Re-enter MOODY and PEGGY. BELVILLE at a distance. Moo. What, invite your wife to kiss men? Monstrous! Are you not ashamed? Spark. Are you not ashamed that I should have more confidence in the chastity of your family than you have? You must not teach me: I am a man of honour, Sir, though I am frank and free; I am frank, Sir Moo. Very frank, Sir, to share your wife with your friends. You seem to be angry, and yet wont go.. [To ALITHEA. Ali. No impertinence shall drive me away. Moo. Because you like it-But you ought to blush at exposing your wife as you do. [To SPARKISH. Spark. What then? It may be I have a pleasure in't, as I have to show fine clothes at a playhouse the first day, and count money before poor rogues. Moo. He that shows his wife or money, will be in danger of having them borrowed sometimes. Moo. I have business, Sir, and must mind it your business is pleasure; therefore you and I must go different ways. : Har. Well, you may go on; but this pretty young gentleman [Takes hold of PEGGY.] shall stay with us; for I suppose his business is the same with ours, pleasure. Moo. 'Sdeath, he knows her, she carries it so sillily; yet if he does not, I should be more silly to discover it first. [Aside.] Come, come. Har. Had you not rather stay with us? [To PEGGY.] Pr'ythee; who is this pretty young [TO MOODY. Moo. One to whom I am guardian.-I wish I could keep her out of your hands. [Aside. Har. Who is he? I never saw any thing so pretty in all my life. fellow? Moo. Pshaw, do not look upon him so much; he's a poor bashful youth; you'll put him out of countenance. [Offers to take her away. Har. Here, nephew, let me introduce this young gentleman to your acquaintance. You are very like, and of the same age, and should know one another. Salute him, Dick, à la Françoise. [BELVILLE kisses her. Men kiss Moo. I hate French fashions. one another! [Endeavours to take hold of her. Peggy. I am out of my wits. [Aside.] What do you kiss me for? I am no woman. Har. But you are ten times handsomer. Peg. Nay, now you jeer one; and pray don't jeer me. Har. Kiss him again, Dick.. Moo. No, no, no ;-come away, come away. [TO PEGGY. Har. Why, what haste you are in! Why wont you let me talk with him? Moo. Because you'll debauch him; he's yet young and innocent. How she gazes upon him! The devil! [Aside.] Come, pray let him go; I cannot stay fooling any longer; I tell you my wife stays supper for us. Har. Does she? Come then, we'll all go sup with her. Moo. No, no; now I think on't, having staid so long for us, I warrant she's gone to bed. I wish she and I were well out of your hands. [Aside. laugh, and exeunt. Moo. O the idiot!-Now 'tis out. Ten thousand cankers gnaw away their lips! [Aside.] Come, come, driveller. [MOODY, Peggy, and ALITHEA, go out and return.] So they are gone at last. Sister, stay with Peggy, till I find my servant. Don't let her stir an inch; I'll be back directly. [Exit. Re-enter HARCOURT and BELVILLE. the young gentleman Rosamond's pond, while Har. What, not gone yet?-Nephew, show I speak another word to this lady. [Exeunt BELVILLE and PEGGY; ALITHEA and HARCOURT struggle. Ali. My brother will go distracted. Re-enter MOODY. Moo. Where? how?-What's become ofgone!-whither? Ali. In the next walk only, brother. Moo. Only-only-where-where? [Exit. Har. What's the matter with him? Why so much concerned?-But, dearest Madam Re-enter MOODY. Moo. Gone, gone not to be found quite gone-ten thousand plagues go with 'em! Which way went they? Ali. But in t'other walk, brother. Moo. T'other walk! t'other devil. Where are they, I say? Ali. You are too abusive, brother. Moo. You know where they are, you infamous wretch, eternal shame of your family; which you do not dishonour enough yourself, you think, but you must help her to do it too, thou legion of Ali. Good brother- SCENE II.-Another part of the Park. Enter BELVILLE and PEGGY. Bel. No disguise could conceal you from my heart: I pretended not to know you, that I might deceive the dragon that continually watches over you: but now he's asleep, let us fly from misery to happiness. Peg. Indeed, Mr. Belville, as well as I like you, I can't think of going away with you so; and as much as I hate my guardian, I must take leave of him a little handsomely, or he will kill me, so he will. Bel. But, dear Miss Peggy, think of your situation; if we don't make the best use of this opportunity, we never may have another. Peg. Ay but, Mr. Belville, I am as good as married already; my guardian has contracted me, and there wants nothing but church ceremony to make us one: I call him husband, and he calls me wife already: he made me do so: and we had been married in church long ago, if the writings could have been finished. Bel. That's his deceit, my sweet creature.He pretends to have married you, for fear of your liking any body else. You have a right to choose for yourself; and there is no law in heaven or earth that binds you before marriage to a man you cannot like. Peg. l'fack, no more I believe it does: sister Alithea's maid has told me as much. She's a very sensible girl. Bel. You are in the very jaws of perdition, and nothing but running away can avoid it; the law will finish your chains to-morrow, and the church will rivet them the day after. Let us secure our happiness by escape, and love and fortune will do the rest for us. Peg. These are fine sayings, to be sure, Mr. Belville: but how shall we get my fortune out of bud's clutches? We must be a little cunning; 'tis worth trying for. We can at any time run away without it. Bel. I see by your fears, my dear Peggy, that you live in awe of this brutal guardian; and if he has you once more in his possession, both you and your fortune are secured to him for ever. Peg. Ay, but it sha'n't though; I thank him for that. Bel. If you marry without his consent, he can but seize upon half your fortune. The other half, and a younger brother's fortune, with a treasure of love, are your own. Také it, my sweetest Peggy, and this moment, or we shall be divided for ever. [Kneels and presses her hand. Peg. I'fackins, but we wont. Your fine talk has bewitched me. Bel. 'Tis you have bewitched me, thou dear, enchanting, sweet simplicity !-Let us fly with the wings of love to my house there, and we shall be safe for ever. Peg. And so we will then.-There, squeeze my hand again.-Now run away with me; and if my guardy follows us, the devil take the hindmost, I say. [Going. Enter MOODY hastily, and meets them. Moo. Oh! there's my strayed sheep, and the wolf again in sheep's clothing.-Now 1 have recovered her, I shall come to my senses again. [Asire.] Where have you been, you puppy? [Confusedly. Moo. But not where I was to be found, you young devil you!-Why did you start when you saw me? Peg. I'm always frightened when I see you; and if I did not love you so well, I should run [Pouts. away from you; so I should. Moo. But I'll take care you don't. Peg. This gentleman has a favour to beg of you, bud! BELVILLE makes signs of dislike. Moo. I am not in the humour to grant favours to young gentlemen, though you may. What have you been doing with this young ladygentleman, I would say? Peg. Fy, bud, you have told all. Bel. I have been as civil as I could to the young stranger; and if you'll permit me, I will take the trouble off your hands, and show the young spark Rosamond's pond; for he has not seen it yet.-Come, pretty youth, will you go [Goes to her. with me? Peg. As my guardian pleases. Moo. No, no, it does not please me. Whatever I think he ought to see, I shall show him myself. You may visit Rosamond's pond, if you will; and the bottom of it, if you will. And so, Sir, your servant. [Exit MOODY, with PEGGY under his arm; BELVILLE, a contrary way. ACT IV. SCENE I.-MOODY'S House. Ali. Hold your peace. Lucy. Nay, Madam, I will ask you the reason why you would banish poor Mr. Harcourt for ever from your sight? how could you be so hard-hearted? Ali. "Twas because I was not hard-hearted. Lucy. No, no; 'twas stark love and kindness, I warrant. Ali. It was so; I would see him no more, because I love him. Lucy. Hey-day! a very pretty reason. Ali. I was engaged to marry, you see, another man, whom my justice will not suffer me to deceive or injure. Lucy. Can there be a greater cheat or wrong done to a man, than to give him your person without your heart? I should make a conscience of it. Ali. Hold your tongue. Lucy. That you know I can't do, Madam; and upon this occasion, I will talk for ever. What, give yourself away to one, that poor I, your maid, would not accept of? Ali. How, Lucy? Lucy. I would not, upon my honour, Madam. "Tis never too late to repent. Take a man, and give up your coxcomb, I say. Enter a SERVANT. Serv. Mr. Sparkish, with company, Madam, attends you below. Ali. I will wait upon 'em. [Exit SERVANT.] My heart begins to fail me, but I must go through with it. Go with me, Lucy. [Exit. Lucy. Not I indeed, Madam. If you will leap the precipice you shall fall by yourself. What excellent advice have I thrown away: 4 F Moo. No, you take more in telling it, I find: but speak, how was't? No lies; I saw him kiss you; he kissed you before my face. Peg. Nay, you need not be so angry with him neither; for, to say truth, he has the sweetest breath I ever knew. Moo. The devil!-You were satisfied with it then, and would do it again? Peg. Not unless he should force me. Moo. Force you, changeling ? Peg. If I had struggled too much, you know, he would have known had I been a woman; so I was quiet, for fear of being found out. Moo. If you had been in petticoats, you would have knocked him down? Peg. With what, bud?-I could not help myself; besides, he did it so modestly, and blushed so, that I almost thought him a girl in men's clothes, and upon his mummery too as well as me; and if so, there was no harm done you know. Moo. This is worse and worse. So 'tis plain she loves him, yet she has not love enough to make her conceal it from me; but the sight of him will increase her aversion for me, and love for him; and that love instruct her how to deceive me, and satisfy him, all idiot as she is. Love; 'twas he gave women first their craft. | their art of deluding. I must strangle that little monster whilst I can deal with him. [Aside.] Go, fetch pen, ink, and paper, out of the next room. Peg. Yes, I will bud. Moo. Go then. Peg. I'm going. Moo. Why don't you go then? [Exit. Moo. This young fellow loves her, and she loves him; the rest is all hypocrisy.-How the young modest villain endeavoured to deceive me! But I'll crush this mischief in the shell. Why should women have more invention in love than men? It can only be because they have more desire, more soliciting passions, more of the devil. Re-enter PEGGY, with pen, ink, and paper. Come, minx, sit down and write. Peg. Ay, dear, dear bud! but I can't do't very well. Moo. I wish you could not at all. Peg. But what should I write for? Moo. I'll have you write a letter to this young man. Peg. O Lord, to the young gentleman a letter? Moo. Yes, to the young gentleman. Peg. What, do you think I am a fool ? Peg. Indeed and indeed but I wont, so 1 Peg. Because he's in town. You may send for him here, if you will. Moo. Very well, you would have him brought to you? Is it come to this? I say take the pen and ink, and write, or you'll provoke me. Peg. Lord, what do you make a fool of me for ?-Don't I know that letters are never writ but from the country to London, and from London into the country? Now he's in town, and I'm in town too; therefore I can't write to him, you know. Moo. So, I'm glad it's no worse; she is innocent enough yet. [Aside.] Yes, you may, when your husband bids, write letters to people that are in town. Peg. O, may I so? then I am satisfied. Moo. Come, begin-Sir- [Dictates. Peg. Sha'n't I say, dear Sir? you know one says always something more than bare, Sir, up in a corner. Moo. Write as I bid you, or I will write something with this penknife in your face. Peg. Sir[Writes. Moo. Though I suffered last night your nauseous, loathed kisses and embraces-Write! Peg. Nay, why should I say so? you know, told you he had a sweet breath. I Moo. Write! Peg. Let me put out loathed. Peg. Well then. [Writes. Moo. Let me see what you have writ. [Reads.] Though I suffered last night your kisses und embraces-Thou impudent creature, where is nauseous and loathed? Peg. I can't abide to write such filthy words. Moo. Once more write as I'd have you, or I will spoil your writing with this; I will stab out those eyes that cause my mischief. [Holds up the penknife. Peg. O Lord, I will. [Writes. Moo. So-so-let's see now:-though I suffered last night your nauseous, loathed kisses and embraces-go on-yet I could not hate you presume that you shall ever repeat them-so [PEGGY writes. Peg. I have writ it. Moo. O then-I then concealed myself from your knowledge to avoid your insolencies Peg. To aroid [PEGGY orites. Peg. I vow, husband, he'll never believe I should write such a letter. [Writes. Moo. What, he'd expect a kinder one from you? Come, now your name only. Peg. What sha'n't I say-your most faithful humble servant till death? Moo. No, tormenting fiend! [PEGGY writes.] -Her style, I find, would be very soft. [Aside.] Come, wrap it up now, whilst I go fetch wax and a candle, and write on the outside-For Mr. Belville. [Exit. Peg. [Writes.] For Mr. Belville.-So.-1 am glad he is gone-Hark, I hear a noise. Moo. [Within.] Well, well, but can't you call again-Well, walk in then. Peg. [Goes to the door.] l'fack, there's folks with him Moo. [Within.] Very well-if he must see me, I'll come to him. Peg. That's pure; now I may think a little -Why should I send dear Mr. Belville such a letter?-Can one have no shift? ah, a London woman would have had a hundred presently-Stay-what if I should write a letter, and wrap it up like this, and write upon it too?-Ay, but then my guardian would see't -I don't know what to do-But yet y'vads I'll try, so I will-for I will not send this letter to poor Mr. Belville, come what will on't. [Writes, and repeats what she writes.] Dear, dear, dear, sweet Mr. Belville-so-My guardian would have me send you a tase, rude letter, but I wont-so-and would have me say I hate you, but I wont-there-for I'm sure if you and I were in the country at cards togetherso-1 could not help treading on your toe under the table--so pray keep at home, for I shall be with you as soon as I can-so no more at present from one who am, dear, dear, poor dear Mr. Belville, your loving friend till death do us part, MARGARET THRIFT.-So-now wrap it up just like t'other-so-now write For Mr. Belville. --But, oh! what shall I do with it? for here comes my guardian. [Puts it in her bosom. Re-enter MOODY, with a candle and sealing wax. Moo. I have been detained by a sparkish coxcomb, who pretended to visit me; but I fear 'twas to my wife. [Aside.] What, have you done? Peg. Ay, ay, bud, just now. Mos. Let's see't; what d'ye tremble for ?[He opens and reads the first letter. Peg. So, I had been finely served if I had given him this. [Aside. Moo. Come, where's the wax and seal? Peg. Lord, what shall I do? [Aside.] Pray let me see't. Lord, you think I cannot seal a letter; I will do't, so I will. [Snatches the Letter from him, changes it for the other, seals it, and delivers it to him. Moo. Nay, I believe you will learn that and other things too, which I would not have you. Peg. So, han't I done it curiously? I think I have-there's my letter going to Mr. Belville, | since he'll needs have me send letters to folks. [Aside. Moo. 'Tis very well; but I warrant you would not have it go now? Peg. Yes, indeed, but I would, bud, now. Moo. Well, you are a good girl then. Come, let me lock you up in your chamber till Í come back; and be sure you come not within three strides of the window when I am gone, for I have a spy in the street. [Puts her into the Chamber.] ̃At least 'tis fit she thinks so; if we do not cheat women, they'll cheat us.Now I have secured all within, I'll deal with the foe without, with false intelligence. [Exit. SCENE III-BELVILLE'S Lodgings. Enter Lucy and BELVILLE. Lucy. I run great risks, to be sure, to serve the young lady and you, Sir; but I know you are a gentleman of honour, and would scorn to betray a friend who means you well, and is above being mercenary. Bel. As you are not mercenary, Mrs. Lucy, I ought to be the more generous; give me leave to present you with this trifle; [Gives her a ring.] not as a reward for your services, but as a small token of friendship. Lucy. Though I scorn to be bribed in any cause, yet I am proud to accept it as a mark of your regard, and as such shall keep it for your sake-and now to business. Bel. But has the dear creature resolved? Lucy. Has she? why she will run away and marry you, in spite of your teeth, the first moment she can break prison; so you, in your turn, must take care not to have your qualms: I have known several bold gentlemen not able to draw their swords, when a challenge has come too quick upon 'em. Bel. I assure you, Mrs. Lucy, that I am no bully in love; and Miss Peggy will meet with her match, come when she will. Lucy. Ay, so you all say; but talking does no business. Stay at home till you hear from us. Bel. Blessings on thee, Lucy, for the thought. Moo. [Without.] But I must and will see him, let him have what company he will. Lucy. As I hope to be married, Mr. Belville, I hear Mr. Moody's voice. Where shall I hide myself?-if he sees me, we are all undone. Bel. This is our cursed luck again. What the devil can he want here? Get into this closet till he is gone. [Puts Lucy into the closet.] Don't you stir, Lucy. I must put the best face upon the matter. Now for it. " [Takes a Book, and reads. Enter MOODY. Moo. You will excuse me, Sir, for breaking through forms, and your servant's entreaties, to have the honour-but you are alone, Siryour fellow told me below, that you were with company. Bel. Yes, Sir, the best company. [Shows his Book.] When I converse with my betters, I choose to have 'em alone. Moo. And I choose to interrupt your conversation! the business of my errand must plead my excuse. Bel. You shall be always welcome to me; but you seem ruffled, Sir. What brings you hither, and so seemingly out of humour? Moo. Your impertinency-I beg pardonyour modesty, I mean. Bel. My impertinency! Moo. Your impertinency! Bel. Sir, from the peculiarity of your charac ter, and your intimacy with my uncle, I shall allow you great privileges; but you must consider youth has its privileges too; and as I have not the honour of your acquaintance I am not obliged to bear with your ill humours, or your ill manners. Moo. They who wrong me, young man, must bear with both; and if you had not made too free with me, I should have taken no liberties with you. Bel. I could have wished, Sir, to have found you a little more civil, the first time I had the honour of a visit from you. Moo. If that is all you want, young gentleman, you will find me very civil indeed! There, Sir, read that, and let your modesty declare whether I want either kindness or civility. Look you there, Sir. Bel. What is it? [Gives him a letter. Moo. Only a love-letter, Sir; and from my wife. Bel. How, is it from your wife?-hum and hum. [Reads. Moo. Even from my wife, Sir; am not I wondrous kind and civil to you now too? But you'll not think her so. [Aside. Bel. Ha! is this a trick of his or hers? [Aside. Moo. The gentleman's surprised, i find! What, you expected a kinder letter! Bel. No, faith, not I; how could I? Moo. Yes, yes, I'm sure you did; a man so young and well made as you are, must needs be disappointed, if the women declare not their passion at the first sight or opportunity. Bel. But what should this mean? it seems he knows not what the letter contains. [Aside. Moo. Come, ne'er wonder at it so much. Bel. Faith, I can't help it. Moo. Now, I think, I have deserved your infinite friendship and kindness; and have shown myself sufficiently an obliging, kind friend and husband; am I not so, to bring a letter from my wife to her gallant! Bel. Ay, indeed, you are the most obliging, kind friend and husband in the world; ha, ha, ha! Pray, however, present my humble service to her, and tell her I will obey her letter to a tittle, and fulfil her desires, be what they will, or with what difficulty soever I do't: and you shall be no more jealous of me, I warrant her and you. Moo. Well then, fare you well, and play with any man's honour but mine; kiss any man's wife but mine, and welcome-so, Mr. Modesty, your servant. [Going. Enter SPARKISH meeting him. Spark. So brother-in-law that was to have been, I have followed you from home to Belville's; I have strange news for you. Moo. What, are you wiser than you were this morning? Spark. Faith, I don't know but I am, for I have lost your sister, and I sha'n't eat half an ounce the less at dinner for it; there's philosophy for you. Moo. Insensibility, you mean. I hope you don't mean to use my sister ill, Sir? Spark. No, Sir, she has used me ill; she's in her tantrums: I have had a narrow escape, Sir. Moo. If thou art endowed with the smallest portion of understanding, explain this riddle. Bel. Ay, ay, pr'ythee, Sparkish, condescend to be intelligible. Spark. Why, you must know-we had settled to be married-it is the same thing to me whether I am married or not-I have no particular fancy one way or another, and so I told your sister; off or on, 'tis the same thing to me; but the thing was fixed, you know You and my aunt brought it about; I had no hand in it. And, to show you that I was as willing to marry your sister as any other woman, I suffered the law to tie me up to hard terms; and the church would have finished me still to harder-but she was taken with her tantrums! Moo. Damn your tantrums, come to the point. Spark. Your sister took an aversion to the parson, Frank Harcourt's brother-abused him like a pickpocket, and swore 'twas Harcourt bimself. I Moo. And so it was, for I saw him. Spark. Why, you are as mad as your sister; tell you it was Ned, Frank's twin brother. Moo. What, Frank told you so? Spark. Ay, and Ned too; they were both in a story. Moo. What an incorrigible fellow!-Come, come, I must be gone. Spark. Nay, nay, you shall hear my story out-She walked up within pistol-shot of the church, then twirled round upon her heel, called me every name she could think of; and when she had exhausted her imagination, and tired her tongue (no easy matter let me tell you,) she called her chair, sent her footman to buy a monkey before my face, then bid me good morrow with a sneer, and left us with our mouths open in the middle of a hundred people, who were all laughing at us! If these are not tantrums, I don't know what are. Moo. Ha, ha, ha! I thank thee, Sparkish, from my soul; 'tis a most exquisite story; 1 have not had such a laugh for this half year. Thou art a most ridiculous puppy, and I am infinitely obliged to thee; ha, ha, ha! [Exit. Spark. Did you ever hear the like, Belville? Bel. O yes; how is it possible to hear such a foolish story, and see thy foolish face, and not laugh at 'em? ha, ha, ha! LUCY in the closet laughs. Spark. Hey-day! what's that? What, have you raised a devil in the closet to make up a laughing chorus at me? I must take a peep[Going to the closet. Bel. Indeed, but you must not. Spark. It was a woman's voice. Bel. So much the better for me. Spark. Pr'ythee, introduce me. Bel. Though you take a pleasure in exposing your ladies, I choose to conceal mine; so, my dear Sparkish, lest the lady should be sick by too long a confinement, and laughing heartily at you, I must entreat you to withdraw. Pr'ythee, excuse me, I must laugh— ha, ha, ha, ha! Spark. Do you know that I begin to be angry, Belville? Bel. I can't help that-ha, ha, ha, ha! Spark. My character's at stake; 1 shall be thought a damned silly fellow; I will call Alithea to an account directly. [Exit. Bel. Ha, ha, ha! Lucy. [Peeping out.] Ha, ha, ha, ha! O dear, Sir, let me have my laugh out, or I shall burst. What an adventure! [Comes out, and laughs. |