fays Will, they are not thofe of the moft wit,') that were offended at the liberties I had taken with the opera and the puppet-fhow; that fome of them were likewife very much furprized, that I fhould think fuch ferious points as the drefs and equipage of perfons of quality, proper fubjects for raillery. He was going on, when Sir Andrew Freeport took him up fhort, and told him, that the papers he hinted at had done great good in the city, and that all their wives and daughters were the better for them; and farther added, that the whole city thought themselves very much obliged to me for declaring my generous intentions to fcourge vice and folly as they appear in a multitude, without condefcending to be a publisher of particular intrigues and cuckoldoms. In fhort,' fays Sir Andrew, if you avoid that foolish beaten road of fall⚫ing upon aldermen and citizens, and employ your pen upon the vanity and luxury of courts, your paper muft needs be of general ufe.' Upon this my friend the Templar told Sir Andrew, that he wondered to hear a man of his fenfe talk after that manner; that the city had always been the province for fatire; and that the,wits of King Charles's time jefted upon nothing elfe during his whole reign. He then thewed, by the examples of Horace, Juvenal, Boileau, and the best writers of every age, that the follies of the ftate and court had never been accounted too facred for ridicule, how great foever the perfons might be that patronized them. 'But after all, fays he, I think your raillery has made too great an excurfion, in attacking feve⚫ral perfons of the inhs of court; and I do not believe you can fhew me any precedent for your behaviour in that particular.' My good friend Sir Roger de Coverley, who had faid nothing all this while, began his fpeech with a Pih! and told us, that he wondered to fee fo many men of fenfe so very serious upon fooleries. Let our good friend,' fays he, attack every one that deferves it; I would only advife vou, Mr. Spectator,' applying himself to me, to take care how you meddle with country fquires; they are the ornaments of the English nation; men of good heads and found bodies! and let me tell you, ⚫ fome of them take it ill of you, that you mention fox-hunters with fo little respect." . Captain Sentry fpoke very fparingly on this occafion. What he faid was only to commend my prudence in not touching upon the army, and advised me to continue to act difcreetly in that point. By this time I found every subject of my fpeculations was taken away from me, by one or other of the club; and began to think myfelf in the condition of the good man that had one wife who took diflike to his grey hairs, and another to his black, till by their picking out what each of them had an averfion to, they left his head altogether bald and naked. While I was thus mufing with myfelf, my worthy friend the clergyman, who very luckily for me was at the club that night, undertook my caufe. He told us, that he wondered any order of perfons fhould think themselves too confiderable to be advised; that it was not quality, but innocence, which exempted men from reproof; that vice and folly ought to be attacked wherever they could be met with, and efpecially when they were placed in high and confpicuous ftations of life, He further added, that my paper would only ferve to aggravate the pains of poverty, if it chiefly expofed thofe who are already deprefied, and in fome measure turned into ridicule by the meanness of their conditions and circumftances. He afterwards proceeded to take notice of the great ufe this paper might be of to the public, by reprehending thofe vices which are too trivial for the chaftifement of the law, and too fantastical for the cognizance of the pulpit. He then advised me to profecute my undertaking with chearfulness, and affured me, that whoever might be difpleafed with me, I fhould be approved by all thofe whofe praifes do honour to the perfons on whom they are bestowed. The whole club pays a particular deference to the difcourfe of this gentleman, and are drawn into what he fays, as much by the candid ingenuous manner with which he delivers himself, as by the ftrength of argument and force of reafon which he makes ufe of. Will Honeycomb immediately agreed, that what he had faid was right; and that for his part, he would not infift upon the quarter which he had demanded for the the ladies. Sir Andrew gave up the city with the fame franknefs. The Templar would not stand out; and was followed by Sir Roger and the Captain; who all agreed that I fhould be at liberty to carry the war into what quarter I pleafed; provided I continued to combat with criminals in a body, and to affault the vice without hurting the perfon. This debate, which was held for the good of mankind, put me in mind of that which the Roman triumvirate were formerly engaged in, for their destruction. Every man at firft ftood hard for his friend, till they found that by this means they fhould fpoil their profeription; and at length, making a facrifice of all their acquaintance and relations, furnished out a very decent execution. Having thus taken my refolutions to march on boldly in the caufe of virtue and good fenfe, and to annoy their ad verfaries in whatever degree or rank of men they may be found; I fhall be deaf for the future to all the remonftrances that fhall be made to me on this account. If Punch grows extravagant, I fhall reprimand him very feeely: if the ftage becomes a nursery of folly and impertinence, I fhall not be afraid to animadvert upon it. In fhort, if I meet with any thing in city, court, or country, that fhocks modefty or good-manners, I fhall ufe my utmost endeavours to make an example of it. I must however intreat every particular perfon, who does me the honour to be a reader of this paper, never to think himself, or any one of his friends or enemies, aimed at in what is faid: for I promise him never to draw a faulty character which does not fit at least a thousand people; or to publish a fingle paper, that is not written in the fpirit of benevolence, and with a love to mankind. N° XXXV. TUESDAY, APRIL 10. RISU INEPTO RES INEPTIOR NULLA EST. NOTHING SO FOOLISH AS THE LAUGH OF FOOLS. AMONG all kinds of writing, there is none in which authors are more apt to mifcarry than in works of humour, as there is none in which they are more ambitious to excel. It is not an imagination that teems with monfters, an head that is filled with extravagant conceptions, which is capable of famifhing the world with diverfions of this nature; and yet if we look into the productions of feveral writers, who fet up for men of humour, what wild irregular fancies, what natural distortions of thought, do we meet with? If they fpeak nonfenfe, they believe they are talking humour; and when they have drawn together a fcheme of abfurd inconfiftent ideas, they are not able to read it over to themfelves without laughing. Thefe poor gentlemen endeavour to gain themfelves the reputation of wits and humourifts, by fuch monftrous conceits as almoft qualify them for Bedlam; not confidering that humour fhould always lie under the check of reafon, and that it requires the direction of the niceft judgment, by fo much more as it indulges itself in the most boundless MART. C freedoms. There is a kind of nature that is to be obferved in this fort of compofitions, as well as in all other; and a certain regularity of thought which must difcover the writer to be a man of fenfe, at the fame time that he appears altogether given up to caprice. For my part, when I read the delirious mirth of an unfkilful author, I cannot be fo barbarous as to divert myself with it, but am rather apt to pity the man, than to laugh at any thing he writes. The deceased Mr. Shadwell, who had himself a great deal of the talent which I am treating of, reprefents an empty rake, in one of his plays, as very much furprised to hear one fay that breaking of windows was not humour; and I queftion not but feveral English readers will be as much startled to hear me affirm, that many of those raving incoherent pieces, which are often spread among us, under odd chimerical titles, are rather the offsprings of a diftem pered brain, than works of humour. It is indeed much easier to defcribe what is not humour, than what is and and very difficult to define it otherwise than, as Cowley has done wit, by negatives. Were I to give my own notions of it, I would deliver them after Plato's manner, in a kind of allegory, and by fuppofing humour to be a perfon, deduce to him all his qualifications, according to the following genealogy. Truth was the founder of the family, and the father of Good Senfe. Good Senfe was the father of Wit, married a lady of a collateral line called Mirth, by whom he had iffue Hu mour. Humour therefore being the youngest of this illuftrious family, and defcended from parents of fuch different difpofitions, is very various and unequal in his temper; fometimes you fee him putting on grave looks and a folenn habit, fometimes airy in his behaviour and fantastic in his dress; infomuch that at different times he appears as ferious as a judge, and as jocular as a MerryAndrew. But as he has a great deal of the mother in his conftitution, whatever mood he is in, he never fails to make his company laugh. But fince there is an impoftor abroad, who takes upon him the name of this young gentleman, and would willingly pafs for him in the world; to the end that well-meaning perfons may not be impofed upon by cheats, I would defire my readers, when they meet with this pretender, to look into his parentage, and to examine him strictly, whether or no he be remotely allied to Truth, and lineally defcended from Good Senfe; if not, they may conclude him a counterfeit. They may likewife distinguish him by a loud and exceflive laughter, in which he feldom gets his company to join with him. For as True Humour generally looks ferious, while every body laughs about him; Falfe Humour is always laughing, whilst every body about hint looks ferious. I fhall only add, if he has not in him a mixture of both parents, that is, if he would pass for the offspring of Wit without Mirth, or Mirth without Wit, you may conclude him to be altogether fpurious, and a cheat, The impoftor of whom I am speaking, defcends originally from Falfhood, who was the mother of Nonienfe, who was brought to bed of a fon called Frenzy, who married one of the daughters of Folly, commonly known by the name of Laughter, on whom he begot that monstrous infant of which I have been. here fpeaking. Ifhall fet down at length the genealogical table of Falfe Humour, and, at the fame time, place under it the genealogy of True Humour, that the reader may at one view behold their different pedigrees and relations. FALSHOOD. NONSENSE. FRENZY.LAUGHTER, FALSE HUMOUR. TRUTH. GOOD SENSE. WIT.MIRTY. HUMOUR. I might extend the allegory, by mentioning feveral of the children of Falfe Humour, who are more in number than the fands of the fea, and might in particular enumerate the many fons and daughters which he has begot in this ifland. But as this would be a very invidious task, I fhall only obferve in general, that Falfe Humour differs from the True, as a monkey does from a man. First of all, He is exceedingly given to little apifh tricks and buffooneries. Secondly, He fo much delights in mimickry, that it is all one to him whether he expofes by it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on the contrary, virtue and wifdom, pain and poverty. Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, infomuch that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. For having but fmall talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should. Fourthly, Being intirely void of reafon, he purfues no point either of morality or inftruction, but is ludicrous only for the fake of being so. Fifthly, Being incapable of any thing but mock-reprefentations, his ridicule is always perfonal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the writer; not at the vice, or at the writing. I have here only pointed at the whole fpecies of falfe humourifts; but as one of my principal defigns in this paper is to beat down that malignant fpirit, which difcovers itself in the writings of the prefent age, I fhall not fcruple, for the future, to fingle out any of the small wits, that infeft the world with fuch compofitions THINGS THE MOST OUT OF NATURE WE ENDURE. Shall not put myself to any farther I pains for this day's entertainment, than barely to publish the letters and titles of peritions from the play-houfe, with the minutes I have made upon the latter for my conduct in relation to them. DRURY-LANE, APRIL 9. UPON reading the project whichis fet forth in one of your late papers, of making an alliance between all the bulls, bears, elephants, and lions, which are feparately expofed to public view in the cities of London'and Westminster; together with the other wonders, fhows, and monfers, whereof you made respective mention in the faid fpeculation; We, the chief actors of this play-house, inet and fat upon the faid defign. It is with great delight, that we expect the execution of this work; and in order to contribute to it, we have given warning to all our gholts to get their livelihoods where they can, and not to appear among us after day-break of the 16th inftant. We are refolved to take this opportunity to part with every thing which does not contribute to the reprefentation of human life; and fhall make a free gift of all animated utenfils to your projector. The hangings you formerly mentioned are run away; as are likewife a fet of chairs, each of which was met upon two legs going through the Role Tavern at two this morning. We hope, Sir, you will give proper notice to the town that we are endeavouring at thefe regulations; and that we intend for the future to thew no monflers, but men who are converted into fuch by their own induftry and affectation. If you will pleafe to be at the house to-night, you will fee me do my endeavour to fhew fome un natural appearances which are in vogue among the polite and well-bred. I am to reprefent, in the character of a fine lady dancing, all the diftortions which are frequently taken for graces in mien and gefture. This, Sir, is a specimen of the method we fhall take to expose the monsters which come within the notice of a regular theatre; and we defire nothing more grofs may be admitted by you fpectators for the future. We have cafhiered three companies of theatrical guards, and defign our kings fhall for the future make love, and fit in council, without an army; and wait only your directions whether you will have them reinforce King Porus, er join the troops of Macedon. Mr. Penkethinan refolves to confult his Pantheon of heathen gods in oppofition to the oracle of Delphos, and doubts not but he thall turn the fortunes of Porus, when he perfonates him. I am defired by the company to inform you, they they fubmit it to your cenfures; and thali have you in greater veneration than Hercules was in of old, if you can drive monfters from the theatre; and think your merit will be as much greater than his, as to convince is more than to conque. I am, Sir, your molt obedient fervant, T. D. 1 When they got me down thus low, they thought fit to degrade me further, and make me a ghoft. I was contented with this for these two laft winters; but they carry their tyranny ftill further, and not fatisfied that I am banished from above ground, they have given me to understand that I am wholly to depart their dominions, and taken from me even my fubterraneous employment. Now, Sir, what I defire of you is, that if your undertaker thinks fit to ufe firearms, as other authors have done in the time of Alexander, I may be a cannon against Porus, or elfe provide for me in the burning of Perfepolis, or what other method you fhall think fit. SALMONEUS OF COVENT GARDEN. The petition of all the devils of the play-houfe in behalf of themselves and families, fetting forth their expulfion from thence, with certificates of their good life and conversation, and praying relief. The merit of this petition referred to Mr. Chr. Rich, who made them devils. The petition of the Grave digger in Hamlet, to command the pioneers in the expedition of Alexander. Granted. The petition of William Bullock, to be Hepheftion to Penkethman the Great, Granted. ADVERTISEMENT.. A WIDOW gentlewoman, well born both by father and mother's fide, being the daughter of Thomas Prater, once an eminent practitioner in the law, and of Letitia Tattle, a family well known in all parts of this kingdom, having been reduced by misfortunes to wait on feveral great perfons, and for fome time to be teacher at a boarding-school of young ladies, giveth notice to the public, that the hath lately taken a house near Bloomsbury Square, commodiously fituated next the fields, in a good air; where the teaches all forts of birds of the loquacious kinds, as parrots, ftarlings, magpies, and others, to imitate human voices in greater perfection than ever yet was practifed. They are not only inftructed to pronounce words diftinctly, and in a proper tone and accent, but to speak the language with great purity and volubility of tongue, together with all the fashionable phrafes and compliments now in ufe either at teatables or visiting-days. Those that have good voices may be taught to fing the neweft opera-airs, and, if required, to speak either Italian or French, paying fomething extraordinary above the common rates. They whofe friends are not able to pay the full prices may be taken as half-boarders. She teaches fuch as are defigned for the diverfion of the public, and to act in inchanted woods on the theatres, by the great. As fhe has often observed with much concern how indecent an education is usually given these innocent creatures, which in fome measure is owing to their being placed in rooms next the street, where, to the great offence of chafte and tender ears, they learn ribaldry, obscene fongs, and immodest expreffions from passengers, and idle people, as alfo to cry fish, and card-matches, with other ufelefs parts of learning to birds who have ich friends; he has fitted up proper and neat apartments for them in the back part of her faid houfe; where the suffers/ none to approach them but herself, and a fervant-maid who is deaf and dumb, and whom the provided on purpose to prepare their food and cleanse their cages; having found by long experience how hard a thing it is for thofe to keep filence who have the ufe of speech, and the dangers her fcholars are exposed to by the ftrong impreffions that are made by harth founds and vulgar dialects. In fhort, if they are birds of any parts or capacity, fhe will undertake to render them fo accomplished in the compafs of a twelvemonth, that they fhall be fit converfation for fuch ladies as love to chufe their friends and companions out of this fpecies. R N° XXXVII. |