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Lady T. Sister, a day like thisLady G. Admits of no excuse against the general joy. [Gives her Hand to Manly. Man. A joy like mine-despairs of words to speak it.

Lord T. Oh, Manly, how the name of friend endears the brother! [Embraces him. Man. Your words, my lord, will warm me

to deserve them.

Lady T. Sister, to your unerring virtue I
now commit the guidance of my future days.
Never the paths of pleasure more to tread,
But where your guarded innocence shall lead ;
For, in the marriage state, the world must own,
Divided happiness was never known.
To make it mutual, nature points the way;
Let husbands govern, gentle wives obey.
[Exeunt.

SHE WOULD AND SHE WOULD NOT;

Or, The kind Impostor, acted at Drury Lane 1703. This is a very husy, sprightly, and entertaining comedy, and still continues a stock play. The plot of it is borrowed from Leonard's Counterfeits, and perhaps from the Novel The Trepanner trepanned, on which that Comedy itself was built,

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ACT I.

SCENE.-Madrid.

SCENE I.-An Inn at MADRID.

Enter TRAPPANTI.

Flora. And now, madam, pray what do you propose will be the end of our journey? Hyp. Why, now I hope the end of my wishes-Don Philip, I need not tell you how Trap. INDEED, my friend Trappanti, thou'rt far he is in my heart. in a very thin condition; thou hast neither Flora. No, your sweet usage of him told master, meat, nor money: not but, couldst thou me that long enough ago; but now, it seems, part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, you think fit to confess it; and what is it you thou hast all the ragged virtues that were re-love him for, pray?

quisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Con- Hyp. His manner of bearing that usage. tempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and think- Flora. Ah! dear pride! how we love to ing thou hast endured with the best of 'em; have it tickled! But he does not bear it, you but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fast- see, for he's coming post to Madrid to marry ing, that is to say, positively not eating at all, another woman; nay, one he never saw. perceive thou art a downright dunce, with Hyp. An unknown face can't have very far the same stomach, and no more philosophy engaged him.

Flora. How came he to be engaged to her

Hyp. Why, I engaged him.

than a hound upon horse-flesh-Fasting's the
devil!-Let me see-this, I take it, is the most at all?
frequented inn about Madrid; and if a keen
guest or two should drop in now-Hark!
Host. [Within] Take care of the gentle-
mens' horses there; see 'em well rubb'd and
litter'd.

Trap. Just alighted! If they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me; hah! a couple of pretty young sparks, faith!

Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA, in Men's Ha-
bits; a Postboy, with a Portmanteau.
Welcome to Madrid, sir; welcome, sir.
Flora. Sir, your servant.

Flora. To another!

Hyp. To my whole sex, rather than own I loved him.

Flora. Ah! done like a woman of courage. Hyp. I could not bear the thoughts of parting with my power; besides, he took me at such an advantage, and pressed me so home to a surrender, I could have 'tore him piecemeal.

Flora. Ay! I warrant you, an insolentagreeable puppy. But let us hear.

Hyp. I'll tell thee, Flora; you know don Philip wants no charm that can recommend Post. Have the horses pleased your honour? him. As a lover in rank and fortune, I conHyp. Very well indeed, friend; pr'ythee set fess him my superior; 'tis the thoughts of that down the portmanteau, and see that the poor has been a constant thorn upon my wishes; creatures want nothing: they have performed I never saw him in the humblest posture, but well, and deserve our care. still I fancied he secretly presumed his rank Trap. I'll take care of that, sir; here, ostler. and fortune might command me; this always [Exeunt Trappanti and Servant. stung my pride, and made me over-act it: Flora. And pray, madam, what do I deserve? nay sometimes, when his sufferings have alHyp. Poor Flora! thou art fatigued indeed, most drawn the tears into my eyes, I have but I shall find a way to thank thee fort. turn'd the subject with some trifling talk, or

humm'd a spiteful tune, though I believe his my troth, right and sound, I warrant 'em; heart was breaking. they deserve care, and they have had it, and Flora. But, love be praised, your proud shall have it if they stay in this house-I alstomach's come down for it. ways stand by, sir, see 'em rubb'd down with

Hyp. Indeed, 'tis not altogether so high as my own eyes-catch me trusting an ostler, 'twas. In a word, his last letter set me at my I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink wit's end, and when I came to myself, you for me too.

may remember you thought me bewitch'd, for Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere. I immediately called for my boy's clothes, and [Apart to Hypolita. so rode after him. Trap. Hey-day! what, no cloth laid! was ever such attendance! hey, house! tapster! landlord! hey! [Knocks] What was it you bespoke, gentlemen?

Flora. Why truly, madam, as to your wits, I've not much altered my opinion of 'em, for I can't see what you propose by it.

Hyp. My whole design, Flora, lies in this portmanteau, and these breeches.

Flora. A notable design, no doubt; but pray let's hear it.

Hyp. Why, I do propose to be twice married between 'em.

Flora. How! twice?

Hyp. By the help of the portmanteau I intend to marry myself to don Philip's new mistress, and then-I'll put off my breeches and marry him.

Flora. Now I begin to take ye: but pray what's in the portmanteau? and how came you by it?

Hyp. Really, sir, I ask your pardon, I have almost forgot you.

Trap. Pshaw! dear sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by- I have a lodging-I can't call it a lodging neither-that is, I have asometimes I am here, and sometimes I am there; and so here and there one makes shift, you know.-Hey! will these people never come? Hyp. You give a very good account of yourself, sir.

Trap. O! nothing at all, sir. Lord, sir!— was it fish or flesh, sir?

Flora. Really, sir, we have bespoke nothing yet.

Hyp. I hired one to steal it from his ser- Trap. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you vant at the last inn we lay at in Toledo in are young travellers; you don't know this it are jewels of value, presents to my bride, house, sir; why they'll let you starve if you gold, good store, settlements, and credential don't stir, and call, and that like thunder too letters to certify that the bearer (which I in--Hollo!

tend to be myself) is don Philip, only son Hyp. Ha! you eat here sometimes, I preand heir of don Fernando de las Torres, now sume, sir? residing at Seville, whence we came.

Trap. Umph!-Ay, sir, that's as it happens Flora. A very smart undertaking, by my-I seldom eat at home, indeed-Hoilo!" troth and pray, madam, what part am I to act? Hyp. My woman still; when I can't lie for myself you are to do it for me, in the person of a cousin-german.

Flora. And my name is to beHyp. Don Guzman, Diego, Mendez, or what you please; be your own godfather.

Flora. 'Egad, I begin to like it mightily; this may prove a very pleasant adventure, if we can but come off without fighting, which, by the way, I don't easily perceive we shall; for to be sure don Philip will make the devil to do with us when he finds himself here be

fore he comes hither.

Hyp. O let me alone to give him satisfaction. Flora, I'm afraid it must be alone, if you do give him satisfaction; for my part I can push no more than I can swim.

Hyp. But you can bully, upon occasion. Flora. I can scold when my blood's up. Hyp. That's the same thing. Bullying in breeches, would be scolding in petticoats.

Flora. Say ye so: why then do look to yourself; if I don't give you as good as you bring, I'll be content to wear breeches as long as I live. Well, madam, now you have open'd the plot, pray when is the play to begin?

Hyp. I hope to have it all over in less than four hours; we'll just refresh ourselves with what the house affords, and wait upon my father-in-law-How now! what would this fellow have?—

Re-enter TRAPPANTI.

Enter Host.

Host. Did you call, gentlemen?

Trap. Yes, and bawl too, sir: here, the gentlemen are almost famish'd, and nobody comes near 'em: what have you in the house now that will be ready presently?

Host. You may have what you please, sir. Hyp. Can you get us a partridge? Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we'll get youî what you please in a moment: we have a very good neck of mutton, sir; if you please it shall be clapp'd down in a moment.

Hyp. Have you no pigeons or chickens? Host. Truly, sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please you may have any thing else in a moment.

Hyp. Then pr'ythee get us some young rabbits. Host. Rabbits! odd rabbit it, rabbits are so scarce they are not to be had for money. Flora. Have you any fish?

Host. Fish! sir, I dress'd yesterday the finest dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry we have none left, sir; but, if you please, you may have any thing else in a moment.

Trap. Plague on thee, hast thou nothing but any-thing-else in the house?

Host. Very good mutton, sir.
Hyp. Pr'ythee get us a saddle 1) then.
Host. Don't you love the neck, sir?
Hyp. Ha'ye nothing in the house but the
neck?

Host. Really, sir, we don't use to be so unprovided, but at present we have nothing else left.

Trap. Servant, gentlemen, I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, by 1) A saddle of mutton is the two loins not separated.

Trap. 'Egad, it's neck or nothing 1) here, Hyp. Hang him, 'tis inoffensive; I'll humour sir. Faith, sir, I don't know but a nothing him.-[Apart] Pray, sir (for I find we are else may be very good meat, when any thing like to be better acquainted, therefore I hope else is not to be had. you won't take my question ill)—

Hyp. Then pr'ythee, friend, let's have thy neck of mutton before that is gone too.

Trap. Sir, he shall lay it down this minute;

Trap. O, dear sir!

Hyp. What profession may you be of?
Trup. Profession, sir-I-I-Óds me! here's

I'll see it done:-gentlemen, I'll wait upon ye the wine.
presently; for a minute I must beg your par-
don, and leave to lay the cloth myself.

do't.

Re-enter Host.

Hyp. By no means, sir. Come, fill out-hold-let me taste it first-ye Trap. No ceremony, dear sir; indeed I'll blockhead, would ye have the gentleman drink [Exeunt Host and Trappanti. before he knows whether it be good or not? Hyp. What can this familiar puppy be? [Drinks] Yes, 'twill do-give me the bottle, Flora. With much ado I have recollected I'll fill myself. Now, sir, is not that a glass his face. Don't you remember, madam, about of right wine? [To Hypolita. two or three years ago, don Philip had a trusty Hyp. Extremely good indeed-But, sir, as servant, called Trappanti, that used now and to my question. then to slip a note into your hand, as you came from church?

Hyp. Is this he that Philip turn'd away for saying I was as proud as a beauty, and homely enough to be good humour'd?

Flora. The very same, I assure ye; only, as you see starving has altered his air a little. Hyp. Poor fellow! I am concern'd for him: what makes him so far from Seville?

Flora. I'm afraid all places are alike to him. Hyp. I have a great mind to take him into my service, his assurance may be useful, as my case stands.

Flora. You would not tell him who you are? Hyp. There's no occasion for it-I'll talk with him.

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Trap. Pshaw! but why this among friends now? Here-have ye any right Galicia? Host. The best in Spain, I warrant it. Trap. Let's taste it; if it be good, set us out half a dozen bottles for dinner. Host. Yes, sir.

[Exit.

Flora. Who says this fellow's a starving now? On my conscience, the rogue has more impudence than a lover at midnight.

[Apart to Hypolita. 1) Fox-hunters in jumping over a hedge or a five-barred gate, on horseback, expose themselves to such danger, that they are sure either to break their neck or break nothing; hence the expression. The pun is easily understood.

2) A whet is one of the numerons expressions for taking a glass of brandy, etc. to sharpen the appetite, keep out the cold; or some other such excuse.

Trap. I'm afraid, sir, that mutton won't be enough for us all.

Hyp. O, pray, sir, bespeak what you please. Trap. Sir, your most humble servant. Here, master! pr'ythee get us-Ha! ay, get us a dozen of poach'd eggs-a dozen, d'ye hear -just to-pop down a little.

Host. Yes, sir.

[Going. Trap. Friend-let there be a little slice of bacon to every one of 'em.

Host. Yes, sir-a little thin slice, sir?

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[Going.

Trap. No, you dog, not too thin.
Hyp. But, sir
Trap. Odso! I had like to have forgot-
here, a-Sancho! Sancho! ay, isn't your name
Sancho?

Host. Diego, sir.

Trap. Oh! ay, Diego! that's true indeed, Diego! Umph!

Hyp. I must e'en let him alone; there's no putting in a word till his mouth's full. [Apart. Trap. Come, here's to thee, Diego-[Drinks and fills again] That I should forget thy name though.

Host. No great harm, sir.

Trap. Diego, ha! a very pretty name, faith!
I think you are married, are you not, Diego?
Host. Ay, ay, sir.

Trap. Hah! how many children?
Host. Nine girls and a boy, sir.

Trap. Hah! nine girls-Come, here's to thee again, Diego-Nine girls! a stirring woman, I dare say; a good housewife, ha! Diego? Host, Pretty well, sir.

Trap. Makes all her pickles herself, I warrant ye-Does she do olives well?

Host. Will you be pleased to taste 'em, sir? Trap. Taste 'em! humph! pr'ythee let's have a plate, Diego.

Host. Yes, sir.

Hyp. And our dinner as soon as you please, sir; when it's ready, call us. Host. Yes, sir.

[Exit. Hyp. But, sir, I was asking you of your profession.

Trap. Profession! really, sir, I don't use to profess much; I am a plain dealing sort of a man; if I say I'll serve a gentleman, he may depend upon me.

Flora. Have you ever served, sir?
Trap. Not these two last campaigns.
Hyp. How so?

Trap. Some words with my superior offi

cer;

I was a little too free in speaking my told his neighbours he loved her never the mind to him, worse; but he was resolved she should never know it.

Hyp. Don't you think of serving again, sir? Trap. If a good post falls in my way. Hyp. I believe I could help you.-Pray, sir, when you served last, did' you take pay or wages?

Trap. Pay, sir!--Yes, sir, I was paid, clear'd subsistence and arrears to a farthing.

Hyp. And your late commander's name was-
Trap. Don Philip de las Torres.
Hyp. Of Seville?"

Trap. Of Seville.

You

Hyp. Sir, your most humble servant. need not be curious; for I am sure you don't know me, though! do and you, your condition; which I dare promise you I'll mend upon our better acquaintance. And your first step to deserve it, is to answer me honestly to a few questions: keep your assurance still; it may do me service, I shall like you better for it: come, here's to encourage you.

[Gives him Money. Trap. Sir, my humble service to you. Hyp. Well said.

Flora. Nay, I'll pass my word he shan't dwindle into modesty.

Trap. I never heard a gentleman talk better in my life. I have seen such a sort of face before, but where-I don't know, nor I don't care. It's your glass, sir.

Hyp. Grammercy! here, cousin! [Drinks to Flora] Come, now, what made don Philip turn you out of his service? Why did you leave him?

Trap. 'Twas time, I think; his wits had left him-the man was mad.

Hyp. Mad!

Trap. Ay, stark mad-in love.
Hyp. In love! How pray?

Trap. Very deep-up to the ears, over head, drown'd by this time, he would in- I would have had him stopp'd when he was up to the middle.

Hyp. What was she he was in love with?
Trap. The devil!

Hyp. So! now for a very ugly likeness of
my own face. What sort of a devil? [Aside.
Trap. The damning sort-a woman.
Hyp. Had she no name?

Hyp. Did she use him so very ill?
Trap. Like a jade.

--

Flora. How d'ye do now? [Apart Hyp. I don't know methinks I-[¿part] But sure! What! was she not handsome, say ye? Trap. A devilish tongue.

Hyp. Was she ugly?

Flora. Ay, say that at your peril. Aside. Hyp. What was she? How did she look? Trap. Look! Why, faith, the woman look'd very well when she had a blush in her face. Hyp. Did she often blush?

Trap. I never saw her.

Flora. How d'ye like the picture, madam?

Hyp. I am as humble as an offending lover.

Re-enter Host.

[Apart [Apart

Host. Gentlemen, your dinner's upon table. [Exit Hyp. That's well! Come, sir, at dinner I'll give you further instructions how you may serve yourself and me. Trap. Come, sir.

[To Flora. Flora. Nay, dear sir, no ceremony. Trap. Sir, your very humble servant.

[As they are going, Hypolita stops them. Hyp. Come back; here's one I don't care should see me.

Trap. Sir, the dinner will be cold. Hyp. Do you eat it hot then; we are not hungry.

Trap. Sir, your humble servant again. [Exit Flora. You seem concern'd; who is it? Hyp. My brother Octavio, as I live-Come this way. [They retire

Enter OCTAVIO and a Servant.
Oct. Jasper, run immediately to Rosara's
woman, tell her I am just come to town, slip
that note into her hand, and stay for an answer.
Flora. 'Tis he.
[Apart to Hypolita

Re-enter Host, conducting Don Philip.
Host. Here, sir, please to walk this way.
Flora. And don Philip, by Jupiter! [Apart
Don P. When my servant comes, send

Trap. Her Christian name was donna Hy-him to me immediately. polita: but her proper name was Shittlecock.

Flora. How d'ye like that?

[Apart to Hypolita. Hyp. Pretty well. [Apart] Was she hand

some?

Trap. Umph!-so, so!

Flora. How d'ye like that?

[Apart.

Hyp. Umph!-so, so! [Apart] Had she wit?
Trap. Sometimes.

Hyp. Good humour?

Trap. Very seldom.

Hyp. Proud?

Trap. Ever.

Hyp. Was she honest?
Trap. Very proud.

Hyp. What! had she no good qualities?
Trap. Faith! I don't remember "'em.
Hyp. Hah! d'ye think she loved him?

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Oct. VVhat lucky point of the compass could blow us upon one another so?

Don P. Faith! a wind very contrary to my inclination: but the worst I see blows some good; I am overjoy'd to see you.-But what makes you so far from the army?

Oct. O, friend, such an unfortunate occasion, yet such a lucky discovery! such a mixture of joy and torment no poor dog upon earth was ever plagued with. Don P. Unriddle, pray.

Oct. Don't you remember, about six months Trap. If she did, 'twas as the cobler loved ago, I wrote you word of a dear, delicious, Hyp. How was that? [his wife. sprightly creature, that I had bombarded for

Trap. Why he beat her thrice a day, and a whole summer to no purpose?

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Don P. I remember.

(she loving you), my friendship and my ho

Oct. That same silly, stubborn, charming nour would oblige me to desist. angel now capitulates.

Don P. Then she's taken.

Oct. I can't tell that; for you must know, her perfidious father, contrary to his treaty with me, and her inclination, is going toDon P. Marry her to another?

Oct. Of a better estate than mine, it seems. There's her express; read it.

HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI, appear in the Balcony.

Oct. That's generous indeed! But still you amaze me. Are you quite broke off with my sister? I hope she has given you no reason to forget her?

Don P. The most severe that ever beauty printed in the heart of man, a coldness unaccountable to sense.

Oct. Pshaw! dissembled.

Don P. I can't think it; lovers are soon flattered into hope; but she appeared to me indifferent to so nice a point, that she has Flora. Trappanti, there's your old master. ruined me without the trouble of resolving it. [Apart. Oct. For all her usage of you, I'll be racked

Trap. Ay, I know him again: but I may if she did not love you.

chance to tell him he did not know a good, Don P. I rather think she hated me: howservant when he had him. [Apart. ever, now 'tis past, and I must endeavour to

Don P. [Reads] My father has concluded think no more of her.

Don P. That's my business to Madrid.
Trap. Which shall be done to your hand.

a match for me with one I never saw, and Oct. Then you are determined to marry intends in two days to perfect it; the gen- this other lady? tleman is expected every hour. In the mean time, if you know any friend that has a better title to me, advise him forthwith to put in his claim: I am almost out of my senses; which you'll easily believe, when I tell you, if such a one should make haste, I shan't have time to refuse him any thing. Hyp. How's this? [Apart.

Don P. No name.

Oct. She never would trust it in a letter.
Flora. If this should be don Philip's mis-

[Apart. Don P. Besides, I am now obliged by contract. Oct. Then (though she be my sister) may some jealous, old, ill-natured dog revenge your quarrel to her.

Don P. Come, forget it.

[Exeunt Hypolita, Flora, and Trappanti. Oct. With all my heart; let's go in and drink your new mistress's health. When do [Apart. you visit her? Trap. Sir, you may take my word it is; I know the lady, and what the neighbours say

tress!

of her.

Don P. I intended it immediately; but an unlucky accident has hinder'd me; one of my [Apart. servants fell sick upon the road, so that I am Don P. What will you do in this case? forced to make shift with one, and he is the Oct. That I don't yet know; I have just most negligent, sottish rogue in nature, has sent my servant to tell her I am come to town, left the portmanteau, where all my writings and beg an opportunity to speak with her: I and letters of concern are, behind him at the long to see her I warrant the poor fool will last town we lay, so that I can't properly visit be so soft and humble, now she's in a fright. the lady or her father till I am able to assure Don P. What will you propose at your them who I am. meeting her?

Oct. Why don't you go back yourself to

Oct. I don't know, may be another meet-see for 'em? ing: at least it will come to a kind look, a

Don P. I have sent my servant; for I am

kiss, good by, and a sigh!—ah! if I can but really tired: I was loath to appear too much persuade her to run away with me.

Don P. Consider!

Oct. Ah! so I do; what a pleasure 'twould be to have her steal out of her bed in a sweet, moonshiny night! to hear her come pat, pat, pat, along in her slippers, with nothing but a thin silk night-gown loose about her; and in this tempting dress to have her jump into my arms breathless with fear.

Don P. Octavio, I envy thee; thou art the happiest man in thy temper

concern'd for 'em, lest the rascal should think
it worth his while to run away with 'em.

Re-enter a Servant to OCTAVIO.
Oct. How now?

Serv. Here's an answer, sir. [Gives a Letter. Oct. My dear friend, I beg a thousand pardons, I must leave you this minute; the kind creature has sent for me; I am a soldier, you know, and orders must be obey'd; when I come off duty, I'll immediately wait upon you. [To Don Philip.

Oct. And thou art the most alter'd I ever knew: pr'ythee what makes thee so much upon the hum-drum?) Well, are my sister and adieu. [Exit Octavio] Here, house! you come to a right understanding yet? When do you marry?

Don P. You'll find me here, or hear of me:

Don P. My condition, Octavio, is very much like your mistress's: she is going to marry the man she never saw, and I the woman.

Oct. 'Sdeath! you make me tremble: I hope 'tis not my mistress.

Don P. Thy mistress! that were an idle fear; Madrid's a wide place. Or if it were

1) Melancholy.

Re-enter Host.

Pr'ythee see if my servant be come yet.
Host. I believe he is, sir; is he not in blue?
Don P. Ay, where is the sot?

Host. Just refreshing himself with a glass at the gate.

Don P. Pray tell the gentleman I'd speak with him. [Exit Host] In all the necessaries of life there is not a greater plague than servants. Hey, Soto! Soto!

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