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Lady T. Sister, a day like this,

Lady T. Sisler, to your unerring virtue I Lady G. Admits of no excuse against the now commit the guidance of my future days. general joy. [Gives her Hand to Manly. Never the paths of pleasure more to tread,

Man. A joy like mine-despairs of words But where your guarded innocence shall lead; to speak it.

For, in the marriage state, the world mustown, Lord T. Oh, Manly, how the name of friend Divided happiness was never known. endears the brother!

[Embraces him. To make it mutual, nature points the way; Man. Your words, my lord, will warm me Let husbands govern, gentle wives obey. lo deserve them.



Or, The kind Impostor, acted al Drury Lane 1703. This is a very busy, sprightly, and entertaining comedy, and still continues a stnek play: The plot of it is borrowed from Leonard's Counterfeits, and perhaps from Thu Novel The Trepanner trepanned, on which thai Comedy itself was built,






SCENE. - Madrid.


ACT 1.

Flora. And now, madam, pray what do SCBNE I.-An Inn at MADRID. you propose will be the end of our journey?

Hyp. Why, now I hope the end of my Enter TRAPPANTI.

wishes-Don Philip, I need not tell you how Trap. Indeed, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt far he is in my heart. in a

very thin condition; thou hast neither Flora. No, your sweet usage of him told master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, you think fit to confess it; and what is it you thou bast all the ragged virtues that were re- love him for, pray? quisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Con- Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage. lempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and think- Flora. Ah! dear pride! how we love to ing ibou hast endured with the best of 'em; have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fast- see, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry ing, that is to say, positively, not eating at all, another woman; nay, one he never saw. perceive thou art a downright dunce, with Hyp. An unknown face can't have


far the same stomach, and no more philosophy engaged him. than a bound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the Flora. How came he to be engaged to her devil!- Let me see-this, I take it, is the most at all ? frequented inn about Madrid; and if a keen Hyp. Why, I engaged him. guest or two should drop in now—Hark! Flora. To another!

Host. [Within] Take care of the gentle-l. Hyp: To my whole sex, rather than own I mens' horses there; see 'em well rubb'd and loved him. litter'd.

Flora. Ah! done like a woman of courage. Trap. Just alighted! If they do but stay to Hyp. I could not bear the thoughts of parteat now! Impudence assist me; hah! a couple ing with my power; besides, he took me at of pretty young sparks, faith!

such an advantage, and pressed me so home

rrender, I could have'tore him piecemeal. Enter HypolitA and Flora, in Men's Ha

Flora. Ay! I warrant you, an insolent bits; a Postboy, with a Portmanteau.


But let us bear.
Welcome to Madrid, sir; welcome, sir. Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora ; you know don
Flora. Sir, your servant.

Philip wants no charm that can recommend Post. Have the horses pleased your bonour? him. As a lorer in rank and fortune, I con

Hyp. Very well indeed, friend; pr’ythee set fess him my superior; 'tis the thoughts of that down the portmanteau, and see that ihe poor has been a constant thorn upon my wishes; creatures want nothing: they have performed I never saw him in the humblest posture, but well, and deserve our care.

still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank Trap. I'll take care of that, sir; here, ostler. and fortune might command me; this always

[Exeunt Trappanti and Servant. stung my pride, and made me Flora. And pray, madam, what do I deserve? nay sometimes, when his sufferings have al

Hyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed, most drawn the tears into my eyes, I have but I'shall find a way to thank thee for'i. turu'd the subject with some irifling talk,

to a surre

over-act it:


you by it?

humm’d a spiteful tune, though I believe his my troth, right and sound, I warrant 'em; heart was breaking.

they deserve care, and they have had it, and Flora. But, love be praised, your proud shall have it if they stay in this house — I alstomach's come down for it.

ways stand by, sir, see 'em rubb'd down with Hyp. Indeed, 'tis not allogether so high as my own eyes — catch me trusting an ostler, 'twas. In a word, his last letter set me at my lil give you leave to fill for me, and drink wit's end, and when I came to myself, you for me too. may remember you thought me bewitch'd, for Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere. I immediately called for my boy's clothes, and

[Apart to Hypolita. so rode after him.

Trap. Hey-day! what, no cloth laid! was Flora. Why truly, madam, as to your wits, ever such attendance! hey, house! tapster! I've not much altered my opinion of 'em, for landlord! hey! [Knocks] What was if you I can't see what you propose by it.

bespoke, gentlemen ? Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon, I bave portmanteau, and these breeches.

almost forgot you. Flora. A notable design, no doubt; but Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I pray let's hear it.

live bere hard by- I have a lodging - I can't Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice mar-call it a lodging neither—that is, I have aried between 'em.

sometimes I am here, and sometimes I am Flora. How! twice?

there; and so here and there one makes sbist, Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau I in- you know.-Hey! will these people never come? tend to marry myself to don Philip's new mis- Hyp: You give a very good account of tress, and then-I'll put off my breeches and yourself, sir. marry him.

Trap: 0! nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir !Flora. Now I begin to take ye: but pray was it fish or flesh, sir? what's in the portmanteau ? and how came Flora. Really, sir, we have bespoke no

thing yet. Hyp. I bired one to steal it from his ser- Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you vant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo : in are young travellers; you don't know ibis it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, house, sir; why shey'll let you starve if you gold, good store, settlements, and credential don't stir, and call, and that like thundertoo letters to certify that the bearer (which I in--Hollo! tend to be myself) is don Philip, only son Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I preand heir of don Fernando de las Torres, now sume, sir? residing at Seville, whence we came.

Trap: Umph!-Ay, sir, that's as it happens Flora. A very smart undertaking, by my -I seldom eat at home, indeed—Hoilo! troth: and pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I can't lie for

Enter Host. myself you are to do it for me, in the person Host. Did you call, gentlemen ? of a cousin-german.

Trap. Yes, and bawl too, sir: here, the Flora. And my name is to be

gentlemen are almost famish'd, and nobody Hyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what comes near 'em: what have you in the house you please ; be your own godfather. now that will be ready presently?

Flora. 'Egad, 'I begin to like it mightily; Host. You may have what you please, sir. this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if Hyp. Can you get us a partridge ? we can but come off without fighting, which, Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; get yot what you please in a moment: we for lo be sure don Philip will make the devil have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you to do with us when he finds himself here be- please it shall be clapp'd down in a moment

. fore be comes hither.

Hyp. Eave you no pigeons or chickens? Hyp. O let me alone to give him satisfaction. Host. Truly; sir, we have no fowl in the

Flora, I'm afraid it must be alone, if you house at present; if you please you may have do give him satisfaction; for my part I can any thing else in a moment. push no more than I can swim.

Hyp. Then pr’ythec get us some young rabbits. Hyp. But you can bully, upon occasion. Host. Rabbits! odd rabbit it, rabbits are so Flora. I can scold when

my blood's up:

scarce they are not to be had for money. Hyp. That's the same thing. Bullying in Flora. Have you any fish? breeches, would be scolding in petticoats. Host. Fish! sir, I dress'd yesterday the finest

Flora. Say ye so: why then do look to dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry yourself; if I don't give you as good as you we have none left, sir; but, if you please, you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long may have any thing else in a moment. as lolive. Well, madam, now you have open' Trap. Plague on thee, bast thou nothing the plot, pray when is the play to begin? but any-thing-else in the bouse?

Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than Host. Very good mutton, sir. four hours ; we'll just refresh ourselves with Hyp. Pr'ythec get us a saddle 1) then. what the house affords, and wait upon my Host. Don't you love the neck, sir? father-in-lawHow now! what would this Hyp. Ha'ye nothing in the house but the fellow have ?


Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unRe-enter TRAPPANTI.

provided, but at present we have nothing else left. Trap. Servant, gentlemen, I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, byl 1) A saddle of multon is the iwo loino nol separated.

Trap: 'Egad, it's neck or nothing ') here, Hyp. Hang bim, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour sir. Faith, sir, I don't know but å nothing him.-[-Apart] Pray, sir (for I find we are else may be very good meat, when any thing like to be better acquainted, therefore I hope else is not to be had.

you won't take my question ill)-Hyp. Then pr’ythee, friend, let's have thy Trap. O, dear sir! neck of mutton before that is gone too. Hyp. Wbat profession may you be of?

Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute; Trup. Profession, sir-I-E- Ods me! here's I'll see it done:-gentlemen, I'll wait upon ye the wine. presently; for a minute I must beg your par

Re-enter Host. don, and leave to lay the cloth myself. Hyp. By no means, sir.

Come, fill out-hold—let me taste it first-ye Trap. No ceremony, dear sir; indeed I'll blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink do't.

[Exeunt Host and Trappanti. before he knows whether it be good or not? Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? [Drinks] Yes, 'twill do-give me the bottle,

Flora. With much ado I have recollected I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass his face. Don't you remember, madam, about of right wine?

[To Hypolita. two or three years ago, don Philip had a trusty Hyp. Extremely good indeed-But, sir, as servant, called Trappanti, that used now and to my question. then to slip a note into your hand, as you Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be came from church?

enough for us all. Hyp. Is this he that Philip turn'd away

for Hyp. O, pray, sir, bespeak what you please. saying I was as proud as a beauty, and home- Trap. Sir, your most humble servant. ly enough to be good humour'd?

Here, master! pr’ythee get us-Ha! ay, get us Flora. The very same, I assure ye; only, a dozen of poach'd eggs-a dozen, d'ye hear as you see starving bas altered his air a little. -just to-pop down a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concern'd for him: Host. Yes, sir.

[Going. what makes him so far from Seville?

Trap. Friend- let there be a little slice of Flora. I'm afraid all places are alike to him. bacon to every one of 'em. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into Host. Yes, sir-a little thin slice, sir? my service, bis assurance may be useful, as

[Going my case stands.

Trap. No, you dog, not too thin. Flora. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. But, sir Hyp. There's no occasion for it -- I'll talk Trap. Odso! I had like to have forgotwith him.

here, a—Sancho! Sancho! ay, isn't your name


Host. Diego, sir. Trap. Your dinner's upon the spit, gentle- Trap. Oh! ay, Diego! that's true indeed, men, and the cloth is laid in the best room- Diego! Umph! Are you not for a whet, 2) sir? What wine? Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no what wine?-Hey!

putting in a word till his mouth's full. [Apart. Flora. We give you trouble, sir.

Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-Drinks Trap. Notin the least, sir.Hey! [Knocks. and fills again] That I should forget thy

name though. Re-enter Host,

Host. No great harm, sir. Host. D'ye call, gentlemen?

Trap: Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith! Hyp. Ay; what wine have ye?

-I think you are married, are you not, Diego? Host. VVhat sort you please, sir.

Host. Ay, ay, sir.
Flora. Sir, will you please to name it? Trap. Hah! how many children?

[To Trappanti. Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir. Trap. Nay, pray, sir -

Trap. Ilah! nine girls – Come, here's to Hyp. No ceremony, dear sir; upon my word thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woyou shall.


I dare say; a good housewife, ha! Diego? Trap. C'pon my soul, you'll make me leave Host. Pretty well, sir. Je, gentlemen.

Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warHyp. Come, come, no words! pr’ythee, you rant ye-Does she do olives well?

Host. Will you be pleased to taste 'em, sir? Trap. Pshaw! but why this among

friends Trap. Taste 'em! humph! pr’ythee let's have now? Here-have ye any right Galicia? a plate, Diego. Host. The best in Spain, I warrant it. Host. Yes, sir.

Trap. Let's taste it; if it be good, set us Hyp. And our dinner as soon as you please, out half a dozen bottles for dinner.

sir; when it's ready, call us. Host. Yes, sir. [Exit. Host. Yes, sir.

[Exit. Flora. Who says this fellow's a starving Hyp: But, sir, I was asking you of your now? On my conscience, the rogue has more profession. impudence than a lover at midnight.

Trap. Profession! really, sir, I don't use to [Apart to Hypolita. profess much; I am a plain dealing sort of a 1) Fox-hanters in jumping over a hedge or a fivc-barred if I


I'll serve a gentleman, he may that they are sure either to break their neck horrek depend upon me. nothing; hence the expression. The pun is easily un

Flora. "Have you ever served, sir ?

Trap. Not these two last campaigns.
9) A whet is one of the numerons expressions for taking
a glass of brandy, ete, to sliarpen the appetite, keer

Hyp. How so?
Trap. Some words with my superior, offi-




out the cold;

or some other such excuse.


cer: I was a little too free in speaking my told his neighbours he loved her never the mind to him,

worse; but he was resolved she should never Hyp. Don't

you think of serving again, sir? know it. Trap. If a good post falls in my way, Hyp. Did she use him so very ill ?

Hyp. I believe I could belp you. – Pray, Trap. Like a jade. sir, when you served last, did you take pay Flora. How d'ye do now? [Apart or wages ?

Hyp. I don't know - methinks 1- [4 part) Trap. Pay, sir! --Yes, sir, I was paid, clear'd But sure! What! was she not handsome, say ye? subsistence and arrears to a farthing.

Trap. A devilish tongue. Hyp. And your late commander's name was- Hyp. Was she ugly? Trap. Don Philip de las Torres.

Flora. Ay, say that at your peril. (Aside. Hyp. Of Seville?

Hyp. What was she? How did she look? Trap. Of Seville.

Trap. Look! Why, faith, the woman look'd Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. You very well when she had a blush in her face. need not be curious; for I am sure you don't Hyp. Did she often blush ? know me, though. do you,

your condi-

Trup. I never saw her. tion; which I dare promise you I'll mend upon Flora. How d'ye like the picture, madam? our better acquaintance. And your first step

[ Apart to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a Hyp. I am as humble as an offending lover. few questions: keep your assurance still; it

[dpart. may do me service, I shall like you better for

Re-enter Host. it : come, here's to encourage you.

Host. Gentlemen, your dinner's upon table. [Gives him Money.

Erit Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. That's well! Come, sir, at dinner I'll Hyp. Well said.

give you further instructions how you may Flora. Nay, I'll pass my word be shan't serve yourself and me. dwindle into modesty.

Trap. Come, sir.

[To Flora Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better Flora. Nay, dear sir, no ceremony. in my life. I have seen such a sort of face Trap. Sir, your very humble servant. before, but where—I don't know, nor I don't [As they are going, Hypolita stops them. It's your glass, sir.

Hyp. Come back; here's one I don't care Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin! [Drinks should see me, to Flora] Come, now, what made don Philip Trap. Sir, the dinner will be cold. turn you out of his service? Why did you Hyp. Do you eat it hol then; we are not leave him?

hungry. Trap. 'Twas time, I think; bis wits had left Trap. Sir, your humble servant again. [E.rit. him-the man was mad.

Flora. You seem concern'd; who is it? Hyp. Mad!

Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live-Come Trap. Ay, stark mad-in love.

[They retire. Hyp. In love! How pray? Trap: Very deep-up to the ears, over head,

Enter Octavio and a Servant. drown'd by this time, he would in- I would Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's have had him stopp'd when he was up to the woman, tell her I am just come to town, slip middle.

that note into her hand, and stay for an answer. Hyp. What was she he was in love with ? Flora. 'Tis he. [Apart to Hypolito Trap. The devil! Hyp. So! now for a very ugly likeness of

Re ter Host, conducting Don Pailie. my own face. What sort of a devil? [Aside. Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way. Trap. The damning sort—a woman.

Flora. And don Philip, hy Jupiter! [.Apart. Hyp. Had she no name?

Don P. When my servani comes, send Trap. Her Cbristian name was donna Hy-him to me immediately. polita: but her proper name

was Shittlecock. Host. Yes, sir. Flora. How d'ye like that?

Hyp. Nay, then it's time for us to make Apart to Hypolita. 'ready - Allons! Hyp. Pretty well. [Apāri] Was she hand- [Aport. Ereunt Hypolita and Flora. some?

Oct. Don Philip! Trap. Umph!--so, so!

Don P. Dear Octavio! Flora. How d'ye like that? [Apart. Oct. What lucky point of the compass could Hyp. Umph!-so, so! [Apart] lad she wil? blow us upon one another so ? Trap. Sometimes.

Don P. Faith! a wind very contrary to my Hyp. Good humour?

inclination: but the worst I see blow's some Trap. Very seldom.

good; I am overjoy'd to see you.—But what Hyp. Proud?

makes you so far from the army ? Trap. Ever.

Oct. V, friend, such an unfortunate olcaHyp. Was she honest ?

sion, yet such a lucky discovery! such a misTrap. Very proud.

Ture of joy and torment no poor dog upon Hyp. What! had she no good qualities? earth was ever, plagued with. Trap. Faith! I don't remember 'em. DonP. Unriddle, pray: Hyp. Hah! d'ye think she loved him? Oct. Don't you remember, about six months Trap. If she did, 'twas as the cobler loved ago, I wrote you word of a dear, delicious. Hyp. How was that?

[his wife. sprightly creature, that I had bombarded for Trap. Why he beat her thrice a day, and a whole summer to no purpose ?

this way.

amaze me.


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Don P. I remember.

|(she loving you), my friendship and my hoOct. That same silly, stubborn, charming nour would oblige me to desist. angel now capitulates.

Oct. That's generous indeed! But still you Don P. Then she's taken.

Are you quite broke off with my Och I can't tell that; for you must know, sister ? I hope she has given you no her perfidious father, contrary to his treaty to forget her? with me, and her inclination, is going to- Don P. The most severe that ever beauty Don P. Marry her to another?

printed in the heart of man, a coldness unacOct. Of a beiter estate than mine, it seems. countable to sense. There's her express; read it.

Oct. Pshaw! dissembled,

Don P. I can't think it; lovers are soon Hypolita, Flora, and TRAPPANTI, appear flattered into hope; but she appeared to me in the Balcony.

indifferent to so nice a point, that she has Flora. Trappanti, there's your old master. ruined me without the trouble of resolving it.

[ Apart. Oct. For all her usage of you, I'll be racked Trap. Ay, I know him again: but I may if she did not love you. chance to tell him he did not know a good Don P. I rather think she hated me: howservant when he had him.

[-Apart. ever, now 'tis past, and I must endeavour to Don P. [Reads] My father has concluded think no more of her. a malch for me with one I never saw, and Oct. Then you are determined to marry intends in two days to perfect it; the gen- this other lady? tleman is expected every hour. In the mean Don P. That's my business to Madrid. lime, if you know any friend that has a Trap. Which shall be done to your hand. better tiile to me, advise him forthwith lo

Apart. put in his claim: I am almost out of my Don P. Besides, I am now obliged by contract. senses; which you'll easily believe, when I Oct. Then (though she be my sister) may tell you, if such a one should make haste, some jealous, old, ill-natured dog revenge your I shan't have time to refuse him any tiring. quarrel to her. Hyp. How's this?

(Apart. Don P. Come, forget it. Don P. No name.

[E.reunt Hypolita, Flora, and Trappanti. Oct. She never would trust it in a letter. Oct. With all my heart; let's go in and Flora: If this should be don Philip's mis- drink your new mistress's health. When do tress!

[.Apart. you visit her? Trap. Sir, you may take my word it'is; I Don P. I intended it immediately; but an know the lady, and what the neighbours say unlucky accident has hinder'd me; one of my of her.

[Apart. servants fell sick upon the road, so that I am Don P. What will you do in this case ? forced to make shift with one, and he is the

Oct. That I don't yet know; I have just most negligent, sottish rogue in nature, has sent my servant to tell her am come to town, left the portmanteau, where all my writings and beg an opportunity to speak with her: Í and letters of concern are, behind him at the long to see her: I warrant the poor fool will last town we lay, so that I can't properly visit be so soft and humble, now she's in a fright. the lady or her father till I am able to assure

Don P. What will you propose at your them who I am. meeting her?

Oct. Why don't you go back yourself to Oct. I don't know, may be another meet-see for 'em? ing: at least it will come to a kind look, a Don P. I have sent my servant; for I am kiss, good by, and a sigh!-ah! if I can but really tired: I was loath to appear too much persuade her to run away with me.

concern'd for 'em, lest the rascal should think Don P. Consider!

it worth bis while to run away with 'em. Oct. Ah! so I do; what a pleasure 'twould be to bave her steal out of her bed in a sweet,

Re-enter a Servant to OCTAVIO. moonshiny night! to hear her come pat, pat, Oct. How now? pat, along in her slippers, with nothing but a Sero. Here's an answer, sir. [Gives a Letter. ibin silk night-gown loose about her; and in Oct. My dear friend, I beg a thousand parthis tempting dress to have her jump into my dons, 1 must leave you this "minute; the kind arms breathless with fear.

creature has sent for me; I am a soldier, you Don P. Octavio, I envy thee; thou art the know, and orders must be obey’d; when I happiest man in thy temper

come off duty, I'll immediately wait upon you. Oct. And ou art the most alter'd I ever

[To Don Philip. knew: pr’ythee what makes thee so much upon Don P. You'll find me here, or hear of me: the hum-drum??) Well, are my sister and adieu. [Exit Octavio] Here, house ! you come to a right understanding yet? When do

Re-enter Host. you marry ? Don P. My condition, Octavio, is very much Pr’ythee see if my servant be come yet. like your mistress's: she is going to marry Host. I believe he is, sir; is he not in blue? the man she never saw, and I the woman. Don P. Ay, where is the sot?

Oct. 'Sdeath! you make me tremble: I hope Host. Just refreshing himself with a glass 'tis not my mistress.

at the gate. Don P. Thy mistress! that were

Don P. Pray tell the gentleman I'd speak fear; Madrid's a wide place. — Or if it were with bim. [Exit Host] In all the necessaries

of life there is not a greater plague than ser1) Melancholy.

vants. Hey, Soto! Soto!

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