. Say no more, will. and I'll make amends, indeed I will. [Gets Snacks. Indeed I'm not able. near the door.)—Upon my soul, I will up- Rob. Not able ! Oh, shameful, shameful ! on the word of an honest man I will.
Come, come, you must dance; it's my will. (Sneaks off.
Snacks. Must I ?—Thep here goes-
[Hops about. Rat. Ha, ha, ha! I think I gave his con- Rob. Whal, d'ye call that dancing fit for a science a kick there; twenty-six thousand lord? Come, quicker, quicker-f Whips Snacks pounds in the five per cents. -let me remem- round the stage, who roars out.f-There, that ber that I'm up to your tricks, Mr. Snacks; will do; now go and order John the carter the but you sha'n't carry on your scheme much pony-will you ? longer, if I have any skill-If I don't quick- Snacks. What a cunning dog it is !-he's up en your memory a httle, I'll give over conjur to ine now, but I think I shall be down upon ing and sct up a chandler's shop. [Erit. him by and by
(Aside ; exit. SCENE III-A handsome Apartment in the halloo'd—but i'll work him a little more yet.
Rob. Ha, ha, ba! how he hopped about and
Re-enter SNACKS. Rob. (Rather tipsy) Well, Snacks, this is Well, Snacks, what d’ye think of your dancvery good stuff. I'don't know as ever I drank ing-master ? any before ; what do you call this, Snacks?
Snacks. I hope your lordship wont give me Snacks. Port wine, an't please your lordship. any more lessons at present; for, to say the
Rob. Yes, Port wine pleases his lordship truth, I don't much like the accompaniment. I wonder where this comes from !
Rob. You must have a lesson every day, or the Red Sea, I suppose.
you'll forget the step. Snacks. No, my lord : there's plenty of spirits that I sha’n't forget it for
Snacks. No:-your lordship has taken care there, but not wine, I believe. Rob Well, one more thing full; only one,
Rob. I can't think where Dolly is; I told her
to come to me. because you know, now I am a lord, I must pot make a beast of myself that's not like a
Snacks. Oh, don't think of her. nobleman, you know.
Rob. Not think of her!-why, pray? Snacks. Your lordship must do as your lord
Snacks. Oh, she's asbip pleases.
Rob. A what ?- Take care, or I shall make Rob. Must I ? then give us t'other sup.
you dance another hornpipe. Snacks. I think bis Aordship is getting rather
Snacks. I only mean to say, that she's too forward I'll bring my daughter upon the low for your lordship. carpet presently.
Rob. I'on low! why, what was I just now ?
if I thought riches would make me such a rasEnter SERVANT.
cal as to use the poor girl ill—a fig for 'em all; Serr. Please you, Master Snacks, here's I'd give 'em up, and be plain Robin, honest John the carter says he's so lame he can't Robin, again; No :-I've given Dolly my walk, and he hopes you'll let him have a pony, promise, and I'll never break it. to-morrow, to ride by the waggon.
Snacks. My daughter's very beautiful. Snacks. Can't walk, can't he ?—lame, is we'll go and have a look at her.
Rob. Dang it, you talk a great deal :-come, he ?
[Exeunt. Serv. Yes, Sir. Snacks. And what does he mean by being
SCENE IV-A Chamber, with a picture lame at this busy time ?-tell him he must
hanging over a closet-door. walk; it's my will.
Enter RATTLE and Miss NANCY. Rob. You, Sir, bring me John's whip, will you? (Exit SERVANT.] That's right, Snacks; Rat. Well, you see I've gained admission, damn the fellow, what business has he to be notwithstanding your father's order to the conlame!
trary. Snacks. Oh, please your lordship, it's as Nan. Yes; but how do you mean to get his much as I can do to keep these fellows in consent toorder.
Rat. Why, as to his consent, I don't value Rob. Oh, they are sad dogs- -not walk, it a button : but then five thousand pounds is deed! I never heard of such impudence. a sum not to be sneezed at. I have given the
old boy a bit of a hint to-night that he didn't twenty-six thousand pounds in the five per much relish
Nan. I expect my father here every minute, Snacks. I'll do any thing that you command. with his new-made lordship:
Rat. Sigo the paper before you. Rat. Indeed! then only hide me in this room, [Snacks signs the paper. NANCY coughs. and the business is done.
Rattle jumps out of the closet, and Nan. That I will, where nobody can find
takes the puper. you, I'm sure ;-I have a closet behind this Rat. How do you do? how are you? picture of the old lord, made, 1 believe, to hide Snacks. Give me the paper. the family plate and jewels in ; but it's quite Rat. Not a word-twenty-six thousand forgotten now.
[Opens it. pounds in the five per cents.- Now, dear NanRat. On, it was made on purpose for me: I'll cy, you are mine, and five thousand pounds. put a jewel into it presently--Here (Gives a Snacks. You to rebel against me too, you paper. ) --- let this lie carelessly on the table ; it's baggage. worth'tive thousand pounds.
Mar. [Without.) Only let me catch bold ot Snacks. [Without.) This way, this way, my him, I'll give it bim-an old, abominablelord.
Enter MARGERY. Rat. O, damn it! here they come; tell him you've been frightened by a ghost; and if he Oh, you are there, are you ?-You wicked signs the paper, give a loud cough.
wretch !-let me get at him-[Runs after [Puts the paper on the table, and exit into the Snacks, and beats him.)- A pretty pack of lies closet.
you have told; you old ragamuffin, you. Enter Snacks and ROBIN.
Enter Robin and Dolly. Snacks. There, there she is—isn't she a
Rob. What! are you there, Rattle? beauty? What do you say now?
Rat. Yes, I'm the ghost-Hear! Rob. Why, I say she is not fit to hold a can
Rob. Why you frighted old Honesty a little. dle to my Dolly.
Serv. Please you, Master Snacks, the bailiffs know you will. Come, let's sit down and talk ha' gotten Mr. Frank, and are bringing him of it.
[They sit. Nan. (To Snacks.) Oh, my dear Sir, I've been
Rob. What! the bailiffs got bim?-Oh, you so frightened-Do you know I think I've seen old rascal! (To Snacks.]-Let him come here the very ghost that alarmed you so once.
in a moment! (E.rit SERVANT.]-Oh, Snacks, Snacks. A what? a ghost ? O Lord, I hope happy :-a man as does so much harm, and so
I'm sorry for you ; for I'm sure you can't be not. I hate the very
sight of 'em:-ht's very little good, never can be happy, I'm sure :odd; but-(Starting) didn't I hear a noise ? Nan. Oh, Sir, that's a very common thing in
Enter Mr. FRANK. this part of the castle; I have been most terribly frightened lately.
I be very sorry as they used you so, Mr. Frank, Rob. Why, what frightened you ?-We are all but I couldn'tgood people here; they wont hurt us—will Frank. I know your heart too well to think they, Snacks ? Snacks. No, no-they—that is— (Alarmed.
Rob. I have a great favour to ask you, Mr. Rat. (From behind.) Hear!
Frank : you see we've rather found Snacks Rob. What?
out;-now, will you-dang it, will you take Rat. Hear!
care of me, and come and live in the castle Snacks. Lord ha' mercy upon me! [Kneels. with me, and give me your advice?-you know
Rat. Offspring of mine, listen not to the ad- how I mean ;-teach me a bit, you know. vice of that wretch.
Frank. You are too generous: but I accept Rob. I doan't intend it.
your proffered kindness; and, by my care and Rat. He'll betray you ; your intended bride attention to your welfare, will repay a small he has imprisoned in the yellow chamber: go, part of the debt I owe you. set her at liberty.
Rob. Now, then, I am bappy, with such a Rob. What! my Dolly ?-has he imprisoned friend as Mr. Frank-Dolly, we shall know her in the yellow chamber?-Oh, dang your how to take care of ourselves and our neigh. old head! [Kinocks Snacks down, and exit. bours—and I'll take care that poor folks shall
Rut. Wretch! restore your ill-gotten wealth-bless the day as made me a lord, [Exeunt.