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SCENE

FROM

THE GRUMBLER.

Enter SCAMPER (Sourby's servant) to SOURBY, and his intended wife's maid JENNY.

SCAM. Sir, a gentleman would speak with you.

JENNY. Good! Here comes Scamper; he'll manage you,

I'll warrant me.

SOUR. Who is it?

[Aside.

SCAM. He says his name is Monsieur Ri-Ri-Stay, Sir, I'll go and ask him again.

way.

SOUR. (Pulling him by the ears.) Take that, sirrah, by the

SCAM. Ahi! Ahi!

[Exit.

JENNY. Sir, you have torn off his hair, so that he must now have a wig: you have pulled his ears off; but there are none of them to be had for money.

SOUR. I'll teach him-'Tis certainly Mr. Rigaut, my notary; I know who it is, let him come in. Could he find no time but this to bring me money? Plague take the blockhead!

Enter DANCING-MASTER and his FIDDLER.

SOUR. This is not my man. Who are you, with your compli

ments?

DAN. MAST. (Bowing often.) I am called Rigaudon, Sir, at your service.

SOUR. (To Jenny.) Have not I seen that face somewhere before?

JENNY. There are a thousand people like one another. SOUR. Well, Mr. Rigaudon, what is your business? DAN. MAST. To give you this letter from Madam Clarissa. SOUR. Give it to me-I would fain know who taught Clarissa to fold a letter thus. What contains it?

JENNY. (Aside, while he unfolds the letter.) A lover, I believe, never complained of that before.

SOUR. (Reads.) "Every body says I am to marry the most brutal of men. I would disabuse them; and for that reason you and I must begin the ball to-night." She is mad!

DAN. MAST. Go on, pray Sir.

SOUR. (Reads.) "You told me you cannot dance; but I have sent you the first man in the world."

(SOURBY looks at him from head to foot.)

DAN. MAST. Oh Lord, Sir.

SOUR. (Reads.) "Who will teach you in less than an hour enough to serve your purpose." I learn to dance!

DAN. MAST. Finish, if you please.

SOUR. "And if you love me, you will learn the Allemande." The Allemande ! Mr. the first man in the world, do you know you are in some danger here?

DAN. MAST. Come, Sir, in a quarter of an hour, you shall dance to a miracle!

SOUR. Mr. Rigaudon, do you know I will send you out of the window if I call my servants?

DAN. MAST. (Bidding his man play.) Come, brisk, this little prelude will put you in humor; you must be held by the hand; or have you some steps of your own?

SOUR. Unless you put up that d―d fiddle, I'll beat it about your ears.

DAN. MAST. Zounds, Sir! if you are thereabouts, you shall dance presently-I say presently.

SOUR. Shall I dance, villain?

DAN. MAST. Yes. By the heavens above shall you dance. I have orders from Clarissa to make you dance. She has paid me, and dance you shall; first, let him go out.

[He draws his sword, and puts it under his arm. SOUR. Ah! I'm dead. What a madman has this woman sent me!

JENNY. I see I must interpose. Stay you there, Sir; let me speak to him; Sir, pray do us the favor to go and tell the lady, that it's disagreeable to my master.

DAN. MAST. I will have him dance.

SOUR. The rascal! the rascal!

JENNY. Consider, if you please, my master is a grave man. DAN. MAST. I'll have him dance.

JENNY. You may stand in need of him.

SOUR. (Taking her aside.) Yes, tell him that when he will, without costing him a farthing, I'll bleed and purge him his bellyfull.

DAN MAST. I'll have nothing to do with that; I'll have him dance, or have his blood.

SOUR. The rascal! (muttering.)

JENNY. Sir, I can't work upon him; the madman will not

hear reason; some harm will happen—we are alone.

SOUR. 'Tis very true.

JENNY.

Look on him; he has an ill look.

SOUR. He has so (trembling).

DAN. MAST. Make haste, I say, make haste.

SOUR. Help! neighbors! murder!

JENNY. Aye, you may cry for help; do you know that all your neighbors would be glad to see you robbed and your throat cut? Believe me, Sir, two Allemande steps may save your life.

SOUR. But if it should come to be known, I should be taken for a fool.

JENNY.

Love excuses all follies! and I have heard say that when Hercules was in love, he spun for Queen Omphale.

SOUR. Yes, Hercules spun, but Hercules did not dance the Allemande.

JENNY. Well, you must tell him so; the gentleman will teach you another.

DAN. MAST. Will you have a minuet, Sir?

SOUR. A minuet; no.

DAN. MAST. The loure.

SOUR. The loure, no.
DAN. MAST. The passay !

SOUR. The passay, no.

DAN. MAST. What then? the trocanny, the tricotez, the rigadon? Come, choose, choose.

SOUR. No, no, no, I like none of these.

DAN. MAST. You would have a grave, serious dance, perhaps? SOUR. Yes, a serious one, if there be any-but a very serious dance.

DAN. MAST. Well, the courante, the hornpipe, the brocane, the saraband?

SOUR. No, no, no!

DAN. MAST. What the devil then will you have? But make haste or death!

SOUR. Come on then, since it must be so; I'll learn a few

steps of the-the

DAN. MAST. What of the-the

SOUR. I know not what.

DAN. MAST. You mock me, Sir; you shall dance the Allemande, since Clarissa will have it so, or

[He leads him about, the fiddle playing the Allemande. SOUR. I shall be laughed at by the whole town if it should be known. I am determined, for this frolic, to deprive Clarissa of that invaluable blessing, the possession of my person.

DAN. MAST. Come, come, Sir, move, move. (Teaching him.) SOUR. Cockatrice!

DAN. MAST. One, two, three! (Teaching.)

SOUR. A d-d, infernal

Enter WENTWORTH.

Oh! brother, you are come in good time to free me from this cursed bondage.

WENT.

foolish.

How for shame brother, at your age to be thus

SOUR. As I hope for mercy

WENT. For shame, for shame-practising at sixty what should have been finished at six.

DAN. MAST. He's not the only grown gentleman I have had in hand.

WENT. Brother, brother, you'll be the mockery of the whole city.

SOUR. Eternal babbler! hear me; this curs'd confounded villain will make me dance perforce.

WENT. Perforce.

SOUR. Yes; by order, he says, of Clarissa; but since I now find she is unworthy, I give her up-renounce her for ever.

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