men s opinion may be, I must tell you that I am much less concerned about the wages we are to give than I am about the character and abilities of the man with whom we intrust the education of our children. I had much rather you had said you had received forty dollars a month than five.

1st Com. Dear sir, you are beside yourself. You will encourage the man to rise in his price; whereas I was in hopes he would have fallen at least one dollar.

Parson. Before we talk any further about the price, it is necessary that we examine the gentleman according to law, in order to satisfy ourselves of his capability to serve us. Friend, will you be so obliging as to inform us where you received your education, and what your pretensions are with respect to your profession?

Master. Law, sir! I never went to college in my life. Parson. I did not ask you whether you had been to college or not. We wish to know what education you have had, and whether your abilities are such as that you can do yourself honor in taking the charge of a common English school.

Master. Gentlemen, I will give you a short history of my life. From seven to fifteen years of age I went to school perhaps as much as one year. In which time I went through Dilworth's Spelling-book, the Psalter, the New Testament, and could read the newspaper without spelling more than half the words. By this time, feeling a little above the common level, I enlisted a soldier in the army, where I continued six years, and made such proficiency in the military art that I was frequently talked of for a corporal. I had likewise larn'd to write considerably, and to cipher as fur as division. The multiplication-table I had at my tongue's end, and have not forgot it to this day. At length, receiving a severe flogging for nothing at all, I am not ashamed to own that I deserted, and went into one of the back settlements, and offered myself as a teacher. I was immediately employed in that service; and, though I am obliged to say it myself, I do assure you I soon became very famous. Since that time, which is eleven years, I have followed the business constantly-at least every winter; for in the summer it is not customary, in the towns in general,

continue a man's school. One thing I would not forget to mention; and that is, I have traveled about the country so much, and been in the army so long, (which is allowed to be the best school in the world,) that I consider myself as being thoroughly acquainted with mankind. You will not be insensible, gentlemen, of what great importance this last acquisition is to one who has the care of youth.

3d Com. I admire his conversation. I imagine, by this time, you have ciphered clear through; have you not, sir?

Master. Why, as to that, I have gone so fur that I thought I could see through. I can tell how many minutes old my great-grandfather was when his first son was born, how many barley-corns it would take to measure round the world, and how old the world will be at the end of six thousand years from the creation.

1st Com. It is very strange! You must have studied hard, to learn all these things, and that without a master,

too.

Master. Indeed I have, sir; and, if I had time, I could tell you things stranger still.

Parson. Can you tell in what part of the world you were born-whether in the torrid, frigid, or temperate

zone?

Master. I was not born in the zoon, sir, nor in any other of the West India islands; but I was born in New England, in the state of New Jersey, and commonwealth of the United States of America.

Parson. Do you know how many parts of speech there are in the English language?

Master. How many speeches! Why, as many as there are "stars in the sky, leaves on the trees, or sands on the sea-shore."

1st Com. Please to let me ask him a question, parson. How many commandments are there?

Master. Ten, sir; and I knew them all before I went into the army.

2d Com. Can you tell when the moon changes, by the almanac ?

Master. No! But I'll warrant you I could soon tell by ciphering.

3d Com. How many varses are there in the 119th psalm ?

Master. Ah! excuse me there, if you please, sir; I never meddle with psalmody or metaphysics.

Parson. Will you tell me, my friend, what is the dif ference between the circumference and the diameter of the globe?

Master. There you are too hard for me again. I never larn'd the rule of circumstance nor geometry. I'll tell you what, gentlernen, I make no pretensions to minister larnin', lawyer larnin', or doctor larnin'; but put me upon your clear schoolmaster larnin', and there I am even with you.

1st Com. I am satisfied with the gentleman. He has missed but one question; and that was such a metatistical one that it would have puzzled a Jesuit himself to have answered it. Gentlemen, shall the master withdraw a few minutes, for our further consultation? (Exit master.)

2d Com. I am much pleased with the stranger. He appears to be a man of wonderful parts; and I shall cheerfully agree to employ him.

you,

3d Com. For my part, I don't think we shall find a cheaper master; and I move for engaging him at once. Parson. Gentlemen, how long will you be blind to your own interest? I can say, with that I am perfectly satisfied that the man is, in his profession, emphatically what he calls himself by name, an ignoramus; and totally incapable of instructing our children. You know not who he is, or what he is whether he be a thief, a liar, or a drunkard. The very terms, on which he offers himself, ought to operate as a sufficient objection against him. I am sensible that my vote will now be of no avail, since you are all agreed. I have been for years striving to procure a man of abilities and morals suitable for the employment-and such a one I had obtained; but, alas! we were unworthy of him. We aspersed his character, invented a multitude of falsehoods, magnified every trifling error in his conduct, and even converted his vir tues into vices. We refused to give him that pecuniary reward which his services demanded; and he, knowing bis own worth and our unworthiness, has left us forever. 1st Com. Come, come, parson, it is easy for salary

men to talk of liberality, and to vote away money which they never earned; but it won't do. The new master, I dare engage, will do as well or better than the old one. Landlord, call him in for his answer.

Parson. I protest against your proceeding, and withdraw myself forever from the committee. But I must tell you, your children will reap the bitter consequences of such injudicious measures. It has always been sur prising to me that people in general are more willing to pay their money for any thing else than for "the one thing needful"—that is, for the education of their chil dren. Their tailor must be a.workman, their carpenter a workman, their hair-dresser a workman, their hostler a workman; but the instructor of their children must— work cheap! (Exit parson.)

(Re-enter Schoolmaster.)

1st Com. We have agreed to employ you, sir; and have only to recommend to you not to follow the steps of your predecessor. This is an "age of reason; and we do not imagine our children so stupid as to need the rod to quicken their ideas, or so vicious as to require a moral lesson from the ferule. Be gentle and accommodating, and you have nothing to fear.

Land. I'll answer for him. He's as generous and merry a lad as I've had in my house this many a day.

.DIALOGUE XCI.

THINK FOR YOURSELF.

HENRY, CHARLES, and UNCLE PETER, the politician.

(Enter Henry and Charles.)

Henry. What do you think of the lecture that we had last night, Charles?

Charles. Think of it? I like it, of course. Henry. Of course! most lectures are liked; thing should be liked or

Yes, and that is the way that and a poor way it is. For every disliked according to its merits.

Charles. I know that; but surely you wouldn't ex pect me to be so unlike the rest of the world as to like a thing irrespective of the opinions of others?

Henry. So, then, you think as others do?

Charles. Indeed, I am no philosopher, nor oddity either, and don't mean to be. Why, Henry, the great thing in life-the magnum bonum, as the Latins say-is to be popular.

Henry. And so you must have no opinion of your own?

Charles. Why, yes; you must have every body's opinion. Do you want to be odd, or a sage?

Henry. I don't want to be either. I want to be a

man.

Charles. You do! Well, you will never be a man till you can think as other men do. You remember what Uncle Peter said of the sermon last Sunday-don't you?

Henry. Why, yes; he said that it was a very good one-and it was.

Charles. So it was; but he hadn't heard a word of it, for he slept all the time.

Henry. And how, then, could he say that it was a very good one?

Charles. Why, he knew that it was safer to say so than the contrary; that is, more popular-for you know that every body likes the preacher.

Henry. Pshaw! It is no such thing, Charles. Uncle Peter never would say a thing unless it was so; and, besides, he doesn't care a fig about popularity.

Charles. He doesn't? Why, hasn't he an office already? And doesn't he expect a higher one?

Henry. He has no office in the church, and I presume that he doesn't expect any there.

Charles. Why, Henry, he is maneuvering every day to get one-if not in church, in state; and that is what makes him so pleasing and polite. Why, he is polite to every body he meets.

Henry. Polite? I hope he is.

or ought to be.

Every body is polite,

Charles. No; but Uncle Peter is very polite, extremely polite now, and he never was before he engaged