wife so virtuous a woman, when I least expected it! Oh my injured dear! behold your Gregory, your own husband. Dor. Ha! Greg. Oh me, I'm so full of joy, I cannot tell thee more, than that I am as much the happiest of men, as thou art the most virtuous of women. Dor. And art thou really my Gregory? And hast thou any more of these purses? Greg. No, my dear, I have no more about me; but 'tis probable in a few days 1 may have a hundred; for the strangest accident has happened to me! Dor. Yes, my dear, but I can tell you whom you are obliged to for that accident; had you not beaten me this morning, I had never had you beaten into a physician. Greg. Oh, oh! then 'tis to you I owe all that drubbing. Dor. Yes, my dear, though I little dreamt of the consequence. Greg. How infinitely I'm obliged to thee! -But hush! Enter HELLEBore. Hel. Are not you the great doctor just come to this town, famous for curing dumbness! Greg. Sir, I am he. Hel. Then, Sir, I should be glad of your advice. Greg. Let me feel your pulse. Hel. Not for myself, good doctor; I am myself, Sir, a brother of the faculty, what the world calls a mad doctor. I have at present under my care, a patient whom I can by no means prevail with to speak. Greg. I shall make him speak, Sir. Hel. It will add, Sir, to the great reputation you have already acquired: I am happy in finding you. Greg. Sir, I am as happy in finding you. You see that woman there; she is possessed of a more strange sort of madness, and imagines every one she sees to be her husband. Now, Sir, if you will but admit her into your house Hel. Most willingly, Sir. Greg. The first thing, Sir, you are to do, is to let out thirty ounces of her blood: then, Sir, you are to shave off all her hair, all her hair, Sir; after which you are to make a very severe use of your rod twice a day; and take a particular care that she have not the least allowance beyond bread and water. Hel. Sir, I shall readily agree to the dictates of so great a man; nor can I help approving of your method, which is exceeding mild and wholesome. Greg. [To his wife.] My dear, that gentleman will conduct you to my lodging.Sir, I beg you will take a particular care of the lady. Hel. You may depend on't, Sir, nothing in my power shall be wanting; you have only to inquire for Dr. Hellebore. Dor. "Twon't be long before I see you, husband. Hel. Husband! this is as unaccountable a madness as any I have yet met with. [Exit with DORCAS. Enter LEANDER Greg. I think I shall be revenged of you now, my dear. So, Sir. Lean. I think I make a pretty good apothecary now. apothecary as I'm a physician, and if you Greg. Yes, faith, you're almost as good an please I'll convey you to the patient. Lean. If I did but know a few physical hard words Greg. A few physical hard words! why, in a few hard words consists the science. Would you know as much as the whole faculty in an Hold, let me go first; the doctor must always instant, Sir? come along, come along.go before the apothecary. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-SIR JASPER's House. SIR JASPER, Charlotte, Gregory, LEANDER. Sir J. Has she made no attempt to speak yet? that, as she used to make a sort of a noise beJam. Not in the least, Sir; so far from it, fore, she is now quite silent. Sir J. [Looking on his watch.] 'Tis almost the time the doctor promised to return. Oh! he is here. Doctor, your servant. Greg. Well, Sir, how does my patient? Sir J. Rather worse, Sir, since your prescription. Greg. So much the better, 'tis a sign that it operates. Sir J. Who is that gentleman, pray, with you? cary, I desire you would immediately apply Greg. An apothecary, Sir. Mr. Apothe the remedy I prescribed. Sir J. A song, doctor? prescribe a song! Greg. Prescribe a song, Sir! yes, Sir, prestrange in that? did you never hear of pills to scribe a song Sir. Is there any thing so purge melancholy? If you understand these sbud! Sir, this song would make a stone things better than I, why did you send for me? speak. But, if you please, Sir, you and I will confer at some distance during the application; for this song will do you as much harm as it will do your daughter good. Be sure, Mr. Apothecary, to pour it down her ears very closely. Air.-LEANDer. Thus, lovely patient, Charlotte sees Her dying patient kneel; Think, skilful nymph, while I complain, Greg. It is, Sir, a great and subtle question Char. No, I am not at all capable of changing my opinion. Sir J. My daughter speaks! my daughter speaks! Oh, the great power of physic! oh, the admirable physician! How can I reward thee for such a service? Greg. This distemper has given me a most insufferable deal of trouble. [Traversing the stage in a great heat, the apothecary following. Char. Yes, Sir, I have recovered my speech but I have recovered it to tell you, that I never will have any husband but Leander. [Speaks with great eagerness, and drives SIR JASPER round the stage. Sir J. But you mention, for I don't remember I ever heard them spoke of before? Greg. They are some, Sir, lately discovered by the Royal Society. Sir J. Did you ever see any thing equal to her insolence? Greg. Daughters are indeed sometimes a little too head-strong. Sir J. You cannot imagine, Sir, how foolishly fond she is of that Leander. Greg. The heat of blood, Sir, causes that in young minds. Sir J. For my part, the moment I discovered the violence of her passion, I have always Char. Nothing is capable to shake the re- kept her locked up. solution I have taken. Sir J. What! Greg. You have done very wisely. Char. Your rhetoric is in vain; all your dis- having the least communication together; for courses signify nothing. Sir J. I Char. I am determined, and all the fathers in the world shall never oblige me to marry contrary to my inclination. Sir J. I have Char. I never will submit to this tyranny; and if I must not have the man I like, I'll die a maid. Sir J. You shall have Mr. Dapper— Char. No, not in any manner, not in the least, not at all; you throw away your breath, you lose your time; you may confine me, beat me, bruise me, destroy me, kill me, do what you will, but I never will consent; nor all your threats, nor all your blows, nor all your ill-usage, never shall force me to consent; so far from giving him my heart, I never will give him my hand; for he is my aversion, I hate the very sight of him, I had rather see the devil, I had rather touch a toad; you may make me miserable any other way, but with him you sha'n't, that I'm resolved. Greg. There, Sir, there, I think we have brought her tongue to a pretty tolerable consistency. Sir J. Consistency, quotha! why, there is no stopping her tongue.-Dear doctor, I desire you will make her dumb again. Greg. That's impossible, Sir; all that I can do to serve you is, I can make you deaf, if you please. Sir J. And do you think Char. All your reasoning shall never conquer my resolution. Sir J. You shall marry Mr. Dapper, this evening. Char. I'll be buried first. Greg. Stay, Sir, stay, let me regulate this affair; it is a distemper that possesses her, and I know what remedy to apply to it. Sir J. Is it possible, Sir, that you can cure the distempers of the mind? Greg. Sir, I can cure any thing. Harkye, Mr. Apothecary, you see that the love she has for Leander is entirely contrary to the will of her father, and that there is no time to lose, and that an immediate remedy is necessary for my part, I know of but one, which is a dose of purgative running-away, mixt with two drachms of pills matrimoniac, and three large handfuls of the arbor vitæ; perhaps she will make some difficulty to take them; but, as you are an able apothecary, I shall trust to you for the success; go, make her walk in the garden, be sure lose no time; to the remedy, quick, to the remedy specific. [Exeunt LEANDER and CHARLOTTE. Sir J. What drugs, Sir, were those I heard Sir J. And I have prevented them from who knows what might have been the consequence? who knows but she might have taken it into her head, to have run away with him. Greg. Very true. Sir J. Ay, Sir, let me alone for governing girls; I think I have some reason to be vain on that head; I think I have shown the world, think I that I understand a little of women, have; and let me tell you, Sir, there is not a little art required; if this girl had had some fathers, they had not kept her out of the hands of so vigilant a lover as I have done. Greg. No certainly, Sir. Enter DORCAS. Dor. Where is this villain, this rogue, this pretended physician? Sir J. Heyday! What, what, what's the matter now? Dor. Oh sirrah! sirrah! would you have destroyed your wife, you villain? would you have been guilty of murder, dog! Greg. Hoity, toity! What mad woman is this? Sir J. Poor wretch! for pity's sake, cure her, doctor. Greg. Sir, I shall not cure her, unless somebody gives me a fee. If you will give me a fee, Sir Jasper, you shall see me cure her this instant. Dor. I'll fee you, you villain. Cure me! Enter JAMES. Jam. Oh, Sir! undone, undone! your daughter is run away with her lover, Leander, who was here disguised like an apothe cary-and this is the rogue of a physician, who has contrived all the affair. Sir J. How! am 1 abused in this manner? Here, who is there? Bid my clerk bring pen, ink, and paper; I'll send this fellow to jail immediately. Jum. Indeed, my good doctor, you stand a very fair chance to be hanged for stealing an heiress. Greg. Yes, indeed, I believe I shall take my degrees now. Dor. And are they going to hang you, my dear husband? Greg. You see, my dear wife. Dor. Had you finished the faggots, it had been some consolation. Greg. Leave me, or you'll break my heart. Dor. No, I'll stay to encourage you at your death; nor will I budge an inch, till I've seen you hanged. Enter LEANDER and CHARLOTTE. had forbid your house, restores your daughter Dor. So, 80, our physician, I find, has to your power, even when he had her in his. brought about fine matters. And is it not I have received letters, by which I have learnt owing to me, sirrah, that you have been a the death of an uncle, whose estate far ex-physician at all? ceeds that of your intended son-in-law. Sir J. Sir, your virtue is beyond all estates, and I give you my daughter with all the pleasure in the world. Lean. Now my fortune makes me happy indeed, my dearest Charlotte. And, doctor, I'll make thy fortune too. Greg. If you would be so kind to make me a physician in earnest, I should desire no other fortune. Sir J. May I beg to know whether you are a physician or not, or what the devil you are? Greg. I think, Sir, after the miraculous cure you have seen me perform, you have no reason Aad to ask, whether I am a physician or no. for you, wife, I'll henceforth have you behave with all deference to my greatness; for a faggot-maker can only thrash your jacket, but a physician, he Dor. Can pick your pocket. Why, thou Lean. Faith, doctor, I wish I could do that puffed up fool! I could have made as good a in return for your having made me an apothe-physician myself; the cure was owing to the cary; but I'll do as well for thee, I warrant. apothecary, not the doctor. [Exeunt. PROLOGUE. THE time has been when plays were not so So t'other can foretell, by certain rules, For that damn'd poet's spar'd, who damns a brother, As one thief 'scapes that executes another. Art may direct, but nature is his aim; cause; Nor would obtain, precariously, applause. Impartial censure he requests from all Prepar'd by just decrees to stand or fall. ACT I. SCENE I-A Room of State. The Curtain rising slowly to soft Music, discovers ALMERIA in Mourning, LEONORA waiting in Mourning. Still they proceed, and, at our charge, write After the Music, ALMERIA rises from her Chair, worse; "Twere some amends, if they could reimburse; But there's the devil, though their cause is lost, There's no recovering damages or cost. and comes forward. To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak, 'Tis not in harmony to calm my griefs. Leon. Dear Madam, cease, Or moderate your grief; there is no causeAlm. No cause! Peace, peace; there is eternal cause, And misery eternal will succeed. Thou canst not tell-thou hast indeed no cause. Leon. Believe me, Madam, I lament Anselmo, And always did compassionate his fortune; ance; Have softly whisper'd, and inquir'd his health; Sent in my sighs and pray'rs for his deliver[offer. For sighs and pray'rs were all that I could Alm. Indeed thou hast a soft and gentle nature, That thus could melt to see a stranger's My love of you begot my grief for him; Alm. Alphonso! O, Alphonso! They must to me bring curses, grief of heart, The last distress of life, and sure despair? Leon. Alas! you search too far, and think too deeply. [sight. Alne. Why was I carried to Anselmo's court? Or there, why was I used so tenderly ? Why not ill treated like an enemy? For so my father would have used his child. Oh, Alphonso, A phonso! Devouring seas have wash'd thee from my No time shall raze thee from my memory; No, I will live to be thy monument: The cruel ocean is no more thy tomb: But in my heart thou art interr'd; there, there, Thy dear resemblance is for ever fix'd; My love, my lord, my husband still, though lost. Leon. Husband! Oh, Heavens! My grief has hurried me beyond all thought. But 'tis the wretch's comfort still to have Some small reserve of near and inward wo, Some unsuspected hoard of darling grief, Which they unseen may wail, and weep, and mourn, And, glutton-like, alone devour. Leon. Indeed, I knew not this. Alm. Oh, no, thou know'st not half, Know'st nothing of my sorrows--if thou didst If I should tell thee, wouldst thou pity me? Tell me I know thou wouldst; thou art compassionate. Leon. Witness these tearsAlm. I thank thee, LeonoraIndeed I do, for pitying thy sad mistress: For 'tis, alas! the poor prerogative Of greatness, to be wretched, and unpitiedBut I did promise I would tell thee-What? My miseries! Thou dost already know 'em: And when I told thee thou didst nothing know, It was because thou didst not know Alphonso: For to have known my loss, thou must have known His worth, his truth, and tenderness of love. Leon. The memory of that brave prince stands fair Alphonso, who foresaw my father's cruelty, We put to sea; but being betray'd by some pieces; But Heaven spar'd me for yet much more afConducting them who follow'd us, to shun The shore, and save me floating on the waves. While the good queen and my Alphonso perish'd. Leon. Alas! were you then wedded to ALphonso? Alm. That day, that fatal day, our hands were join'd. For when my lord beheld the ship pursuing, |