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Sneer. Isn't that odd though at such an With hostile hand hath struck at England's alarming crisis ?
trade. Puff. To be sure it is,-but smaller things “ Sir C. I know it well. must give way to a striking scene at the open- “Sir W. Philip, you know is proud Iberia's ing; that's a rule.--And the case is, that two king! great men are coming to this very spot to be- “ Sir C. He is. gin the piece ; now, it is not to be supposed “ Sir W.-His subjects in base bigotry they would open their lips, if these fellows And Catholic oppression held—while we, were watching them; so, 'egad, I must either You know, the Protestant persuasion hold. have sent them off their posts, or set them " Sir C. We do. asleep.
“ Sir W. You know besides his boasted Sneer. O that accounts for it!-But tell us,
armament, who are these coming ?
The fam’d armada—by the pope baptized, Puff. These are they-Sir Walter Raleigh, With purpose to invade these realmsand Sir Christopher "Hatton.-You'll know “ Sir C.-Is sailed, Sir Christopher, by his turning out his toes— Our last advices so report. famous you know for his dancing. I like to “ Sir W. While the Iberian admiral's chief preserve all the little traits of character.
hope, Now attend.
His darling son, by chance a pris’ner hath
been ta'en, “ Enter Sir Walter Raleigh and SIR And in this fort of TilburyCHRISTOPHER HATTON.
“ Sir C. -Is now “ Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh !"
Confin'd. Dang. What, they had been talking before? “ Sir W. You also know-" Put. O yes; all the way as they came Dang. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why along:- 1 beg pardon, gentlemen, (To the Ac- does Sir Walter go on telling him? tors.) but these are particular friends of mine, Puff. But the audience are not supposed to whose remarks may be of great service to us know any thing of the matter, are they? -Don't mind interrupting them whenever any Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for thing strikes you. [To Sneer and Dangle. there certainly appears no reason why Sir “ Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh !
Walter should be so communicative. But I, thou champion of thy country's fame, Puff: ’Egad now, that is one of the most unThere is a question which I yet must ask; grateful observations I ever heard for the less A question, which I never ask'd before inducement he has to tell all this, the more, I What mean these mighty armaments ? think, you ought to be obliged to him; for I This general muster? and this throng of am sure you'd know nothing of the matter chiefs ?”
without. Sneer. Pray, Mr. Puff, how came Sir Chris- Dang. That's very true upon my word. topher Hatton never to ask that question be- Puft. But you will find he was not going on. fore?
“ Sir C. Enough, enough-'tis plain--and I Puf. What, before the play began? how the plague could he?
Am in amazement lost!” Dang. That's true, i'faith!
Puff. Here, now you see, Sir Christopher Putt. But you will hear what he thinks of did not in fact ask any one question for his the matter.
own information. “Sir C. Alas, my noble friend—”
Sneer. No indeed :-his has been a most disPuff Sir Christopher, pray turn out your interested curiosity! toes. Sir Christopher Hatton was famous for Dang. Really, I find, we are very much dancing well.
obliged to them both. “ Sir C. When I behold
Puff. To be sure, you are. Now then for the Yon tented plains in martial symmetry. commander in chief, the earl of Leicester! Array'd—when I count o'er yon glittering who, you know, was no favourite but of the Of crested warriors,
[lines queen's—We left off—“ in amazement lost!” When briefly all I hear or see bears stamp
“ Sir C. Am in amazement lost. Of martial vigilance, and stern defiance, But, see where noble Leicester comes ! suI cannot but surmise,--forgive me, friend, In honours and command.”
(preme If the conjecture's rash- I cannot but
Sneer. But who are these with him? Surmise-- the state some danger appre- Putt. O! very valiant knights; one is the hends!”
governor of the fort, the other the master Sneer. A very cautious conjecture that. of the horse.--And now, I think, you shall
PuffYes, that's his character; not to give hear some better language: I was obliged to an opinion, but on secure grounds--now then. be plain and intelligible in the first scene, be
“ Sir W. 0, most accomplish'd Christo- cause there was so much matter of fact in it; pher.
but now, i'faith, you have trope, figure, and Puff. He calls him by his Christian name, metaphor, as plenty as noun-substantives. to show thạt they are on the most familiar terms.
“ Enter Earl of Leicester, the Governor, “ Sir W.0, most accomplish'd Christopher,
and others. I find
“ Leic. How's this, my friend! is't thus your Thy fears are just.
new-fledg'd zeal • Sir C. But where? whence? when? and And plumed valour moulds in roosted sloth ? what
Can the quick current of a patriot heart, The danger is-Methinks I fain would learn. Thus stagnate in a cold and weedy converse, “ Sir W. You know, my friends, scarce two Or freeze in tideless inactivity? revolving suns,
[course, No ! rather let the fountain of your valour And three revolving moons, have closed their Spring through each stream of enterprise, Since haughty Philip, in despite of peace, Each petty channel of conducive daring;
Till the full torrent of your foaming wrath “ 1 Sent. All this shall to Lord Burleigh's O'erwhelm the flats of sunk hostility! “ Sir C. No more! the fresh’ning breath of " 2 Sent, 'Tis meet it should. thy rebuke
[Ereunt SENTINELS." Hath fill'd the swelling canvass of our souls ! Dang. Hey, why I thought those fellows And thus, though fate should cut the cable of had been asleep. Our topmost hopes, in friendship's closing line Puff. Only a pretence, there's the art of it:
(Take hands. they were spies of Lord Burleigh's. Take care, We'll grapple with despair, and if we fall, my dear Dangle, the morning gun is going to We'll fall in glory's wake.
fire. “ Leic. There spoke old England's genius! Dang. Well, that will have a fine effect. Then, are we all resolved!
Put I think so, and helps to realize the “ Au. We are-all resolved !
scene.-Cannon three times ] What the plague! “ Leic. To conqueror be free?
-three morning guns !-there never is but one! “ AU. To conqueror be free.
--ay, this is always the way at the theatre“ Leic. All?
give these fellows a good thing, and they never “ All. All."
know when to have done with it. You have Dang. Nem. con. 'egad!
no more cannon to fire ? Putt. O yes, wbere they do agree on the Prom. [From within.] No, Sir. stage, their unanimity is wonderful !
Puff. Now then, for soft music. “Leic. Then, let's embrace and pow" Sneer. Pray what's that for?
Sneer. What the plague, is he going to Puff. It shows that Tilburina is coming ; nopray?
thing introduces you a heroine like soft music. Puff. Yes, hush !~in great emergencies, Here she comes. there is nothing like a prayer!
Dang. And her confidante, I suppose ? “ Leic. U mighty Mars !"
Puit. To be sure : here they are-inconsolaPuff Stop, my dear Sir, you don't expect to ble, to the minuet in Ariadne ! [Soft music. find Mars there. No, Sir, whenever you address the gods, always look into the one
“ Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANTE. shilling gallery
“ Til. Now flowers unfold their beauties to “ Leic. O mighty Mars !”
the sun, Dang. Why should he pray to Mars ? And, blushing, kiss the beam he sends to Puff Hush !
wake them. “ Leic. O mighty Mars! if in thy homage The striped carnation, and the guarded rose, bred,
The vulgar wallflower, and smart gillyflower, Each point of discipline I've still observ'd, The polyanthus mean—the dapper daisy, Nor but by due promotion, and the right Sweet-william, and sweet marjorum,-and all Of service, to the rank of major-general The tribe of single and of double pinks ! Have ris'n ; assist thy votary now!
Now too, the feather'd warblers tune their “ God. Yet do not rise-hear me !
[lark! “ Master of Horse. And me!
Around, and charm the listening grove_The Knight. And me!
The linnet! chaffinch! bullfinch! goldfinch! “ Sir W. And me!
greenfinch! “ Sir C. And me!”
-But, oh, to me, no joy can they afford ! Puff. And me! Now, mind your hits, pray Nor rose, nor wallflower, nor smart gillyall together.
flower, “ Au. Behold thy votaries submissive beg, Nor polyanthus mean, nor dapper daisy, That thou wilt deign to grant them all they Nor William sweet, nor marjorum—nor lark, ask
Linnet, nor all the tinches of the grove !" Puff. Give 'em a longer all, next time. Puff Your white handkerchief, Madam“ All. Assist them to accomplish all their Til. I thought, Sir, I wasn't to use that till ends,
“ heart rending wo. And sanctify whatever means they use Puff: O yes, Madam-at“ the finches of the To gain them!”
grove,” if you please. Sneer. A very orthodox quintetto!
46 Til. Nor lark, Puff. Vastly well, gentlemen.--Is that well Linnet, nor all the finches of the grove! managed or not? have you such a prayer as
(Weeps." that on the stage ?
Puff. Vastly well, Madam! Sneer. Not exactly.
Dang. Vastly well, indeed! Leic. [To Puff.) But, Sir, you haven't set- “ Tii. For, O too sure, heart rending wo is tled how we are to get off here.
The lot of wretched Tilburina!" (now Puff. You could not get off kneeling, could Dang: 0 !-'tis too much.
Sneer. Oh! it is indeed. Sir W. [To Puff.] O no, Sir! impossible ! “ Con. Be comforted, sweet lady--for who Put. It would have a good effect, i'faith, if knows,
(store. you could exeunt praying !-Yes, and would But Heaven has yet some milk-white day in vary the established mode of springing off “ Til. Alas, my gentle Nora, with a glance at the pit. Just try.
Thy tender youth, as yet, hath never monrn'd Sneer. O never mind, so as you get them off, Love's fatal dart. I'll answer for it the audience wont care how. “ Con. But see where your stern father
Puff: Well then, repeat the last line standing, and go off the old way.
It is not meet that he should find you thus." * Al. And sanctify whatever means we use Puff. Hey, what the plague! what a cut is to gain them."
[Exeunt. here !--why, what is become of the descripBang. Bravo! a fine exit.
tion of her first meeting with Don WhiskeranSneer. Stay a moment.
dos ? his gallant behaviour in the sea-fight, [“ The SENTINELS get up. I and the simile of the canary bird ?
Tül. Indeed, Sir, you'll find they will not be
“ Til. A pension ! Puff. Very well.-Very well!
-Conscience ! Til. The cue, Ma'am, if you please.
“ Til. A thousand pounds! “ Con. It is not meet that he should find “ Gov. Hah! thou hast touched me nearly !"
Puff. There you see—she threw in s'il. “ Til. Thou counsel'st right, but'tis no easy burina. Quick, parry carte with England !-task
Hah! thrust in tierce, a title ! parried by honFor barefac'd grief to wear a mask of joy. our.-Hah! a pension over the arm! put by,
by conscience. Then flanconade with a thou" Enter GOVERNOR.
sand pounds—and a palpable hit, 'egad! • Gov. How's this in tears RO Tilbur
“ Tul. Canst thouina, shame!
Reject the suppliant, and the daughter too ? Is this a time for maudling tenderness,
* Gov. No more; I would not hear thee And Cupid's baby woes
?-hast thou not plead in vain, heard
The father softens--but the governor That haughty Spain's pope-consecrated fleet Is fix'd!
(Exit. Advances to our shores, while England's fate, “ Til. 'Tis well, hence then, fond hopes, Like a clipp'd guinea, trembles in the scale !
-fond passion, hence; “Til. Then is the crisis of my fate at hand! Duty, behold, I am all over thine I see the fleet's approach, I see
“Whisk. (Without.) Where is my lovePuff. Now pray, gentlemen, mind. This is
my one of the most useful figures we tragedy
-Ha! writers have, by which a hero or heroine, in “ Whisk. [Entering.] My beauteous eneconsideration of their being often obliged to
myoverlook things that are on the stage, is al. My conquering Tilburina ? How! is't thus lowed to hear and see a number of things that We meet? why are thy looks averse ? what are not.
Sneer. Yes—a kind of poetical second-sight! That falling tear that frown of boding wo? Puff. Yes-now then, Madam.
Hah! now indeed I am a prisoner ! “ Tul. I see their decks
Yes, now I feel the galling weight of these Are clear'd !
-I see the signal made! Disgraceful chains -which, cruel Tilburina! The line is form’da cable's length asun- Thy doting captive gloried in before.I see the frigates station'd in the rear; [der! But thou art false, and Whiskerandos is unAnd now I hear the thunder of the guns!
done ! I hear the victor's shouts—I also hear “ Til. O no; how little dost thou know The vanquish'd groans ! —and now 'tis
thy Tilburina ! smoke-and now
“ Whisk. Art thou then true? Be gone, I see the loose sails shiver in the wind !
cares, doubts, and fears, I see—I see what soon you'll see
I make you all a present to the winds ; “ Gov. Hold, daughter! peace! this love And if the winds reject you try the waves." hath turn'd thy brain :
Puff. The wind, ou know, is the established The Spanish fleet thou canst not see-because receiver of all stolen sighs, and cast-off griefs -It is not yet in sight!"
and apprehensions. Dang. 'Egad though, the governor seems to “ Til. Yet must we part?-stern duty seals make no allowance for this poetical figure you
our doom :
(witness, talk of.
Though here I call yon conscious clouds tó Puff. No, a plain matter-of-fact man—that's Could I pursue the bias of my soul, his character.
All friends, all right of parents, I'd disclaim, “ Til. But will you then refuse his offer ? And thou, my Whiskerandos, should be father,
“ Gov. I must-I will—I can-Í ought-I And mother, brother, cousin, uncle, aunt, do.
And friend to me! “ Til. His liberty is all he asks."
“ Whisk. O matchless excellence and Sneer. All who asks, Mr. Puff? Who is
must we part? Puff. 'Egad, Sir, I can't tell-Here has been well, if
we must -and in such cutting and slashing, I don't know where
that case they have got to, myself.
The less is said the better." Til. Indeed, Sir, you will find it will con- Puff. Hey-day! here's a cut !-What, are nect very well.
all the mutual protestations out? Puff: Oh,-if they hadn't been so devilish Til. Now pray, Sir, don't interrupt us just free with their cutting here, you would have here, you ruin our feelings. found that Don Whiskerandos has been tam- Puff. Your feelings !-but zounds, my feelpering for his liberty--and now pray observe ings, Ma'am! the conciseness with which the argument is * Whisk. One last embrace. conducted. 'Egad, the pro and con goes as “ Til. Now,-farewell, for ever. smart as hits in a fencing match. It is indeed " Whisk. For ever! a sort of small-sword logic, which we have “ Til. Ay, for ever.
(Going.” borrowed from the French.
Puff. 'Sdeath and fury !-Gads-life! Sir! “ Til. A retreat in Spain !
Madam, if you go out without the parting « Gov. -Outlawry here!
look, you might as well dance out-Here, “ Til. Your daughter's prayer !
here! Your father's oath!
Con. But pray, Sir, how am I to get off “ Til. My lover!
here? -My country!
Puff. You, pshaw! what the devil signifies “ Til. Tilburiña!
how you get off ! edge away at the top, or ---England !
where you will—[Pushes the CONFIDANTE off) « Til. A title!
Now, Ma'am, you see--
Til. We understand you, Sir.
« Const. They are, “Ay, for ever.
Some ten in fetters, and some twenty drunk.. “Both. Oh!-"
“ Just. Attends the youth, whose most op[Turning back and exeunt ; scene closes. probrious fame
[soldier ? Dang: () charming !
And clear convicted crimes have stamp'd him Puff. Hey !-'tis pretty well, I believe- “ Const. He waits your pleasure, eager to you see, I don't attempt to strike out any
repay thing new-but I take it I improve on the The bless'd reprieve that sends him to the fields established modes. So, now for the under Of glory, there to raise his branded hand plot.
In honour's cause. Sneer. What the plague, have you another “ Just. "Tis wellplot ?
If 'tis your worship's pleasure, bid him enter. Puff () Lord, yes-ever while you live, “ Const. I fly, the herald of your will. have two plots to your tragedy.-The grand
(Exit Const.” point in managing them, is only to let your
Puff. Quick, Sir! under plot have as little connexion with your Sneer. But, Mr. Puff, I think not only the main plot as possible.- Now, Mr. Hopkins, as justice, but the clown, seems to talk in as soon as you please.
high a style as the first hero among them.
Puff. Heaven forbid they should not, in a Enter UNDER PROMPTER.
free country Sir, I am not for making slav. Under Prom. Sir, the carpenter says it is ish distinctions, and giving all the fine language impossible you can go to the park-scene yet.
to the upper sort of people. Puff. The park-scene! No-I mean the de
Dang. That's very noble in you, indeed. scription scene here, in the wood. Under Prom. Sir, the performers have cut
« Enter Justice's LADY. it out.
“ Lady. Forgive this interruption, good my Puff. Cut it out? Under Prom. Yes, Sir.
But, as I just now pass'd a pris'ner youth, Puf. What! the whole account of queen Whom rude hands hither lead, strange bod. Elizabeth
ings seiz'a Under Prom. Yes, Sir.
My fluttering heart, and to myself I said, Puff. And the description of her horse and An' if our Tom had liv'd, he'd surely been side-saddle ?
This stripling's height! Under Prom. Yes, Sir.
Just. Ha! sure some powerful sympathy Puff. So, so, this is very fine indeed! Mr. Us both
[directs Hopkins, how the plague could you suffer this?
" Enter Son and CONSTABLE. Hop. [From within.] Sir, indeed, the prun- “ What is thy name? ing-knifePuff. The pruning-knife--zounds, the axe!
“ Son. My name's Tom Jenkins-alias, have why, here has been such lopping and topping,
I none; I sha'n't have the bare trunk of my play left Though orphan'd, and without a friend ! presently.-Very well, Sir—the performers
“ Just. T'hy parents ? must do as they please; but, upon my soul,
“Son. My father dwelt in Rochesterl'll print it every word. Sneer. That I would, indeed.
As I have heard- -a fishmonger-no more.” Puff. So! this is a pretty dilemma, truly !
Puff. What, Sir, do you leave out the acGentlemen--you must excuse me, these fel- count of your birth, parentage, and education ? lows will never be ready, unless I go and
Son. They have settled it so, Sir, here. look after them myself.
Puff. Oh! oh! Sneer. O dear Sir—these little things will
“ Lady. Had he no other name? happen
“ Son. I've seen a bill it'egad, I'll print it every word! [Exeunt. The gipsy told — Prepare ! Puff. To cut out this scene!-but I'll print of his, sign’d Tomkins, creditor.
“ Just. This does indeed confirm each cir.
(cumstance “ Son. I do. ACT III.
“ Just. No orphan, nor without a friend, SCENE I.-Before the Curtain.
I am thy father, here's thy mother, there Enter PUFF, SNEER, and DANGLE. Thy uncle- -this thy first cousin, and those
Are all your near relations! Puff. Well, we are ready—now then for the “ Mother. O ecstasy of bliss ! justices.
“ Son. () most unlook'd for happiness! Curtain rises; Justices, CONSTABLES, &c.
[They faint alternately in each others'
Puff. There, you see relationship, like murSneer. This, I suppose, is a sort of senate der, will out. scene?
“Just. Now, let's revive-else were this Puff. Yes.-What, gentlemen, do you mean joy too much! to go at once to the discovery scene ?
But come-and we'll unfold the rest within, Just. If you please, Sir.
And thou, my boy, must needs want rest and Puff. () very well-barkye, I don't choose
[rects, to say any thing more, but, i'faith, they have Hence may each orphan hope, as chance dimangled my play in a most shocking manner! To find a father-where he least expects ! Dang. It's a great pity !
[Exeunt.” Puff. Now then, Mr. Justice, if you please. Puff. What do you think of that? “ Just. Are all the volunteers without? Dang. One of the finest discovery scenes I
ever saw.-Why, this under plot would have 1 -the country would at last fall a sacrifice to made a tragedy itself.
the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. Ay, or a comedy either.
Sneer. The devil !
-did he mean all that by Puft. And keeps quite clear, you see, of the shaking his head ? other.
Putt. Every word of it-If he shook his
head as I taught him, Enter SCENEMAN, taking away the seats. . Sneer. O, here are some of our old acquaintPuff. The scene remains, does it? Scenem. Yes, Sir.
“ Enter HATTON and RALEIGH. Puff. You are to leave one chair, you know. -But it is always awkward in a tragedy, to
“ Sir C. My niece, and your niece too? have you fellows coming in, in your playhouse By heaven! there's witchcraft in't-He could liveries, to remove things I wish that could
not else be managed better.
Have gain'd their hearts. But see where they
approach; « Enter a BEEFEATER.
Some horrid purpose low'ring on their brows! “ Beef. Perdition catch my soul, but I do
“ Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them. love thee."
[Withdraw.” Sneer, Haven't I heard that line before ?
Sneer. What is all this? Puff. No, I fancy not-Where, play?
Puff. Ah! here has been more pruning !Dang. Yes, I think there is something like but the fact is, these two young ladies are it in Othello.
also in love with Don Whiskerandos.- Now, Puff 'Gad? now you put me in mind on't, gentlemen, this scene goes entirely for what I believe there is—but that's of no consequence we call situation and stage effect, by which -all that can be said is, that two people hap- the greatest applause may be obtained, withpened to hit on the same thought-and Shak- out the assistance of language, sentiment, or speare made use of it first, that's all.
character: pray, mark ! Sneer. Very true.
“ Enter the two NIECES. Puff Now, Sir, your soliloquy-but speak more to the pit, if you please—the soliloquy But see the proud destroyer of my peace.
"1 Niece. Ellena here! always to the pit--that's a rule. “ Beef: Though hopeless love finds comfort Revenge is all the good i've left.
[Aside. in despair,
“ 2 Niece. He comes, the false disturber of It never can endure a rival's bliss !
my quiet. But soft I am observ'd. (Exit Beefeater.” Now, vengeance, do thy worst- [Aside. Dang. That's a very short soliloquy.
Enter WHISKERANDOS, Put Yes--but it would have been a great
“ Whisk. O hateful liberty-if thus in vain deal longer, if he had not been observed.
I seek my Tilburina !
*[Sir C. and Sir W., come forward.] Hold!
we will avenge you. sure he is a beefeater,
“ Whisk. Hold youSneer. What, a hero in disguise ?
or see your nieces
bleed. Puff. No matter-I only give you a hintBut now for my principal character-Here he “[The two Nieces draw their two daggers to comes-lord Burleigh in person ! Pray, gen- strike Whiskerandos, the turo Uncles at the intlemen, step this way-softly—if he is but stunt with their two swords drawn catch their perfect!
two Nieces' arms, and turn the points of their
swords to Whiskerandos, who immediately drau's Enter BURLEIGH, goes slowly to the chair, tuo daggers, and holds them to the two Nieces' and sits.
bosoms. Sneer. Mr. Puff!
Pųf. There's situation for you! there's an Puf: Hush! vastly well, Sir! vastly well! heroic group!--you see the ladies can't stab a most interesting gravity!
Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them for Dang. What, isn't be to speak at all ? fear of their uncles—the uncles durst not kill Puit: 'Egad, I thought you'd ask me that him because of their nieces I have them all yes, it is a very likely thing--that a minister at the dead lock !-for every one of them is in his situation, with the whole affairs of the afraid to let go first. nation on his head, should have time to talk ! Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for -but, hush! or you'll put him out.
Sneer. Put him out! how the plague can Puft. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine that be, if he's not going to say any thing ? contrivance for't-Now mind
Puff. There's a reason! why his part is to think, and how the plague do you imagine he
“ Enter BEEFEATER, with his halberd. can think if you keep talking ?
“ Beef. In the queen's name, I charge you Dang. That's very true, upon my word!
all to drop [Burleigh comes forward, shakes his head, Your swords and daggers ! and exit.
[They drop their swords and daggers." Sneer. He is very perfect, indeed-- Now, Sneer. This is a contrivance indeed. pray what did he mean by that?
Puff Ay-in the queen's name. Puff. You don't take it?
" Sir C. Come, niece! Sneer. No; I don't, upon my soul.
“ Sir W. Come, niece! Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he
Exeunt with the two NIECES. gave you to understand that even though they “ Whisk. What's he, who bide us thus rehad more justice in their cause, and wisdom nounce our guard ? in their measures--yet, if there was not a “ Beef. Thou must do more--renounce thy greater spirit shown on the part of the people! love!