obliged to him for finding out foreign markets for the produce of his eftate, and for making a great addition to his rents; and yet it is certain, that none of all these things could be done by him without the exercise of his fkill in numbers. Numbers are fo much the measure ⚫ of every thing that is valuable, that it is not poffible to demonftrate the fuccefs of any action, or the prudence of any undertaking, without them. I fay this in answer to what Sir Roger is pleafed to fay, that little that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his cafh-book, or balancing his accounts. When I have my returns from abroad, I can tell to a fhilling, by the help of num⚫bers, the profit or lofs by my adventure; but I ought alfo to be able to fhew that I had reason for making it, either from my own experience, or that of other people, or from a reason⚫able prefumption that my returns will be fufficient to answer my expence and hazard; and this is never to be done without the skill of numbers. For inftance, if I am to trade to Turkey, ⚫ I ought beforehand to know the demand of our manufactures there, as "well as of their filks in England, and the customary prices that are given for both in each country. I ought to 6 have a clear knowledge of these matters beforehand, that I may presume upon fufficient returns to answer the charge of the cargo I have fitted out, the freight and affurance out and home, the customs to the Queen, and 'the interest of my own money, and befides all thefe expences, a reafonable profit to myfelf. Now what is there of fcandal in this skill? What ⚫ has the merchant done that he should be fo little in the good graces of Sir Roger? He throws down no man's inclosures, and tramples upon no man's corn; he takes nothing from the industrious labourer; he pays the poor man for his work; he commu. nicates his profit with mankind; by 'the preparation of his cargo, and the 'manufacture of his returns, he fur⚫ nithes employment and fubfiftence to 'greater numbers than the richest nobleman; and even the nobleman is This is the œconomy of the mer'chant; and the conduct of the gentleman must be the fame, unless by fcorning to be the steward, he refolves the steward fhall be the gentleman. The gentleman, no more than the mer chant, is able, without the help of numbers, to account for the fuccefs of any action, or the prudence of any adventure. If, for instance, the chace is his whole adventure, his only returns must be the stag's horns in the great hall, and the fox's nofe upon the table door. Without doubt Sir Roger knows the full value of thefe returns; and if beforehand he had computed the charges of the chace, a gentleman of his difcretion would cer tainly have hanged up all his dogs, he would never have brought back fo many fine horses to the kennel, he would never have gone fo often, like a blaft, over fields of corn. If fuch 'too had been the conduct of all his ancestors, he might truly have boasted at this day, that the antiquity of his family had never, been fullied by a trade; a merchant had never been per'mitted with his whole eftate to pur'chafe a room for his picture in the gallery of the Coverleys, or to claim his defcent from the maid of honour. But it is very happy for Sir Roger that the merchant paid fo dear for his ambition. It is the misfortune of many other gentlemen to turn out of the feats of their ancestors, to make way for fuch new mafters as have been more exact in their accounts than themselves; and certainly he deferves 'the estate a great deal better, who has got it by his induftry, than he who has loft it by his negligence.' T N° CLXXV, N° CLXXV. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20. PROXIMUS A TECTIS IGNIS DEFENDITUR AGRE. OVID. REM. AM. VER. 625. TO SAVE YOUR HOUSE FROM NEIGHB RING FIRE IS HARD. Shall this day entertain my readers with two or three letters I have received from my correfpondents: the first difcovers to me a fpecies of females which have hitherto efcaped my notice, and is as follows. MR. SPECTATOR, I Am a young gentleman of a competent fortune, and a fufficient tafte of learning, to spend five or fix hours every day very agreeably among my books. That I might have nothing to divert me from my ftudies, and to avoid the noifes of coachmen and chairmen, I have taken lodgings in a very narrow street not far from Whitehall; but it is my misfortune to be fo poited, that my lodgings are directly oppofite to thofe of a Jezebel. You are to know, Sir, that a Jezebel (fo called by the neighbourhood from difplaying her pernicious charms at her window) appears conftantly dreffed at her fath, and has a thousand little tricks and fooleries to attract the eyes of all the idle young fellows in the neighbourhood. I have feen more than fix perfons at once from their several windows obferving the Jezebel I am now complaining of. I at firft looked on her myself with the highest contempt, could divert myfelf with her airs for half an hour, and afterwards take up my Plutarch with great tranquillity of mind, but was a little vexed to find that in less than a month the had confiderably stolen upon my time, fo that I refolved to look at her no more. But the Jezebel, who, as I fuppofe, might think it a diminution to her honour, to have the number of her gazers leffened, refolved not to part with me fo, and began to play fo many new tricks at her window, that it was impoffible for me to forbear obferving her. I verily believe the put herself to the expence of a new wax-baby on purpofe to plague me; the ufed to dandle and play with this figure as impertinently as if it had been a real child: fometimes fhe would let fall a glove or a pin-cushion in the ftreet, TATE. and thut or open her cafement three or four times in a minute. When I had almost weaned myself from this, fhe came in her fhift-fleeves, and dreffed at the window. I had no way left but to let down my curtains, which I submitted to though it confiderably darkened my room, and was pleased to think that I had at laft got the better of her; but was surprised the next morning to hear her talking out of her window quite cross the treet, with another woman that lodges over me: I am fince informed, that the made her a vifit, and got acquainted with her within three hours after the fall of my window-curtains. ' Sir, I am plagued every moment in the day, one way or other, in my own chambers; and the Jezebel has the fatisfaction to know, that though I am not looking at her, I am liftening to her impertinent dialogues that pafs over my head. I would immediately change my lodgings, but that I think it might look like a plain confeffion that I am conquered; and befides this, I am told that moft quarters of the town are infefted with thefe creatures. If they are fo, I am fure it is fuch an abuse, as a lover of learning and filence ought to take notice of. I am, Sir, Your's, &c. I am afraid, by fome lines in this letter, that my young ftudent is touched with a diftemper which he hardly feems to dream of, and is too far gone in it to receive advice. However, I shall animadvert in due time on the abuse which he mentions, having myself observed a nett of Jezebels near the Temple, who make it their diverfion to draw up the eyes of young Templars, that at the fame time they may fee them ftumble in an unlucky gutter which runs under the window. 20 fince been thoroughly perfuaded that one of those gentlemen is extremely neceffary to enliven converfation. Í had an entertainment last week upon the water for a lady to whom I make my addreffes, with feveral of our friends of both fexes. To divert the company in general, and to fhew my mistress in particular, my genius for raillery, I took one of the most celebrated Butts in town along with me. It is with the utmost fhame and confufion that I muft acquaint you with the sequel of my adventure: as soon as we were got into the boat, I played a sentence or two at my Butt which I thought very smart, when my ill genius, who I verily believe infpired him purely for my deftruction, fuggefted to him fuch a reply, as got all the laughter on his fide. I was dafhed at fo unexpected a turn; which the Butt perceiving, refolved not to let me recover myfelf, and purfuing his victory, rallied and toffed me in a moft unmerciful and barbarous manner until we came to Chelsea. I had fome fmall fuccefs while we were eating cheesecakes: but coming home, he renewed his attacks with his former good-fortune, and equal diverfion to the whole company. In short, Sir, I muit ingenuously own that I was never fo handled in all my life; and to compleat my misfortune, I am fince told that the Butt, flushed with his late victory, has made a vifit or two to the dear object of my wishes, fo that I am at once in danger of lofing all my pretenfions to wit, and my miftrefs into the bargain. This, Sir, is a true account of my prefent troubles, which you are the more obliged to affift me in, as you were yourself in a great measure the cause of them, by recommending to us an inftrument, and not inftructing us at the fame time how to play upon it. I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient that all Butts fhould wear an infcription affixed to fome part of their bodies, fhewing on which fide they are to be come at, and that if any of them are perfons of unequal tempers, there should be some method taken to inform the world at what timè it is fafe to attack them, and when you had beft let them alone. But, fubmitting these matters to your more ferious confideration, I am, Sir, Your's, &c. I have, indeed, seen and heard of feveral young gentlemen under the fame γου venience we lie under in the country, in not being able to keep pace with the fashion: but there is another misfortune which we are fubject to, and is no lefs grievous than the former, which has hitherto efcaped your obfervation. I mean, the having things palmed upon us for London fashions, which were never once heard of there. OU were pleafed in a late fpeculation to take notice of the incon fince a box of the newest ribbons fent A lady of this place had fome time down by the coach: whether it was her own malicious invention, or the wantonnefs of a London milliner, I am not able to inform you; but among the reft, there was one cherry-coloured ribbon, confifting of about half a dozen yards, made up in the figure of a small head-drefs. The aforefaid lady had the affurance to affirm, amidst a circle of female inquifitors, who were prefent at the opening of the box, that this was the newelt fanion worn at court. Accordingly the next Sunday, we had feveral females, who came to church with. their heads dreffed wholly in ribbons, and looked like fo many victims ready to be facrificed. This is ftill a reigning mode among us. At the fame time we liberty to appear in all public places have a fet of gentlemen who take the without any buttons to their coats, which they fupply with feveral little filver hafps, though our fresheft advices from London make no mention of any fuch fafhion; and we are fomething fhy of affor a fecond petition. fording matter to the button-makers What I would humbly propose to the public is, that there may be a fociety erected in London, to confift of the most fkilful perfons of both fexes, for the infpection of modes and fafhions; and that hereafter no perfon or perfons shall prefume to appear fingularly habited in any A LITTLE, PRETTY, WITTY, CHARMING SHE! THERE, are in the following letter, not be fuppofed to be acquainted with; I MR. SPECTATOR, Do not deny but you appear in many of your papers to understand human life pretty well; but there are very many things which you cannot poffibly have a true notion of, in a single life; thefe are fuch as refpect the married ftate; otherwife I cannot account for your having overlooked a very good fort of people, which are commonly called in fcorn the Hen-peckt. You are to understand that I am one of thofe innocent mortals who fuffer derifion under that word, for being governed by the belt of wives. It would be worth your confideration to enter into the nature of affection itself, and tell us, according to your philofophy, why it is that our Dears fhould do what they will with us, fhall be froward, ill-natured, affuming, fometimes whine, at others rail, then fwoon away, then come to life, have the ufe of fpeech to the greatest fluency imaginable, and then fink away again, and all because they fear we do not love then enough; that is, the poor things love us fo heartily, that they cannot think it poffible we should be able to love them in fo great a degree, which makes them take on fo. I fay, Sir, a true good-natured man, whom rakes and libertines call Hen-peckt, fhall fall into all thefe different moods with his dear life, and at the fame time fee they are wholly put on; and yet not be hardhearted enough to tell the dear good creafure that the is an hypocrite. This fort of good men is very frequent in the populous and wealthy city of London, and is the true Hen-peckt man; the kind creature cannot break through his kindneffes fo far as to come to an explanation with the tender foul, and therefore goes on to comfort her when nothing ails her, to appease her when fhe is not angry, and to give her his cash when he knows fhe does not want it; rather than be uneafy for a whole month, which is computed by hard-hearted men the space of time which a froward woman takes to come to herself, if you have courage to ftand out. There are indeed several other species of the Hen-peckt, and in my opinion they are certainly the best fubjects the Queen has; and for that reason I take it to be your duty to keep us above contempt. I do not know whether I make myfelf understood in the reprefentation of an hen-peckt life, but I shall take leave to give you an account of myself, and my own fpoufe. You are to know that I am reckoned no fool, have on feveral occafions been tried whether I will take ill-ufage, and the event has been to my advantage; and yet there is not fuch a flave in Turkey as I am to my Dear. She has a good share of wit, and is what you call a very pretty agreeable woman. I perfectly dote on her, and my affection to her gives me all the anxieties imaginable but that of jealoufy. My being thus confident of her, I take, as much as I can judge of my heart, to be the reason, that whatever he does, though it be never so much against my inclination, there is ftill left fomething in her manner that is amiable. will fometimes look at me with an affumed grandeur, and pretend to refent that I have not had refpect enough for her opinion in fuch an inftance in com pany. I cannot but smile at the pretty She anger anger she is in, and then she pretends fhe is ufed like a child. In a word, our great debate is, which has the fuperiority in point of understanding. She is eternally forming an argument of debate; to which I very indolently anfwer-Thou art mighty pretty.' To this fhe answers- All the world but 'you think I have as much fenfe as yourself. I repeat to her, Indeed you are pretty. Upon this there is no patience; the will throw down any thing about her, ftamp and pull off her headclothes. Fy, my dear,' fay I; how can a woman of your fenfe fall into 'fuch an intemperate rage?' This is an argument which never fails. Indeed, my dear,' fays fhe, you make me mad fometimes, fo you do, with the filly way you have of treating me like a pretty idiot. Well, what have I got by putting her into good humour? Nothing, but that I must convince her of my good opinion by my practice; and then I am to give her poffeffion of my little ready-money, and, for a day and a half following, diflike all the diflikes, and extol every thing the approves. I am fo exquifitively fond of this darling, that I feldom fee any of my friends, am uneafy in all companies until I fee her again; and when I come home he is in the dumps becaufe fhe fays the is fure I came fo foon only because I think her handfome. I dare not upon this occa fion laugh; but though I am one of the warmest churchmen in the kingdom, I am forced to rail at the times, because fhe is a violent whig. Upon this we "talk politics fo long, that the is convinced I kifs her for her wisdom. It is a common practice with me to ask her fome queftion concerning the conftitution, which the anfwers me in general out of Harrington's Oceana: then I commend her strange memory, and her arm is immediately locked in mine. While I keep her in this temper fhe plays before me, fometimes dancing in the midit of the room, fometimes ftriking an air at her fpinnet, varying her pofture and her charms in fuch a manner that I am in continual pleafure: fhe will play the fool, if I allow her to be wife; but if the fufpects I like her for trifling, the immediately grows grave. Thefe are the toils in which I am taken, and I carry off my fervitude as well as most men; but my application to you is in behalf of the Hen-peckt in general, and I defire a differtation from you in defence of us. You have, as I am informed, very good authorities in our favour, and hope you will not omit the mention of the renowned Socrates, and his philofophic refignation to his wife Xantippe. This would be a very good office to the world in general, for the Hen-peckt are powerful in their quality and numbers, not only in cities but in courts; in the latter they are ever the moft obfequious, in the former the most wealthy of all men. When you have confidered wedlock thoroughly, you ought to enter into the fuburbs of matrimony, and give us an account of the thraldom of kind keepers, and irresolute lovers; the keepers who cannot quit their fair ones, though they fee their approaching ruin; the lovers who dare not marry, though they know they never fhall be happy without the miftreffes whom they cannot purchase on other terms. What will be a great embellishment to your difcourfe, will be, that you may find inftances of the haughty, the proud, the frolic, the stubborn, who are each of them in fecret downright flaves to their wives or miftreffes. I must beg of you in the laft place to dwell upon this, that the wife and valiant in all ages have been Hen-peckt: and that the fturdy tempers who are not flaves to affection, owe that exemption to their being inthralled by ambition, avarice, or fome meaner paflion. I have ten thoufand things more to fay, but my wife fees me writing, and will, according to cuftom, be confulted, if I do not feal this immediately. Yours, T NATHANIEL HENROOST. |