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abrac should have passed away in | He will not outrageously and indissuch a manner! by means of a man criminately laud all objects commitwho brings down a butterfly with a ted to his charge, for he knows the blunderbuss, and talks of a pin's head value of praise; that diamonds, could through a speaking-trumpet! Why, we have them by the bushel, would the auctioneer's very voice was enough be used as coals ; that, above all, he to crack the Sèvres porcelain, and has a character of sincerity to supblow the lace into annihilation. Let port; that he is not merely the advoit be remembered that I speak of the cate of the person who employs him, gentleman in his public character but that the public is his client too, merely, meaning to insinuate nothing who honors him and confides in him. more than I would by stating that Ask him to sell a copy of Raffaelle for Lord Brougham speaks with a north- an original ; a trumpery modern Brusern accent, or that the voice of sels counterfeit for real old Mechlin; Mr. Sheil is sometimes unpleasantly some common French forged crockery shrill.

for the old delightful, delicate DresNow the character I have formed den china ; and he will quit you with to myself of a great auctioneer is this. scorn, or order his servant to show I fancy him a man of first-rate and you the door of his study. irreproachable birth and fashion. I Study, by the way, - no,"study" is fancy his person so agreeable that it a vulgar word; every word is vulgar must be a pleasure for ladies to which a man uses to give the world behold and tailors to dress it. As a an exaggerated notion of himself private man he must move in the very or his condition. When the wretchbest society, which will flock rounded bagman, brought up to give evihis pulpit when he mounts it in his dence before Judge Coltman, was public calling. It will be a privilege asked what his trade was, and replied for vulgar people to attend the hall that “he represented the house of where he lectures; and they will con- Dobson and Hobson," he showed sider it an honor to be allowed to pay himself to be a vulgar, mean-souled their money for articles the value of wretch, and was most properly repriwhich is stamped by his high recom- manded by his lordship. To be a mendation. Nor can such a person bagman is to be humble but not of be a mere fribble; nor can any loose necessity vulgar. Pomposity is vulhanger-on of fashion imagine he may gar, to ape a higher rank than your assume the character. The gentle- own is vulgar, for an ensign of militia man auctioneer must be an artist to call himself captain is vulgar, or above all, adoring his profession; and for a bagman to style himself the adoring it, what must he not know? “representative” of Dobson and He must have a good knowledge of Hobson. The honest auctioneer, the history and language of all na- then, will not call his room his study; tions; not the knowledge of the mere but his “private room," or his office, critical scholar, but of the lively and or whatever may be the phrase comelegant man of the world. He will monly used among auctioneers. not commit the gross blunders of pro He will not for the same reason call nunciation that untravelled English- himself (as once in a momentary feelmen perpetrate; he will not degrade ing of pride and enthusiasm for the his subject by coarse eulogy, or sick- profession I thought he should) — he en his audience with vulgar banter. I will not call himself an advocate, He will know where to apply praise but an auctioneer. There is no need and wit properly; he will have the to attempt to awe people by big titles; tact only acquired in good society, let each man bear his own name withand know where a joke is in place, out shame. And a very gentlemanand how far a compliment may go. I like and agreeable, though exception

Dr. Mey

al position (for it is clear that there canes, valuable arms, picturesque ancannot be more than two of the class), tiquities, with what eloquent entrainemay the auctioneer occupy:

ment might he not speak ! He feels He must not sacrifice his honesty, every one of these things in his then, either for his own sake or his heart. He has all the tastes of clients', in any way, nor tell fibs about the fashionable world. himself or them. He is by no means rick cannot be more enthusiastic called upon to draw the long bow in about an old suit of armor than their behalf; all that his office obliges he; Sir Harris Nicholas not more him to do — and let us hope his dis- eloquent regarding the gallant times position will lead him to do it also – in which it was worn, and the brave is to take a favorable, kindly, philan- histories connected with it. He takes thropic view of the world; to say up a pearl necklace with as much what can fairly be said by a good- delight as any beauty who was sighnatured and ingenious man in praise ing to wear it round her own snowy of any article for which he is desirous throat, and hugs a china monster to awaken public sympathy. And with as much joy as the oldest how readily and pleasantly may this duchess could do. Nor must he he done! I will take upon myself, affect these things; he must feel them. for instance, to write an eulogium upon He is a glass in which all the tastes So-and-So's last novel, which shall be of fashion are reflected. He must be every word of it true; and which every one of the characters to whom work, though to some discontented. he addresses himself - a genteel spirits it might appear dull, may Goethe or Shakspeare, a fashionable be shown to be really amusing and world-spirit. instructive, - nay, is amusing and How can a man be all this and not instructive, to those who have the be a gentleman; and not have had an art of discovering where those pre- education in the midst of the best cious qualities lie.

company - - an insight into the most An auctioneer should have the delicate feelings, and wants, and organ of truth large; of imagination usages? The pulpit oratory of such and comparison, considerable ; of a man would be invaluable; people wit, great; of benevolence, excessive-.would flock to listen to him from far ly large.

and near. He might out of a single And how happy might such a man teacup cause streams of world-phibe, and cause others to be! He losophy to flow, which would be should go through the world laugh- drunk in by grateful thousairds; and ing, merry, observant, kind-hearted. draw out of an old pincushion points

He should love every thing in the of wit, morals, and experience, that • world, because his profession regards would make a nation wise. every thing. With books of lighter Look round, examine THE ANNALS literature (for I do not recommend OF AUCTIONS, as Mr. Robins rethe genteel auctioneer to meddle with marks, and (with every respect for heavy antiquarian and philological him and his brethren) say, is there works) he should be elegantly conver- in the profession suCH A MAN? Do sant, being able to give a neat history we want such a man? Is such a man of the author, a pretty sparkling kind likely or not likely to make an imcriticism of the work, and an appro- mense fortune ? Can we get such a priate eulogium upon the binding, man, except out of the very best which would make those people read society, and among the most favored who never read before; or buy, at there? least, which is his first consideration. Everybody answers “No!I Of pictures, we have already spoken. knew you would answer no. And Of china, of jewelry, of gold-headed now, gentlemen, who have laughed

at my pretension to discover a pro- world contains, and if he has a fault, fession, say, have I not? I have laid is perhaps too finikin. Well, you my finger upon the spot where the fancy him related to the Sutherland social deficit exists. I have shown family: nor, indeed, does honest that we labor under a want; and when Frank deny it; but entre nous, my the world wants, do we not know that good sir, his father was an attorney, a man will

step forth to fill the vacant and his grandfather a bailiff in Chanspace that Fate has left for him ? Pass cery Lane, bearing a name still older we now to the

than that of Leveson, namely, Levy.

So it is that this confounded equality SECOND PROFESSION. grows and grows, and.has laid the good

old nobility by the heels. Look at This profession, too, is a great, that venerable Sir Charles Kitely, of lofty, and exceptional one, and dis- Kitely Park: he is interested about covered by me considering these the Ashantees, and is just come from things, and deeply musing upon the Exeter Hall. Kitely discounted bills necessities of society. Nor let honor- in the City in the year 1787, and able gentlemen imagine that I am gained his baronetcy by a loan to enabled to offer them in this profes- the French princes. All these points sion, more than any other, a promise of history are perfectly well known; of what is called future glory, death- and do you fancy the world cares? less fame, and so forth. All that I Psha! Profession is disgrace to a say is, that I can put young men in man: be what you like, provided you the way of making a comfortable succeed. If Mr. Fauntleroy could livelihood, and leaving behind them, come to life with a million of money, not a name, but, what is better, a you and I would dine with him: you decent maintenance to their children. know we would; for why should we Fitz-Boodle is as good a name as any in be better than our neighbors ? England. General Fitz-Boodle, who, Put, then, out of your head, the in Marlborough's time and in con- idca that this profession is unworthy junction with the famous Van Slaap, of you : take any that may bring you beat the French in the famous action profit, and thank him that puts you of Vischzouchee, near Mardyk, in in the way of being rich. Holland, on the 14th of February, The profession I would urge (upon 1709, is promised an immortality upon a person dnly qualified to underhis tomb in Westmiuster Abbey ; take it) has. I confess, at the first but he died of apoplexy, deucedly in glance, something ridiculous about it; debt, two years afterwards : and what and will not appear to young ladies after that is the use of a name? so romantic as the calling of a gallant

No, no; the age of chivalry is past. soldier, blazing with glory, gold lace, Take the twenty-four first men who and vermilion coats; or a dear decome into the club, and ask who they lightful clergyman, with a sweet blue are, and how they made their money? eye, and a pocket-handkerchief scented There's Woolsey-Sackville : his fath- charmingly with lavender-water. The er was Lord Chancellor, and sat on profession I allude to will, I own, be the woolsack, whence he took his to young women disagreeable, to title; his grandfather dealt in coal- sober men trivial, to great stupid sacks, and not in wool-sacks,- small moralists unworthy. coal-sacks, dribbling out little sup But mark my words for it, that in plies of black diamonds to the poor. the religious world (I have once or Yonder comes Frank Leveson, in a twice, by mistake no doubt, had the huge broad-brimmed hat, his shirt- honor of dining in “serious” houses, cuffs turned up to his elbows. Leve- and can vouch for the fact that the son is as gentlemanly a fellow as the dinners there are of excellent quality)

22 *


- in the serious world, in the great know of eating, like you and me, mercantile world, among the legal who have given up our time to it? community (notorious feeders), in (I say me only familiarly, for I have every house in town (except some only reached so far in the science as half-dozen which can afford to do to know that I know nothing.) But without such aid), the man I propose men there are, gifted individuals, might speedily render himself indis- who have spent years of deep thought pensable.

- not merely intervals of labor, but Does the reader now begin to take ? hours of study every day — over Have I hinted enough for him that the gormandizing science - who like he may see with eagle glance the im- alchemists, have let their fortunes go, mense beauty of the profession I am guinea by guinea, into the all-devourabout to unfold to him? We have all ing pot, who, ruined as they someseen Gunter and Chevet; Fregoso, on times are, never get a guinea by the Puerta del Sol (a relation of the ex- chance but they will have a plate of Minister Calomarde), is a good pur- pease in May with it, or a little feast veyor enough for the benighted of ortolans, or a piece of Glo'ster salolla-eaters of Madrid ; nor have I any mon, or one more flask from their fault to find with Guimard, a French favorite claret-bin. man, who has lately set up in the It is not the ruined gastronomist Toledo, at Naples, where he furnishes that I would advise a person to select people with decent food. It has as his table-master ; for the opportugiven me pleasure, too, in walking nities of peculation would be too great about London - in the Strand, in in a position of such confidenceOxford Street, and elsewhere, to see such complete abandonment of one fournisseurs and comestible-merchants man to another. A ruined man newly set up. Messrs. Morell have would be making bargains with the excellent articles in their warehouses ; tradesmen. They would offer to cash Fortnum and Mason are known to bills for him, or send him opportune most of my readers.

presents of wine, which he could conBut what is not known, what is vert into money, or bribe him in one wanted, what is languished for in Eng- way or another. Let this be done, land is a dinner-master,– a gentleman and the profession of table-master is who is not a provider of meat or wine, ruined. Snorter and Pogson may like the parties before named, who can almost as well order their own dinhave no earthly interest in the price ners, as be at the mercy of a “gasof truffled turkeys or dry champagne tronomic agent” whose faith is not beyond that legitimate interest which beyond all question. he may feel for his client, and which A vulgar mind, in reply to these leads him to see that the latter is not remarks regarding the gastronomic cheated by his tradesmen. For the ignorance of Snorter and Pogson, dinner-giver is almost naturally an might say, “True, these gentlemen ignorant man. How in mercy's name know nothing of household economy, can Mr. Sergeant Snorter, who is being occupied with other more imall day at Westminster, in portant business elsewhere. But what chambers, know possibly the mys- are their wives about? Lady Pogson teries, the delicacy, of dinner-giving? in Harley Street has nothing earthly How can Alderman Pogson know to do but to mind her poodle, and her any thing beyond the fact that venison mantua-maker's and housekeeper's is good with currant-jelly, and that bills. Mrs. Snorter in Bedford Place, he likes lots of green fat with his when she has taken her drive in the turtle? Snorter knows law, Pogson Park with the young ladies, may is acquainted with the state of the surely have time to attend to her hustallow market; but what should he l band's guests and preside over the


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preparations of his kitchen, as she does | But of these matters - of kitchen worthily at his hospitable mahogany," philosophy - I have no practical or

To this I answer, that a man who theoretic knowledge; and must beg expects a woman to understand the pardon if, only understanding the philosophy of dinner-giving, shows goodness of a dish when cooked, I the strongest evidence of a low mind. may have unconsciously made some He is unjust towards that lovely and blunder regarding the preparation. delicate creature, woman, to suppose

Let it, then, be set down as an that she heartily understands and axiom, without further trouble of demcares for what she eats and drinks. onstration, that a woman is a bad No : taken as a rule, women have no dinner-caterer; either too great and real appetites. They are children in simple for it, or too mean - I don't the gormandizing way; loving sugar, know which it is; and gentlemen, sops, tarts, trifles, apricot-creams, and according as they admire or contemn such gewgaws. They would take a the sex, may settle that matter their sip of Malmsey, and would drink own way. In brief, the mental concurrant-wine just as happily, if that stitution of lovely woman is such that accursed liquor were presented to she cannot give a great dinner. It them by the butler. Did you ever must be done by a man. It can't be know a woman who could lay her done by an ordinary man, because he fair hand upon her gentle heart and does not understand it. Vain fool ! say on her conscience that she pre- and he sends off to the pastry.cook in ferred dry sillery to sparkling cham- Great Russell Street or Baker Street, pagne? Such a phenomenon does not he lays on a couple of extra waiters exist. They are not made for eating (green-grocers in the neighborhood), and drinking; or, if they make a he makes a great bother with his butpretence to it, become downright ler in the cellar, and fancies he has odious. Nor can they, I am sure, done the business. witness the preparations of a really Bon Dieu ! Who has not been at great repast without a certain jeal- those dinners ? — those monstrous ousy. They grudge spending money exhibitions of the pastrycook's art? (ask guards, coachmen, inn-waiters, Who does not know those made whether this be not the case). They dishes with the universal sauce to will give their all, heaven bless them! each ? fricandeaux, sweet-breads, to serve a son, a grandson, or a dear damp dumpy cutlets, &c., seasoned relative, but they have not the heart with the compound of grease, onions, to pay for small things magnificently: bad port-wine, cayenne pepper, curryThey are jealous of good dinners, and powder (Warren's Blacking, for what no wonder. I have shown in a for- Í know, but the taste is always the mer discourse how they are jealous of same) – there they lie in the old smoking, and other personal enjoy- corner dishes, the poor wiry Moselle ments of the male. I say, then, that and sparkling Burgundy in the iccLady Pogson or Mrs. Šnorter can coolers, and the old story of white never conduct their husbands' table and brown soup, turbot, little smelts, properly. Fancy either of them boiled turkey, saddle-of-mutton, and consenting to allow a calf to be stewed so forth. Try a little of that down into gravy for one dish, or a fricandeau,” says Mrs. Snorter, with dozen hares to be sacrificed to a single a kind smile.

“ You'll find it, I purée of game, or the best Madeira

to think, very nice.” Be sure it has be used for a sauce, or half a dozen of come in a green tray from

Great Ruschampagne to boil a ham in. They sell Street. “Mr. Fitz-Boodle, you will be for bringing a bottle of Marsala have been in Germany,” cries Snorin place of the old particular, or for ter, knowingly; “ taste the hock, and having the ham cooked in water. I tell me what you think of that.

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