Dor. Faith, I hardly know. She's not here, however, Mrs. Rackett tells me.-I asked no further. Sav. Your indifference seems increased. Dor. 'Tis advanced thirty-two degrees towards hatred. Sur. You are jesting? Dor. Then it must be with a very ill grace, my dear Saville; for I never felt so seriously do you know the creature's almost an idiot? Sav. What! Dor. An idiot. What the devil shall I do with her? 'Egad! I think I'll feign myself mad-and then Hardy will propose to cancel the engagements. Sav. An excellent expedient! I must leave you; you are mysterious, and I can't stay to unravel you. I came here to watch over innocence and beauty. Dor. The guardian of innocence and beauty at three and twenty! Is there not a cloven foot under that black gown, Saville? Sav. No, faith. Courtall is here on a most detestable design. I found means to get a knowledge of the lady's dress, and have brought a girl to personate her, who e reputation cannot be hurt. You shall know the result to-morrow. Adieu. [Exit. Dor. [Musing.] Yes, I think that will do. I'll feign myself mad, fee the doctor to pronounce me incurable, and when the parchments are destroyed[Musing. Enter LETITIA. Let. You have chosen an odd situation for study. Fashion and taste preside in this spot. They throw their spells around you:-ten thousand delights spring up at their command; -and you, a stoic a being without senses, are wrapt in reflection. Dor. And you, the most charming being in the world, awaken me to admiration. Did you come from the stars? Let. Yes, and I shall re-ascend in a moment. Dor. Pray show me your face before you go. Let. Beware of imprudent curiosity; it lost Paradise. Dor. Eve's curiosity was raised by the devil 'tis an angel tempts mine. So your allusion is not in point. Let. But why would you see my face? Let. And what then? Dor. Why then; ay, curse it! there's the rub! Let. Your mistress will be angry; perhaps you have no mistress? Dor. Yes, yes, and a sweet one it is! Let. What is she old? Dor. No. Let. Ugly? Dor. No. Let. What then? [Aside. -but Dor. Pho! don't talk about her; but show me your face. Let. My vanity forbids it-twould frighten you. Dor. Impossible! your shape is graceful, your air bewitching, your bosom transparent, and your chin would tempt me to kiss it, if I did not see a pouting, red lip above it, that demands hill. Sur. My province as an enchanter lays open every secret to me, lady! there are dangers abroad- Beware! [Exit. Lady F. Tis very odd; his manner has made me tremble. Let us seek Sir George. Flut. He's coming towards us. Enter COURTALL, habited like SIR GEORGE TOUCHWOOD. Court. There she is! If I can but disengage her from that fool, Flutter-crown me, ye schemers, with immortal wreaths! Ludy F. O, my dear Sir George! I rejoice to meet you an old conjurer has been frightening me with his prophecies. Where's Mrs. Rackett? Court. In the dancing-room. I promised to send you to her, Mr. Flutter. Flut. Ah! she wants me to dance. With all my heart. [Exit. Lady F. Why do you keep on your mask? -'tis too warm. Court. "Tis very warm; I want air; let us go. Lady F. You seem quite agitated.-Sha'n't we bid our company adieu? Court. No, no-there's no time for forms. I'll just give directions to the carriage, and be Put on your mask; I have a particular reason with you in a moment. [Going, steps back.} for it. [Exit. Re-enter SAVILLE, with KITTY. Sar. Now, Kitty, you know your lesson. Lady Frances, [Takes off his musk.] let me lead you to your husband. Lady F. Heavens! Is Mr. Saville the conjurer? Sir George is just stepped to the door, to give directions. We are going home imme diately. Sar. No, Madam, you are deceived: Sir George is this way. Lady F. This is astonishing! Sav. Be not alarmed: you have escaped a snare, and shall be in safety in a moment. [Exit SAVILLE and LADY FRANCES. Re-enter COURTALL, and scizes KITTY's hand. Court. Now. Kitty. "Tis pity to go so soon. Court. Perhaps I may bring you back, my angel-but go now you must. [Exeunt COURTALL and KITTY. Re-enter DORICOURT and Letitia, Dor. By Heavens! I never was charmed till now. English beauty-French vivacity wit-elegance. Your name, my angel! tell me your name, though you persist in concealing your face. Let. My name has a spell in it. Let. Suppose it Harriot, or Charlotte, or Maria, or Dor. Hang Harriot, and Charlotte, and Maria-the name your father gave ye! Let. That can't be worth knowing; 'tis so transient a thing. Dor. How transient? Let. Heaven forbid my name should be lasting till I am married. Dor. Married! the chains of matrimony are too heavy and vulgar for such a spirit as yours. The flowery wreaths of Cupid are the only bands you should wear. Let. They are the lightest, I believe: but 'tis possible to wear those of marriage gracefully. Throw them loosely round, and twist them in a true-lover's knot for the bosom. Dor. An angel! But what will you be when a wife? Let. A woman.-If my husband should prove a churl, a fool, or a tyrant, I'd break his heart, ruin his fortune, elope with the first pretty fellow that asked me-and return the contempt of the world with scorn, whilst my feelings preyed upon my life. Dor. Amazing! [Aside.] What if you loved him, and he were worthy of your love? Let. Why, then I'd be any thing-and all!grave, gay, capricious-the soul of whim, the spirit of variety-live with him in the eye of fashion, or in the shade of retirement-change my country, my sex-feast with him in an Esquimaux hut, or a Persian pavilion-join him in the victorious war-dance on the borders of Lake Ontario, or sleep to the soft breathings of the flute in the cinnamon groves of Ceylon -dig with him in the mines of Golconda, or enter the dangerous precincts of the Mogul's seraglio- -cheat him of his wishes, and overturn his empire, to restore the husband of my heart to the blessings of liberty and love. Dor. Delightful wildness! oh, to catch thee, and hold thee for ever in this little cage! [Attempting to clasp her. Let. Hold, Sir. Though Cupid must give the bait that tempts me to the snare, 'tis Hymen must spread the net to catch me. Dor. "Tis in vain to assume airs of coldness. -Fate has ordained you mine. Let. How do you know? Dor. I feel it here. I never met with a woman so perfectly to my taste; and I wont believe it formed you so, on purpose to tantalize me. Let. This moment is worth a whole existence! [Aside. Dor. Come, show me your face, and rivet my chains. Let. To-morrow you shall be satisfied. Dor. Where then shall I wait on you to morrow?-Where see you? Let. You shall see me in an hour when you least expect me. Dor. Why all this mystery? Let. I like to be mysterious. At present be content to know that I am a woman of family and fortune. Dor. Let me see you to your carriage. Let. As you value knowing me, stir not a step. If I am followed, you never see me more. Adieu. [Exit. Enter HARDY. Har. Adieu! then I'm come in at the fag end! [Aside. Dor. Barbarous creature! she's gone! what, and is this really serious?-Am I in love? Pho! it can't be. Enter FLUTTER. O Flutter, do you know that charming creature? Flut. What charming creature? I passed a thousand. Dor. She went out at that door as you entered. Flut. Oh, yes;-I know her very well. Dor. Do you, my dear fellow, who is she? Flut. She's kept by Lord George Jennett. shall cut his throat! Har. Impudent scoundrel! I foresee I [Aside. Dor. Kept! Flut. Yes; Colonel Gorget had her first;then Mr. Loveill;-then-I forget exactly how many; and at last she's Lord George's. [Talks to other Masks. Dor. I'll murder Gorget, poison Lord George, and shoot myself. Har. Now's the time, I see, to clear up the whole. Mr. Doricourt!-I say-Flutter was mistaken; I know who you are in love with. Dor. A strange rencontre! Who? Har. My Letty. Dor. Oh! I understand your rebuke ;-'tis too soon, Sir, to assume the father-in-law. Har. Zounds! what do you mean by that? I tell you that the lady you admire is Letitia Hardy. Dor. I am glad you are so well satisfied with the state of my heart.-I wish I was! [Exit. Har. Stop a moment.- -Stop, I say! what, you wont? very well-if I don't play you a trick for this, may I never be a grandfather! I'll plot with Letty now, and not against her; ay, hang me if I don't! There's something in my head, that shall tingle in his heart. He shall have a lecture upon impatience, that I foresee he'll be the better for as long as he lives. [Exit. Re-enter SAVILLE, with Gentlemen. Sav. Flutter, come with us; we're going to raise a laugh at Courtall's. Flut. With all my heart. Live to live, was Live to laugh, is mine. my father's motto. [Music; exeunt. SCENE II.-At COURTALL'S. Kitty. Where have you brought me, Sir George? This is not our home! Court. 'Tis my home, beautiful Lady Frances! [Kneels, and takes off his mask.] Oh, forgive the ardency of my passion, which has compelled me to deceive you! Kitty. Mr. Courtall! what will become of me? Court. Oh, say but that you pardon the wretch who adores you. Did you but know the agonizing tortures of my heart, since I had the felicity of conversing with you this morn. ing-or the despair that now Kitty. Oh, I am undone! [Knock. Court. Zounds! my dear Lady Frances! I am not at home! Rascal! do you hear? Let nobody in; I am not at home! 80. Serv. [Without.] Sir, I told the gentlemen Court. Eternal curses! they are coming up. Step into this room, adorable creature! one moment; I'll throw them out of the window, if they stay there. [Exit KITTY. Enter SAVILLE, FLUTTER, and GENTLEMEN. Flut. O, gemini! beg the petticoat's pardon. Just saw a corner of it. 1 Gent. No wonder admittance was so difficult. I thought you took us for bailiffs. Court. Upon my soul, I am devilish glad to see you; but you perceive how I am circumstanced. Excuse me at this moment. 2 Gent. Tell us who 'tis then. Court. Oh, fy! Flut. We wont blab. Court. I can't, upon honour. Thus far-She's a woman of the first character and rank. Saville, [Taking him aside.] have I influence, or have I not? Sar. Laughed at, and despised. I have fulfilled my design, which was to expose your villany, and laugh at your presumption. Adieu, Sir; remember how you again boast of your influence with women of rank; and when you next want amusement, dare not to look up to the virtuous and to the noble for a companion. [Exit, leading KITTY. Flut. And, Courtall, before you carry a lady into your bed-chamber again, look under her mask; d'ye hear? [Exit. Court. There's no bearing this! I'll set off for Paris directly. [Exit ACT V. SCENE I.-HARDY'S House. Enter HARDY and VILLERS. Vil. Whimsical enough! Dying for her, and hates her! Believes her a fool, and a woman of brilliant understanding! Hur. As true as you are alive; but when I went up to him, last night, at the Pantheon, out of downright good nature, to explain things -my gentleman whips round upon his heel, and snapped me as short as if I had been a beggar woman with six children, and he overseer of the parish. Vil. Here comes the wonder-worker. Sav. Why, sure, you do not insinuateCourt. No, not insinuate, but swear, that she's now in my bed-chamber; by gad, I don't deceive you. There's generalship, you rogue! such an humble, distant, sighing fellow as thou art, at the end of a six months siege, would have boasted of a kiss from her Here comes the enchantress, who can go to glove. I only give the signal, and-pop!-masquerades, and sing, and dance, and talk a she's in my arms! Sav. What Lady Fran Court. Hush! You shall see her name tomorrow morning in red letters at the end of my list. Gentlemen, you must excuse me now. Come and drink chocolate at twelve, but Sav. Ay, let us go, out of respect to the lady: 'tis a person of rank. Flut. Is it? Then I'll have a peep at her. [Runs to the door in the back scene. Court. This is too much. [Trying to prevent him. 1 Gent. By Jupiter, we'll all have a peep. Court. Gentlemen, consider, for Heaven's sake-a lady of quality. What will be the consequences? Flut. The consequences! Why, you'll have your throat cut, that's all, but I'll write your elegy. So now for the door! [Part open the door, whilst the rest hold COURTALL.] I beg your ladyship's pardon, whoever you are. [Leads her out.] Emerge from darkness, like the glorious sun and bless the wond'ring circle with your charms. [Takes off her mask. Sav. Kitty Willis! ha, ha, ha! Omnes. Kitty Willis! ha, ha, ha! Kitty Willis! 1 Gent. Why, what a fellow you are, Courtall, to attempt imposing on your friends in this manner. A lady of quality! an earl's daughter! Your ladyship's most obedient-Ha, ha, ha! Sav. Courtall, have you influence, or have you not? Flut. The man's moon-struck. Court. Hell and ten thousand furies seize you all together! Kitty. What, me too, Mr. Courtall? me, whom you have knelt to, prayed to, and adored? Flut. That's right, Kitty; give him a little more. Court. Disappointed and laughed at ! Enter LETITIA. man out of his wits! But pray, have we morning masquerades? Let. Oh, no; but I am so enamoured of this all-conquering habit, that I could not resist putting it on the moment I had breakfasted. I shall wear it on the day I am married, and then lay it by in spices, like the miraculous robes of St. Bridget. Vil. That's as most brides do. The charms that helped to catch the husband are generally laid by, one after another, till the lady grows a downright wife, and then runs crying to her mother, because she has transformed her lover into a downright husband. Har. Listen to me. I han't slept to-night, for thinking of plots to plague Doricourt-and they drove one another out of my head so quick, that I was as giddy as a goose, and could make nothing of them: I wish to goodness you could contrive something. Vil. Contrive to plague him! Nothing so easy. Don't undeceive him, Madam, till he is your husband. Marry him while he possesses the sentiments you laboured to give him of Miss Hardy; and when you are his wife Let. Oh, Heavens! I see the whole-that's the very thing. My dear Mr. Villers, you are the divinest man! Vil. Don't make love to me, hussy. Enter MRS. RACKETT. Mrs. R. No, pray don't; for I design to have Villers myself in about six years. There's an oddity in him that pleases me. He holds women in contempt; and I should like to have an opportunity of breaking his heart for that. Vil. And when I am heartily tired of life, I know no woman whom I would with more pleasure make my executioner. Har. It cannot be; I foresee it will be impossible to bring it about. You know the wedding wasn't to take place this week, or more — and Letty will never be able to play the fool | out knowing her. And now, the curse is, I so long. can't hate her. Vil. The knot shall be tied to-night. I have it all here; [Pointing to his forehead.] the license is ready. Feign yourself ill; send for Doricourt, and tell him you can't go out of the world in peace, except you see the ceremony performed. Sav. Ridiculous enough! All this distress about a kept woman, whom any man may have, I dare swear, in a fortnight. They've been jarring some time. Dor. Have her! The sentiment I have conceived for the witch is so unaccountable, that, Har. I feign myself ill! I could as soon in that line, I cannot bear her idea. Was she feign myself a Roman ambassador. I was a woman of honour, for a wife, I could adore never ill in my life, but with the tooth-ache-her-but I really believe, if she should send when Letty's mother was a-breeding I had all me an assignation, I should hate her. the qualms. Vil. Oh, I have no fears for you. But what says Miss Hardy? Are you willing to make the irrevocable vow before night? Let. Oh, Heavens!-I-I-Tis so exceeding sudden, that really Mrs. R. That really she is frightened out of her wits, lest it should be impossible to bring matters about. But I have taken the scheme into my protection, and you shall be Mrs. Doricourt before night. Come, [To HARDY.] to bed directly: your room shall be crammed with vials, and all the apparatus of deaththen, heigh, presto! for Doricourt. Vil. You go and put off your conquering dress, [To LETITIA.] and get all your awkward airs ready. And you practise a few groans. [To HARDY.] And you, if possible, an air of gravity. [To MRS. RACKETT.] I'll answer for the plot. Let. Married in jest! 'Tis an odd idea! Well, I'll venture it. [Exeunt LETITIA and MRS. RACKETT. Vil. Ay, I'll be sworn! [Looks at his watch.] 'Tis past three. The budget's to be opened this morning, I'll just step down to the house. Will you go? Har. What! with a mortal sickness? Vil. What a blockhead! I believe if half of us were to stay away with mortal sicknesses, it would be for the health of the nation. Good morning. I'll call and feel your pulse as I come back. [Exit. Har. You wont find them over brisk, I fancy. I foresee some ill happening from this making believe to die before one's time. But hang it -a hem! I am a stout man yet; only fifty-six -What's that? In the last yearly bills there were three lived to above a hundred. Fiftysix! Fiddle-de-dee! I am not afraid, not I. [Exit. Dor. What sort of a creature is she? Sav. Why, she spends him three thousand a year with the ease of a duchess, and entertains his friends with the grace of a Ninon. Ergo, she is handsome, spirited, and clever. [DORICOURT walks about disordered.] In the name of caprice, what ails you? Dor. You have hit it-Elle est mon caprice. The mistress of Lord George Jennett is my caprice. Oh, insufferable! Sav. What, you saw her at the masquerade? Suv. Hey-day! this sounds like love. What becomes of poor Miss Hardy? Dor. Her name has given me an ague! dear Saville, how shall I contrive to make old Hardy cancel the engagements? the moiety of the estate, which he will forfeit, shall be his the next moment by deed of gift. Sav. Let me see-Can't you get it insinuated that you are a devilish wild fellow; that you are an infidel, and attached to wenching, gaming, and so forth? Dor. Ay, such a character might have done some good two centuries back. But who the devil can it frighten now?-I believe it must be the mad scheme at last.-There, will that do for a grin! Sav. Ridiculous!-But how are you certain that the woman who has so bewildered you belongs to Lord George? Dor. Flutter told me so. Sav. Then fifty to one against the intelligence. Dor. It must be so. There was a mystery in her manner, for which nothing else can account. [A violent rap.] who can this be? Sav. [Looks out.] The proverb is your answer 'tis Flutter himself. Tip him a scene of the madman, and see how it takes. Dor. I will a good way to send it about town. Shall it be of the melancholy kind, or the raving? Sav. Rant!-Rant!-Here he comes. Dor. Talk not to me, who can pull comets by the beard, and overset an island! Enter FLUTTER. There! this is he!-this is he who hath sent my poor soul, without coat or breeches, to be tossed about in ether like a duck feather! villain, give me my soul again ! Flut. Upon my soul, I haven't got it. [Frightened. Sav. Oh, Mr. Flutter, what a melancholy sight! I little thought to have seen my poor friend reduced to this. Flut. Mercy defend me! what, is he mad? Sav. You see how it is. A cursed Italian lady-Jealousy-gave him a drug; and every full of the moon Dor. Moon! who dares talk of the moon? the patroness of genius-the rectifier of wits -the-Oh! here she is!-I feel her-she tugs at my brain-she has it-she has it-Oh! [Exit. Flut. Well, this is dreadful! exceeding dreadful, I protest. Have you had Munro ? Sav. Not yet. The worthy Miss Hardywhat a misfortune! Flut. Ay, very true.-Do they know it? Sav. Oh, no; the paroxysm seized him but this morning. Flut. Adieu; I can't stay. [Going in great haste. Sav. But you must stay, [Holding him.] and assist me perhaps he'll return again in a Flut. Can't, indeed-can't, upon my soul. Sav. Flutter-don't make a mistake now SCENE III-SIR GEORGE TOUCHWOOD'S Enter SIR GEORGE and LADY FRANCES Sir G. The bird is escaped-Courtall is gone to France. Lady F. Heaven and earth! have you been to seek him? Sir G. Seek him! Ay. Lady F. How did you get his name? I should never have told it you. Sir G. I learned it in the first coffee-house I entered. Every body is full of the story. Lady F. Thank Heaven he's gone-But I have a story for you-The Hardy family are forming a plot upon your friend Doricourt, and we are expected in the evening to assist. Sir G. With all my heart, my angel; but I can't stay to hear it unfolded. They told me Mr. Saville would be at home in half an hour, and I am impatient to see him. The adventure of last night Lady F. Think of it only with gratitude. The danger I was in has overset a new system of conduct, that perhaps I was too much inclined to adopt. But henceforward, my dear Sir George, you shall be my constant comcule the unfashionable monsters, the felicity panion and protector. And when they ridiof our hearts will make their satire pointless. Sir G. Charming angel! You almost reconcile me to Courtall. Hark! here's company: [Stepping to the door.] 'tis your lively widow -I'll step down the back stairs to escape her. [Exit. obligations to you, employed my thoughts. But we have just had shocking intelligence Is it true that Doricourt is mad! Sav. So, the business is done. [Aside.] Madam, I am sorry to say that I have just been a melancholy witness of his ravings; he was in the height of a paroxysm. Mrs. R. Oh, there can be no doubt of it! Flutter told us the whole history. Some Italian princess gave him a drug, in a box of sweetmeats, sent to him by her own page; and it renders him lunatic every month. Poor Miss Hardy! 1 never felt so much on any occasion in my life. Sav. To soften your concern, I will inform you, Madam, that Miss Hardy is less to be pitied than you imagine. Mrs. R. Why so, Sir? Sav. 'Tis rather a delicate subject-but he did not love Miss Hardy. Mrs. R. He did love Miss Hardy, Sir, and would have been the happiest of men. only free from that lady's chains, but absoSav. Pardon me, Madam; his heart was not lutely captivated by another. Mrs. R. No, Sir-no. It was Miss Hardy who captivated him. She met him last night at the masquerade, and charmed him in disguise. He professed the most violent passion for her; and a plan was laid this evening, to cheat him into happiness. beg your pardon! I have not eaten of the Sav. Ha, ha, ha!-Upon my soul, I must Italian princess' box of sweetmeats, sent by her own page; and yet I am as mad as Doricourt, ha, ha, ha! Mrs. R. So it appears. What can all this mean? Sav. Why, Madam, he is at present in his perfect senses; but he'll lose them in ten ha!-I'll carry him the intelligence directly. minutes through joy. The madness was only a feint, to avoid marrying Miss Hardy, ha, ha, [Going. Mrs. R. Not for worlds. I owe him revenge now for what he has made us suffer. You must promise not to divulge a syllable I have told you; and when Doricourt is summoned to Mr. Hardy's, prevail on him to come-mad ness and all. showing off, now I am in the secret. Sav. You must be obeyed, though 'tis inhuman to conceal his happiness. Mrs. R. I am going home; so I'll set you Mrs. R. You wont fail us? SCENE IV.-DORICOURT'S Lodgings. DORICOURT seated, reading. Dor. [Flings away the book.] What effect can the morals of fourscore have on a mind torn with passion? [Musing.] Is it possible humiliating a situation? A kept woman! such a soul as hers can support itself in so [Rising.] Well, well-I am glad it is so—I am glad it is so! Enter SAVILle. Sav. What a happy dog you are, Doricourt! myself, without its being mentioned-But you, I might have been mad, beggared, or pistol'd, forsooth! the whole female world is concerned |