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pocket) whilst I was uttering some picion. Yon conceive he would not noble speech about virtue, duty, like to remain in a family where they charity! I wonder do we meet were mean enough to suspect him of garotters in society? In an average stealing a jewel-box out of a bed-room tea-party, now, how many returned - and the injured man and my relaconvicts are there? Does John Foot- tives soon parted. But, inclining man, when he asks permission to go (with my usual cynicism) to think and spend the evening with some that he did steal the valuables, think friends, pass his time in thuggee; of his life for the month or two whilst waylay and strangle an old gentleman, he still remains in the service! He or two; let himself into your house, shows the officers over the house, with the house-key of course, and ap- agrees with them that the coup must pear as usual with the shaving-water have been made by persons familiar when you ring your bell in the morn- with it; gives them every assistance; ing? The very possibility of such a pities his master and mistress with a suspicion invests John with a new manly compassion ; points out what and romantic interest in my mind. a cruel misfortune it is to himself as Behind the grave politeness of his an honest man, with his living to get countenance try and read the lurk- and his family to provide for, that ing treason. Full of this pleasing this suspicion should fall on him. subject, I have been talking thief- Finally, he takes leave of his place, stories with a neighbor. The neigh- with a deep though natural melanbor tells me how some friends of hers choly that ever he had accepted it. used to keep a jewel-box under a bed What's a thousand pounds to gentlein their room; and, going into the folks! A loss certainly, but they room, they thought they heard a will live as well without the dianoise under the bed. They had the monds as with them. But to John courage to look. The cook was under his Hhhonour was worth the bed under the bed with the jewel-than diamonds, his Hhonour was. box. Of course she said she had come Whohever is to give him back his for purposes connected with her busi- character? Who is to prevent hany ness; but this was absurd. A cook one from saying, “Ho yes. This is under a bed is not there for profes- the footman which was in the family sional purposes. A relation of mine where the diamonds was stole?" &c. had a box containing diamonds under I wonder has John prospered in her bed, which diamonds she told me life subsequently? If he is innocent, were to be mine. Mine! One day, he does not interest me in the least. at dinner-time, between the entrées The interest of the case lies in John's and the roast, a cab drove away from behavior, supposing him to be guilty. my relative's house containing the Imagine the smiling face, the daily box wherein lay the diamonds. John service, the orderly performance of laid the dessert, brought the coffee, duty, whilst within John is suffering waited all the evening — and oh, how pangs lest discovery should overtake frightened he was when he came to him. Every bell of the door which learn that his mistress's box had been he is obliged to open may bring a conveyed out of her own room, and it police officer. The accomplices may contained diamonds –“Law bless peach. What an exciting life John's us, did it now?” I wonder whether must have been for a while! And John's subsequent career ‘has been now, years and years after, when prosperous ? Perhaps the gentlemen pursuit has long ceased, and detection from Bow Street were all in the is impossible, does he ever revert to wrong when they agreed in suspect- the little transaction? Is it possible ing John as the author of the robbery. those diamonds cost a thousand His noble nature was hurt at the sus-1 pounds ? What a rogue the fence
must have been who only gave him And what has this to do with halfso and so! And I pleasingly picture crowns, good or bad ? Ah, friend! to myself an old ex-footman and an may our coin, battered and clipped ancient receiver of stolen goods meet- and defaced though it be, be proved ing and talking over this matter, which to be Sterling Silver on the day of dates from times so early that her the Great Assay! present Majesty's fair image could only just have begun to be coined or forged.
I choose to take John at the time “STRANGE TO SAY, ON CLUB when his little peccadillo is suspected,
PAPER." perhaps, but when there is no specific charge of robbery against him. He BEFORE the Duke of York's colis not yet convicted: he not even on umn, and between “ The Athenæum” his trial; how then can we venture and “United Service” Clubs, I have to say he is guilty ? Now think what seen more than once, on the esplascores of men and women walk the nade, a preacher holding forth to a world in a like predicament; and little congregation of badauds and what false coin
current! street-boys, whom he entertains with Pinchbeck strives to pass off his his- a discourse on the crimes of a rapatory as sound coin. He knows it is cious aristocracy, or warns of the only base metal, washed over with a imminent peril of their own souls. thin varnish of learning. Polu- Sometimes this orator is made to phloisbos puts his sermons in circu
by brutal policemen. lation : sounding brass, lacquered Sometimes, on a Sunday, he points over with white metal, and marked to a white head or two visible in the with the stamp and image of piety. windows of the Clubs to the right What say you to Drawcansir's repu- and left of him, and volunteers a statetation as a military commander ? to ment that those quiet and elderly Tibbs's pretensions to be a fine gentle Sabbath-breakers will very soon be man ? to Sapphira's claims as a poet- called from this world to another, ess, or Rodoessa's as a beauty ? His where their lot will by no means bravery, his piety, high birth, genius, be so comfortable as that which the beauty each of these deceivers reprobates enjoy here, in their armwould palm his falsehood on us, and chairs by their snug fires. have us accept his forgeries as ster At the end of last month, had I ling coin. And we talk here, please been a Pall Mall preacher, I would to observe, of weaknesses rather than have liked to send a whip round to all crimes. Some of us have more seri- the Clubs in St. James's, and conous things to hide than a yellow voke the few members remaining in cheek behind a raddle of rouge, or a London to hear a discourse sub Dio on white poll under a wig of jetty curls. a text from “The Observer” newsYou know, neighbor, there are not paper. I would have taken post only false teeth in this world, but under the statue of Fame, say, where false tongues : and some make up a she stands distributing wreaths to bust and an appearance of strength the three Crimean Guardsmen. (The with padding, cotton, and what not ? crossing-sweeper does not obstruct the while another kind of artist tries to path, and I suppose is away at his villa take you in by wearing under his on Sundays.) And, when the conwaistcoat, and perpetually thumping, gregation was pretty quiet, I would an immense sham heart. Dear, sir, have begun:may yours and mine be found, at the In “The Observer” of the 27th right time, of the proper size and in September, 1863, in the fifth page and the right place.
the fourth column, it is thus written :
“The codicil appended to the will paper, bearing The Athenceum Club' of the late Lord Clyde, executed at mark.” Chatham, and bearing the signature It is to this part of the text, my of Clyde, F. M., is written, strange to brethren, that I propose to address say, on a sheet of paper bearing · The myself particularly, and if the reAtheneum Club' mark.”
marks I make are offensive to any of What the codicil is, my dear breth- you, you know the doors of our ren, it is not our business to inquire. meeting-house are open, and you can It conveys a benefaction to a faithful walk out when you will. Around us and attached friend of the good Field- are magnificent halls and palaces freMarshal. The gift may be a lakh of quented by such a multitude of men rupees, or it may be a house and its as not even the Roman Forum assemcontents — furniture, plate, and wine- bled together. Yonder are the Mare cellar. My friends, I know the wine- tium and the Palladium. Next to the merchant, and, for the sake of the leg- Palladium is the elegant Viatorium, atee, hope heartily that the stock is which Barry gracefully stole from large.
Rome. By its side is the massive Am I wrong, dear brethren, in sup- Reformatorium : and the — the Ulposing that you expect a preacher to tratorium rears its granite columns say a seasonable word on death here? beyond. Extending down the street If you don't, I fear you are but little palace after palace rises magnificent, familiar with the habits of preachers, and under their lofty roofs warriors and are but lax hearers of sermons. and lawyers, merchants and nobles, We might contrast the vault where scholars and seamen, the wealthy, the warrior's remains lie shrouded the poor, the busy, the idle assemble. and coffined, with that in which his Into the halls built down this little worldly provision of wine is stowed street and its neighborhood, the prinaway. Spain and Portugal and cipal men of all London come to hear France - all the lands which sup- or impart the news; and the affairs of plied his store as hardy and obe- the state or of private individuals, the dient subaltern, as resolute captain, as quarrels of empires or of authors, colonel daring but prudent - he has the movements of the court, or the visited the fields of all. In India splendid vagaries of fashion, the inand China he marches always uncon- trigues of statesmen or of persons quered; or at the head of his daunt- of another sex yet more wily, the less Highland brigade he treads the last news of battles in the great ocCrimean snow; or he rides from con- cidental continents, nay the latest quest to conquest in India once more; betting for the horse-races, or the succoring his countrymen in the advent of a dancer at the theatrehour of their utmost need ; smiting all that men do is discussed in these down the scared mutiny, and tram- Pall Mall agoræ, where we of London pling out the embers of rebellion ; daily assemble. at the head of an heroic army, a con Now among so many talkers, consummate chief. And now his glorious sider how many false reports must old sword is sheathed, and his hon- fly about : in such multitudes imagine ors are won; and he has bought him how many disappointed men there a house, and stored it with modest must be; how many chatterboxes; cheer for his friends (the good old how many feeble and credulous man put water in his own wine, and a (whereof I mark some specimens in glass or two sufficed him) - behold my congregation); how many mean, the end comes, and his legatee inherits rancorous, prone to believe ill of their these modest possessions by virtue of betters, eager to find fault; and then, a codicil to his lordship’s will, writ- my brethren, fancy how the words of ten, “strange to say, upon a sheet of my text must have been read and
received in Pall Mall! (I perceive sev- he wrote his paper at the Club?” ineral of the congregation looking most terposes Jones. uncomfortable. One old boy with a * It is dated at Chatham, my good dyed mustache turns purple in the man,” says Brown. “ A man if he face, and struts back to the Martium : is in London says he is in London. another, with a shrug of the shoulder A man if he is in Rochester says he and a murmur of "Rubbish,” slinks is in Rochester. This man happens away in the direction of the Toga- to forget that he is using the Club torium, and the preacher continues.) | paper: and he happens to be found The will of Field-Marshal Lord out: many men don't happen to be Clyde — signed at Chatham, mind, found out. I've seen literary fellows where his lordship died — is written, at Clubs writing their rubbishing strange to say, on a sheet of paper articles; I have no doubt they take bearing The Athenæum
away reams of paper. They crib mark !
thoughts: why shouldn't they crib The inference is obvious. A man stationery? One of your literary cannot get Athenæum paper except vagabonds who is capable of stabbing at “The Athenæum.” Such paper a reputation, who is capable of telling is not sold at Chatham, where the any monstrous falsehood to support last codicil to his lordship’s will is his party, is surely capable of stealing dated. And so the painful belief is a ream of paper.' forced upon us, that a Peer, a-Field Well, well, we have all our weakMarshal, wealthy, respected, illustri- nesses,” sighs Robinson. “ Seen that ous, could pocket paper at his Club, article, Thompson, in “The Observand carry it away with him to the er' about Lord Clyde and the Club country. One fancies the hall-porter paper ?. You'll find it up stairs. In conscious of the old lord's iniquity, the third column of the fifth page and holding down his head as the towards the bottom of the page. I Marshal passes the door. What is suppose he was so poor he couldn't that roll which his lordship carries ? afford to buy a quire of paper. Hadn't Is it his Marshal's bâton gloriously fourpence in the world. Oh, no!' won ?
No; it is a roll of foolscap “And they want to get up a testiconveyed from the Club. What has monial to this man's memory - a he on his breast, under his great-coat? statue or something !” cries Jawkins. Is it his Star of India ? No; it is a “ A man who wallows in wealth and bundle of envelopes, bearing the head takes paper away from his Club! I of Minerva, some sealing-wax, and a don't say he is not brave. Brutal half-score of pens.
courage most men have. I don't say Let us imagine how in the hall of he was not a good officer: a man
or other of these Clubs this with such experience must have been strange anecdote will be discussed. a good officer, unless he was born
"Notorious screw," says Sneer. fool. But to think of this man load“The poor old fellow's avarice has ed with honors — though of a low long been known.”
origin - so lost to self-respect as actuSuppose he wishes to imitate the ally to take away · The Athenæum' Duke of Marlborough,” says Simper. paper ! These parvenus, sir, betray
“Habit of looting contracted in In- their origin -betray their origin. I dia, you know; ain't so easy to get said to my wife this very morning, over, you know,” says Snigger. · Mrs. Jawkins,' I said, there is talk
“ When officers dined with him in of a testimonial to this man. I will India,” remarks Solemn," it was no- not give one shilling. I have no torious that the spoons were all of a idea of raising statues to fellows who different pattern.
take away Club paper. No, by “Perhaps it isn't true. Suppose George, I have not." Why, they will
be raising statues to men who take point out how strange
» his beClub spoons next! Not one penny of havior was. my money shall they have !'
And about ourselves? My good And now, if you please, we will tell people, do you by chance know any the real story which has furnished this man or woman who has formed unscandal to a newspaper, this tattle to just conclusions regarding his neighClub gossips and loungers, The bor? Have you ever found yourself Field-Marshal, wishing to make a fur- willing, nay, eager to believe evil ther provision for a friend, informed of some man whom you hate? his lawyer what he desired to do. Whom you hate because he is sucThe lawyer, a member of “ The Athe- cessful, and you are not: because he næum Člub," there wrote the draft is rich, and you are poor : because he of such a codicil as he would advise, dines with great men who don't invite and sent the paper by the post to you : because he wears a silk gown, Lord Clyde at Chatham. Lord Clyde, and yours is still stuff: because he finding the paper perfectly satisfacto- has been called in to perform the ry, signed it and sent it back : and operation though you lived close by : hence we have the story of “the cod- because his pictures have been icil bearing the signature of Clyde, bought, and yours returned home unF. M., and written, strange to say, sold: because he fills his church, and upon paper bearing The Athenæum you are preaching to empty pews ? Club mark."
If your rival prospers, have you ever Here I have been imagining a dia- felt a twinge of anger? If his wife's logue between a half-dozen gossips carriage passes you, and Mrs. Tomsuch as congregate round a Club kins, who are in a cab, don't you fireplace of an afternoon. I wonder feel that those people are giving themhow many people besides --whether selves absurd airs of importance? If any chance reader of this very page has he lives with great people, are you not read and believed this story about the sure he is a sneak? And if you ever good old lord. Have the country pa- felt envy towards another, and if pers copied the anecdote, and our own your heart has ever been black towards correspondents” made their remarks your brother, if you have been peevish on it? If, my good sir, or madam, at his success, pleased to hear his you have read it and credited it, don't merit depreciated, and eager to believe you own to a little feeling of shame all that is said in his disfavor my and sorrow, now that the trumpery good sir, as you yourself contritely little mystery is cleared ? To "the own that you are unjust, jealous, unnew inhabitants of light,” passed charitable, so you may be sure, some away and out of reach of our censure, men are uncharitable, jealous, and misrepresentation, scandal, dulness, unjust regarding you. malice, a silly falsehood matters nothing. Censure and praise are The proofs and manuscript of this alike to him
little sermon have just come from the « The music warbling to the deafened ear,
printer's, and as I look at the writing, The incense wasted on the funeral bier, 1 perceive, not without a smile, that
one or two of the pages bear, “strange the pompous eulogy pronounced over to say,” the mark of a Club of which the gravestone, or the lie that slander I have the honor to be a member. spits on it. Faithfully though this Those lines quoted in a foregoing brave old chief did his duty, honest page are from some noble verses and upright though his life was, written by one of Mr. Addison's men, glorious his renown - you see he Mr. Tickell, on the death of Cadogan, could write at Chatham on London who was amongst the most prominent paper; you see men can be found to “ of Marlborough's captains and