in Milk Alley. Little did I think- apes in labellis consedissent.-Cicerogood easy man"-Shakespeare-hem!- hem! of the riches and literary dignities which now Enter DICK DOWLAS. My pupil! Dick. (Speaking while entering.) Well, where is the man that wants-oh! you are he, I suppose― Dick. I wish you had a swarm round yours, with all my heart. Come to the point. Pang, In due time. But calm your choler. Ira furor brevis est.-Horacehem! Read this. [Gives a letter. Dick. [Snatches the letter, breaks it open, and reads.] Pang. I am the man, young gentleman. Homo sum. Terence-hem! Sir, the person who now presumes to address you is "DEAR DICK,-This comes to inform Peter Pangloss, to whose name in the Col- you I am in a perfect state of health, lege of Aberdeen, is subjoined L. L. D., hoping you are the same." Ay, that's the signifying Doctor of Laws; to which has old beginning. "It was my lot, last week, been recently added the distinction of A to be made "-ay, a bankrupt, I suppose? double S; the Roman initials for a Fellow" to be made a -what?" to be made of the Society of Arts. Dick. I am your most obedient, Richard Dowlas; to whose name, in his tailor's bill, is subjoined DR., signifying Debtor; to which are added L. S. D., the Roman initials for pounds, shillings, and pence. Pang. (Aside.) Ha! this youth was, doubtless, designed by destiny to move in the circles of fashion, for he dips in debt, and makes a merit of telling it. Dick. But what are your commands with me, doctor? Pang. I have the honour, young gentletleman, of being deputed an ambassador to you, from your father. Dick. Then you have the honour to be ambassador of as good-natured an old fellow as ever sold a ha'porth of cheese in a chandler's shop. Pang. Pardon me, if on the subject of your father's cheese, I advise you to be as mute as a mouse in one for the future; 'twere better to keep that altâ mente repostum! Virgil-hem! Dick. Why, what's the matter? Any misfortune?-Broke, I fear? Pang. No, not broke; but his name, as 'tis customary in these cases, has appeared in the Gazette. Dick. Not broke, but gazetted! why, Zounds! Pang. Check your passions; learn philosophy. When the wife of the great Socrates threw a-hum!-threw a teapot at his erudite head, he was as cool as a cucumber. When Plato a PEAR." A pear!-to be made a pear! What on earth does he mean by that? Pang. A peer!-a peer of the realm. His lordship's orthography is a little loose, but several of his equals countenance the custom. Lord Loggerhead always spells. physician with an F. Dick. A peer!-what, my father? I'm electrified! Old Daniel Dowlas made a peer! But, let me see. (Reads on.)—“ A pear of the realm. Lawyer Ferrett got me my tittle "-titt-oh, title!—" and an estate of fifteen thousand per ann., by making me out next of kin to old Lord Duberly, because he died without-without hair." 'Tis an odd reason, by-the-by, to be next of kin to a nobleman because he died bald. Pang. His lordship means heir heir to his estate. We shall ameliorate his style speedily. "Reform it altogether."-Shakespeare— hem! Dick. "I send my carrot "-carrot. Pang. He he he! Chariot, his lordship means. Dick. "With Dr. Pangloss in it." Dick. "Respect him, for he's an L. L. D., and moreover, an A double S. " [They bow. Pang. His lordship kindly condescended to insert that at my request. Dick. "And I have made him your tutorer, to mend your cakelology." Pang. and logos, hem! Dick. Hang Plato! What of my father? Pang. Don't hang Plato. The bees swarmed round his mellifluous mouth as Dick. แ soon as he was swaddled. Cum in cunis' house in Cacology; from kakos, "malus, " "verbum. " Vide lexicon Come with the doctor to my Hanover Square"-Hanover Pang. Bear! Under favour, young gentleman, I am the bear-leader, being appointed your tutor. Dick. And what can you teach me? Pang. Prudence. Don't forget yourself in a sudden success. Tecum habita.Persius-hem! Dick. Prudence to a nobleman's son with fifteen thousand a year! Pang. Don't give way to your passions. -mad! You teach me! Pooh! I have been in London before, and I know it requires no teaching to be a modern fine gentleman. Why, it all lies in a nutshell; sport a curricle-walk Bond Street-play at faro-get drunk-dance reels-go to the Opera-cut off your tail -pull on your pantaloons, and there's a buck of the first fashion in town for you. D'ye think I don't know what's going? Pang. Mercy on me! I shall have a very refractory pupil. Dick. Not at all. We'll be hand and glove together, my little doctor. I'll drive you down to all the races; with my little terrier between your legs, in a tandem. Pang. Dr. Pangloss, the philosopher, with a terrier between his legs, in a tandem! Dick. I'll tell you what, doctor: I'll make you my long-stop at cricket-you shall draw corks when I'm presidentlaugh at my jokes before company-squeeze lemons for punch-cast up the reckoningand woe betide you if you don't keep sober enough to see me safe home after a jollifi cation! Pang. Make me a long-stop, and a squeezer of lemons! Zounds! this is more fatiguing than walking with the lapdogs! And are these the qualifications for a tutor, young gentleman ? Dick. Come now, tutor, go you and call the waiter. Pang. Go and call. Sir-sir! I'd have you to understand, Mr. Dowlas an Dick. Ay, let us understand one other, doctor. My father, I take it, comes down very handsomely to you for your management of me? Pang. My lord has been liberal. Dick. But 'tis I must manage you, doctor. Acknowledge this, and, between ourselves, I'll find means to double your pay. Pang. Double my pay! Say no more, done! Actum est! Terence, hem! Waiter (Bawling.) Gad, I've reached the right reading at last! FANCY AND DESIRE. [EDWARD VERE, EARL OF OXFORD.-This nobleman, so highly popular in the court of Elizabeth (1540-1604), and conspicuous on many memorable occasions—as in the trial of Mary Queen of Scots-is now known only for some verses in the miscellany entitled the " Paradise of Dainty Devices." He was famed in his own day for come dies, or courtly entertainments, none of which has been preserved. Stow states that this nobleman was the first that brought to England from Italy embroidered gloves and perfumes, which Elizabeth no doubt approved of as highly as his sonnets or madrigals.] Come hither, shepherd swain! When wert thou born, Desire? In pomp and prime of May. By whom, sweet boy, wert thou begot? By fond Conceit, men say. Tell me who was thy nurse? Fresh youth, in sugared joy. What hadst thou then to drink? What lulled thee then asleep? Sweet speech, which likes me best. Tell me where is thy dwelling-place? In gentle hearts I rest. What thing doth please thee most? Doth company displease? Yes, surely, many one. When doth Desire delight to live? He loves to live alone. THE QUARREL OF SQUIRE BULL AND HIS SON. Doth either time or age Bring him into decay? No, no! Desire both lives and dies A thousand times a day. Then, Fond Desire, farewell! Thou art no mate for me; I should be loath, methinks, to dwell With such a one as thee. 193 THE QUARREL OF SQUIRE BULL AND HIS SON. FROM JOHN BULL AND BROTHER JONATHAN, [JAMES KIRKE PAULDING, an American writer of fic tion and belles lettres, born in Duchess County, N. Y. in 1779, died at Hyde Park, N. Y., 1860. Paulding was of Dutch descent, and became early associated with Washington Irving in the authorship of Salmagundi (1807-1809), the whole second series of that work being by Paulding. The satirical humor of this book gave it immediate success, and encouraged Paulding to write REASONS FOR THE SOUL'S IMMOR- his " Diverting History of John Bull and Brother Jonathan," TALITY. All moving things to other things do move Of the same kind, which shews their nature such; And as the moisture which the thirsty earth Yet nature so her streams doth lead and carry At first her mother-earth she holdeth dear, Yet under heaven she cannot light on aught For who did ever yet, in honour, wealth, Then, as a bee which among weeds doth fall, VOL. IV. which also succeeded well. Among his numerous other works were "Koningsmark," (1823), “Merry Tales of the Three Wise Men of Gotham," and "The Dutchman's Fireside" (1831), a domestic story of the Hudson during the old French war, full of quaint humor, which is still ranked as Paulding's best work. Besides his many novels and poems, Paulding published a book on slavery, and a life of Washington, the latter in Harpers' Family Library.] JOHN BULL was a choleric old fellow, who held a good manor in the middle of a great millpond, and which, by reason of its being quite surrounded by water, was generally called Bullock Island. Bull was an inge nious man, an exceedingly good blacksmith, a dexterous cutler, and a notable weaver and pot-baker besides. He also brewed capital porter, ale, and small beer, and was, in fact, a sort of jack-of-all-trades, and good at each. In addition to these, he was a hearty fellow, an excellent bottle companion, and passably honest as times go. But what tarnished all these qualities was a devilish, quarrelsome, overbearing disposition, which was always getting him into some scrape or other. The truth is, he never heard of a quarrel going on among his neighbours, but his fingers itched to be in the thickest of them; so that he was hardly ever seen without a broken head, a black eye, or a bloody nose. Such was Squire Bull, as he was commonly called by the country people, his neighbours one of those odd, testy, grumbling, boasting old codgers, that never get credit for what they are, because they are always pretending to be what they are not. The squire was as tight a hand to deal with in-doors as out; sometimes treating his family as if they were not the same flesh and blood, when they happened to differ with him in certain matters. One day he got into a dispute with his youngest son Jonathan, who was familiarly called BROTHER JONATHAN, about whether churches ought 86 to be called churches or meeting-houses; | came a tall, stout, double-jointed, broadand whether steeples were not an abomina- footed cub of a fellow, awkward in his gait tion. The squire, either having the worst of and simple in his appearance; but showing the argument, or being naturally impatient a lively, shrewd look, and having the promise of contradiction (I can't tell which), fell into of great strength when he should get his full a great passion, and swore he would physic growth. He was rather an odd-looking chap, such notions out of the boy's noddle. So in truth, and had many queer ways; but he went to some of his doctors, and got everybody that had seen John Bull saw a them to draw up a prescription, made up of great likeness between them, and swore he thirty-nine different articles, many of them was John's own boy, and a true chip of the bitter enough to some palates. This he old block. Like the old squire, he was apt tried to make Jonathan swallow; and find to be blustering and saucy, but in the main ing he made villanous wry faces, and would was a peaceable sort of careless fellow, that not do it, fell upon him and beat him like would quarrel with nobody if you only let fury. After this he made the house so dis- him alone. He used to dress in homespun agreeable to him, that Jonathan, though as trousers with a huge bagging seat, which hard as a pine knot and as tough as leather, seemed to have nothing in it. This made could bear it no longer. Taking his gun people to say he had no bottom; but whoand his axe, he put himself in a boat and ever said so lied, as they found to their cost paddled over the millpond to some new lands whenever they put Jonathan in a passion. to which the squire pretended some sort of He always wore a linsey-woolsey coat that claim, intending to settle them, and build a did not above half cover his breech, and the meeting-house without a steeple as soon as sleeves of which were so short that his hand he grew rich enough. and wrist came out beyond them, looking When he got over, Jonathan found that like a shoulder of mutton. All of which was the land was quite in a state of nature, cov-in consequence of his growing so fast that ered with wood, and inhabited by no body he outgrew his clothes. but wild beasts. But being a lad of mettle, he took his axe on one shoulder, and his gun on the other, marched into the thickest of the wood, and clearing a place, built a log-hut. Pursuing his labours, and handling his axe like a notable woodman, he in a few years cleared the land, which he laid out into thirteen good farms: and building himself a fine frame house, about half-finished, began to be quite snug and comfortable. But Squire Bull, who was getting old and stingy, and, besides, was in great want of money, on account of his having lately been made to pay swinging damages for assaulting his neighbours and breaking their heads -the squire, I say, finding Jonathan was getting well-to-do in the world, began to be very much troubled about his welfare, so he demanded that Jonathan should pay him a good rent for the land which he had cleared and made good for something. He trumped up I know not what claim against him, and under different pretences managed to pocket all Jonathan's honest gains. In fact the poor lad had not a shilling left for holiday occasions; and had it not been for the filial respect he felt for the old man, he would certainly have refused to submit to such imposi tions. While Jonathan was outgrowing his strength, in this way, Bull kept on picking his pockets of every penny he could scrape together; till at last one day when the squire was even more than usually pressing in his demands, which he accompanied with threats, Jonathan started up in a furious passion, and threw the TEA-KETTLE at the old man's head. The choleric Bull was hereupon exceedingly enraged; and after calling the poor lad an undutiful, ungrateful, rebellious rascal, seized him by the collar, and forthwith a furious scuffle ensued. This lasted a long time; for the squire, though in years, was a capital boxer, and of most excellent bottom. At last, however, Jonathan got him under, and before he would let him up, made him sign a paper giving up all claim to the farms, and acknowledging the fee-simple to be in Jonathan forever. PUBLIC OPINION. FROM A SPEECH ON THE GREEK REVOLUTION. [DANIEL WEBSTER, perhaps the most distinguished of American parliamentary orators, born in Salisbury, N. H., in 1782, died at Marshfield, Mass., 1852. WebBut for all this, in a little time, Jonathan ster's early advantages consisted of a few months' grew up to be very large of his age, and be-academy schooling at Exeter, and four years at Dart mouth College, where he supported himself by teaching school during the winters. He was the finest scholar in his class, and became early noted in debate for the clearness and strength of his speeches. He studied law, and became one of the most illustrious advocates and ornaments of the American bar. Elected to Congress in 1812, he took an early and very active part in all political questions. Removing to Boston in 1816, he became thenceforth identified with his adopted State, taking rank for nearly fifty years as her most eminent statesman, and one of her profoundest jurists. Among the most notable of Webster's public addresses not political in character were his celebrated discourse at Ply mouth on the two hundredth anniversary of the Pil of ordinary warfare. It is that impassable, Cannot, but by annihilating, die." Until this be propitiated or satisfied, it is vain for power to talk either of triumphs or of repose. No matter what fields are desolated, what fortresses surrendered, what armies subdued, or what provinces overrun. In the history of the year that has passed grim landing, his magnificent oration at laying the by us, and in the instance of unhappy corner-stone of Bunker Hill monument, June 17, 1825, Spain, we have seen the vanity of all triand his eulogy of Adams and Jefferson, at Faneuil Hall umphs in a cause which violates the general in 1826. Webster entered the Senate of the United sense of justice of the civilized world. It States in 1827, and was continuously re-elected until his is nothing that the troops of France have death, in 1852, resigning twice to enter the Cabinet as passed from the Pyrenees to Cadiz; it is Secretary of State. His State papers in the latter office nothing that an unhappy and prostrate naare marked by great ability and cogency of statement. tion has fallen before them; it is nothing It is generally conceded that Webster's crowning effort that arrests, and confiscation, and execution in forensic eloquence was his reply to Senator Hayne, sweep away the little remnant of national of South Carolina, in 1830, in which the doctrine of resistance. There is an enemy that still nullification was powerfully dissected, and the su- exists to check the glory of these triumphs. premacy of the national constitution and laws over It follows the conqueror back to the very those of the States maintained. Webster's "Speeches, scene of his ovations; it calls upon him to Forensic Arguments, and Diplomatic Papers" appeared in take notice that Europe, though silent, is six volumes in 1851, and his life has been elaborately yet indignant; it shows him that the scep written by George Ticknor Curtis (2 vols., N. Y., 1869.)].tre of his victory is a barren sceptre; that It may be asked, perhaps. what can it shall confer neither joy nor honour, but we do? Are we to go to war? Are we to shall moulder to dry ashes in his grasp. In interfere in the Greek cause, or any other the midst of his exultation it pierces his ear European cause? Are we to endanger our pacific relations ?-No,. certainly not. What, then, the question recurs, remains for us? If we will not endanger our own peace; if we will neither furnish armies nor navies to the cause which we think the just one, what is there within our power? with the cry of injured justice, it denounces against him the indignation of an enlightened and civilized age; it turns to bitterness the cup of his rejoicing, and wounds him with the sting which belongs to the consciousness of having outraged the opinion of mankind. SOUTH CAROLINA AND MAS- FROM A SPEECH IN THE SENATE. Sir, this reasoning mistakes the age. The time has been, indeed, when fleets, and armies, and subsidies were the principal reliances even in the best cause. But, happily for mankind, there has arrived a great change in this respect. Moral causes come into consideration in proportion as the progress of knowledge is advanced; and the The eulogium pronounced on the char public opinion of the civilized world is ra- acter of the State of South Carolina by the pidly gaining an ascendency over mere honourable gentleman, for her revolutionary brutal force. It is already able to oppose and other merits, meets my hearty concur. the most formidable obstruction to the pro-rence. I shall not acknowledge that the gress of injustice and oppression; and, as it grows more intelligent and more intense, it will be more and more formidable. It may be silenced by military power, but it cannot be conquered. It is elastic, irrepressible, and invulnerable to the weapons honourable member goes before me in regard for whatever of distinguished talent, or distinguished character, South Carolina has produced. I claim part of the honour: I partake in the pride of her great names. I claim them for countrymen, one and all |