twixt two faces of fuch different extremes, as the only poffible expedient, to mend the breed, and rectify the phy. fiognomy of the family on both fides. And again, as he is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need not fear that your first child will be born dumb, which otherwife you might have some reafon to be apprehenfive of. To be plain with you, I can fee nothing fhocking in it; for though she has not a face like a John-Apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at fixty-five ventured on a lafs of fifteen, very frequently, in the remaining five years of his life, gave me to understand, that, as old as he then feemed, when they were first married he and his spouse could make but fourfcore; fo may Madam Hecatiffa very justly alledge hereafter, that, as long-visaged as the may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. Spectator and the had but half an ell of face betwixt them; and this my very worthy predeceffor, Mr. Serjeant Chin, always maintained to be no more than the true oval proportion between man and wife. But as this may be a new thing to you, who have hitherto had no expectations from women, I hall allow you what time you think fit to confider on it; not without fome hope of feeing at last your thoughts hereupon fubjoined to mine, and which is an honour much defired by, Sir, your affured friend, and most humble fervant, Με HUGH GOBLIN, Præfes. The following letter has not much in it; but, as it is written in my own praife, I cannot from my heart fupprefs it. SIR, you propofed, in your Spectator of laft Tuesday, Mr. Hobbes's hypothefis, for folving that very odd phænohypothefis valuable by espousing it yourmenon of laughter. You have made the felf; for, had it continued Mr. Hobbes's, nobody would have minded it. Now here this perplexed cafe arifes. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and the truth on it is, he must be a man of more than ordinary confancy that could ftand it out against so much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world fo far loft to all good fenfe, as to look upon you to be a man in a ftate of folly inferior to himself. Pray then, how do you justify your hypothefis of laughter? Your moft humble, Q. R. THURSDAY, THE 26th or IN answer to your letter, I muft defire N° LIII. TUESDAY, MAY 1. ALIQUANDO BONUS DORMITAT HOMERUS. HOR. ARS POET. VER. 359. ROSCOMMON. HOMER HIMSELF HATH BEEN OBSERV'D TO NOB. Y correfpondents grow fo numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inferting their applications to me. nish that Mahometan custom which had too much prevailed even in this island, of treating women as if they had no fouls. I must do them the justice to fay, that there feems to be nothing wanting to the finishing of thefe lovely pieces of human nature, befides the turning and applying their ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a fenfe of what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain honeft philofopher, as little as he had of gallantry, appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St, Evremont, and has hit this point very luckily. When young women,' fays he, arrive at a certain age, they hear them ་ • felves felves called Miftreffes, and are made to believe that their only bufinefs is to please the men; they immediately begin to drefs, and place all their hopes in the adorning of their perfons; it is therefore,' continues he, worth the while to endeavour by all means ⚫ to make them fenfible, that the honour paid to them is only upon account of their conducting themfelves with virtue, modelty, and difcretion.' Now to purfue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair-ones more effectual, I would propofe a new method, like thofe applications which are faid to convey their virtue by fympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the mistress, you fhould give a new education to the lover, and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by falfe charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our fex knew always how to place their efteem juftly, the other would not be fo often wanting to themfelves in deferving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of fenfe and virtue is an improvement to a man's understanding and morals, and the paffion is ennobled by the object which infpires it; fo on the other fide, the appearing amiable to a man of a wife and elegant mind, carries in itself no fmall degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude therefore, that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous. I am, Sir, your most humble fervant, SIR, R. B. APRIL 29. it an obfervation not ill made, that, where YOURS of Saturday last I read, not without fome refentment; but I will fuppofe, when you fay you expect an inundation of ribbons and brocades, and to fee many new vanities which the women will fall into upon a peace with France, that you intend only the unthinking part of our fex; and what methods can reduce them to reafon is hard to imagine. But, Sir, there are others yet, that your inftructions might be of great ufe to, who, after their beft endeavours, are fometimes at a lofs to acquit themselves to a cenforious world; I am far from thinking you can altogether difapprove of converfation between ladies and gentlemen, regulated by the rules of honour and prudence; and have thought No answer to this, till Anna Bella fends a defcription of those the calls the best-bred men in the world. MR. SPECTATOR, I Am a gentleman who for many years laft past have been well known to be truly fplenetic, and that my fpleen arifes from having contracted fo great a delicacy, by reading the best authors, and keeping the most refined company, that I cannot bear the least impropriety of language, or rufticity of behaviour. Now, Sir, I have ever looked upon this as a wife diftemper; but by late obfervations find that every heavy wretch, who has nothing to fay, excufes his dulnefs by complaining of the spleen. Nay, I faw, the other day, two fellows in a tavern-kitchen fet up for it, call for a pint and pipes, and only by guzzling liquor to each other's health, and wafting fmoke in each other's face, pretend to throw off the spleen. I appeal to you whether thefe difhonours are to be done to the diffemper of the great and the polite. I beseech you, Sir, to inform thefe fellows that they have not the spleen, because they cannot talk without the help of a glafs at their mouths, or convey their meaning to each other without the interpofition of clouds. If you will not do this with all fpeed, I affure you, for my part, I will wholly quit the difeafe, and for the future be merry with the vulgar. I am, Sir, Your humble fervant. parently partial to the women, as to let them go wholly unobferved. If they do every thing that is poffible to attract our eyes, are we more culpable than they, for looking at them? I happened laft Sunday to be shut into a pew, which was full of young ladies in the bloom of youth and beauty. When the fervice began, I had not room to kneel at the Confeffion, but as I ftood kept my eyes from wandering as well as I was able, till one of the young ladies, who is a Peeper, refolved to bring down my looks, and fix my devotion on herfelf. You are to know, Sir, that a Peeper works with her hands, eyes, and fan; one of which is continually in motion, while the thinks fhe is not actually the admiration of fome Ogler or Starer in the congregation. As I ftood, utterly at a lofs how to behave myself, furrounded as I was, this Peeper fo placed berfelf as to be kneeling just before me. She difplayed the most beautiful bofom imaginable, which heaved and fell with fome fervour, while a delicate wellshaped arm held a fan over her face. It was not in nature to command one's eves from this object. I could not avoid taking notice alfo of her fan, which had on it various figures, very improper to behold on that occafion. There lay in the body of the piece a Venus, under a purple canopy furled with curious wreaths of drapery, half naked, attended with a train of Cupids, who were bufied in fanning her as the flept. Behind her was drawn a Satyr peeping over the filken fence, and threat ening to break through it. I frequent ly offered to turn my fight another way, but was still detained by the fafcination of the Peeper's eyes, who had long practifed a skill in them, to recal the parting glances of her beholders. You fre my complaint, and hope you will take these mischievous people, the Peepers, into your confideration: I doubt not but TH you will think a Peeper as much more pernicious than a Starer, as an ambufcade is more to be feared than an open aflault. I am, Sir, Your moft obedient fervant. This Peeper ufing both fan and eyes, to be confidered as a Pict, and proceed accordingly. KING LATIN US TO THE SPECTATOR, GREETING. THOUGH fome may think we defcend from our imperial dignity, in holding correfpondence with a private Litterato; yet, as we have great refpect to all good intentions for our fervice, we do not esteem it beneath us to return ifhed in our behalf, while under conyou our royal thanks for what you pub finement in the inchanted castle of the This Savoy, and for your mention of a subfidy for a prince in misfortune. your timely zeal has inclined the hearts of divers to be aiding unto us, if we could propofe the means. We have taken their good-will into confideration, and have contrived a method which will be easy to those who fhall give the aid, it. A concert of mufic fhall be prepared and not unacceptable to us who receive at Haberdashers Hall for Wednesday the fecond of May, and we will honour the faid entertainment with our own prefence, where each perfon fhall be affeffed but at two fhillings and fix-pence. What we expect from you is, that you publish thefe our royal intentions, with tables within the cities of London and injunction that they be read at all teaWeftminster, and fo we bid you heartily farewel. LATINUS, Given at our court in Vinegar Yard, story the third from the earth, April 18, 1711. R. N° LIV. WEDNESDAY, MAY 2. STRENUA NOS EXERCET INERTIA. HOR. EP. I. XI. 28. LABORIOUS IDLENESS OUR POWERS EMPLOYS. HE following letter being the first that I have received from the learned university of Cambridge, I in that famous refidence of learning; and is perhaps the only fect this age is likely to produce. CAMBRIDGE, APRIL 26. MR. SPECTATOR, BELIEVING you to be an univerfal encourager of liberal arts and fciences, and glad of any information from the learned world, I thought an account of a fect of philofophers very frequent among us, but not taken notice of, as far as I can remember, by any writers either ancient or modern, would not be unacceptable to you. The philofophers of this feet are in the language of our univerfity called Lowngers. I am of opinion, that, as in many other things, fo likewife in this, the ancients have been defective; viz. in mentioning no philofophers of this fort. Some indeed will affirm that they are a kind of Peripatetics, becaufe we fee them continually walking about. But I would have thefe gentlemen consider, that though the ancient Peripatetics walked much, yet they wrote much alfo; witnefs, to the forrow of this feet, Ariftotle and others: whereas it is notorious that molt of our profeffors never lay out a farthing either in pen, ink, or paper. Others are for deriving them from Diogenes, becaufe feveral of the leading men of the fect have a great deal of the cynical humour in them, and delight much in fumfhine. But then again, Diogenes was content to have his conftant habitation in a narrow tub, whilt our philofophers are fo far from being of his opinion, that it is death to them to be confined within the limits of a good, handfome, convenient chamber, but for half an hour. Others there are, who from the clearness of their heads deduce the pedigree of Lowngers from that great man, I think it was either Plato or Socrates, who after all his ftudy and learning, profeffed, that all he then knew was, that he knew nothing. You eafily fee this is but a fhallow argument, and may be foon confuted. I have with great pains and industry made my obfervations, from time to time, upon thefe fages; and, having now all materials ready, am compiling a treatife, wherein I fhall fet forth the rife and progrefs of this famous fect, together with their maxims, aufterities, manner of living, &c. Having prevailed with a Aiend, who defigus fhortly to . publish a new edition of Diogenes tius, to add this treatife of mine by of fupplement; I fhall now, to let f world fee what may be expected fr me, first begging Mr. Spectator's le that the world may fee it, briefly tou upon fome of my chief observation and then fubfcribe myself your hum fervant. In the first place, I fhall gi you two or three of their maxims: t fundamental one, upon which their whe fystem is built, is this, viz. That tin being an implacable enemy to and d ftroyer of all things, ought to be pai in his own coin, and be deftroyed an murdered without mercy, by all th ways that can be invented. Anothe favourite faying of theirs is, Tha bufigefs was defigned only for knaves and ftuly for blockheads. A thin feems to be a ludicrous one, but has great effect upon their lives; and is thi That the devil is at home.' Now for their manner of living; and here have a large field to expatiate in; but 1 fhall referve particulars for my intended difcourfe, and now only mention one o two of their principal exercifes. The elder proficients employ themselves in infpe&ting mores hominum multorum, in getting acquainted with all the figns and windows in the town. Some are arrived to fo great knowledge, that they can tell every time any butcher kills a calf, every time an old woman's cat is in the ftraw; and a thoufand other matters as important. One ancient philofopher contemplates two or three hours every day over a fun-dial; and is true to the dial As the dial to the fun, Our younger ftudents are content to carry their fpeculations as yet no farther than bowling-greens, billiard-tables, and fuch like places. This may ferve for a sketch of my defign; in which 1 hope I fhall have your encouragement. I am, Sir, yours. h other ftudents whatever. Others ebrom hurt themfelves any further than He gain weak eyes, and fometimes headedchs; but thefe philofophers are feized all over with a general inability, indoence, and weariness, and a certain impatience of the place they are in, with in heavinefs in removing to another. The Lowngers are fatisfied with being merely part of the number of mankind, without diftinguishing themselves from amongst them. They may be faid rather to fuffer their time to pafs, than to fpend it, without regard to the paft, or profpe& of the future. All they know of life is only the prefent inftant, and do not taste even that. When one of this erder happens to be a man of fortune, the expence of his time is transferred to his coach and horfes, and his life is to be measured by their motion, not his own enjoyments or fufferings. The chief entertainment one of thefe philofophers can poffibly propofe to himself, is to get a relifh of drefs. This, methinks, might diverfify the perfon he is weary of, his own dear felf, to himself. I have known these two amusements make one of thefe philofophers make a tolerable figure in the world; with va riety of dreffes in public affemblies in town, and quick motion of his horfes out of it, now to Bath, now to Tunbridge, then to Newmarket, and then to London, he has in procefs of time brought it to pafs, that his coach and his horfes have been mentioned in all thofe places. When the Lowngers leave an academic life, and, instead of this more elegant way of appearing in the polite world, retire to the feats of their ancestors, they ufually join a pack of dogs, and employ their days in defending their poultry from foxes: I do not know any other method that any of this order has ever taken to make a noife in the world; but I fhall inquire into fuch about this town as have arrived at the dignity of being Lowngers by the force of natural parts, without having ever feen an univerfity: and fend my correfpondent, for the embellishment of his book, the names and hiftory of thofe who pafs their lives without any incidents at all; and how they fhift coffeehoufes and chocolate-houfes from hour to hour, to get over the infupportable labour of doing nothing. N° LV. THURSDAY, MAY 3. INTUS ET IN JECORE ÆGRO NASCUNTUR DOMINI PERS. SAT. V. 129. OUR PASSIONS PLAY THE TYRANTS IN OUR BREASTS. I Maswasof living among mankind, take their original either from the love of pleafure, or the fear of want. The former, when it becomes too violent, degenerates into Luxury, and the latter into Avarice. As these two principles of action draw different ways, Perfius has given us a very humorous account of a young fellow who was roufed out of his bed, in order to be fent upon a long voyage by Avarice, and afterwards over-perfuaded and kept at home by Luxury. I fhall fet down at length the pleadings of thefe two imaginary perfons, as they are in the original, with Mr. Dryden's tranflation OST of the trades, profeffions, of them. R Baro, reguftatum digito terebrare falinum Contentus perages, fi vivere cum Jove tendis. Jam pueris pellem fuccinctus et ænɔphorum aptas gæum rapias, nifi folers luxuria antè Ocyus ad navem: nil obftat quin trabe vastâ Seductum moneat; quò deinde infame,ruis? Quid? Quid tibi vis? calido fub pectore mafcula bilis Intumuit, quam non extinxerit urna cicuta. Tun' mare tranfilias? Tibi tortá cannabe fulto Cana fit in tranftro? Veientanúmque rubellum Exhalet vapida lafum pice feffilis, obba? Quid petis? Ut nummi, quos bic quincunce modefto Nutrieras, peragant avides fudare deunces? Indulge genio: carpamus dulcia: noftrum eft, Quid vivis, cixis, et manes, et fabula fies. |