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birth and fortune are well known to yo, ana but since you think it your duty, as a son, to I dare swear, he may defy the world to lay be concerned for my errors, I think it as much a blemish on his character. mine, as a father, to be concerned for If you think fit to amend them, so; if not, take the consequence.

Sir J. Why then, sir, since I am to be catechised, I must tell you I do not like his character; he is a world-server, a libertine, and has no more religion than you have.

yours.

Col. L. Well, sir, may I ask you, without offence, if the reasons you have given me are Col. L. Sir, we neither of us think it pro- your only reasons for discountenancing Mr. per to make a boast of our religion; but, if Darnley's addresses to my sister? you please to inquire, you will find that we Sir J. Are they not flagrant? would you go to church as orderly as the rest of our have me marry my daughter to a Pagan?1) neighbours. Col. L. He intends this morning paying his

Sir J. Oh, you go to church! you go to respects to you, in hopes to obtain your final church!--Wonderful! wonderful! to bow, and consent; and desired me to be present as a grin, and cough, and sleep: a fine act of de- mediator of articles between you. votion indeed.

Col. L. Well but, dear sir-
Sir J. Colonel, you are an Atheist.

Sir J. I am glad to hear it. Col. L. That's kind indeed, sir. Sir J. May be not, sir; for I will not be al Col. L. Pardon me, sir, I am none: it is a home when he comes: and because I will not character I abhor; and next to that, I abhor tell a lie for the matter, I'll go out this moment. the character of an enthusiast. 1) Col. L. Nay, dear sir Sir J. And, do you hear-because I will

Sir J. Oh, you do so; an enthusiast!-this is the fashionable phrase, the bye-word, the not deceive him either, tell him I would not nick-name, that our pleasure-loving generation have him lose his time in fooling after your give to those few who have a sense of true sister-In short, I have another man in my sanctity. head for her.

[Exit. Col. L. Say, canting, sir. Col. L. Another man! It would be worth Sir J. I tell you what, son, as I have told one's while to know him: pray heaven this you more than once, you will draw some heavy canting hypocrite has not got some beggarly judgment on your head one day or other. rascal in his eye for her. I must rid the house Col. L. So says the charitable doctor Cant- of him at any rate, or all the settlement I can well; you have taken him into your house, hope for from my father is a castle in the air. and in return he gives over half your family -My sister may be ruined too-here she comes. to the devil. If there be another man in the case, she, no Sir J. Do not abuse the doctor, colonel; it doubt, can let me into the secret. is not the way to my favour. I know you cannot bear him, because he is not one of your mincing preachers. He holds up the glass to your enormities, shows you to yourselves in your genuine colours.

Col. L. I always respect piety and virtue, sir; but there are pretenders to religion, as well as to courage; and as we never find the truly brave to be such as make much noise about their valour; so, I apprehend, the truly good seldom or never deal much in grimace. Sir J. Very well, sir; this is very well. Col. L. Besides, sir, I would be glad to know, by what authority the doctor pretends to exercise the clerical function. 2) It does not appear clearly to me that he ever was in orders. Sir J. That is no business of yours, sir. But, I am better informed. However, he has the call of zeal.

Col. L. Zeal!

Enter CHARLOTTE.

Sister, good morrow; I want to speak with you.

Char. Pr'ythee then, dear brother, don't put on that wise, politic face, as if your regiment was going to be disbanded, or sent to the West Indies, and you obliged to follow it.

Col. L. Come, come, a truce with your raillery: what I have to ask of you is serious, and I beg you would be so in your answer.

Char. Well, then, provided it is not upon the subject of love, I will be so-but make haste too-for I have not had my tea yet. Col. L. Why it is, and it is not, upon that subject.

Char. Oh; I love a riddle dearly-Comelet's hear it.

Col. L. Nay, pshaw! if you will be serious,

say so.

Char. O lard, sir! I beg your pardon-there Sir J. Why, colonel, you are in a passion. there's my whole form and features, totally Col. L. I own I cannot see with temper, disengaged and lifeless, at your service; now, sir, so many religious mountebanks impose on put them in what posture of attention you the unwary multitude; wretches, who make a think fit. [Leans on him awkwardly. trade of religion, and show an uncommon Col. L. Was there ever such a giddy devil! concern for the next world, only to raise their -Pr'ythee, stand up. I have been talking with fortunes with greater security in this. my father, and he declares positively you shall not receive any further addresses from Mr. Farnley.

Sir J. Colonel, let me hear no more; I see you are too hardened to be converted now

1) A religious sect, possessing much less of the charity
of christians than any other of the numerous list of
them with which the world is over-run; their prayers
and sermons, contrary to the church of England, are
all extempore. Mawworm shows them in their most
zealous, Cantwell in their most unfavourable light.
2) The greater part of the preachers as well as auditors
of this sect are tailors, cobblers, and others, who have
had a call as they call it.

Char. Are you serious?

1) The intoleration of the Methodists, is carried to such a degree, that, even in their sermons, they most charitably condemn every person of any other persuasion than theirs, to the most horrible of all the burning fires of Tartarus; and, as they affect a very sanctifed way of living themselves, all persons visiting that devil's hot-house the theatre, playing at cards, reading novels, etc., must meet with some still more terrible punishment, if possible.

Col. L. He said so this minute, and win some warmth.

Char. I am glad on't, with all my heart.
Col. L. How! glad!

har. O lud!1) O lud! pr'ythee, brother, don't be so wise; if you had an empty house to let, would you be displeased to hear there were two people about it? besides, to be a Do you think a man little serious, Darnley has a tincture of jealousy has any more charms for me for my father's in his temper, which nothing but a substantiał liking him? no, sir, if Mr. Darnley can make rival can cure.

Char. To a degree.

his way to me now, he is obliged to me, and Col. L. Oh, your servant, madam! now you to me only. Besides, now it may have the talk reason. I am glad you are concerned face of an amour indeed, now one has some- enough for Darnley's faults, to think them worth thing to struggle for; there's difficulty, there's your mending; ha! ha!

danger, there's the dear spirit of contradiction Char. Concerned! why, did I say that?— in it too-Oh! I like it mightily. look you, I'll deny it all to him-well, if ever

Col. L. I am glad this does not make you I'm serious with him again— think the worse of Darnley-but my father's Col. L. Here he comes; be as merry with consent might have clapped a pair of horses him as you please.

more to your coach perhaps, and the want of

it may pinch your fortune.

Char. Burn fortune; am not I a fine woman? and have not I twenty thousand pounds in my own hands?

Col. L. Yes, sister; but with all your charms, you have had them in your hands almost these four years.

Enter DARNLEY.

Darn. My dear colonel, your servant. Col. L. I am glad you did not come sooner; for in the humour my father left me, 'twould not have been a proper time for you to have pressed your affair-I touched upon't—but— I'll tell you more presently; in the mean time lose no ground with my sister.

Char. Pshaw! and have not I had the full swing of my own airs and humours these four Darn. I shall always think myself obliged years? but if I humour my father, I warrant to your friendship, let my success be what it he'll make it three or four thousand more, will-Madam-your most obedient-what have with some unlicked lout-a comfortable equi- you got there, pray? valent, truly! No, no; let him light his pipe with his consent, if he please. Wilful against wise for a wager.

Col. L. But pray, sister, has my father ever proposed any other man to you?

Char. Another man! let me know why you ask, and I'll tell you.

Col. L. Why, the last words he said to me were, that he had another man in his head for you. Char. And who is it? who is it? tell me, dear brother.

Col. L. Why, you don't so much as seem surprised.

Char. No; but I'm impatient, and that's as well.
Col. L. Why how now, sister?

Char. Why sure, brother, you know very little of female happiness, if you suppose the surprise of a new lover ought to shock a woman of my temper don't you know that I am a

coquette?

Col. L. If you are, you are the first that ever was sincere enough to own her being so. Char. To a lover, I grant you; but not to you; I make no more of you than a sister: can say any thing to you.

I

Char. [Reading] 2) "Her lively looks a sprightly mind disclose; Quick as her eyes, and as unfix'd as those-" Darn. Pray, madam, what is't?

Char. “Favours to none, to all she smiles extends-"

Darn. Nay, I will see.

Char. "Oft she rejects, but never once offends." Col. L. Have a care: she has dipped into her own character, and she'll never forgive you, if you don't let her go through with it. Darn. I beg your pardon, madam. Char. "Bright as the sun her eyes the gazers strike,

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[Um-un And like the sun they shine on all alike." Darn. That is something like indeed. Col. L. You would say so, if you knew all. Darn. All what? pray what do you mean? Col. L. Have a little patience: I'll tell you immediately.

Char. "If to her share some female errors fall, Look on her face-and you'll forget them all." not that natural, Mr. Darnley?

Is

Darn. For a woman to expect, it is indeed. Char. And can you blame her, when 'tis at Col. L. I should have been better pleased, the same time a proof of the poor man's pasif you had not owned it to me-it's a hateful sion and her power? character.

Darn. So that you think the greatest conChar. Ay, it's no matter for that, it's vio-pliment a lover can make his mistress, is to lently pleasant, and there's no law against it, give up his reason to her. that I know of.

Col. L. Darnley's like to have a hopeful time

with you.

Char. Well, but don't you really know who it is my father intends me?

Col. L. Not I, really; but I imagined you might, and therefore thought to advise with rou about it.

Char. Nay, he has not opened his lips to me yet-are you sure he is gone out?

Col. L. You are very impatient to know, methinks; what have you to do to concern yourself about any man but Darnley?

Char. Certainly; for what have your lordly sex to boast of but your understanding, and till that's entirely surrendered to her discre1) This word lud is a corruption of Lord! we find such in all languages, where people think to cheat the devil by substituting a word something similar to the oath in its original form, and believe, if they do not swear in the exact word, that the sin is entirely atoned for. There are many other examples of this sort in English, where the most abominable oaths are softened down into a pretty little word, which seems to fit many a pretty little mouth, if we may judge from the frequency of their application by the female sex, though it must be confessed that they are totally ignorant of their meaning. ) Pope's Rape of the Lock, Canto II. v. 8.

tion, while the least sentiment holds out against his reproaches have that greatness of soulher, a woman must be downright vain to think the confusion they give is insupportable.— her conquest completed!

Darn. There we differ, madam; for, in my opinion, nothing but the most excessive vanity could value or desire such a conquest.

Char. Oh, d'ye hear him, brother? the creature reasons with me; nay, has the effrontery to think me in the wrong too! O lud! he'd make a horrid tyrant-positively I won't have him. Darn. Well, my comfort is, no other man will easily know whether you'll have him or not. Char. Am I not a vain, silly creature, Mr. Darnley?

Darn. A little bordering upon the baby,"

must own.

I

Enter BETTY.

Betty, is the tea ready?
Bet. Yes, madam.

Char. Mr. Darnley, your servant.
[Exit Charl. and Betty.
Col. L. So; you have made a fine piece of
work on't, indeed!

Darn. Dear Tom, pardon me if I speak 2 little freely; I own the levity of her behaviour, at this time, gives me harder thoughts than I once believed it possible to have of her. Col. L. Indeed, my friend, you mistake her. Darn. Nay, nay; had she any real concern Char. Laud!) how can you love a body for me, the apprehensions of a man's addresso then? but I don't think you love me though ses, whom yet she never saw, must have -do you? alarmed her to some degree of seriousness. Col. L. Not at all; for let this man be whom he will, I take her levity as a proof of her Char Poor man! he'd fain bring me to reason. resolution to have nothing to say to him. Darn. I would indeed.-Nay, were it but Darn. And pray, sir, may I not as well possible to make you serious only when you suspect, that this artful delay of her good na should be so, I should think you the most ture to me now, is meant as a provisional amiable

Darn. Yes, faith, I'do; and so shamefully, that I'm in hopes you doubt it.

Char. O lud! he's civil

Darn. Come, come, you have good sense; use me but with that, and make me what you please.

Char. Laud! I don't desire to make any thing of you, not I.

Darn. Come then, be generous, and swear at least you'll never marry another.

Char. Ah, laud! now you have spoiled all again:-besides, how can I be sure of that, before I have seen this other man my brother spoke to me of?

Darn. What riddle's this?

Col. L. I told you, you did not know all. To be serious, my father went out but now, on purpose to avoid you.-In short, he absolutely retracts his promises; says, he would not have you fool away your time after my sister; and in plain terms told me, he had another man in his head for her.

Darn. Another man! who? what is he? did not he name him?

Col. L. No; nor has he yet spoke of him to my sister.

Darn. This is unaccountable! have given him this sudden turn?

what can

Col. L. Some whim our conscientious doctor has put in his head, I'll lay my life.

Darn. He! he can't be such a villain; he professes a friendship for me.

Col. L. So much the worse.

Darn. But on what pretence, what grounds, what reason, what interest, can he have to oppose me?

Col. L. Are you really now as unconcerned

as you seem to be?

defence against my reproaches, in case, when she has seen this man, she should think it convenient to prefer him.

Col. L. No, no; she's giddy, but not capable of so studied a falsehood.

Darn. But still, what could she mean going away so abruptly?

Col. L. You grew too grave for her.
Darn. Why, who could bear such trifling
Col. L. You should have laughed at her.
Darn. I can't love at that easy rate.

Col. L. No-if you could, the uneasines would lie on her side.

Darn. Do you then really think she ha any thing in her heart for me?

you

Col. L. Ay, marry, 1) sir—ah! if coul but get her to own that seriously now; Lord how you could love her!

Darn. And so I could, by heaven! Col. L. Well, well, I'll undertake for her if my father don't stand in the way, we a well enough.

Darn. What says my lady? she's against us?

Col. L. I dare say she is not. soft, so sweet a disposition

you don't thin

She's of s

Darn. Pr'ythee, how came so fine a woma to marry your father, with such a vast ine quality of years?

Col. L. Want of fortune, Frank: she wa poor and beautiful-he, rich and amorous she made him happy, and he herDarn. A lady

Col. L. And a jointure-now she's the only one in the family that has power with ca precise doctor; and, I dare engage, she'll use it with him to persuade my father from any Char. You are a strange dunce, brother-thing that is against your interest. By the you know no more of love than I do of a way, you must know I have some shrewd regiment-You shall see now how I'll comfort suspicion that this sanctified rogue is in love him-Poor Darnley, ha, ha, ha!

Darn. I don't wonder at your good humour, madam, when you have so substantial an opportunity to make me uneasy for life. Char. Olud! how sentimentious he is! well,

1) Lord.

with her.

Darn. In love!

Col. L. You shall judge by the symptoms but hush!-here he comes with my grandmother-step this way, and I'll tell you.

1) By the Virgin Mary.

[Exeunt

I

Enter DOCTOR CANTWELL, OLD LADY LAM- will stay and join in the private duties of the

BERT, and SEYWARD.

family.

Dr. C. Charles, step up into my study; Old Lady L. No, doctor, no; it is too bring down a dozen more of those manuals early; the sun has not risen upon them; but, of devotion, with the last hymns I composed; I doubt not, the day will come. and, when he calls, give them to M. Mawworm; and, do you hear, if any one inquires for me, say I am gone to Newgate 1), and the Marshalsea 2), to distribute alms.

[Exit Seyward.

Dr. C. I warrant, they would go to a play now!

Old Lady L. Would they-I am afraid they would.

Darn. Why, I hope it is no sin, madam; if I am not mistaken, I have seen your lady

Old Lady L. Well but, worthy doctor, why will you go the prisons yourself-cannot ship at a play. you send the money? ugly distempers

amongst us,

Old Lady L. Me, sir! see me at a play! are often catched there-have a care of your you may have seen the prince of darkness, bealth; let us keep one good man, at least, or some of his imps, in my likeness, perhaps— Darn. Well but, madamDr. C. Alas, madam, I am not a good would commit murder? Old Lady L. Mr. Darnley, do you think I man; I am a guilty, wicked sinner, full of iniquity; the greatest villain that ever breathed; every instant of my life is clouded with stains; it is one continued series of crimes and defilements; you do not know what I am capable of; you indeed take me for a good man; but the truth is, I am a worthless creature. Old Lady L. Have you then stumbled? alas! if it be so, who shall walk upright? what horrid crime have you been hurried in

to, that calls for this severe self-accrimination? Dr. C. None, madam, that perhaps humanity may call very enormous; yet am I sure, that my thoughts never stray a moment from celestial contemplations? do they not sometimes, before I am aware, turn to things of this earth? am I not often hasty, and surprised into wrath? nay, the instance is recent; for last night, being snarled at and bit by Minxy, your daughter-in-law's lap-dog, I am conscious I struck the little beast with a degree of passion, for which I have never been able to forgive myself since.

Old Lady L. Oh! worthy, humble soul! this is a slight offence, which your suffering and mortifications may well atone for.

Dr. C. No, sir, no; these are not the plants usually to be met with in that rank soil; the seeds of wickedness indeed sprout P every where too fast; but a playhouse is

the devil's hot-bed

Col. L. And yet, doctor, I have known some of the leaders of your tribe, as scrupulous as they are, who have been willing to gather fruit there for the use of the brethern

-as in case of a benefit

it

may

Dr. C. The charity covereth the sin and
mination to the comfort of the righteous.
be lawful to turn the wages of abo
Col. L. Ha, ha, ha!

Dr. C. Reprobate! reprobate!
Col. L. What is that you mutter, sirrah?
Old. Lady L. Oh heavens!
Darn. Let him go, colonel.
Col. L. A canting hypocrite!
Dr. C. Very well, sir; your father shall
know my treatment.

[Exit.
Old. Lady L. Let me run out of the house;
I shall have it fall upon my head, if I stay
among such wicked wretches. O grandson!
grandson!
[Exit

Darn. Was there ever such an insolent rascal!
Col. L. The dog will one day provoke me

Dr. C. No, madam, no; I want to suffer; ought to be mortified; and I am obliged to beat his brains out. now to tell you, that, for my soul's sake, must quit your good son's family; I am pampered too much here, live too much at my ease. Old. Lady L. Good doctor!

Dr. C. Alas, madam! it is not you that should shed tears; it is I ought to weep; you

are a pure woman.

Darn. But what the devil is he? whence comes he?-what is his original?-how has he so ingratiated himself with your father, as to get footing in the house?

Col. L. Oh, sir, he is here in quality of chaplain; he was first introduced by the good old lady that's just gone out. You know, she Old Lady L. I pure! who, I? no " no; has been a long time a frequenter of our mosinful, sinful—but do not talk of quitting our dern conventicles, where is seems she got acfamily; what will become of us-for friendship quainted with this sanctified pastor. His dis-for charityDr. C. Enough; say no more, madam; Ither, who has been for some time tainted ciples believe him a saint; and my poor fasubmit; while I can do good, it is my duty. with their pernicious principles, has been led

Enter COLONEL LAMBERT and DARNLEY.
Col. L. Your ladyship's most humble servant.
Old Lady L. Grandson, how do you?
Darn. Good day to you, doctor!
Dr. C. Mr. Darnley, I am your most humble
servant; I hope you and the good colonel

into the same snare.

Darn. Hah! here's your sister again. Re-enter CHARLOTTE and DOCTOR CANTWELL, Char. You'll find, sir, I will not be used thus; nor shall your credit with my father protect your insolence to me.

1) London being formerly encompassed by a wall, had Col. L. What's the matter? gates resembling the one at Temple-Bar; besides their Char. Nothing; pray be quiet.-I don't want use as a Postern, they were employed as places of you--stand out of the way-how durst you confinement; hence the prisons of Newgate, Ludgate, etc. bolt with such authority into my chamber,

2) The Marshalsea is a jail of great antiquity, situated without giving me notice?

near St. George's church in the Borough of South

wark.

Darn. Confusion!

Col. L. Hold-if my father won't resent this, 'tis then time enough for me to do it.

ing sternly at Darnley, takes Charlotte under his arm, and carries her off. [Exeunt.

ACT II.

son

Dr. C. Compose yourself, madam; I came by your father's desire, who, being informed that you were entertaining Mr. Darnley, grew SCENE I. Antichamber at SIR J. LAMBERT'S. impatient, and gave his positive commands that you attend him instantly, or he himself, Enter SEYWARD, with a writing in his hand. he says, will fetch you. Sey. Tis so-I have long suspected where Darn. Ay, now the storm is rising. his zeal would end, in the making of his priDr. G. So, for what I have done, madam, vate fortune. But then, to found it on the I had his authority, and shall leave him to ruin of his patron's children!—I shudder at answer you. the villany! What desperation may a Char. Tis false. He gave you no autho-be driven to, so barbarously disinherited!rity to insult me; or, if he had, did you sup- Besides, his daughter, fair Charlotte, too, is pose I would bear it from you? What is it wronged; wronged in the tenderest point: for you presume upon? your function? does that so extravagant is this settlement, that it leaves exempt you from the manners of a gentleman? her not a shilling, unless she marries with Dr. C. Shall I have an answer to your fa- the doctor's consent: which is intended, by what I have heard, as an expedient to oblige her to marry the doctor himself. Now, 'twere [Exit. but an honest part to let Charlotte know the snare that's laid for her. This deed's not signed,

ther, lady?

Char. I'll send him none by, you.
Dr. C. I shall inform him so.

Char. A saucy puppy!

Col. L. Pray, sister, what has the fellow and may be yet prevented. It shall be so.

done to you?

Char. Nothing.

Enter SIR JOHN LAMBERT, LADY LAMBErt,

and CHARLOTTE.

Darn. I beg you would tell us, madam. Char. Nay, no great matter-but I was sitting carelessly in my dressing-room-a-a you to transcribe some hymns. fastening my garter, and this impudent cur comes bounce in upon me

Sir. J. Oh! Seyward, your uncle wants

Darn. The rogue must be corrected. Col. L. Yet, 'egad, I cannot help laughing at the accident; what a ridiculous figure she must make-ha! ha!

Char. Hah! you're as impudent as he, I think. Darn. Now, dear Tom, speak to her before she goes.

say,

brother?

Char. What does he Col. L. Why, he wants to have me speak to you; and I would have him do it himself. Char. Ay, come, do, Darnley; I am in a good humour now.

Sey. Sir, I'll wait on him. [Exit. Char. A pretty, well-bred fellow, that. Sir J. Ay, ay; but he has better qualities than his good breeding.

Char. He's always clean too.

Sir J. I wonder, daughter, when you will take notice of a man's real merit. Humphwell bred and clean, forsooth. Would not one think now she was describing a coxcomb? When do hear you wife talk at this rate? and yet she is as young as your fantastical ladyship.

my

Lady L. Charlotte is of a cheerful temper, my dear; but I know you don't think she Darn. Oh, Charlotte! my heart is bursting-wants discretion. Char. Well, well; out with it then. Sir J. I shall try that presently; and you, Darn. Your father now, I see, is bent on my dear, shall judge between us. In short, parting us-nay, what's worse perhaps, will daughter, your course of life is but one congive you to another-I cannot speak-ima- tinued round of playing the fool to no purgine what I want from you.pose; and therefore I am resolved to make you think seriously, and marry.

Char. Well-O lud! one looks so silly though when one is so serious-O dear,—in short, I cannot get it out.

Col. L. I warrant you; try again.

Char. That I shall do before I marry, sir, you may depend upon it.

Sir J. Um-That I am not so sure of; but

Char. O lud-well-if one must be teased, you may depend upon my having thought then-why, he must hope, I think. Darn. Is't possible!—thus

Col. L. Buz-not a syllable; she has done very well. I bar all heroics; if you press it too far, I'll hold1) six to four she's off again

in a moment.

Darn. I'm silenced.

Char. Now am I on tiptoe 2) to know what dd fellow my father has found out for me. Darn. I'd give something to know him. Char. He's in a terrible fuss at your being here, I find.

Col. L. 'Sdeath!3) here he comes.
Char. Now we are all in a fine pickle.
Enter Sir John Lambert hastily; and, look-

1) Hold, lay, or bet a wager are synonymous.
2) To be in great expectation.

3) God's death; meaning "by the death of Christ!"

seriously, and that's as well; for the person I intend you is, of all the world, the only man who can make you truly happy.

Char. And, of all the world, sir, that's the only man I'll positively marry.

Lady L. You have great courage, Charlotte; if I had such a game to play, I should be frightened out of my wits.

Char. Lord! madam, he'll make nothing of it, depend upon [Aside.

Sir J. Mind what I say to you. This wonderful man, I say-first, in his public character, is religious, zealous, and charitable. Char. Very well, sir.

Sir J. In his private character, sober.
Char. I should hate a sot.
Sir J. Chaste.

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