few hungry and querulous lawyers, and two or three doctors, who had increased the means of gratifying their own appetites by destroying the digestive faculties of their patients. There is nothing permanent in this world therefore in about two years the club dwindled away: a set of rascally economists complained of expenses; the cook, a very honest man and skilful professor, was accused of peculation by the reformers, and turned adrift for modestly demonstrating that he could not make turtle out of tripe, nor convert sprats into red mullet. Several of the members moved off without paying up their arrears. The managing committee disposed of the premises, plate, furniture, and wines, and pocketed the money;-and thus the club was dissolved. At this time it is highly important to mention, that I had gained four stone and eleven pounds, horseman's weight.

66 Methought I heard a voice cry, eat no more."

The breaking up of our club, like the dissolution of the monasteries, introduced a new order of things: my appetite was still voracious, and I panted for winealso, on the slightest motion, for breath, from a vo luminous accession of fat. The amateurs of good cheer were indeed dispersed, but sufficient were to be collected to coalesce by mutual attraction into a select body. What was to be done? Although my constitution was impaired, my fortune had accumulated; and this increase of wealth had arisen from my own rigid economy in every article that did not interfere with the gratification of my appetite. I had no amiable weakness in relieving the distressed; their miseries were doubtless extreme, and felt acutely by themselves-but they could not interest me. I possessed no library, excepting cookery books; -no equipage; on a rainy day, a hackney chariot set me down where I dined; and, when fine, I waddled to the repast.

Having become quite corpulent, the ladies did not admire me; and, in return, I did not notice them-no

expense in that quarter, heaven be praised! Much of my time, at my lodgings, was consumed in ruminating on the good things I had enjoyed-in reflecting on titbits that I could swallow, and in sleep. Suddenly a thought traversed my brain, that I should be rendered supremely happy by commencing Amphitryon: this project was immediately adopted. I took an elegant house, purchased a stock of the oldest and most delicious wines, and hired a culinary professor at an enormous salary; for I felt that my taste was appreciated-references had frequently been made to my decision, from which no one had ever ventured to appeal. My acquaintance was genteel, for I had taken especial care to exfoliate all shabby people, who are burthened with necessities. Twice a week my friends were invited in rotation; for as I am wholly insensible to wit, detest music, and never listen to or join in conversation, I made no selection on account of intellectual superiority or companionable qualifications; indeed, several of my best friends are deaf, and that is a great advantage in society. The meetings at my house are decorous and silent; we exchange the civilities of drinking to each other at dinner, not by wasting breath to inquire if Mr. G. would do me the honour to take wine, which is extremely vulgar, but by grasping the decanter and looking round: any person feeling a similar inclination does the same; a partner is never wanting-there is a nod, and it is over. As we say nothing, our conversation cannot be retailed or criticised by the servants in the kitchen ;-no man, convulsed by a smart repartee, bolts out a mouthful of soup, partly on the table-cloth, and considerably in the face of his opposite friend :— Thus we propagate no scandal, tell no lies, pay no compliments, except by the urbanity of gesture, nor palm stale jokes as a new coinage; and every man becomes wiser by his own reflections. At my table, no one can be supposed to talk himself drunk; if he really become so, and this often occurs, it is the genuine effect of the best wine. When we sit down to our repast, I never

speak to a servant-a footman is unfit for his situation who cannot anticipate his master's wishes and the requisitions of his guests.

Perhaps one of the most gratifying scenes in nature, far beyond any thing hitherto conveyed by landscape or historical painting, is to behold my guests in silence sip their wine. As the glass is held up, the eye and the orient liquor reciprocally sparkle; its bouquet expands the nostril, elevates the eyebrow to admiration, and composes the lips to a smile. When its crystal receptacle, which is as thin as Indian paper (for observe, to use a thick wine-glass is to drink with a gag in your mouth), touches the lips, they become compressed, to allow the thinnest possible stream to enter, that its flavour may be thoroughly ascertained, and that successive perceptions of palatable gratification may terminate in the gulp of ecstasy. Language has no adequate terms for the conveyance of our simple sensations or pleasurable feelings: at my table, and with my wine, it is unnecessary-each countenance speaks volumes. Thus we continue passing the bottle, till each guest is satisfied, which is known when he rises-bows and retires. There are some whirligig people, who dine at one house, drop in at others afterwards; go to the opera, half-play, or some silly conversazione: my company scorn such a jumble :-indeed, when they do retire, they are not in a condition to go elsewhere. Like myself, the frequenters of my table are all single gentlemen, or widowers, who are not inconsolable: as soon as the marriage of a guest is announced, he is immediately scratched off the list of invitables. I am not the person to incur the reproach of parting man and wife-no, let him dine with his darling; and in the music of her amiable garrulity, let him sigh for the silence that prevails at my table.

My dinner is distinguished by the intrinsic excellence of a few choice articles, prepared with consummate skill on the genuine principles of culinary science, and served quite hot in regular succession. Two tureens of exquisite soup open the procession! When these are removed, two dishes of fish succeed, according to their

season. All my fish is crimped, to evince its freshness; crimping may be termed the record of enduring vitality, and I possess a secret of giving time and vigour to the ultimate contraction of the fibres, not at present to be divulged.

"Quod latet arcana, non enarrabile fibra."-Persius.

To enumerate the next order of dishes is impossible; they consist of a tasteful selection of every thing that is delicious in the range of the animal and vegetable kingdoms-dressed by the best, that is, by my own cook :

"No further seek his merits to disclose."

Finally, the gossamer froths of cream, vol au vent, &c. "Come like shadows, so depart."

To view the ordinary arrangements of a modern dinner is a " sorry sight," a dozen articles placed at once on the table, then, on the removal of the covers, comes the ferocious onset ;-some tremulous paralytic serving the soup, and scattering it in all directions, excepting into the plate where it ought to be delivered :-then an unhandy dandy mutilates the fish, by cutting it in the wrong direction:-here an officious ignoramus tears asunder the members of a fowl, as coarsely as the four horses dragged Ravillac limb from limb; there another simpleton notching a tongue into dissimilar slices, while a purblind coxcomb confounds the different sauces, pouring anchovy on pigeon-pie, and parsley and butter on roast beef. All these barbarisms are unknown at my table.

My hour of dining is very uncertain: during the summer I never feed till the sun has sunk below the horizon, as it is both brutal and unwholesome to fill the stomach during the time this luminary is in full blaze. Nothing worth eating can be digested during an intensity of heat and flow of perspiration. A man that dines at two o'clock in July should eat nothing but cos-lettuce, strawberries, or gooseberry-fool.

I control climate in the dog-days; every body does

it in winter by a rousing fire;-in hot weather my dining-room is artificially cooled. Twelve large copper vases, painted to resemble china, are placed in the apartment, filled with ice and salt. By this admirable contrivance, when the temperature is at 82, I can sink the thermometer down to 50. Many persons who have dined with me at these arctic meetings, for the first time, have exclaimed, "What a prodigious change in the weather! We shall have but a short summer.' Some have taken a bumper of brandy to keep the blood in circulation; and one gentleman whispered my servant to bring his great coat.

I am fully aware that the pleasures of the table cannot be indulged without some hazard to the constitution : it is therefore the business of my serious reflections to counteract the invasions of disease, and provide timely remedies for its attack. A gold box is always placed on the table with the dessert, containing a store of pills, which are of very moving quality and speedy operation, termed "Peristaltic Persuaders:"-in an adjoining room there is a basin, as large as an ordinary washingtub, with a copper of hot camomile tea; and a cupper is engaged to be in constant attendance till the guests depart. Yet with all these salutary precautions, I have been an occasional sufferer: I have experienced three apoplectic seizures; my right foot is a mass of chalk stones; and I have been twice tapped for the dropsy. New Monthly Magazine.

THE CHINESE LOVER.

IN Selim's stately city dwelt
A lady matchless fair;

Throughout all China there was none

That could with her compare.

'Twas more than beauty, more than wit,
That fired her speaking eye;

With one sweet glance she stole the heart
Of Hoang Si.