over the fire. I at first supposed they were assisting their mother; but little Dick informed me in a whisper, that they were making a wash for the face. Washes of all kinds I had a natural antipathy to; for I knew that instead of mending the complexion they spoiled it. I therefore approached my chair by sly degrees to the fire, and grasping the poker, as if it wanted mending, seemingly by accident, overturned the whole composition, and it was too late to begin another.

CHAP. VII.

A town wit described. The dullest fellow's may learn to be comical for a night or to two.

WHEN the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young landlord, it may be easily subposed what provisions were exhausted to make an appearance. It may also be conjectured that my wife and daughters expanded their gayest plumage upon this occasion. Mr. Thornhill came with a couple of friends, his chaplain and feeder. The servants, who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next alehouse, but my wife, in the triumph of her heart, insisted on entertaining them all; for which by the bye, our family was pinched for three weeks after. As Mr. Burchell had hinted to us the day before, that he was making some proposals of marriage to Miss Wilmot, my son George's former mistress, this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception: but accident in some measure, relieved our embarrassment; for one of the company happening to mention her name, Mr. Thornhill observed with an oath,

that

that he never knew any thing more absurd than calling such a fright a beauty: "For strike me ugly," continued he," if I should not find as much pleasure "in choosing my mistress by the information of a "lamp under the clock at St. Dunstan's." At this he laughed, and so did we:-the jests of the rich

are ever successful. Olivia too could not avoid whispering loud enough to be heard, that he had an infinite fund of humour.

After dinner, I began with my usual toast, the Church; for this I was thanked by the chaplain, as he said the Church was the only mistress of his affections."Come tell us honestly, Frank," said the 'Squire, with his usual archness, "suppose the "Church, your present mistress, drest in lawn "sleeves, on one hand, and Miss Sophia, with no "lawn about her, on the other, which would you "be for?" "For both, to be sure," cried the chaplain." Right, Frank," cried the 'Squire, "for may this glass suffocate me but a fine girl is. "worth all the priest craft in the creation. For what "are tythes and tricks but an imposition, all a con"founded imposture, and I can prove it."--" I "wish you would," cried my son Moses, "and I think," continued he, "that I should be able to answer you.". "Very well, Sir," cried the Squire who immediately smoaked him, and winking on the rest of the company, to prepare us for the sport, "if you are for a cool argument upon that subject, I am ready to accept the challenge. And "first, whether are you for managing it analogically or dialogically?" "I am for managing it ra"tionally," cried Moses, quite happy at being permitted to dispute. "Good again," cried the 'Squire "and firstly, of the first. I hope you'll not deny "that whatever is, is. If you don't grant me that "I can go no further."--"Why," returned Moes, "I think I may grant that, and make the best

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"of

"of it."—"I hope too," returned the other, "you'll grant that a part is less than the whole." "I grant that too," cried Moses, "it is. but just and "reasonable."--"I hope," cried the 'Squire, you will not deny, that the two angles of a triangle are equal to two right ones."-" Nothing "can be plainer," returned t'other, and looked round with his usual importance.-"Very well," cried the 'Squire, speaking very quick, "the pre"mises being thus settled, I proceed to observe, that "the concatenation of self-existence, proceeding in a reciprocal duplicate ratio, naturally produce a problematical dialogism, which in some measure "proves that the essence of spirituality may be re"ferred to the second predicable."--" Hold, "hold,"――cried the other," I deny that: Do you "think I can thus tamely submit to such heterodox "doctrines ?". What," replied the 'Squire, as it in a passion, "not submit! Answer me one plain "question: Do you think Aristotle right when he "says, that relatives are related ?" "Undoubt

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edly," replied the other. "If so then," cried the 'Squire, "answer me directly to what I propose: "Whether do you judge the analytical investigation "of the first part of my enthymem deficient secun"dum quoad, or quoad minus, and give me your "reasons: give me your reasons, I say, directly."

"I protest," cried Moses, "I don't rightly com"prehend the force of your reasoning; but if it be "reduced to one simple proposition, I fancy it may "then have an answer."--" O, Sir," cried the 'Squire, "I am your most humble servant, I find

you want me to furnish you with argument and "intellects too. No, Sir, there I protest you are "too hard for me." This effectually raised the laugh against poor Moses, who sate the only dismal figure in a group of merry faces: nor did he offer a single syllable more during the whole entertain

ment.

But

But though all this gave me no pleasure, it had a very different effect upon Olivia, who mistook it for humour, though but a mere act of the memory. She thought him therefore a very fine gentleman; and such as consider what powerful ingredients a good figure, fine cloaths, and fortune are in that character, will easily forgive her. Mr. Thornhill, notwithstanding his real ignorance, talked with ease, and could expatiate upon the common topics of conversation with fluency. It is not surprising then that such talents should win the affections of a girl, who by education was taught to value an appearance in herself, and consequently to set a value upon it in another.

Upon his departure, we again entered into a debate upon the merits of our young landlord. As he directed his looks and conversation to Olivia, it was no longer doubted but that she was the object that induced him to be our visitor. Nor did she seem to be much displeased at the innocent raillery of her brother and sister upon this occasion. Even Deborah herself seemed to share the glory of the day, and exulted in her daughter's victory asif it were her own. "And now, my dear," cried she to me, " I'll fairly own, that it was I that instructed my girls to encourage our landlord's addresses. I had always some ambition, and you now see that I was right; "for who knows how this may end?" "Aye, who "knows that indeed," answered I, with a groan : "for my part I don't much like it; and I could "have been better pleased with one that was poor "and honest, than this fine gentleman with his for"tune and infidelity; for depend on't, if he be "what I suspect him, no free-thinker shall ever have "a child of mine."

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"

Sure, father," cried Moses, ઃઃ you are too se"vere in this; for Heaven will never arraign him for what he thiuks, but for what he does. Every

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"mn has a thousand vicious thoughts, which "arise without his power to suppress. Thinking freely of religion may be involuntary with this "gentleman: so that allowing his sentiments to be wrong, yet as he is purely passive in his assent, he "is no more to be blamed for his errors, than the governor of a city without walls for the shelter he is obliged to afford an invading enemy.

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True, my son," cried I; " but, if the governor "invites the enemy there, he is justly culpable. "And such is always the case with those who em"brace error. The vice does not lie in assenting "to the proofs they see; but in being blind to many of the proofs that offer. So that, though our erroneous opinions be involuntary when "formed, yet as we have been wilfully corrupt, or very negligent in forming them, we deserve pu"nishment for our vice, or contempt for our folly.

My wife now kept up the conversation, though not the argument: she observed, that several very prudent men of our acquaintance were free-thinkers, and made very good husbands; and she knew some sensible girls that had skill enough to make converts of their spouses: "And who knows, my dear," continued she," what Olivia may be able to do. The "girl has a great deal to say upon every subject, " and to my knowledge is very well skilled in con"troversy.

"Why, my dear, what controversy can she have "read?" cried I. "It does not occur to me that "I ever put such books into her hands: you cer"tainly over-rate her merit." "Indeed, papa," replied Olivia, "she does not: I have read a great "deal of controversy. I have read the disputes be"tween Thwackum and Square; the controversy "between Robinson Crusoe and Friday the savage, "and I am now employed in reading the contro66 versy in Religious Courtship."-" Very well," cried