Well. That were to little purpose; Marg. Oh, my poor father! What is decreed by Heaven we cannot alter : Lord L. Pray you, take comfort; I will endeavour you shall be his guardian That I must fix on. [Takes LADY ALLWORTH's hand. Allw. What you shall determine, My lord, I will allow of. Well. "Tis the language And payment of my debts, that I must practise [Addressing himself to the audience. That I speak too; but there is something else, To teach us action, and him how to write. зм THE DOCTOR AND THE APOTHECARY: A MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT, IN TWO ACTS. BY JAMES COBB, Esq. REMARKS. THIS pleasant antidote to dullness was well received during its run, and still maintains a place among the stock of the national theatres. The author we will have occasion to mention hereafter, in the Remarks on his " First Floor;' and this piece will not diminish his credit as a dramatic writer. Mrs. Inchbald's farce of “ Animal Magnetism,” (intended to ridicule the absurd reveries of that doctrine,) appears to have been laid under contribution by our Author; but the characters are combined in a pleasing manner, This piece first introduced Mr. Storace to the public as a composer; and his excellent music contributed to its success. SCENE I.-The outside of THOMASO'S House. Enter THOMASO. A view of distant hills, with the sun setting-For shame, you a sailor, and carry sorrow behind them. Enter STURMWALD, GUZMAN, ANNA, ISABELLA, and THERESA. TRIO.-ANNA, ISABELLA, and GUZMAN. Now the sun so faintly glancing O'er the western hills his ray; Evening shadows, quick advancing, Triumph o'er the fading day. DUET. ANNA and ISABELLA. Timorous love, at day affrighted, Blushing, courts the silver moon; Sturm. Bacchus' sons are now delighted, Night's the jolly fellow's noon. TRIO. Evening thus our joys uniting, Tho. What, moping yet, my friend Guzman? aboard! Zounds! if I had lost a mistress,— nay, had it been my wife, The. Well, Sir? Tho. I think I could have comforted myself. Ah, captain, how far preferable are the charms of peace and a country life, to all the bustle and danger of a campaign! Stur. It may be so to you, Signor Thomaso, who slumber in the inglorious lap of peace: but war is my element; glory is my mistress; and I have courted her amid the cannon's thunder. Tho. Many men of many minds, captain; for my part, I always preferred a more quiet kind of courtship; but i'faith, you are a man of true gallantry, to remain so partial to your mistress, after having lost the use of a leg and an eye in her service. Stur. A leg and an eye! Psha,-trifles! while my honour, a soldier's vital spark, has escaped unhurt.-You may be a very good apothecary, Signor Thomaso, and may under stand lotions and potions; but as to a soldier's honour The. Ah, very true, captain. He is a most provoking man, though he is my husband. For shame, after our good friend, Captain Sturmwald, has come all the way from Germany to marry our daughter Anna. Tho. Nay, I'm sure, the captain knows I mean no harm.-Anna, come hither, child. [Aside to ANNA.] Why don't you smile upon your husband, that is to be? Anna. Do not, my dear father, persist in this cruel solicitation. Tho. [Aside to her.] Psha! how can you be so obstinate!-though the captain is not very handsome, he is very rich. "Tis true, he is rather old; but then you know you have the better chance of being a widow soon; and as to his having but one eye, it ought to be his recommendation, for you'll have no trouble in discovering his blind side. The. Lookye, Anna, you know my way of arguing, and so does your father. It is my pleasure that you marry Captain Sturmwald; and have him you shall. Guz. Have a little patience with her, my dear Madam. Anna. Then you are resolved to render me miserable! On Love's bless'd altar burns the flame Tho. A gray horse. Stur. Black-black as jet. Tho. I beg your pardon, captain, it was a gray horse. I have heard you tell the story twenty times, and you always said the horse was gray. So much for that. Now you must know, my drops Stur. You have heard me tell the story then? Tho. Often-So my drops Stur. And what d'ye think of it? Tho. One of the best stories I ever heard in my life. So Stur. I'm very glad you like it. I'll tell you another. Tho. Curse his stories. [Aside.] To-morrow, captain, I shall be happy to hear it. Stur. Well; if you are tired of my company, I'll go and get a bottle of good wine, to make me sleep soundly; and so adieu, my dear father-in-law. Tho. Adieu, my dear son-in-law. [Aside.] What a cursed bore he is for talking. [Exit. Stur. A good kind of a man enough; but can't bear to hear any body talk, except himself. [Exit. The sun sets, and THOMASO's shop is lighted up. Enter CARLOS. Whence Hymen's torch should kindle bright Car. When wilt thou cease, thou pleasing To bliss, which boasts fair virtue's name; It casts its pure and radiant light. But, ah! should avarice interpose, [Exeunt ANNA, ÎSABELLA, and GUZMAN, The. Anna's reluctance is certainly owing to that impertinent slut, her cousin. I'm sure she does not inherit her obstinacy from me. When my mother proposed a husband to me, I gave my consent without a moment's hesitation. Didn't I, my dear? Tho. True, my love; but then I had not lost any of my limbs in pursuit of glory, like the captain. [Aside to her. Stur. I was thinking whether I had not better talk to the young lady myself. The. To be sure; how the deuce else are you to gain her consent? Stur. I'faith, I will. She'll find me very entertaining. I'll breakfast with her to-morrow, and give her the history of my last campaign. I'll come early in the morning, that I may finish the story before dinner. The. Ha, ha, ha! [Exit THERESA. Tho. Well, captain, now my wife is gone, I want to have a little talk with you about my new-invented miraculous drops, as I call them, that cure all disorders. Stur. Do they cure gun-shot wounds? Stur. I wish then I had had a bottle in that engagement where I was wounded by a French dragoon in the shoulder. I'll tell you how it happened. Tho. Unfortunate man that I am! He'll talk like my wife. [Aside. Stur. We were fording a river, and 1 was about the middle of the stream Tho. [Aside.] He wont be out of the water this half hour. Stur. A scoundrel French dragoon, upon a black horse pain, With cruel sway to rend my heart? Yet, though of torment I complain, Alas! I fear to cure the smart. Enter JUAN, with a guitar. Juan. Sighing never gains a maid! I'll tell you what is better far; If a heart has nature dealt her, Car. [Aside.] Zounds! I see some one at the door. A rival, perhaps! [They approach, each with his hand on his sword, till CARLOS perceives it to be JUAN. Car. Anna, the daughter of old Thomaso, the apothecary; and your mistress is Juan. Isabella! her laughing little cousin. Car. Then I am glad to see you, after all; and yet I am an unlucky dog, Juan. They are going to marry my dear Anna to old Sturmwald, the German captain. I dare not acquaint my father of my passion for her; you know he and Thomaso are the bitterest enemies. The only resource left is, to carry her off; and I have, for this week past, in vain sought an opportunity of seeing her. Juan. Oh, the devil! Old Thomaso's man, to shut the shop up. Stand aside [THOMASO'S man shuts up the shop, while Give me your hand, Carlos-you shall see Juan. The first thing is to get the old fellow out of the house. Car. And how is that to be managed? Juan. Very easily-as thus: I'll act an old woman, and bring him down, I'll warrant you. [Knocks.] Say nothing, and stand aside. [Knocks louder. [THOMASO opens the window and looks out. Tho. What the devil is all that noise for? Juan. [In a feigned voice.] Pray, is this Signor Thomaso's? Juan. Ha, ha, ha! The old fox is fairly un kennel'd. Car. But how are we to get into the house? Juan. The door is fast. Eh! i'faith this shutter is unbolted. [Opens part of the shutter.] So we will e'en get in at the shop window. Cur. My best friend! [Going to climb in at the window. Juan. Hold! let me reconnoitre first. I know every part of the house-follow me. Car. Kind Cupid light us on our way! Juan. Psha! Zounds! a lantern would light us much better. So, rot your heroics, and follow me. [Gets in at the window, and CARLOS follows. Enter STURMWAld, drunk. Stur. Tol de rol, de rol-halt! Stand to your arms, Captain Sturmwald. Do my eyes deceive me, or have the enemy besieged my father-in-law's house, and made a practicable breach in the shop-window? Who the devil are they?-Thieves! No, i'faith, that can't be -Who'd think of stealing any thing out of an apothecary's shop! Perhaps they are gallants -have at you, my boys; I must enter and defend my father-in-law. [Going to climb in at the window, he stops.] But hold! a prudent general should know what force he has to contend with-besides, I forget-old Bolus is not at home-I remember I met him just now Tho. Why, what do you want with Signor-Egad, I'll go and fetch him, and we'll surThomaso; good woman? Juan. The sick gentleman, Signor, at the next inn, is much worse. Tho. I'm sorry for it; I wish the gentleman had been much worse an hour ago; because then I could have attended him; but at present I'm going to bed. Juan. Dear Signor, you wont leave the poor man to the mercy of an ignorant physician? Tho. Why, who attends him? Juan. Dr. Bilioso. Tho. Then I give him over. you, good woman. Good night to [Shuts the window. Car. Our plot is ruined. Juan. Not yet, Carlos. [Knocks again, still louder. Tho. [Again opens the window.] Zounds! what's the matter with the woman? Go about your business. Juan. [Again in a female voice.] The sick man has heard wonders related of your famous drops, Signor. Tho. Eh! what!-Oh ho! he has heard of my drops. Well, Madam? Juan. And he wishes you would come to him directly, and bring a bottle in your pocket. Tho. Aye, that I will-poor soul! poor soul!-I'll cure him in spite of his physician. [Calls within.] Halloo! Pedro! [To JUAN.] I'll go with you, good woman, and as we walk, I'll tell you some of the cures I have performed. I'll wait on you instantly. [Shuts the window. Car. This is a prosperous beginning, Juan. Juan. Hush, not a word-we must retire. [They retire. Enter THOMASO, from the house. Tho. And so, good woman, you say,-Hey day, she is gone! The poor gentleman's case is urgent, I suppose so I'll lose no time. What a pleasure it is to attend sensible patients! I dare say, he is a shrewd fellow, by his wishing to try my drops. [Exit THOMASO. ; prise the enemy together.-How lucky it is that I am sober! If I had taken the other but now I am cool and collected. Ah! there bottle, my senses might have been confused is nothing like drinking in moderation. [Exit. SCENE II.-The inside of THOMASO's Shop. Enter JUAN and CARLOS. Car. Hush! tread softly, for your life. Juan. Perhaps what? Why, your whole conversation is composed of ifs-buts-perhapses and supposes a mere vocabulary of doubts. transports me. Oh, Juan, I scarcely know Car. Hark! I hear Anna's voice-the sound where I am! apothecary's shop; it is dark, and you are SCENE III.-A Room in THOMASO'S House. DUET. ANNA and ISABELLA. Of love, while fancy hung, Now joy, now pain, impart. Anna. Isabella, 'tis a whole week since I saw my Carlos. How can he say he loves me, and yet suffer them to marry me to this hateful German officer? The. [Within.] Anna, why don't you go to your chamber, child? Isa. Heavens! your mother is not gone to bed yet. Anna. And do you think my Carlos has really forsaken me? My Carlos, did I sayYes, I will repeat it-My heart yields to the fond delusion of my tongue; and I think I love him better every time I call him mine. ISABELLA alone. [Exit. be afraid. Annu. Do you know, Isabella, this unreasonable creature has brought me a marriagecontract, and would have me seize this moment to elope with him! Car. [To ISABELLA.] And do you know, Madam, this unreasonable creature hesitates, though she promised me long ago to elope, whenever I could find an opportunity. Juan. Psha! Marry first, and dispute afterwards; that would be much more in the common order of things.-Come, my dear Isabella, let us set them a good example; leave dissimulation to knaves and coquettes, and lead up the dance of Hymen as first couple. Isa. Why, if I were sure you would never wish to change partners Car. Consider, my dear Anna, the moments fly. Isa. [Peeping through the key-hole.] I vow, your mother is not in bed yet-[TO ANNA.] Away, away instantly, and leave me to keep her quiet; I'll follow you directly. [Exeunt ANNA, CARLOS, and JUAN.] I'll sing, that she may suspect nothing. Ye hours that part my love and me, Still I through Sorrow's tedious night, By Jealousy's pernicious power, Untainted are my sighs; Confiding in my Juan's truth, My fondest wishes rise. Still I through Sorrow's, &c. Tho. [Without.] Hey, Guzman! Pedro! where the devil are ye? Re-enter CARLOS, JUAN, and ANNA. Anna. Oh, Isabella, my father is come home! all the doors are locked. Car. And our retreat cut off. Juan. No, faith, I'm afraid we are all found. Where can we hide ourselves? Isa. Go into our chamber. Anna. My father is now at the chamberdoor. Car. In here, then. [Going into THERESA's chamber. Anna. That's my mother's room. Isa. We are in luck. My uncle, in his hurry to visit his patient, has left the door of his study open. In, in, directly. [Exeunt CARLOS, and JUAN into the closet.] Here comes your father. Enter THOMASO and STURMWALD. Tho. Anna! Theresa! Isabella! there are thieves in the house. Anna. Thieves! bless me, Sir, what shall we do? Stur. Take 'em, to be sure; take 'em, dead or alive. Enter THERESA. The. What's that you say.-Thieves in our house? Tho. The Captain saw them get in. He'll tell you the whole story. Stur. That I will, with a great deal of pleasure. As I was coming from the tavern, where I had been drinking a glass in moderation, as sober as I am now-I saw two men getting into my father-in-law's house. What's to be done, thought I; for this was enough to stagger me, you may suppose Tho. Oh! certainly. [Aside.] That you had enough to stagger you, I believe. The. [Taking the contract from ANNA'S pocket.] Yes, and here is enough to stagger us all. This paper explains to me, that these thieves are of Cupid's gang; gentlemen who commit sentimental robberies on the hearts of young ladies. There, Thomaso, read that! [Gives the contract. Tho. What do I see! a contract of marriage between my daughter and Carlos? surprise us in our own camp! Egad, we'll hold a council of war immediately; I have something in my head Stur. Carlos! What the devil! the enemy Tho. [Aside.] Yes, rather more than you ought to have. The. I tell you, I am sure young Carlos is in the house. Stur. Is he? Why, then, we'll break up the council. Bella! horrida bella! is our resolve; and so let us search for the enemy. [Going to open THERESA's chamber-door. The. Bless me, Captain Sturmwald-do you know that is my chamber? Stur. Well, my dear mother-in-law; and is not a lady's chamber the most likely place to find a man of gallantry? However, I'll wheel to the right about, if you please. [Goes to THOMASO's closet door. |