mind, I shall marry her to-morrow, or the day after. Have you no honest clergyman, Harcourt, no fellow collegian to recommend to me to do the business?

Harc. Nothing ever, sure, was so lucky. [Aside.] Why, faith, I have, Sparkish; my brother, a twin brother, Ned Harcourt, will be in town to-day, and proud to attend your commands. I am a very generous rival, you see, to lend you my brother to marry the woman I love!

Spark. And so am I too, to let your brother come so near us—but Ned shall be the man; poor Alithea grows impatient-I can't put off the evil day any longer-I fancy the brute, her brother, has a mind to marry his country idiot at the same time.

Bel. How, country idiot, sir!

Harc. Taisez vous, bête. [Aside to BELVILLE.] I thought she had been married already.

Spark. No, no, he's not married, that's the joke of it.

Belv. No, no, he is not married.

Harc. Hold your tongue [Elbowing BELVILLE. Spark. Not he-I have the finest story to tell you-by the bye, he intends calling upon you, for he ask'd me where you lived, to complain of modesty there.He picked up an old raking acquaintance of his, as we came along together. Will. Frankly, who saw him with his girl, sculking and muffled up, at the play last night: he plagued him much about matrimony, and his being ashamed to show himself: swore he was in love with his wife, and intended to cuckold him. "Do you?" cried Moody, folding his arms, and scowling with his eyes thus-" You must have more wit than you used to have.-Besides, if you have as much as you think you have, I shall be out of your reach, and this profligate metropolis, in less than a week." Moody would fain have got rid of him, but the other held him by the sleeve, so I left them';

C

rejoiced most luxuriously to see the poor devil tormented.

Belt. I thought you said, just now, that he was not married: Is not that a contradiction, sir?

[HARCOURT still makes signs to Belville. Spark. Why, it is a kind of one-but considering your modesty, and your ignorance of the young lady, you are pretty tolerably inquisitive, methinks, ha, Harcourt! ha, ha, ha!

all

Harc. Pooh, pooh! don't talk to that boy, tell me you know.

Spark. You must know, my booby of a brotherin-law hath brought up this ward of his (a good fortune let me tell you) as he coops up and fattens his chickens, for his own eating: he is plaguy jealous of her, and was very sorry that he could not marry her in the country, without coming up to town; which he could not do, on account of some writings or other; so what does my gentleman? he persuades the poor silly girl, by breaking a sixpence, or some nonsense or another, that they are to all intents married in Heaven; but that the laws require the signing of articles, and the church service to complete their union-so he has made her call him husband, and Bud, which she constantly does, and he calls her wife, and gives out she is married, that she may not look after younger fellows, nor younger fellows after her, egad; ha, ha, ha! and all won't do.

Bel. Thank you, sir.-What heavenly news, uncle.

[Aside. Harc. What an idiot you are, nephew! And so then you make but one trouble of it; and are both to be tacked together the same day?

Spark. No, no, he can't be married this week; he damns the lawyers for keeping him in town ;-besides, I am out of favour; and he is continually snarling at me, and abusing me, for not being jea

lous. [Knocking at the door.] There he is-I must not be seen with you, for he'll suspect something; I'll go with your nephew to his house, and we'll wait for you, and make a visit to my wife that is to be, and, perhaps, we shall show young modesty here a sight of Peggy too.

Enter WILLIAM.

Will. Sir, here's the strange, odd sort of a gentleman come again, and I have shown him into the fore parlour.

Spark. That must be Moody! Well said, Will; an odd sort of a strange gentleman indeed; we'll step into the next room 'till he comes into this, and then you may have him all to yourself-much good may it do you. [SPARKISH going, returns.] Remember that he is married, or he'll suspect me of betraying him.

[Exeunt SPARKISH and BELVILLE. Harc. Show him up, Will. [Exit WILLIAM.] Now must I prepare myself to see a very strange, though a very natural metamorphosis-a once high spirited, handsome, well dressed, raking prodigal of the town, sunk into a surly, suspicious, economical, country sloven

Enter MOODY.

Moody. Mr. Harcourt, your humble servanthave you forgot me?

Harc. What, my old friend Jack Moody! By thy long absence from the town, the grumness of thy countenance, and the slovenliness of thy habit, I should give thee joy-you are certainly married.

Moody. My long stay in the country will excuse my dress, and I have a suit at law that brings me up to town, and puts me out of humour-besides, I must give Sparkish ten thousand pounds to-morrow to take 'my sister off my hands.

Harc. Your sister is very much obliged to you—

being so much older than her, you have taken upon you the authority of a father, and have engaged her to a coxcomb.

Moody. I have; and to oblige her—nothing but coxcombs or debauchees are the favourites now a-days, and a coxcomb is rather the more innocent animal of the two.

Harc. She has sense and taste, and can't like him; so you must answer for the consequences.

Moody, When she is out of my hands, her husband must look to consequences. He's a fashionable fool, and will cut his horns kindly,

Harc. And what is to secure your worship from consequences?--I did not expect marriage from such a rake one that knew the town so well: fye, fye, Jack.

Moody. I'll tell you my security-I have married no London wife.

Harc. That's all one-t -that grave circumspection in marrying a country wife, is like refusing a deceitful, pampered, Smithful jade, to go and be cheated by a friend in the country.

Moody. I wish the devil had both him and his simile.

[Aside. Harc. Well, never grumble about it; what's done can't be undone; is your wife handsome, and young? Moody. She has little beauty but her youth, nothing to brag of but her health, and no attraction but her modesty -wholesome, homely, and housewifely— that's all.

Harc. You talk as like a grazier as you look, Jack, --why did you not bring her to town before, to be taught something?

Moody. Which something I might repent as long as I live

Harc. But, pr'ythee, why would'st thou marry her, if she be ugly, ill bred, and silly? She must be rich

then..

Moody. As rich as if she had the wealth of the Mogul-she'll not ruin her husband, like a London baggage, with a million of vices she never heard of→ then, because she's ugly, she's the likelier to be my own; and being ill bred, she'll hate conversation; and since silly and innocent, will not know the difference between me and you; that is, between a man of thirty, and one of forty.

Harc. Fifty, to my knowledge- [MOODY turns off, and grumbles.] But see how you and I differ, Jack— wit to me is more necessary than beauty: I think no young woman ugly that has it; and no handsome woman agreeable without it.

Moody. 'Tis my maxim-He's a fool that marries ; but he's a greater that does not marry a fool.- -I know the town, Mr. Harcourt, and my, wife shall be virtuous in spite of you, or your nephew.

Harc. My nephew!-poor sheepish lad-he runs away from every woman he sees—he saw your sister Alithea at the opera, and was much smitten with her -He always toasts her-and hates the very name of Sparkish. I'll bring him to your house-and you shall see what a formidable Tarquin he is.

Moody. I have no curiosity, so give yourself no trouble. You have heard of a wolf in sheep's cloathing, and I have seen your innocent nephew kissing his hands at my windows.

Harc. At your sister, I suppose; not at her unless he was tipsy. How can you, Jack, be so outrageously suspicious? Sparkish has promised to introduce him to his mistress.

Moody. Sparkish is a fool, and may be, what I'll take care not to be. I confess my visit to you, Mr. Harcourt, was partly for old acquaintance sake, but chiefly to desire your nephew to confine his gallantries to the tavern, and not send them in looks, signs, or tokens, on the other side of the way. I keep no brothel-so pray tell your nephew. [Going.