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Tom the Tyrant; who, as first minifter of the coffee-houfe, takes the government upon him between the hours of eleven and twelve at night, and gives

his orders in the moft arbitrary manne to the fervants below him, as to the dif pofition of liquors, coals, and cinders.

N° L. FRIDAY, APRIL 27.

NUNQUAM ALIUD NATURA, ALIUD SAPIENTIA DIXIT.

Juv. SAT. XIV. 321.

GOOD SENSE AND NATURE ALWAYS SPEAK THE SAME.

WHEN the four Indian kings

were in this country about a twelvemonth ago, I often mixed with the rabble, and followed them a whole day together, being wonderfully ftruck with the fight of every thing that is new or uncommon. I have, fince their departure, employed a friend to make many inquiries of their landlord the upholiterer, relating to their manners and converfation, as alfo concerning the remarks which they made in this country: for, next to the forming a right notion of fuch ftrangers, I fhould be defirous of learning what ideas they have conceived of us.

The upholsterer, finding my friend very inquifitive about thefe his lodgers, brought him fome time fince a little bundle of papers, which he affured him were written by King Sa Ga Yean Qua Rafh Tow, and, as he fuppofes, lett behind by fome mistake. Thefe papers are now tranflated, and contain abundance of very odd obfervations, which I find this little fraternity of kings made during their flay in the ifle of Great Britain. I fhall prefent my reader with a fhort fpecimen of them in this paper, and may perhaps communicate more to him hereafter. In the article of London are the following words, which without doubt are meant of the church of St. Paul.

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On the most rifing part of the town there ftands a huge houfe, big enough to contain the whole nation of which Fam king. Our good brother E Tow O Koam, king of the Rivers, is of opinion it was made by the hands of that great God to whom it is confecrated. The kings of Granajah and of the Six Nations believe it was created with the earth, and produced on the fame day with the fun and moon. But for my own part, by the beft information I could get of this matter, I am apt think that this prodigious pile was

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fashioned into the fhape it now bears by feveral tools and inftruments, of which they have a wonderful variety in this country. It was probably at first an huge mif- fhapen rock that grew upon the top of the hill, which the natives of the country, after having cut it into a kind of regular figure, bored and hollowed with incredible pains and induftry, until they had wrought in it all thofe beutiful vaults and caverns into which it is di'vided at this day. As foon as this rock was thus curiously cooped to their liking, a prodigious number of hands must have been employed in chipping the out-fide of it, which is now as fmooth as the furface of a pebble; and is in feveral places hewn out into pillars that ftand like the trunks of fo many trees bound about the top with garlands of leaves. It is probable that when this great work was begun, which must have been many hundred years ago, there was fome religion among this people: for they give it the name of a temple, and have a tradition that it was defigned for men to pay their devotions in. And indeed there are feveral reafons which make us think that the natives of this country had formerly among them fome fort of worship; for they fet apart every feventh day as facred: but upon my going into one of thefe holy houfes on that day, I could not obferve any circumitance of devotion in their behaviour. There was indeed a man in black,who was mounted above the reft, and feemed to utter fomething with a great deal of vehemence; but as for thofe underneath him, instead of paying their worship to the Deity of the place, they were most of them bowing and curtfying to one another, and a confiderable number of them fast asleep.

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The Queen of the country appoint • ed

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backs; with which they walk up and down the streets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own growth.

" two were great enemies to one another, and did not always agree in the fame ftory. We could make a fhift to gather out of one of them, that this ⚫ifland was very much infested with a 'monftrous kind of animals, in the

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fhape of men, called Whigs; and he often told us, that he hoped we should 'meet with none of them in our way, 'for that, if we did, they would be apt to knock us down for being kings. Our other interpreter used to talk very much of a kind of animal called a To. y. that was as great a monster as the Whig, ard would treat us as il for being foreigners. These two " creatures, it feems, are born with a fecret antipathy to one another, and engage when they meet as naturally as the elephant and the rhinoceros. 'But as we faw none of either of thefe fpecies, we are apt to think that our guides deceived us with misrepresentations and fictions, and amufed us 'with an account of fuch monsters as are not really in their country.

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Thefe particulars we made a fhift to pick out from the difcourfe of our interpreters; which we put together as well as we could, being able to unftand but here and there a word of what they faid, and afterwards making up the meaning of it an.ong ourselves. The men of the country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works, but withal fo very idle, that we often faw young lufty raw-boned fellows carried up and down the street ⚫ in little covered rooms by a couple of porters who are hired for that service. • Their dress is likewife very barbarous, for they almolt ftrangle themselves about the neck, and bind their bodies with many ligatures, that we are apt to think are the occafion of feveral diftempers among them, which our 'country is intirely free from. Instead of thofe beautiful feathers with which we adorn our heads, they often buy up a monstrous bush of hair, which covers their heads, and falls down in a large fleece below the middle of their

We were invited to one of their public diverfions, where we hoped to have feen the great men of their country running down a ftag or pitching a bar, that we might have difcovered who were the perfons of the greatest abilities among them; but instead of that, they conveyed us into a huge room lighted up with abundance of candles, where this lazy people fat ftill above three hours to fee feveral feats of ingenuity performed by others, who it seems were paid for it.

As for the women of the country, not being able to talk with them, we could only make our remarks upon them at a distance. They let the hair of their heads grow to a great length; but as the men make a great fhow with heads of hair that are none of their own, the women, who they fay have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot, and cover it from being feen. The women look like angels, and would be more beautiful than the fun, were it not for little black spots that are apt to break out in their faces, • and fometimes rife in very odd figures.

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I have obferved that thofe little ble'mishes wear off very soon; but when they disappear in one part of the face, they are very apt to break out in another, infomuch that I have seen a spot upon the forehead in the afternoon, which was upon the chin in the morn ⚫ing.'

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The author then proceeds to fhew the abfurdity of breeches and petticoats, with many other curious obfervations, which I fhall referve for another occafion. I cannot however conclude this paper, without taking notice, that amidst thefe wild remarks there now and then appears fomething very reasonable. I cannot likewife forbear obferving, that we are all guilty in fome meafure of the fame narrow way of thinking, which we meet with in this abftract of the Indian Journal, when we fancy the cuf toms, dreffes, and manners, of other countries, are ridiculous and extravagant, if they do not resemble those of our own,

C

1

N° LI. SATURDAY, APRIL 28.

TORQUET AB OBSCENIS JAM NUNC SERMONIBUS AUREM.
HOR. EP. II. 1. 127.

HE FROM THE TASTE OBSCENE RECLAIMS OUR YOUTH.

MR. SPECTATOR,

M

Y fortune, quality, and perfon, are fuch as render me as confpicuous as any young woman in town. It is in my power to enjoy it in all it's vanities, but I have, from a very careful education, contracted a great averfion to the forward air and fathion which is practifed in all public places and affemblies. I attribute this very much to the ftile and manners of our plays. I was last night at the Funeral, where a confident lover in the play, speaking of his mistress, cries out that Harriot! to fold thefe arms about the waift of that beauteous, ftruggling, and at last yielding fair! Such an image as this ought, by no means, to be prefented to a chafte and regular audience. I expect your opinion of this fentence, and recommend to your confideration, as a Spectator, the conduct of the ftage at prefent with relation to chastity and modelty. I am, Sir, your conftant reader and well-wifher.

The complaint of this young lady is To juft, that the offence is grofs enough to have difpleafed perfons who cannot pretend to that delicacy and modefty, of which he is miftrefs. But there is a great deal to be said in behalf of an author. If the audience would but confider the difficulty of keeping up a fprightly dialogue for five acts together, they would allow a writer, when he wants wit, and cannot please any otherwife, to help it out with a little fmuttinefs. I will answer for the poets, that no one ever writ bawdry for any other reafon but dearth of invention. When the author cannot frike out of himself any more of that which he has fuperior to those who make up the bulk of his audience, his natural recourfe is to that which he has in common with them; and a defeription which gratifies a fenfual appetite will pleafe, when the author has nothing about him to delight a refined imagination. It is to fuch a poverty, we muft impute this and all

Porz.

other fentences in plays, which are of this kind, and which are commonly termed lufcious expreffions.

This expedient, to fupply the deficiences of wit, has been used more or less, by most of the authors who have fucceeded on the stage; though I know but one who has profeffedly writ a play upon the bafis of the defire of multiply ing our fpecies, and that is the polite Sir George Etherege; if I understand what the lady would be at, in the play called She would if She could. Other poets have, here and there, given an intimation that there is this defign, under all the difguifes and affectations which a lady may put on; but no author, except this, has made fure work of it, and put the imaginations of the audience upon this one purpofe, from the beginning to the end of the comedy. It has always fared accordingly; for whether it be, that all who go to this piece would if they could, or that the innocents go to it, to guefs only what She would if She could, the play has always been well received.

It lifts an heavy empty fentence, where there is added to it a lafcivious getture of body; and when it is too low to be raised even by that, a flat meaning is enlivened by making it a double one. Writers, who want genius, never fail of keeping this fecret in referve, to create a laugh, or raife a clap. I, who know nothing of women but from feeing plays, can give great guelles at the whole ftructure of the fair-fex, by being innocently placed in the pit, and infulted by the petticoats of their dancers; the advantages of whofe pretty perfons are a great help to a dull play. When a poet flags in writing lusciously, a pretty girl can move lafciviously, and have the fame good confequence for the author. Dull poets in this cafe ufe their audiences, as dull parafites do their patrons; when they cannot long divert them with their wit or humour, they bait their ears with fomething which is agreeable to their temper, though below their under.

standing.

ftanding. Apicius cannot refift being pleafed, if you give him an account of a delicious meal; or Clodius, if you defcribe a wanton beauty; though at the fame time, if you do not awake thofe inclinations in them, no men are better judges of what is just and delicate in converfation. But, as I have before ebferved, it is easier to talk to the man, than to the man of sense.

cious way.

It is remarkable, that the writers of least learning are beft skilled in the lufThe poeteffes of the age have done wonders in this kind; and we are obliged to the lady who writ Ibrahim, for introducing a preparatory cene to the very action, when the Emperor throws his handkerchief as a fignal for his mistress to follow him into the moft retired part of the feraglio. It must be confeffed his Turkish majefty went off with a good air, but, methought, we made but a fad figure who waited without. This ingenious gentlewoman, in this piece of bawdry, refined upon an author of the fame fex, who, in the Rover, makes a country fquire ftrip to his drawers. But Blunt is difappointed, and the Emperor is understood to go on to the utmoft. The pleafantry of tripping almost naked has been fince prac ufed, where indeed it should have begun, very fuccessfully at Bartholomew Fair.

It is not here to be omitted, that in one of the above-mentioned female compofitions, the Rover is very frequently lent on the fame errand; as I take it, above once every act. This is not wholly unnatural; for, they fay, the men-authors draw themselves in their chief characters, and the women-writers may be allowed the fame liberty. Thus, as the male wit gives his hero a good fortune, the female gives her heroine a good gallant, at the end of the play. But, indeed, there is hardly a play one can go to, but the hero or fine gentleman of it ftruts off upon the fame account, and leaves us to confider what good office he has put us to, or to employ ourselves as we pleafe. To be plain, a man who frequents plays would have a very refpectful notion of himself, were he to recollect how often he has been used as a pimp to ravishing tyrants, or fuccessful rakes. When the actors make their exit on this good occafion, the ladies are fure to make an examining glance from the pit, to fee how they relish what paffes; and a few lewd fools

are very ready to employ their talents upon the composure or freedom of their looks. Such incidents as thefe make fome ladies wholly abfent themselves from the play houfe; and others never mifs the first day of a play, left it should prove too luscious to admit their going with any countenance to it on the fecond. If men of wit, who think fit to write for the stage, inftead of this pitiful way of giving delight, would turn their thoughts upon raifing it from fuch good natural impulfes as are in the audience, but are choked up by vice and luxury, they would not only pleafe, but befriend us at the fame time. If a man had a mind to be new in his way of writing, might not he who is now represented as a fine gentleman, though he betrays the honour and bed of his neighbour and friend, and lies with half the women in the play, and is at laft rewarded with her of the beft character in it; I fay, upon giving the comedy another caft, might not fuch a one divert the audience quite as well, if at the catastrophe he were found out for a traitor, and met with contempt accordingly? There is feldom a perfon devoted to above one darling vice at a time, fo that there is room enough to catch at mens hearts to their good and advantage, if the poets will attempt it with the honefty which becomes their characters.

There is no man who loves his bottle or his miftrefs, in a manner fo very abandoned, as not to be capable of relifhing an agreeable character, that is no way a flave to either of thofe pursuits. A man that is temperate, generous, valiant, chafte, faithful and honeft, may, at the fame time, have wit, humour, mirth, good-breeding, and gallantry. While he exerts thefe latter qualities, twenty occafions might be invented to thew he is mafter of the other noble vir

tues.

Such chara&ers would fmite and reprove the heart of a man of fenfe, when he is given up to his pleasures. He would fee he has been mistaken all this while, and be convinced that a found conftitution and an innocent mind are the true ingredients for becoming and enjoying life. All men of true tafte would call a man of wit, who should turn his ambition this way, a friend and benefactor to his country; but I am at a lofs what name they would give him, who makes ufe of his capacity for contrary purposes.

R N. LII.

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N° LII. MONDAY, APRIL 30:

OMNES UT TECUM MERITIS PRO TALIBUS ANNOS
EXIGAT, IT PULCHRA FACIAT TE PROLE PARENTEM.
VIRG. Ex. 1. 78.

TO CROWN THY WORTH, SHE SHALL BE EVER THINE,
AND MAKE THEE FATHER OF A BEAUTEOUS LINE.

N ingenious correfpondent, like a fprightly wife, will always have the laft word. I did not think my laft letter to the deformed fraternity would have occafioned any answer, efpecially fince I had promised them so sudden a vifit; but as they think they cannot fhew too great a veneration for my perfon, they have already fent me up an answer As to the propofal of a marriage between myfelf and the matchlefs Hecatiffa, I have but one objection to it; which is,. that all the fociety will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be fure of keeping a woman's heart long, where the may have fo much choice? I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady feems particularly fmitten with men of their make.

I believe I fhall fet my heart upon her; and think never the worfe of my miftrefs for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more recommend her to me. At the fame time I cannot but difcover that his malice is ftolen from Martial.

Tacta places, audita places, fi non videare
Tota places, neutro, fi videare, places.
Whiift in the dark on thy foft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Siren in thy tongue,
What flames, what darts, what anguish, I
endur'd!

But when the candle enter'd I was cur'd.

Y
OUR letter to us we have received,
as a fignal mark of your favour and
brotherly affection. We shall be heartily
glad to fee your fhort face in Oxford;
and fince the wisdom of our legiflature
has been immortalized in your fpecula-
tions, and our perfonal deformities in
fome fort by you recorded to all po-
fterity; we hold ourfelves in gratitude
bound to receive, with the highest re-
fpect, all fuch perfons as for their extra-
ordinary merit you fhall think fit, from
time to time, to recommend unto the
board. As for the Pictifh damfel, we
have an easy-chair prepared at the upper

end of the table; which we doubt not
but he will grace with a very hideous
afpect, and much better become the feat
in the native and unaffected uncomeli.
nefs of her perfon, than with all the
fuperficial airs of the pencil, which, as
you have very ingenioufly observed, va-
nifh with a breath; and the most innocent
adorer may deface the fhrine with a fa-
lutation, and, in the literal sense of our
poets, fnatch and imprint his balmy
kiffes, and devour her melting lips: in
fhort, the only faces of the Pictish kind
that will endure the weather, must be of
Dr.Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth,
has coft him a world the painting; but
then he boafts with Zeuxes, in ater-
nitatem pingo; and oft jocofely tells the
fair ones, would they acquire colours
that would ftand kiffing, they must no
longer paint but drink for a complexion;
a maxim that in this our age has been
purfued with no ill fuccefs; and has
been as admirable in it's effects, as the
famous cofmetic mentioned in the Poft-
man, and invented by the renowned
British Hippocrates of the peftle and
mortar; making the party, after a due
courfe, rofy, hale, and airy; and the
beft and most approved receipt now ex-
tant for the fever of the fpirits. But to
return to our female candidate, who, I
understand, is returned to herself, and
will no longer hang out falfe colours;
as fhe is the first of her fex that has done
us fo great an honour, the will certainly,
in a very fhort time, both in profe and
verfe, be a lady of the most celebrated
deformity now living; and meet with
admirers here as frightful as herself.
But being a long-headed gentlewoman,
I am apt to imagine the has fome further
defign than you have yet penetrated;
and perhaps has more mind to the Spec-
tator than any of his fraternity, as the
perfon of all the world fhe could like for
a paramour: and if fo, really I cannot
but applaud her choice; and should be
glad if it might lie in my power, ta
effect an amicable accommodation be-

twixt

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