Sheer. Isn't that odd though at such an | With hostile hand hath struck at England's alarming crisis? Puff. To be sure it is, but smaller things must give way to a striking scene at the opening; that's a rule.-And the case is, that two great men are coming to this very spot to begin the piece; now, it is not to be supposed they would open their lips, if these fellows were watching them; so, 'egad, I must either have sent them off their posts, or set them asleep. Sneer. O that accounts for it!-But tell us, who are these coming? Puff. These are they-Sir Walter Raleigh, and Sir Christopher Hatton.-You'll know Sir Christopher, by his turning out his toesfamous you know for his dancing. I like to preserve all the little traits of character.Now attend. "Enter SIR WALTER RALEIGH and SIR "Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh!"Dang. What, they had been talking before? Puff. O yes; all the way as they came along.- beg pardon, gentlemen, [To the Actors.] but these are particular friends of mine, whose remarks may be of great service to us. -Don't mind interrupting them whenever any thing strikes you. [To SNEER and DANGLE. "Sir C. True, gallant Raleigh! But O, thou champion of thy country's fame, Sneer. Pray, Mr. Puff, how came Sir Christopher Hatton never to ask that question before? Puff. What, before the play began? how the plague could he? Dang. That's true, i'faith! trade. "Sir C. I know it well. "Sir W. Philip, you know is proud Iberia's king! "Sir C. He is. "Sir W. -His subjects in base bigotry And Catholic oppression held-while we, You know, the Protestant persuasion hold. "Sir C. We do. "Sir W. You know besides-his boasted "Sir W. You also know——” Dang. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why does Sir Walter go on telling him? Puff. But the audience are not supposed to know any thing of the matter, are they? Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for there certainly appears no reason why Sir Walter should be so communicative. Puff. 'Egad now, that is one of the most ungrateful observations I ever heard for the less inducement he has to tell all this, the more, I think, you ought to be obliged to him; for I am sure you'd know nothing of the matter without. Dang. That's very true upon my word. Puff. But you will find he was not going on. "Sir C. Enough, enough-'tis plain--and I no more Am in amazement lost!" Puff. Here, now you see, Sir Christopher Puff. But you will hear what he thinks of did not in fact ask any one question for his the matter. "Sir C. Alas, my noble friend Puff. Sir Christopher, pray turn out your toes. Sir Christopher Hatton was famous for dancing well. "Sir C. When I behold Yon tented plains in martial symmetry Sneer. A very cautious conjecture that. Puff. Yes, that's his character; not to give an opinion, but on secure grounds-now then. "Sir W. O, most accomplish'd Christopher. Puff. He calls him by his Christian name, to show that they are on the most familiar terms. "Sir W. O, most accomplish'd Christopher, I find own information. Sneer. No indeed :-his has been a most disinterested curiosity! Dang. Really, I find, we are very much obliged to them both. Puff. To be sure, you are. Now then for the commander in chief, the earl of Leicester ! who, you know, was no favourite but of the queen's-We left off" in amazement lost!" "Sir C. Am in amazement lost. But, see where noble Leicester comes! suIn honours and command." [preme Sneer. But who are these with him? Puff. O very valiant knights; one is the governor of the fort, the other the master of the horse.-And now, I think, you shall hear some better language: I was obliged to be plain and intelligible in the first scene, because there was so much matter of fact in it; but now, i'faith, you have trope, figure, and metaphor, as plenty as noun-substantives. "Enter EARL OF LEICESTER, the GOVERNOR, and others. "Leic. How's this, my friend! is't thus your new-fledg'd zeal And plumed valour moulds in roosted sloth? Till the full torrent of your foaming wrath "Sir C. No more! the fresh'ning breath of thy rebuke Hath fill'd the swelling canvass of our souls! And thus, though fate should cut the cable of Our topmost hopes, in friendship's closing line [Take hands. We'll grapple with despair, and if we fall, We'll fall in glory's wake. "Leic. There spoke old England's genius! Then, are we all resolved! "All. We are-all resolved! "Leic. To conquer "All. To conquer "Leic. All? "All. All." -or be free? -or be free. Dang. Nem. con. 'egad! Puf. O yes, where they do agree on the stage, their unanimity is wonderful! " "Leic. Then, let's embrace and nowSneer. What the plague, is he going to pray? Puff. Yes, hush!-in great emergencies, there is nothing like a prayer! “Leic. O mighty Mars!" Puff. Stop, my dear Sir, you don't expect to find Mars there. No, Sir, whenever you address the gods, always look into the oneshilling gallery. "Leic. O mighty Mars!-" Dang. Why should he pray to Mars? "Leic. O mighty Mars! if in thy homage bred, Each point of discipline I've still observ'd, "Gov. Yet do not rise-hear me ! Puff. And me! Now, mind your hits, pray all together. "All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg, That thou wilt deign to grant them all they " ask Puff. Give 'em a longer all, next time. And sanctify whatever means they use Sneer. A very orthodox quintetto! Puff. Vastly well, gentlemen.-Is that well managed or not? have you such a prayer as that on the stage? Sneer. Not exactly. Leic. [To PUFF.] But, Sir, you haven't settled how we are to get off here. Puff. You could not get off kneeling, could you? Sir W. [To PUFF.] O no, Sir! impossible! Puff. It would have a good effect, i'faith, if you could exeunt praying!-Yes, and would vary the established mode of springing off with a glance at the pit. Just try. Sneer. O never mind, so as you get them off, I'll answer for it the audience wont care how. Puff. Well then, repeat the last line standing, and go off the old way. "All. And sanctify whatever means we use to gain them." [Exeunt. "1 Sent. All this shall to Lord Burleigh's ear. "2 Sent. "Tis meet it should. [Exeunt SENTINELS," Dang. Hey, why I thought those fellows had been asleep. Puff. Only a pretence, there's the art of it: they were spies of Lord Burleigh's. Take care, my dear Dangle, the morning gun is going to fire. Dang. Well, that will have a fine effect. Puff. I think so, and helps to realize the scene. [Cannon three times.] What the plague! -three morning guns!-there never is but one! -ay, this is always the way at the theatregive these fellows a good thing, and they never know when to have done with it. You have no more cannon to fire? Prom. [From within.] No, Sir. Puff. It shows that Tilburina is coming; nothing introduces you a heroine like soft music. Here she comes. Dang. And her confidante, I suppose? Puff. To be sure: here they are inconsolable, to the minuet in Ariadne! [Soft music. "Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANTE. "Til. Now flowers unfold their beauties to the sun, And, blushing, kiss the beam he sends to wake them. The striped carnation, and the guarded rose, The vulgar wallflower, and smart gillyflower, The polyanthus mean-the dapper daisy, Sweet-william, and sweet marjorum,-and all The tribe of single and of double pinks! Now too, the feather'd warblers tune their notes [lark! Around, and charm the listening grove-The The linnet! chaffinch! bullfinch! goldfinch! greenfinch! -But, oh, to me, no joy can they afford! Nor rose, nor wallflower, nor smart gillyflower, Nor polyanthus mean, nor dapper daisy, Puff. Your white handkerchief, MadamTil. I thought, Sir, I wasn't to use that till "heart rending wo." Puff. O yes, Madam-at "the finches of the grove," if you please. "Til. Nor lark, It is not meet that he should find you thus." Puff. Hey, what the plague! what a cut is here!-why, what is become of the description of her first meeting with Don Whiskerandos? his gallant behaviour in the sea-fight, ["The SENTINELS get up. and the simile of the canary bird? Dang. Bravo! a fine exit. Sneer. Stay a moment. are not. Sneer. Yes-a kind of poetical second-sight! Are clear'd!- -I see the signal made! I see the loose sails shiver in the wind! Dang. 'Egad though, the governor seems to make no allowance for this poetical figure you talk of. Puff. No, a plain matter-of-fact man-that's his character. "Til. But will you then refuse his offer? "Gov. I must-I will-I can-I ought-I do. "Til. His liberty is all he asks." Sneer. All who asks, Mr. Puff? Who isPuff. 'Egad, Sir, I can't tell-Here has been such cutting and slashing, I don't know where they have got to, myself. Til. Indeed, Sir, you will find it will connect very well. Puff. Oh,-if they hadn't been so devilish free with their cutting here, you would have found that Don Whiskerandos has been tampering for his liberty-and now pray observe the conciseness with which the argument is conducted. 'Egad, the pro and con goes as smart as hits in a fencing match. It is indeed a sort of small-sword logic, which we have borrowed from the French. "Til. A retreat in Spain! "Til. My lover! "Gov. "Til. Tilburina! "Gov. -England! "Til. A title! "Gov. -Honour ! -Conscience! "Til. A thousand pounds! "Gov. Hah! thou hast touched me nearly!" Puff. There you see- -she threw in Tilburina. Quick, parry carte with England!-Hah! thrust in tierce, a title! parried by honour.-Hah! a pension over the arm! put by, by conscience. Then flanconade with a thousand pounds-and a palpable hit, 'egad! "Til. Canst thou Reject the suppliant, and the daughter too? The father softens-but the governor [Exit. hence then, fond hopes, -fond passion, hence; Duty, behold, I am all over thine"Whisk. [Without.] Where is my love That falling tear-that frown of boding wo? Yes, now I feel the galling weight of these "Til. O no; how little dost thou know thy Tilburina! " "Whisk. Art thou then true? Be gone, cares, doubts, and fears, I make you all a present to the winds; -try the waves.' And if the winds reject youPuff. The wind, you know, is the established receiver of all stolen sighs, and cast-off griefs and apprehensions. "Til. Yet must we part?-stern duty seals our doom: [witness, Though here I call yon conscious clouds to Could I pursue the bias of my soul, All friends, all right of parents, I'd disclaim, "Whisk. O matchless excellence!-and must we part? Well, if-we must we must-and in that case The less is said the better." Puff. Hey-day! here's a cut !-What, are all the mutual protestations out? Til. Now pray, Sir, don't interrupt us just here, you ruin our feelings. Puff Your feelings!-but zounds, my feelings, Ma'am ! "Whisk. One last embrace.- [Going." Puff. 'Sdeath and fury!-Gads-life! Sir! Madam, if you go out without the parting look, you might as well dance out-Here, here! Con. But pray, Sir, how am I to get off here? Puff. You, pshaw! what the devil signifies how you get off! edge away at the top, or where you will-[Pushes the CONFIDANTE off] Now, Ma'am, you see— Til. We understand you, Sir. "Ay, for ever. "Both. Oh !—" [Turning back and exeunt; scene closes. Dang. O charming! Puff. Hey!-'tis pretty well, I believeyou see, I don't attempt to strike out any thing new-but I take it I improve on the established modes. So, now for the under plot. Sneer. What the plague, have you another plot? Puff. O Lord, yes-ever while you live, have two plots to your tragedy.-The grand point in managing them, is only to let your under plot have as little connexion with your main plot as possible.-Now, Mr. Hopkins, as soon as you please. Enter UNDER PROMPTER. Under Prom. Sir, the carpenter says it is impossible you can go to the park-scene yet. Puff. The park-scene! No-I mean the description scene here, in the wood. Under Prom. Sir, the performers have cut it out. Puff. Cut it out? Under Prom. Yes, Sir. Sneer. But, Mr. Puff, I think not only the justice, but the clown, seems to talk in as high a style as the first hero among them. Puff. Heaven forbid they should not, in a free country!-Sir, I am not for making slavish distinctions, and giving all the fine language to the upper sort of people. Dang. That's very noble in you, indeed. "Enter JUSTICE'S LADY. "Lady. Forgive this interruption, good my love; But, as I just now pass'd a pris'ner youth, Puff. What! the whole account of queen Whom rude hands hither lead, strange bodElizabeth? Under Prom. Yes, Sir. ings seiz'd My fluttering heart, and to myself I said, Puff. And the description of her horse and An' if our Tom had liv'd, he'd surely been side-saddle? Under Prom. Yes, Sir. Puff. So, so, this is very fine indeed! Mr. Hopkins, how the plague could you suffer this? Hop. [From within.] Sir, indeed, the pruning-knife Puff. The pruning-knife-zounds, the axe! why, here has been such lopping and topping, I sha'n't have the bare trunk of my play left presently. Very well, Sir-the performers must do as they please; but, upon my soul, I'll print it every word. Sneer. That I would, indeed. Puff. So! this is a pretty dilemma, truly!— Gentlemen-you must excuse me, these fellows will never be ready, unless I go and look after them myself. Sneer. O dear Sir-these little things will happen Puff. To cut out this scene!--but I'll print it-'egad, I'll print it every word! [Exeunt. ACT III. SCENE I.-Before the Curtain. Puff. Well, we are ready-now then for the justices. Curtain rises; JUSTICES, CONSTABLES, &c. Sneer. This, I suppose, is a sort of senate scene? Puff. Yes.-What, gentlemen, do you mean to go at once to the discovery scene? Just. If you please, Sir. Puff. O very well-harkye, I don't choose to say any thing more, but, i'faith, they have mangled my play in a most shocking manner! Dang. It's a great pity! Puff. Now then, Mr. Justice, if you please. "Just. Are all the volunteers without? This stripling's height! Just. Ha sure some powerful sympathy Us both "Enter SON and CONSTABLE. What is thy name? [directs "Son. My name's Tom Jenkins-alias, have I none; Though orphan'd, and without a friend! "Just. Thy parents? "Son. My father dwelt in Rochester- As I have heard- -a fishmonger-no more." "Lady. Had he no other name? Of his, sign'd Tomkins, creditor. The gipsy told !Prepare! "Just. This does indeed confirm each cir[cumstance "Son. I do. "Just. No orphan, nor without a friend, art thou I am thy father, here's thy mother, there Are all your near relations! "Mother. O ecstasy of bliss! "Son. O most unlook'd for happiness! [They faint alternately in cach others' arms." Puff. There, you see relationship, like murder, will out. "Just. Now, let's revive-else were this joy too much! But come and we'll unfold the rest within, And thou, my boy, must needs want rest and food. [rects, Hence may each orphan hope, as chance diTo find a father-where he least expects! [Exeunt." Puff. What do you think of that? ever saw. Why, this under plot would have made a tragedy itself. Sneer. Ay, or a comedy either. the country would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. The devil!-did he mean all that by Puff. And keeps quite clear, you see, of the shaking his head? other. Enter SCENEMAN, taking away the seats. Puff. The scene remains, does it? Scenem. Yes, Sir. Puff. You are to leave one chair, you know. -But it is always awkward in a tragedy, to have you fellows coming in, in your playhouse liveries, to remove things-I wish that could be managed better. "Enter a BEEFEATER. "Beef. Perdition catch my soul, but I do Sneer. Haven't I heard that line before? Puff. 'Gad? now you put me in mind on't, I believe there is-but that's of no consequence -all that can be said is, that two people happened to hit on the same thought-and Shakspeare made use of it first, that's all. Sneer. Very true. Puff. Now, Sir, your soliloquy-but speak more to the pit, if you please the soliloquy always to the pit-that's a rule. “Beef. Though hopeless love finds comfort in despair, It never can endure a rival's bliss! But soft- I am observ'd. [Exit BEEFEATER." Puff. Yes-but it would have been a great deal longer, if he had not been observed. Sneer. A most sentimental beefeater that, Mr. Puff. Puff. Harkye--I would not have you be too sure he is a beefeater. Sneer. What, a hero in disguise? Puff. No matter-I only give you a hintBut now for my principal character-Here he comes-lord Burleigh in person! Pray, gentlemen, step this way-softly-if he is but perfect! Enter BURLEIGH, goes slowly to the chair, and sits. Sneer. Mr. Puff! Puff. Hush! vastly well, Sir! vastly well! a most interesting gravity! Dang. What, isn't he to speak at all? Puf. 'Egad, I thought you'd ask me that yes, it is a very likely thing-that a minister in his situation, with the whole affairs of the nation on his head, should have time to talk! -but, hush! or you'll put him out. Sneer. Put him out! how the plague can that be, if he's not going to say any thing? Puff. There's a reason! why his part is to think, and how the plague do you imagine he can think if you keep talking? Dang. That's very true, upon my word! and exit. Sneer. He is very perfect, indeed-Now, pray what did he mean by that? Puff. You don't take it? Sneer. No; I don't, upon my soul. Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he gave you to understand that even though they had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in their measures-yet, if there was not a greater spirit shown on the part of the people | Puff. Every word of it-If he shook his head as I taught him. Sneer. O, here are some of our old acquaint ance. "Enter HATTON and RALEIGH. "Sir C. My niece, and your niece too? By heaven! there's witchcraft in't-He could Have gain'd their hearts. But see where they approach; not else Some horrid purpose low'ring on their brows! "Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them. [Withdraw." Sneer. What is all this? Puff. Ah! here has been more pruning!but the fact is, these two young ladies are also in love with Don Whiskerandos.-Now, gentlemen, this scene goes entirely for what we call situation and stage effect, by which the greatest applause may be obtained, without the assistance of language, sentiment, or character: pray, mark! "Enter the two NIECES. But see the proud destroyer of my peace. Now, vengeance, do thy worst— [Aside. Enter WHISKERANDOS. "Whisk. O hateful liberty-if thus in vain I seek my Tilburina! "Both Nieces. And ever shalt ! [Sir C. and Sir W..come forward.] Hold! we will avenge you. "Whisk. Hold you or see your nieces bleed. "[The two Nieces draw their two daggers to strike Whiskerandos, the two Uncles at the instunt with their two swords drawn catch their two Nieces' arms, and turn the points of their swords to Whiskerandos, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the two Nieces' bosoms. Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroic group!-you see the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them for fear of their uncles--the uncles durst not kill him because of their nieces-I have them all at the dead lock!-for every one of them is afraid to let go first. Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever. Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine contrivance for't-Now mind "Enter BEEFEATER, with his halberd. "Beef. In the queen's name, I charge you all to drop Your swords and daggers! [They drop their swords and daggers." Sneer. This is a contrivance indeed. Puff. Ay-in the queen's name. "Sir C. Come, niece! "Sir W. Come, niece! [Exeunt with the two NIECES. "Whisk. What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard? "Beef. Thou must do more-renounce thy love! |