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nominated for chaplain; and nothing YOU well know it is of great conse- was wanting, but fome one to sit in the
quence to clear titles, and it is of elbow.chair, by way of Pretident, as importance that it be done in the proper the upper end of the cable; and i here feaion: on which account this is to ar- the business stuck, for there was no fure you, that the club of Ugly Faces contention for superiority there. This was instituted originally at Cambridge affair made so great a noise, that the in the merry reign of King Charles II. King, who was then at Newmarket, As in great bodies of men it is not dif- heard of and was pleased merrily and ficult to find members enough for such graciously to fay, He could not be there a club, fo, I remember, it was then himself, but he would fend them a brace feared, vpon their intention of dining of bucks. together, that the hall belonging to I would defire you, Sir, to set this Clare Hall, the ugliest then in the town, affair in a true light, that pofterity may thongh now the neatest, would not be not be milled in so important a point: tage enough handloinely to hold the for wlien 'the wise man who thall write company.
Invitations were made to your true history' hall acquaint the great numbers, but very few accepted world, that you had a Diploma feint Thein without much difficulty. One from the Ugly Club at Oxford, and pleaded that being at I.ondon in a book. that by virtue of it you were admitted jeller's Top, a ladly going by with a into it, what a learned work will there great belly longed to kiss him. He had be among future critics about the oricertainly been excused, but that evi- ginal of that club, which both univerdence appeared, that indeed one in l.orio fities will contend so warnıly for! And don did pretend the longed to kiss him, perhaps fome hardy Cantabrigian author but that it was only a Pickpocket, who may :hen beldly affirm, that the word during his killing her stole away all his Oxford was an interpolation of some money.
Another would have got off by Oxonian instead of Cambridge. This a dimple in his chin; but it was proved attair will be heft adjusted in your life. upon him, that he had, by coming into time; but I liope ycur aitiation to your a 'rooin, made a woman miscarry, and Mother will not make you partial to frightened two children into fits. A
Aunt. third alleged, that he was taken by a To tell you, Sir, my own opinion: judy for another gentleman, who was though I cannot find any ancient reone of the sand crieit in the univertity; cords of any acts of the Society of the but upon enquiry it was found that the Ugly Faces, confidered in a public calady had actually lost one eye, and the pacity; yet in a private one they have other was very much upon the decline. certainly antiquity on their fide.' I am A fourth produced letters out of the persuaded they will hardly give place to country in his vindication, in which a
the Lowngers; and the Loungers are gentleman offered him his daugliter, of the lanie standing with the university who had lately fallen in love with him, itself. with a good fortune: but it was made Though we well know, Sir, you appear that this young lady was want no motives to do justice, yet I am rous, and liad like to have run away cummiflioned to tell you, that you are with her fither's coachman, so that it invited to be adawiis ad eunden at was supposed, i hat her politice of tall- Cambridge; and I believe I may vening in love with him was only in order
turc tafely to deliver this as the with of to be well married. It iras pleasant to our whole aniversity. hear tu feveral excufes which were made, infomuch that some made as much interest to be excuted as they would from serving theriff; huvrever, at
WHO lart the society was firmei, and proper
AND WHICH. officers were appointed: and the day was fixed for the entertainment, which was in Venison Seaton. A pleatant fellow THAT your petitioners, being in 3 of King's College, commonly, cailed furlorn and deftitute condition, Crab from his for look, and the only know not to whom we fiould apply man who did not pretuint to get off, was ourielves for relief, because there is
TO MR. SPECTATOR.
hardly any man alive who hath not in- bates, refused to consent to an alterajured us. Nay, we speak it with for- tion of it. In our general confeffion row, even you yourself, whom we thould we say– Spare thou them, O God, fufpect of such a practice the last of all • Which confess their faults;' which mankind,'can hardly acquit yourself of ought to be Who confess their faults.' having given us some caule of complaint. What hopes then have we of having jusWe are descended of ancient families, tice done us, when the makers of our and kept up our dignity and honour very prayers and laws, and the most many years, till the Jack-Sprat That learned in all faculties, seein to be in a supplanted us. How often have we confederacy againit us, and our enemies found ourselves llighted by the clergy themfelves nuit be our judges. in their pulpits, and the lawyers at the The Spanith proverb Tays— El fabia bar! Nay, how often have we heard in ' muda consejo, el necio no;' i. e. A one of the most polite and august aflem- I wise man changes his mind, a fool blies in the universe, to our great mor- never will.' So that we think you, tification, these words That That Sir, a very proper person to adulreis to,
that noble lord urged!' which, if one since we know you to lve capable of beof us had had justice done, would have ing convinced, and changing your judgfounded nobler thus : · That Which
You are well able to settle this that noble lord urged.' Senates them- affair, and to you we submit our cause. felves, the guardians of British liberty, We defire you to align the butts and have degraded us, and preferred That bounds of each of us; and that for the to us; and yet no decice was ever given future we may both enjoy our own. against us. In the very acts of parlia- We would defire to be heard by our ment, in which the utinoit right should counsel, but that we fear in their very be done to every Body, Word, and pleadings they would betray our cause:
Thing, we find ourselves often either beides, we have been oppressed so many not uled, or used one instead of another. years, that we can appear no other way, In the first and best prayer children are but in forma pauperis, All which contaught, they learn to misuse us. Our lidered, we hope you will be pleased to • Father Which art in heaven,' should do that which to right and justice shall be - Our Father Who art in Heaven;' appertain. and even a Convocation, after long de- 'R And your Petitioners, Sc.
N° LXXIX. THURSDAY, MAY 31.
ODERUNT PECCARE BOXI VIRTUTIS AMORE.
Hor. Ep. I. XVI. 51.
late, from my female correspondents, cultivated with precepts, and contemost of whom are very angry with me quently may, without disrespect to them, for abridging their pleasures, and look- he accounted more liable to illusion in ing feverely upon things in themselves cases wherein natural inclination is out indifferent. But I think they are ex- of the interests of virtue. I hall take up tremely unjust to me in this imputation; my present time in commenting upon a all that I contend for is, that thote ex- billet or two which came from ladies, cellencies, which are to be regarded but and from thence leave the reader to in the second place, hould not precede judge whether I am in the right or noi, more weighty confiderations. The heart in thinking it is possible fine womelof man deceives bim in spite of the lec- may be mistaken. tures of half a life spent in discourses on The following address seems to have the subjection of passion; and I do not no other design in it, but to tell me the know why one may not think the heart writer will do what the pleases for all of woman as unfaithful to itself. If me, *e grant an equality in the faculties of
look aukward. That which was, at
first, the effect of instruction, is grown I Am young, and very much inclined to follow the paths of innocence; but
into an habit; and it would be as hard at the fame time, as I have a plentiful
for Eudosia to indulge a wrong fuz. fortune, and aim of quality, I ain un. gestion of thought, as it would be for
Flavia, the fine dancer, to come into willing to resign the pleatures of di tinction, some little satisfaction in being
a room with an unbecoining air. adinired in general, and much greater
But the milapprehensions people themin being beloved by a gentleman, whom
selves have of their own ftate of mind, I design to make my husband. But I
is laid down with much discerning in have a mind to put off entering into
the following letter, which is but 29 matrimony till another winter is over
extract of a kind cpifle fiom my charm.my head, which, whatever, musty Sir,
ing mistress Heccatiffa, who is above you may think of the matter, I design the vanity of external beauty, and is to pass away in hearing music, going
the better judge of the perfections of the
inind. to plays, vilting, and ail other fatisfactions which fortune and youth, proteated by innocence and virtue, can
MR. SPECTATOR, procure for, Sir, your most humble I
Write this to acquaint you, that very fervant,
many ladies as well as myself, spend Μ. Τ.
many hours more than we used at the My lover does not know I like him; glass, for want of the female library of therefore, having no engagements upon
which you promised us a catalogue. I me, I think to itay and know whether hope, Sir, in the choice of authors for I may not like any one else better. us, you will have a particular regard 10
books of devotion. What they are, and I have heard Will. Honeycomb fasa how many, mult be your chief care; for " A woman seldom writes her mind but upon the propriety of such writings dein her post script.' I think this gen
pends a great deal. I have known tlewoman has fufficiently discovered hers
those among us who think, if they every in this. I'll lay what wager the pleases morning and evening spend an hour in againa her present favourite, and can tell
their closet, and read over so many her that she will like ten more before the prayers in six or seven books of devca is fixed, and then will take the worst tion, all equally nonsensical, with a fort man Die ever liked in her life. There of warmth, that might as well be raised is no end of affection taken in at the by a glass of wine, or a dram of citron, eyes only; and you may as well fatisfy they may all the rest of tlieir time go on those eyes with seeing, as control any
in whatever their particular pafsion leads paflion received by them only. It is them to. The beauteous Philautia, who from loving by right that coxcombs so is, in your language, an Idol, is one of frequently fucceed with women, and
these votaries; she has a very pretty fur. very often a young lady is beftowed by
nished closet, to which fie retires at her her parents to a man who weds her as appointed hours: this is her dreslinginnocence itlelf, though she has in her room as well as chapel; Me has con. own heart, given her approbation of a
Hantly before her a large locking-glais, ditfirent man in every allembly the was
and upon the table, according to a very in the whole year bifore. What is witty authorwanting among women, as well as
Together lie her prayer - book and paint, among men, is the love of laudable
At once t'improve the finner and the saint, things, and not to rest only in the forbearance of such as are reproachful. It must be a good scene, if one could
How far removed from a woman of be present at it, to see this Idol by turns this light imagination is Eudoria! Eu- lift up her eyes to heaven, and steal dofia has all the arts of life and good glances at her own dear person. It canbreeding with so much ease, that the not but be a pleasing confli&i between virtue of her conduct locks more like vaniiy and humiliation. an inftinét than choice. It is as li: are upon this subject, chure books which difficult to her to think justly of perfons elevate the niin above the world, and and things, as it is to a woman of dif- give a pleasing indifference to listle things ferent accomplishments to move ill or in it. For want of such inftructions, I
When you 3m apt to believe fo many people take untouched with any true pleasure in the it in their heads to be fullen, cross, and pursuit of it. From hence I presume angry, under pretence of being abstract- it arises that so many people call themel from the affairs of this life, when at selves virtuous from no other pretence slie same time they betray their fond- to it but absence of ill. There is Dulnes for them by doing their duty as a
cianara is the most infolent of all creatalk, and pouting and reading good tures to her friends and domeltics, upon books for a week together. Much of no other pretence in nature but that, as this I take to proceed from the indir. her filly phrase is, no one can say black cretion of the books themselves, whose is her eye. She has no secrets, forvery titles of Weekly Preparations, and sooth, which fhould make her afraid to sach limited godliness, lead people of speak her mind, and therefore she is im. ordinary capacities into great errors, and pertinenty blunt to all her acquaintnife in them a mechanical religion, in: ance, and unleasonably iinperious to all tirely diftinet from morality. I know her family. Dear Sir, be pleased to put a lady so given up to this sort of devo- such books in our hands, as may make tion, that though she employs six or our virtue more inward, and convince eight hours of the twenty-four at cards, fome of us that in a mind truly virThe never milles one constant hour of tuous the scorn of vice is always acprayer, for which time another holds companied with the pity of it. This her cards, to which she returns with no and other things are impatiently exlittle anxiousness till two or three in the pected from you by our whole fex; morning. All these acts are but empty among the rest by, Sir, your inost hum. hous, and, as it were, compliments ble servant, made to virtue; the mind is all the while R
N° LXXX. FRIDAY, JUNE L
COELUM NON ANIMUM MUTANT QUI TRANS MARE CURRUNT.
Hor. Ep. I. XI. 27.
N the year 1688, and on the fame day every excellence in their sprech and be.
London, two females of exquisite fea- emulation to surpass the other. These ture and shape; the one we shall call beginnings of disinclination foon imBrunetta, the other Phillis. A close proved into a forinality of behaviour, a intimacy between their parents made general coldness, and by natural steps each of them the first acquaintance the into an irreconcileable hatred. other knew in the world: they played, These two rivals for the reputation dieiled babies, acted vititings, learned of beauty, were in their stature, coun. to dance and make curtsies, together. tenance, and mien, so very much alike, They were inseparable companions in that if you were fpeaking of them in all the little entertainments their tender their absence, the words in which you years were capable of: which innocent described the one must give you an idea happiness continued till the beginning of the other. They were hardly dir. of their fifteenth year, when it happened tinguishabl·, you would think, when that Mrs. Phillis had an head-dress on, they were apart, though extremely difwhich became her fo very well, that in- ferent when together. What made their ferd of being beheld any more with enmity the more entertaining to all the pleasure for their amity to each other, rest of their sex was, that in detraction the eyes of the neighbourhood were froin each other neither could fall upon turreito remark them with comparison terins which did not hit herself as much of their beauty. They now no longer as her adversary. Their nights grew en oved the eale of mind and pleasing restless with meditation of new dresses mtulence in which they were formerly to outvie each other, and inventing new bappy, but all their words and actions devices to recal admirers, who obierved sese milinterpreted by each other, and the charms of the one rather than those
of the other on the last meeting. Their consigned to a friend of Phillis, who colours failed at each other's appear- had directions to give her the refutal of ance, Aushed with pleasure at the report all goods for apparel, before Brunetta of a disadvantage, and their countenances could be alarmed of their arrival. He withered upon
instances of applaute. did to, and Phillis was dressed in a few The decencies to which women are ob- days in a brocade more gorgeous and liged, made these virgins stifle their re- coftly than had ever before appeared in fentment so far as not to break into that latitude. Brunetta languished at open violences, while they equally suf- the fight, and could by no incans come fered the torments of a regulated anger. up to the bravery of her antagonit. Their mothers, as it is usual, engaged She communicated her anguish of mind in the quarrel, and supported the feveral to a faithful friend, who, by an interest pretenfions of the daughters with all in the wife of Phillis's merchant, prothat ill-cholen fort of expence which is cured a remnant of the fame fik for common with people of plentiful for
Phillis took pains to appear tues and mean taite. The girls pie- in all public places where she was sure ceded their parents like queens of May, to meet Brunetta; Brunetta was now in all the gaudy colours imaginable, on prepared for the insult, anul came to a every Sunday to church, and were ex. public ball in a plain black filk mantua, pofed to the examination of the audience attended by a beautiful negro girl in a for fuperiority of beauty.
petticoat of the fame brocade with which During this constant itruggle, it hap. Phillis was attired. This drew the at. pened, that Phillis one day at public tention of the whole company, upon prayers (mote the heart of
Weft- which the unhappy Phillis swooned Indian, who appeared in all the colours away, and was immediately conveyed which can affect an eye that could not
to her house. As soon as the came to distinguish between being fine and tau- hertelf, the fled from her busband's dry. This American in a fuinmer- house, went on board a ship in the road, itland fuit was too lining and too gay and is now landed in inconsolable deto be refilted by Philiis, and too intent fpair at Plymouth, upon her charms to be diverted by any
POSTSCRIPT. of the laboured attractions of Brunetta. After the above melancholy narra. Soon after, Brunetta had the mortifica- tion, it may perhaps be a relief to the tion to see her rival dispoted of in a reader to perute the following expoitu. wealthy marriage, while she was only lation, addressed to in a manner that shewed the was the admiration of all men, but the choice of none. Phillis was carried to
THE JUST the habitation of her spouse in Barba
FRONTED THAT. does: Brunetta had the ill-nature to inquire for her by every opportunity, THOUGH I deny not the petition and had the misfortune to hear of her
of Mr. Who and which, yet you being attended by numerous faves, should not fuffer them to be rude and fanned into flumbers by successive hands to call honeit people naires: for that of them, and carried from place to place bears very hard on fome of those rules in all the pomp of barbarous magnifi. of decency, which you are juftly famous cence. Brunetta could not endure these for establishing. They may find fault, repeated advices, but employed all her and correct speeches in the senate and arts and charms in laying baits for any at the bar: hut let them try to get themof condition of the same inand, out of a selves so often, and with so much elomere ambition to confront her once quence repeated in a sentence, as a great more before the died. She at last suc. orator dosh frequently introduce me. ceeded in her delign, and was taken to My Lords,' says he,' with hum. wife by a gentleman whose estate was « ble fubmiflion, That that I say is ihis: .contiguous to that of her eneiny's hur- (that, That, that that gentleman has band. It would be endless to enume- ' advanced, is not That that he should rate the many occasions on which these • have proved to your lordthips.' Let irreconcilable beauties laboured to excel those two questionary petitioners try to each other; but in process of time it do thus with their Whos and their happened that a ship put into the island Whiches.
TO MR. SPECTATOR.