holding the scales of justice with a grave dignity worthy of half a dozen 'Somebodies' rolled into one. "One day, during a very interesting case, a very tall and very solemn-looking individual, further solemnized by a very broad-brimmed beaver, entered the court-room, walked forward toward the railing, and, without removing his hat, sat down opposite the surprised and offended legal dignitary. "Mr. Sheriff,' said the Judge, tell that man to take his hat off.' "The Sheriff walked over to the transgressor, and remarking that the rules of the court must be observed,' gently removed the broad-brim from the head, and deposited it in the lap of the owner. "Why, Judge,' exclaimed the latter, in a shrill tone of surprise, 'I'm bald!'—and he immediately replaced his covering. "Little labor, little strife, Little care, and little cot; If you owned the cottage, would you? If you owned the ready,' would you?" WE give place to the subjoined in the "Drawer," at the request of a correspondent in Concord, New Hampshire, for the purpose of asking whether it be entirely, or in part, authentic. We doubt very much whether such an anecdote could be "made out of whole cloth;" and we know that it was current as true some thirty years ago : "Long after Washington's victories over the French and English had made his name familiar "The Judge had not perceived this second attempt at the moment, having been engaged in replenishing his mouth with a fresh chew' of tobacco, in order to aid his ruminations; but again look-to all Europe, Dr. Franklin had chanced to dine ing forward, the hat once more loomed up before him. "Mr. Sheriff! said he, with even more than severity, tell that man to take his hat off.' "The officer again waited upon the offender, and removed his beaver a second time. "But, Judge, I tell you I'm BALD!' cried the victim, in a tone of increased surprise at the official lack of consideration for his condition; at the same time, once more, and with great determination, thatching himself.' "The Judge was a picture to look at. 'Mr. Clerk,' said he, in a voice whose solemn calm was 'calculated,' whether it did or not, to 'search' the man, 'enter up a fine of five dollars against Mr. C- -, for refusing to take his hat off when ordered by the Court.' "Mr. C― immediately straightened himself up,' walked his six feet six, surmounted by his cloud of beaver, straight up to the bar of the Court, pulled from his pocket fifty cents, and squirting through his teeth a jet of tobacco juice, he 'spake: "Wal, Judge, here's fifty cents, which, with four dollars and a half you owed me when we stopped playing poker' last night, makes us about even, I reckon!' Ah-a-um-a-wah-boo-oh, Mr. Sheriff, you will not suffer the Court to be interrupted,' said the Judge. 46 Before the Court' had recovered its articulation, however, the 'Interruption' had walked out as solemnly as he had entered." THERE is an astonishing difference between the willingness with which one puts up" with little annoyances from little folks, whether those same little folks are your own or somebody's else. The speculative bard who wrote the following lines had an idea of this, among other things: "Baby, crowing on your knee, While you sing some little ditty, If you owned the baby,' would you? "Wife, with arms about your neck, Says you look just like the baby;' If you owned the woman,' would you? with the English and French embassadors, when, as nearly as can be remembered, the following toasts were drunk: "By the English Embassador: "ENGLAND the Sun, whose bright beams enlighten and fructify the remotest corners of the earth.' "The French Embassador, glowing with national pride, but too polite to dispute the premises' of the previous toast, drank : "FRANCE-the Moon, whose mild, steady, and cheering rays are the delight of all nations, consoling them in the darkness, and making even their dreariness beautiful.' "The American Embassador, Dr. Franklin, then rose, and, with his usual simplicity, said: "GEORGE WASHINGTON-the Joshua who commanded the Sun and Moon to stand still, and they obeyed him!'" "The Yankee Horse-Swapper in Old Kentucky" must have been put into the "Drawer" with some ultimate design upon the risibles of the readers of its multifarious contents: "The Kentuckian, ready for a trade, exchanges his Sorrel' for the peddler's 'Old Gray;' but finding the latter indisposed to move a peg after he has secured him, he denounces the Yankee as a swindler, who only laughs at and tantalizes him in return. "Presently the 'cute peddler mounts his prize, but Sorrel' is as immovable as the Mammoth Cave. After trying a long time in vain to start the obstinate animal, the Kentuckian consoles him with: "Stranger, you kin start him, ef you'll only bring some shavin's and kindle a fire under him! That's the way I get him going in the mornings!'' LITTLE children's reasoning powers, if not always "deep," are sometimes quite "searching." Witness the subjoined juvenile anecdote: "Is't true, mamma,' inquired a little girl, that a Quaker never takes off his hat?" "It is true, my dear,' answered the fond mother: 'it is a mark of respect which he thinks he should pay to no man.' 666 'But then tell me, mamma,' answered the child, 'how does a Quaker manage when he has to have his hair cut?" " This was a child's "poser." THE French people are proverbially polite; nor | had two doors. Matthews sat on the right hand of in any thing do they exhibit their politeness more our entertainer, by whose desire I seated myself agreeably to a stranger and a foreigner, than in never next to Matthews. During dinner, the latter menlaughing at those who make mistakes in their lan- tioned to me that an acquaintance of his, an obstiguage. We can not help thinking, however, that nate, opinionated old bachelor, whom he had known even a Frenchman would have laughed at an En- in the North, was now in town, and that he was exglishman, had he made the mistake in Paris that a ceedingly apprehensive that this person, who was Frenchman made not many months ago in London: intolerably rude and overbearing, would find him "Newly arrived in the metropolis, he was impa- out, and force himself upon the company. tient to see the town, but fearful of not finding his way back to his hotel, he carefully copied upon a card the name painted on the corner-wall of the building, supposing that to be the name of the house, or at least of the street that it was in. This done, he felt himself safe, and set out for a ramble, much upon the principle commonly known as following one's nose.' "The whole day long he strolled and stared to his heart's content. Wearied at last, he jumped into a cab, and with the easy, confident air of a man who feels perfectly at home,' he read from the card which he had prudently preserved the name of the street he had dwelt in. The cabman grinned horribly. "This English pronunciation is sadly difficult,' said the Frenchman to himself; he does not understand me!' and he placed the card before the man's eyes. "The cabman grinned more than ever, gazing into the passenger's astonished face, and ended by sticking his hands into his pockets, and roaring with laughter. "The foreigner was indignant. He appealed to the passers-by. One and all, they gravely listened to him at first, but upon beholding his card, even they joined in chorus with the coachman. He "The Frenchman now became furious. swore, stamped, and gesticulated like a candidate for Bedlam. He even went so far as to threaten the laughers, which only made the matter worse. A crowd assembled, and every body sympathized with the Frenchman until they learned the circumstances of the case, when they too joined in the infectious hilarity. "By-and-by up came the police, those guardianangels of bewildered foreigners in the great labyrinth of London. The aggrieved Gaul felt sure of sympathy, succor, and revenge. He was never more mistaken. The gentlemen in blue roared with the rest. They evidently could not help it. Compunction mingled with their mirth-nevertheless they guffawed exceedingly. "To what extremities the desperate Frenchman might have proceeded it is impossible to say, had not a gentleman acquainted with his language appeared upon the scene. He too laughed violently on examining the card; and when he had spoken a few words to the Frenchman, the Frenchman laughed likewise, which was the signal for the commencement of a general hilarity. "The address so carefully copied by the foreigner at the corner of his street, and for which he was inquiring the way, was the following: "COMMIT NO NUISANCE!'" "After dinner Matthews made himself exceedingly agreeable, and we were all in the acme of enjoyment, when the waiter entered, and announced that an elderly gentleman was below, inquiring for Mr. Matthews. "What's his name?' asked Matthews, in great alarm. "He didn't say, sir, but he says he knows that you are here-and he says he must see you.' "It's Old Thwaites!-I am sure it is him!-I knew he would ferret me out!' "Stay!-what sort of a man is he?' said our entertainer. "Has he a brown great-coat on?' demanded Matthews. "It's a lie, sir!' interrupted Mr. Thwaites again; it's a lie, sir!' he repeated, striking his fist upon the table until the glasses jingled again, 'and you all know it!' concluded he, looking fiercely around. "Of course we all rose at this. MANY stories have been told of the pranks and tricks of ventriloquists, and especially of Matthews the elder, who delighted to play under different disguises and in different characters. The following Pray, gentlemen,' said our entertainer, 'be very amusing instance was verified by an eye wit-seated, I beg of you. As a friend of Mr. Matthews, as an elderly gentleman, Mr. Thwaites is privileged ness: 646 "I was invited to dine at the Piazza Coffee-to-pray resume your seats, gentlemen.' house, to meet Matthews. The room we dined in "We obeyed, though I confess I felt strongly in clined, in spite of his years, to kick the rude in- | eral witnesses were called to prove the charge. One "The following colloquy took place between the lawyer and the witness: "LAWYER. Do you mean to say that loud talk "I had partly begun to suspect this. My proximity to the supposed Mr. Thwaites enabled me to detect a horse-hair attached to the wig, which, passing under Matthews's nose, entirely changed the expression of his countenance. But no other person except our entertainer, who was in the secret, had the slightest suspicion of the cheat: the admirable manner in which Mr. Matthews supported his assumed character, but above all, the celerity with which he returned, so completely altered in his appearance, precluding the possibility of his being identified." "WITNESS. 'I do, distinctly.' "LAWYER. "You say that the woman who lives in this house has some female acquaintances who visit her?' "WITNESS. 'I have said So, once.' "LAWYER. "Who are they, and what are their names?' "WITNESS. Well-there's Mrs. Gadder.' like.' LAWYER. "Well, who else?' "WITNESS. Can't exactly say just now.' "LAWYER. But you just said there were some females who visited the house. Mrs. Gadder, as you call her, isn't "some."' "WITNESS. Aint she though?' "WITNESS. Well, if you could hear her once, as I have, cutting up and going on, I rayther guess you would think she was "some," if not more!"" THE following advertisement once appeared"it's a good many years ago now"-in a Vermont weekly paper. If Sally didn't go and meet her bridegroom, she certainly deserved to live and die an old maid: "NOTICE. SALLY LARRABEE can have an interview with the subscriber by writing to him where she may be found, or coming to his residence, at Timothy Waters', in Whittingham, Vermont, one and a half miles from Jacksonville. "I have been at a good deal of trouble to find her, and have got almost tired of it; and I have had a good many chances to get married, and want to get married as soon as spring opens. I hope she will take no offense if I should be obliged to give up the chase, and have somebody else. I should be very happy to have her come as quick as she could, as I can not bear the thought of forgetting her forever, and can never love any body else as I do her never, never!" We faintly remember seeing the marriage recorded some two or three months after the appearance of the foregoing. A SOUTHERN Adonis, not particularly celebrated for his personal attractions, on completing a somewhat protracted toilet one morning, turned to his servant, and inquired: "How do I look, Cæsar?" "'Plendid, massa-'plendid!" was Ebony's delightful answer. "Do you think I'll do, Cæsar?" he asked, surveying himself in a glass, and giving Cæsar a piece of silver. 'Guy! massa, neber see you look so fierce in all my life. You look jis as bold as a lion!" "A lion? why, what do you know about a lion? You never saw one, Cæsar." WE remember seeing in an English newspaper, some months ago, an article upon 66 Americanisms, in Language and Pronunciation;" and among them was the very word "some," spoken of below, in an extract from a report of a trial before an English court some fifteen years ago. So that this "cant phrase" is at least English: "Neber see a lion, massa! Guy! I see Massa Peyton's Jim ride one ober to de mill ebery "A woman had been complained of for disturb-day." ing the neighborhood in which she resided, and sev 66 'Why, you fool! that's a donkey!" "Can't help dat, massa," said Cæsar, "you look jis like him!" IT has been estimated, from established data, that this Great Metropolis, in which it is our hapThe "colored compliment" was not improved by piness to live, doubles its population once every the amendment. fourteen years. What was true fifteen years ago, therefore, when the following was written, is doubly ITALIAN artists and picture-dealers look to the true now. If the stranger's brain was nearly turned English and to Americans as their surest and at that time, what would it be now? A rush of most liberal customers. A worthy Dutch land-blood to the head at the very least: scape-painter narrated to a quarterly reviewer, in "I like New York. I like it for the very points his broken English, the following amusing inci- of difference which distinguish it from all other dent : cities in the Union-its noise-its hurry, its bustle "I work in my studio one day, ven one gentle--its mixed population, and the Babel-like confuman wid the lunettes come in, make one, two, tree bow, very profound, and say: "Gut Mornen, Meinheer!" "I make one, two, tree profound bow, and say de same. Den de gentleman he look at all my picture, ver' slow and deliberate: den he say "Dat is goot-dat is beautiful-dat is vondrous fine! Den he say at last: Sare, vill you permit me to bring my friend de Baron von A- to see your fine work?' sion of tongues which it inherits.. One may walk through Wall Street or Broadway, and hear French, Spanish, Italian, English, German, Turkish, and almost every other language used in the known world, spoken in the same moment. The haste with which every body moves, and acts, and speaks, is another characteristic of New York that I admire. It is contagious, and it has a good effect upon the spirits and health of an idle man. I have strolled into Wall Street, so very lazy and listless, that I had hardly energy enough to move one foot past the other, and in fifteen minutes thereafter, I found myself tearing up and down the street, through Pearl, into Water, up Front Street, skipping over "I say Sare, you will do me one favor.' "Den he make tree more bow, more profound than before, and he go away. De nex' day he bring his friend de Baron, and dey two make six bow, all very profound, and dey say that all is very beauti-barrels, and boxes, and crates, as if the sailing of ful, and den de Baron say "Sare, will you let me bring my friend de Count von B to see dese so fine vork?' and den dey make de bow, and I see dem no more. "Dat was one German gentleman. an Indiaman, or the credit of a dozen houses, all depended upon the celerity of my movements. The same effects produced by the same causes, I have remarked in others. "I have a country friend, a retail trader, who "Anoder day, one little gentleman come in, wid visits the city once a year to pay his debts, and lay one skip, and he say "Bon jour, monsieur! charme de faire notre connaissance! He take up his lorgnette, and he look at my first picture, and he say Ah, vell Sare! that is one ver' fine morsel?' Den he pass quick to anoder, and he say- Sare, dis is truly admirable; after dis, Nature is wort' not'ing; and so in two minute and a half he get t'rough wit dem all. Den he twirl his cane, and stick out his chin, and say "Sare, I make you my compliments: you have one great talents for de landscape. I shall have de honneur to recommend to you all my friend: au revoir, Monsieur;" but I never see him not again. "He was one French gentleman. "Anoder day, I hear one loud tap with one stick at my door, and ven I say 'Come in!' one gentleman walk forward, very stiff, and nod his head, but take never his hat off of his head. He say "May I see your pictures?' "I bow, and I say: 'Wid pleasure, Sare.' "He no answer, but look at one long time, and say not a vord. Den he look at anoder, and say not'ing. Den he go to anoder, and look, and say "Vat is de price of dis?' "Den I say, 'Sare, it is sixty Louis.' "Den he say not'ing, but look at anoder long time. Den he say "Can you give me pen and ink?' and ven I give it, he sit down and he say "Vat is your name, Sare?" "Den I give him my card, and he write one order on Tortoni for sixty Louis; he give me de order wid his card, and he say "Dat picture is mine-dat is my address-send it home-good-morning.' 66 And so he make one more stiff nod, and walk away. "This was one English gentleman!" in a new stock of goods. He only trades at two houses, and generally has but two notes to pay, and as for his purchases-he can make them in a couple of hours. I have seen this quiet, steady, slow-andeasy old gentleman, saunter out of the Ohio Hotel into the street, of a Monday morning, and after carefully perusing all the sign-boards in his immediate vicinity, move along at the grave and judicious pace peculiar to himself. Anon a young clerk would flash by him, and before he could distinguish the precise color of his coat, be out of sight. A countryman would pass him, with the speed of a steam-engine. Why!' the old man would exclaim, Why, that's neighbor Wilson! Neighbor, neighbor! Mr. Wilson! Bless me! how he walks! He's out of sight already!' 64 By this time, his own step would be quickened. A little before him, he observes the principal of the house with which he transacts his business. He increases his pace. It is in vain. He can not overtake him. Merchants, clerks, porters, horses, carts, wheel-barrows, whiz past him. His brain becomes confused, his feet begin to fly, and in ten minutes more, I have marked the old man, striding along the street, under full headway-the long skirts of his coat fluttering and flapping in the wind, his hair streaming out from under his hat, drops of perspiration coursing each other down his cheeks-the very picture of a fugitive from justice." IN these days-as in former days-when patentmedicines for the cure of every known ill to which flesh is heir so abundantly abound, this anecdote of NATHANS, Reuben Nathans-whose "Chinese Balsam of Life," and "Celebrated Hair-invigorating Lotion," made so much noise some fifty years ago, will touch the risibles of many at least among the older readers of "The Drawer :" "When the Doctor's' medicines were first announced to the world, a simple-minded laboring "That's unlucky,' replied the man, for we've got four thousand bottles, two thousand of each kind, all ready to send away to-morrow.' "Vel, vel,' said the doctor, 'you can change the labels if you have time; if not, send them off as they are. "Tisn't mosh matter!"" A VESSEL in the Mediterranean, loaded to the man purchased one bottle of the Lotion and another of the Balsam, for his wife, who had a consumptive cough of many years' standing, and was besides threatened with the total loss of her hair. The woman used both remedies according to directions, and as is usual with ignorant people, in such cases, thought they were really doing her a vast deal of good. The cough seemed to her to be going away rapidly; she breathed freer,' while her hair ap-gunwale with a rich cargo of figs, was wrecked in a peared to be coming back again thicker than ever. As a natural consequence, she felt very great confidence in the medicines; and when the first lot of Balsam was all used, she sent her husband to get the bottle filled again. The doctor asked the man how the medicine operated? "Oh, grandly!' replied the husband; 'my wife's cough's e'en a'most gone, and her hair's all coming back again as fiery as ever.' "Ah,' said the doctor, 'that's the way my medicines always work. There's no mistake about them. They're just what I call them, the 'greatest wonders of the age.' I 'spose you've no objection to give me your affidavit?' tremendous storm-the captain and mate being saved by a miracle. The next day, by one of its sudden changes, the blue ocean was as smooth as glass; scarcely a cat's-paw of wind could be traced as far as the eye could reach. The captain of the wrecked vessel, however, walking along the coast near Lisbon, surveyed the scene with a jaundiced eye: "Oh, yes!" said he, mighty still now; smooth enough to-day; but I see through you: I know what you want-you want more figs! You don't catch me again though, mind I tell you!" Two friends were speaking of the celebrated Quaker, Elias Hicks, and of the strong repugnance "Oh, no,' replied the man; 'that's just what my to slave-products which he manifested in motioning wife wants me to do.' "The couple then repaired to the mayor's office, where an affidavit was drawn up, sworn to, and witnessed. On returning to the doctor's shop, the quack took up the empty bottle for the purpose of refilling it. Uncorking it, he put it to his nose and smelt of it. 666 Why, what can this mean?' he exclaimed, in some astonishment; and then, after looking at the label, he smelt of it again. Why, sir, this isn't balsam, though the label says so, but the hair lotion!' "Hair lotion or not,' replied the man, pointing to the bottle, that's what cured my wife's dreadful cough, and the stuff in the other bottle at home is what made her hair grow again!' "Strange! strange!' repeated the doctor, with a puzzled countenance; 'I don't know what to make of it. Will you be kind enough, sir, just to step back and get me the other bottle-the hair lotion, I mean?' "The man did so, and soon returned with the lotion bottle. The doctor took it, and applied his nose to the mouth. "And this,' said he, 'is just as surely the balsam as the other is the lotion. Don't you think there was some mistake on your part, sir? Are you sure that what was in this bottle made your wife's hair grow again?' "Just as sartain as I'm alive,' replied the man; 'for I always turned it out myself, while Betsey held the spoon.' "The doctor sat down in a chair, and, laying a finger on his nose, seemed buried in profound thought. "Ah! I see!' he at length exclaimed, and jumping up, he filled the empty bottle again. There, sir,' said he, giving it to the man, and hurrying him to the door; 'all's right, sir; I was a little bothered, that's all. Call again when that's gone, and you shall have another for nothing.' "As soon as he had shut the door on his customer, the doctor called in his 'confidential' man from the 'laboratory.' "Moshes,' said he, 'we've made a great mistake in our guess-work, after all. I've been studying ver' hard, lately, and have just discovered that our lotion is the stuff to cure the coughs and the consumptions, and the balsam is the besht to make the hair grow! We must change the labels.' from his dying bed a sheet, which even his darkening eyes recognized as cotton. "But he is in Heaven," said one of the speakers, where the servant is equal with his lord, and where no repugnant token can offend his tender heart." "I'm not so sure of that," was the reply; "for, supposing the old Puritan worthy to be an occupant of the same blessed region, how is he to endure the presence of Cotton Mather?" If there is any slander in the following, PUNCH, who stood godfather to the bantling years ago, has had abundant time to repent of his misdemeanor: "COURTSHIP AND MATRIMONY. 66 "A POEM, IN TWO CANTOS. CANTO THE FIRST. COURTSHIP. "Fairest of earth! if thou wilt hear my vow; Lo at thy feet, I swear to love thee ever; Promise affection which no time shall sever; Thou shalt have all this world of ours can bring? For aught save each other. We will fling And thou shalt be my queen, and I thy king! I will not such extravagance allow! I can't afford it; Madam, do not speak! I seek retirement, and I find-a riot; PERHAPS our readers have encountered the following before; but, as a specimen of try Scotch |