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Enter Soro, drunk.
Odso! I had like to have forgot-Here, house! Soto. Did you please to-such!-call, sir? a bason and washball-I've a razor about me. Don P. What's the reason, blockhead, I-Hey! must always wait upon you thus?
Soto. Sir, I did not know any thing of it; I-I-came as soon as you se-se-se-sent for me.
Don P. And why not without sending, sir? Did you think I expected no answer to the business I sent you about?
Soto. Yes, sir-I did think you would be willing-that is-to have an account-so I staid to take a glass at the door, because I would not be out of the way-huh!
Don P. You are drunk, rascal-where's the portmanteau?
Soto. Sir, I am here-if you please, I'll give the whole account how the matter is-huh! Don P. Speak, villain. [Strikes him. Soto. I will, sir, as soon as I can put my words into an intelligible order; I an't run ning away, sir.
Don P. To the point, sirrah!
Soto. Sir, as I hope to breathe, I made all the strictest search in the world, and drank at every house upon the road, going and coming, and ask'd about it; and so at last, as I was coming within a mile of the town here, found then
Don P. What?
Soto. That it must certainly be lost. Don P. Dog! d'ye think this must satisfy me? [Beats him. Solo. Lord, sir, you won't hear reasonAre you sure you han't it about you? - If I know any thing of it, I wish I may be burnt.
Don P. Villain! your life can't make me satisfaction.
Soto. No, sir, that's hard-a man's life can't -for my part—I—I—
Don P. Why do I vent my rage against a sot, a clod of earth? I should accuse myself for trusting him.
Don P. Be dumb!
Soto. Ahuh! Yes.
Hyp. What's the matter?
Trap. Ever while you live, sir, go with a smooth chin to your mistress. Hey! [Knocks. Hyp. This puppy does so plague me with his impertinence, I shall laugh out, and discover myself.
[Aside. Trap. Why, Diego! [Knocks. Hyp. Pshaw! pr'ythee don't stand fooling,
we're in haste.
Flora. Ay, ay, shave another time. Trap. Nay, what you please, sir; your beard is not much, you may wear it to-day. [Taking her by the Chin. Flora. Ay, and to-morrow too: pray, sir, will you see the coach ready, and put in the things?
Trap. Sir, I'll see the coach ready, and put in the things.
[Exit Flora. Come, madam, courage; now let's do something for the honour of our sex, give a proof of our parts, and tell mankind we can contrive, fatigue, bustle, and bring about as well as the best of 'em.
Hyp. Well said, Flora for the honour of our sex be it then, and let the grave dons think themselves as wise as they please; but nature knows there goes more wit to the management of some amours, than the hardest point in politics.
Therefore to men th' affair of state's confin'd,
SCENE I-DON MANUEL'S House.
Ros. Talk of Octavio then.
Vil. How do you know but the gentleman your father designs you for, may prove as pretty a fellow as he? if you should happen to like him as well.
Ros. Do you expect Octavio should thank you for this?
Vil. The gentleman is no fool.
Ros. He'll hate any one that is not a friend
Don P. If this rascal had stole it, sure he would not have ventured to come back again -I am confounded! Neither don Manuel nor bis daughter know me, nor any of his family. to his love. If I should not visit him till I can receive fresh Vil. Hang 'em, say I: but can't one quench letters from my father, he'll in the mean time the thirst without jumping into the river? Is think himself affronted by my neglect-What there no difference between cooling and drownshall I do? Suppose I go and tell him my ing? If Octavio must be the man, I let! misfortune, and beg his patience till we can don Philip be the husband.
hear again from Seville. I must think! Hey, Ros. I tell you, fool, I'll have no man but Soto! [Exit. a husband, and no husband but Octavio: when Soto. I had rather bought a portmanteau you find I am weary of him, I'll give you out of my own pocket, than had such a life leave to talk to me of somebody else. [Exit. Vil. In vain, I see.-I ha' done, madamone must have time to be wise; but in the mean while what do ye resolve? Positively not to marry don Philip.
Re-enter HYPOLITA, FLORA, and TRAPPANTI. Trap. Hold, sir, let me touch up your foretop 1) a little.
Hyp. Well, Trappanti, you know your business; and if I marry the lady, you know my promise too.
Trap. Sir, I shall remember 'em both1) Fore-top is the hair on the fore part of the head.
Ros. I don't know what I shall do, till I
Vil. I am bribed to the contrary.
Vil. Octavio! he just now sent me this seem wicked: hussy, you shall confess for lovely piece of gold, not to tell you what time her; I'll have her send her sins by you, you he would be here. know 'em, I'm sure; but I'll know what the Ros. Nay then, Viletta, here are two pieces friar has got out of her.-Save you, father. that are twice as lovely; tell me when I shall see him.
Vil. Umph! these are lovely pieces indeed.
Ros. When, Viletta?
Vil. Have you no more of 'em, madam?
Oct. Bless you, son.
Don M. How now, what's become of father Benedict? Why is not he here?
Vil. Sir, he is not well, and so desired this gentleman, his brother here, to officiate for him. Don M. He seems very young for a con
Ros. Pshaw! there, take purse and all; will fessor.
that content thee?
Vil. O! dear madam, I should be uncon
Vil. Ay, sir! he has not been long at it. Oct. Nor don't desire to be long in it; I scionable to desire more; but really I was hope I understand it well enough to make a willing to have 'em all first. [Courtesying. fool of my old don here.
Ros. When will he come?
Don M. Well, sir! how do you find the
Vil. Why the poor gentleman has been pulse of iniquity beat there? What sort of hankering about the house this quarter of an sin has she most stomach to? hour; but I did not observe, madam, you were willing to see him, till you had convinced me by so plain a proof. Ros. Where's my father?
Vil. Fast asleep in the great chair.
Ros. Fetch him in then before he wakes. Vil. Let him wake, his habit will protect him. Rob. His habit!
Vil. Ay, madam, he's turn'd friar to come at you: if your father surprises us, I have a lie ready to back him-Hist, Octavio, you may
Enter OCTAVIO, in a Friar's Habit. Oct. After a thousand frights and fears, do I live to see my dear Rosara once again, and kind?
Ros. What shall we do, Octavio?
[Looking kindly on him. Oct. Kind creature! do! why as lovers should do; what nobody can undo; let's run away this minute, tie ourselves fast in the church-knot, and defy fathers and mothers. Ros. And fortunes too?
Oct. Pshaw! we shall have it one day: they must leave their money behind 'em. Ros. Suppose you first try my father's good nature? You know he once encouraged your addresses.
Oct. First let's be fast married; perhaps he may be good-natured when he can't help it; whip a suit of night-clothes into your pocket, and let's march off in a body together. Ros. Ah! my father.
Don M. Where's my daughter?
Don M. Disturb her! why what's the matter?
Don M. Confession! I don't like that; a young woman ought to have no sins at all. Vil. Ah! dear sir, there's no living without 'em.
Don M. I find her aversion to the marriage I have proposed her, has put her upon disobedient thoughts: there can be no confession without guilt.
Vil. Nor no pardon, sir, without confession.
Oct. Why truly, sir, we have all frailties, and your daughter has had most powerful temptations.
Don M. Nay, the devil has been very busy with her these two days.
Oct. She has told me a most lamentable story. Don M. Ten to one but this lamentable story proves a most damnable lie.
Oct. Indeed, son, I find by her confession, that you are much to blame for your tyrannical government of her.
Don M. Hey-day! what has the jade been inventing sins for me, and confessing 'em instead of her own? Let me come-she shall be lock'd up till she repents 'em too.
Oct. Son, forbear: this is now a corroboration of your guilt: this is inhuman.
Don M. Sir, I have done: but pray, if you please, let's come to the point: what are these terrible cruelties that this tender lady accuses me of?
Oct. Nay, sir, mistake her not: she did not, with any malicious design, expose your faults, but as her own depended on 'em: her frailties were the consequence of your cruelty.
Don M. Let's have 'em both antecedent and consequent.
Oct. Why she confess'd her first maiden, innocent affection, had long been settled upon a young gentleman, whose love to her you once encouraged; and after their most solemn vows of mutual faith, you have most barbarously broke in upon her hopes, and to the utter ruin of her peace, contracted her to a man she never saw.
Don M. Very good, I see no harm in all this. Oct. Methinks the welfare of a daughter, sir, might be of weight enough to make you
Don M. Serious! so I am, sir; what the devil must I needs be melancholy because I have got her a good husband?
Oct. Her melancholy may tell you, sir, she can't think him a good one.
Don M. Sir, I understand thinking better than she, and I'll make her take my word. Oct. What have you to object against the man she likes?
Don M. The man I like!
Oct. Suppose the unhappy youth she loves should throw himself distracted at your feet, and try to melt you into pity.
Don M. Ay! That's if he can.
Don M. Sir, I shall not refuse him any that offers at Rosara's love shall have one virthing; that I am sure will signify nothing. tue, courage, at least; I'll be his proof of that, Oct. Were you one moment to reflect upon and ere he steps before me, force him to dethe pangs which separated lovers feel, were serve her. [Exit Octavio. nature dead in you, that thought might Don M. Ah! poor fellow! he's mad now, and does not know what he would be at:Don M. Sir, when I am ask'd to do a thing But, however, 'twill be no harm to provide I have not a mind to do, my nature sleeps against him-Who waits there? like a top1). Enter a Servant.
Oct. Then I must tell you, sir, this obsti-Run you for an alguazile, and bid your fellows nacy obliges me, as a churchman, to put you arm themselves, I expect mischief at my door in mind of your duty and to let you know immediately: if Octavio offers any disturbance, too, you ought to pay more reverence to our knock him down, and bring him before me. order.
Don M. Sir, I am not afraid of the sin of marrying my daughter to the best advantage: and so if you please, father, you may walk home again—when any thing lies upon my conscience I'll send for you.
[Exit Servant. Vil. Hist! don't I hear my mistress's voice? Ros. [Within] Viletta!
Vil. Here! here, madam-bless me, what's this? [Filetta listens at the Closet Door, and Rosara thrusts a Billet to her through the Key-hole.
Oct. Nay then, 'tis time to claim a lover's right, and to tell you, sir, the man that dares Ha! to ask Rosara from me is a villain.
a billet-to Octavio-a-hem.
[Puts it into her Bosom. Don M. How now, hussy; what are you [Aside. fumbling about that door for? Vil. Nothing, sir; I was only peeping to
[Throws off his disguise. Vil. So! here will be fine work! Don M. Octavio! the devil!
Oct. You'll find me one, unless you do me see if my mistress had done prayers yet. speedy justice: since not the bonds of honour, Don M. Oh! she had as good let 'em alone, nature, nor submissive reason can oblige you, for she shall never come out, 'till she has I am reduced to take a surer, shorter way, stomach enough to fall to upon the man 1 and force you to be just. I leave you, sir, have provided for her. But hark you, Mrs. [Walks about angrily. Modesty, was it you, pray, that let in Don M. Ah! here's a confessor! ah! that that able comforter for my babe of grace jade of mine-and that other jade of my jade's there?
to think on't.
-here has been rare doings!-Well! it shan't Vil. Yes, sir, I let him in. hold long, madam shall be noosed to-morrow Don M. Did you so?- Ha! then if you morning-Ha! sir's in a great passion here, please, madam - I'll let you out-go-go-get but it won't do those long strides, don, will a sheet of brown paper, pack up your things, never bring you the sooner to your mistress and let me never see that damn'd ugly face -Rosara! step into that closet, and fetch my of thine as long as I live. spectacles off the table there. Tum, tum! [Sings. Vil. Bless me, sir, you are in a strange Vil. I don't like the old gentleman's looks. humour, that you won't know when a servant does as she should do.
[Aside. Ros. This obstinacy of yours, my dear father, you shall find runs in the family. [Exit Rosara, and Don Manuel locks her in. Don M. Tum! dum! dum! [Sings. Oct. Sir, I would advise you, as your nearest friend, to defer this marriage for three days. Don M. Tum! tum! tum!
Vil. Sir, you have lock'd my mistress in.
Don M. Thou art strangely impudent.
Vil. Yes-but 'twas in disguise-for I did not design you should see him, because I know you did not care my mistress should see him.
Don M. Hah!
Don M, Tum! dum! dum! Vil. And I knew, at the same time, she Vil. If you please to lend me the key, sir, had a mind to see him. I'll let her out. Don M. Hah!
Don M. Tum! dum! dum!
Oct. You might afford me at least, as I am a gentleman, a civil answer, sir.
Don M. Why then, in one word, sir, you shall not marry my daughter; and as you are a gentleman, I'm sure you wont think it good manners to stay in my house, when I submissively beg of you to walk out.
Vil. And you know, sir, that the sin of loving him had lain upon her conscience a great while; so I thought it high time she should come to a thorough confession. Don M. Hah!
Vil. So upon this, sir, as you see—) let him in; that's all.
Don M. Nay, if it be so as thou say'st, he was a proper confessor indeed.
Oct. You are the father of my mistress, and something, sir, too old, to answer as you Vil. Well, sir, and judge you now if my ought, this wrong; therefore I'll look for re-mistress is not beholden to me. paration where I can with honour take it; Don. M. Oh! extremely; but you'll go to and since you have obliged me to leave your hell, my dear, for all this; though perhaps house, I'll watch it carefully, I'll know who you'll choose that place; I think you never dares enter it. This, sir, be sure of, the man much car'd for your husband's company; and if I don't mistake, you sent him to heaven in 1) The children, in playing with their tops, say, it turns round with such velocity as to appear to stand the old road. [Clash] Hark! what noise is [Noise without. Exit Filetta.
still, that il sleeps.
Enter &Servant, hastily.
Hyp. Sir, don Fernando de las Torres, whom I am proud to call my father, commanded Serv. O sir, Octavio has set upon a couple me to deliver this into the hands of his most of gentlemen just as they were alighting out dear and worthy friend, don Manuel Grimaldi, of a coach at the door; one of them, I believe, and at the same time gave me assurance of is he that is to marry my young mistress, I a kind reception.
heard 'em name; I'm afraid there will be Don M. Sir, you are thrice welcome: let mischief, sir; there they are all at it, helter skelter. me embrace ye; I'm overjoy'd to see you— Don M. Run into the hall, take down my your friend, sir?
back, breast, and head-piece, call an officer, Hyp. Don Pedro Velada, my near relation, raise the neighbours, give me my great gun, who has done me the honour of his company I'll shoot him out of the garret window. from Seville, sir, to assist at the solemnity of [Exit Don Manuel. his friend's happiness.
Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA, putting up their
Hyp. Bring him along-this is such an insolence! at this rate po gentleman can walk the streets.
Flora. I suppose, sir, your business was more with our pockets than our persons: are our things safe?
Don M. Sir, you are welcome; I shall be proud to know you.
Flora. You do me honour, sir.
Don M. I hope you are not hurt, gentlemen? Hyp. Not at all, sir; thanks to a little skill in the sword.
Don M. I am glad of it; however, give me leave to interrupt our business for a moment, till I have done you justice on the person that offer'd you this insolence at my gate. Trap. Ay, sir, I secured them as soon as Hyp. Your pardon, sir; I understand he is ever I saw his sword out; I guess'd his de- a gentleman, and beg you would not let ny sign, and scower'd off with the portmanteau. honour suffer, by receiving a lame reparation Hyp. I'll know now who set you on, sir. from the law. Oct. Pr'ythee, young man, don't be troublesome, but thank the rascal that knock'd me down for your escape.
Don M. A pretty mettled fellow, faith-must not let him fight though. [Aside.] But, sir, you don't know, perhaps, how deeply this man is your enemy.
Hyp. Sir, l'1 have you know, if you had not been knock'd down, I should have owed Hyp. Sir, I know more of his spleen and my escape to the same arm to which you would folly than you imagine, which, if you please have owed the reward for your insolence. Pray, to discharge him, I'll acquaint you with. sir, what are you? Who knows you? Don M. Discharge him! pray consider, sirOct. I'm glad, at least, to find 'is not don
Philip that's my rival.
[They seem to talk. Serv. Sir, my master knows the gentleman Re-enter VILETTA, and gives a Note to
very well; he belongs to the army.
Hyp. Then, sir, if you'd have me use you like a gentleman, I desire your meaning of those familiar questions you ask'd me at the coach-side.
Vil. Send your
answer to me. [Apart to Oct. and exit. Oct. Now for a beam of hope in a tempest. [Aside. Reads.
Oct. Faith, young gentleman, I'll be very I charge you don't hazard my ruin and short; I love the lady you are to marry; and your own by the madness of a quarrel: if you don't quit your pretences in two hours, the closet window where I am is but a step it will entail prepetual danger upon you and to the ground. Be at the back door of the your family. garden exactly in the close of the evening, Hyp. Sir, if you please, the danger's equal where you will certainly find one that may -for, rot me if I'm not as fond of cutting put you in the best way of getting rid of your throat as you can be of mine.
Oct. If I were out of these gentlemens' Dear kind creature! Now, if my little don's hands, on my word, sir, you shouldn't want fit of honour does but hold out to bail me, I an opportunity. am the happiest dog in the universe. [Aside. Don M. Well, sir, since I find your honour is dipp'd so deep in the matter-Here— release the gentleman.
Hyp. O! sir, these gentlemen shall protect neither of us; my friend and I'll be your bail from them.
Flora. Ay, sir, we'll bail you; and if you please, sir, bring your friend; I'm his: damn! me! what, d'ye think you have boys to deal
[Servant gives Octavio his Sword. Flora. So, sir, you have your freedom; you may depend upon us.
Hyp. You will find us punctual-Sir, your
Re-enter DON MANUEL.
Oct. So, now I have a very handsome occasion to put off the tilt too. [Aside.] Gentlemen, I ask your pardon; begin to be a little sensible of the rashness I committed; and I confess your manner of treating me has been so very 'much like men of honour, that i think myself obliged from the same
Don M. How now, bully confessor? What! principle to assure ye, that though I love Roin limbo? 1).
1) Slang for, confined.
sara equal to my life, yet no consideration shall persuade me to be a rude enemy, even
to my rival; I thank you for my freedom, devil's in't if you don't find an opportunity and am your humble servant. [Exit Octavio. to run away with her."
Hyp. Your servant, sir.-I think we released Don M. Would you so, Mr. Dog? But very handsomely; but I han't done he'll be hang'd.
brother my with him.
[Aside to Flora. Don M. What can this sudden turn of civility mean? I am afraid 'tis but a cloke to some new roguery he has in his head.
Hyp. O sir! you'll find we were mighty fortunate in this discovery.
Don M. Pray, sir, let's hear. What was this trick to be, friend?
Hyp. I don't know how old it may be, but Trap. Why, sir, to alarm you, that my my servant here has discovered a piece of master was an impostor, and that Sly-looks villany of his, that exceeds any other he can was the true don Philip, sent by his father be capable of.
Don M. Is it possible? Why would you let him go then?
Hyp. Because I'm sure it can do me no harm, sir.
Don M. Pray be plain, sir; what is it? Hyp. This fellow can inform you-For, to say_truth, he's much better at a lie. [Aside. Don M. Come hither, friend: pray what is this business?
from Seville to marry your daughter; "upon which" (says he), "the old put" (meaning you again, sir), "will be so bamboozled, that-"
Don M. But pray, sir, how did young Mr. Coxcomb conclude that the old put was to believe all this? Had they no sham proofs that they proposed to bamboozle me with, as you call it?
Trap. You shall hear, sir (the plot was pretty well laid too). "I'll pretend," says he, Hyp. Ay; what was that you overheard that the rascal, your rival," (meaning you then, between Octavio and another gentleman, at the sir) [To Hypolita] "has robb'd me of my inn where we alighted? portmanteau, where I had put up all my Trap. Why, sir, as I was unbuckling my jewels, money, and letters of recommendation portmanteau in the yard there, I observed Oc-from my father. We are neither of us known tavio and another spark very familiar with in Madrid," says he, "so that a little impuyour honour's name; upon which, sir, I prick'd dence, and a grave face, will certainly set up the ears of my curiosity, and took in all those two dogs a snarling, while you run their discourse. away with the bone." That's all, sir.
Don M. Pray who was that other spark, friend?
Trap. A brother-rake, sir; a damn'd look'd fellow.
Don M. So!
Don M. Impudent rogue!
Hyp. What think ye, sir? Was not this sly-business pretty handsomely laid?
Flora. How familiarly the rogue treats his
Flora. Faith, it might have wrought a very ridiculous consequence.
Don M. Why truly, if we had not been [Aside fore-arm'd by this discovery, for aught I know, Hyp. Poor don Philip! Aside. Mr. Dog might have ran away with the bone Trap. Says one of 'em, says he, "No, damn indeed: but if you please, sir, since these inhim, the old rogue" (meaning you, sir), "will genious gentlemen are so pert upon the malnever let you have her by fair means"-ter, we'll let 'em see that you and I have wit However," says Octavio, "I'll try soft words: enough to do our business, and e'en clap up but if those won't do"-"Bully him," says the wedding to-morrow morning. t'other.
Don M. Ah! poor dog! but that would not do neither: sir, he has tried 'em both to-day to no purpose.
Hyp. Sir, you are too obliging-But will your daughter, think ye, be prevail'd with? Don M. Sir, I'll prepare her this minuteIt's pity; methinks, we released that bully
Flora. We might as well have held him little.
Trup. Say you so, sir? then you'll find thoughwhat I say is all of a piece. "Well," and if neither of these will do," says he, "you must a e'en tilt the young prig, 1) your rival;" (meaning you then, sir.)
Hyp. Really, sir, upon second thoughts, I [To Hypolita. wish we had-his excusing his challenge so Don M. Ha, ha that, I perceive, my spark abruptly, makes me fancy he is in hopes of did not greatly care for. carrying his point some other way.-Did not Trap. No, sir; that he found was catching you observe your daughter's woman whisa Tartar 2). 'Sbud, my master fought like a per him? lion, sir.
Hyp. Truly, I did not spare him.
Don M. Humh!
Flora. They seem'd very busy, that's certain. Hyp. I can't say about what-but it will [Aside. be worth our while to be upon our guard. Don M. I am alarm'd.
Trap. But now, sir, comes the cream of the roguery.
Hyp. Pray observe, sir.
Trap. "Well," says Sly-looks, "and if all these fail, I have a rare trick in my head, that will certainly defer the marriage for three or four days at least; and in that time the
1) You must fight with the young fellow.
2) The story goes, that an Irishman in battle against the Calmucks, once called to one of his comrades, Patrick, I have caught a Tartar", "Well, bring him along with
Hyp. Where is your daughter at this time? Don M. I think she's pretty safe—but I'll go make her sure.
Flora. Where's her woman?
Don M. I'll be upon her presently ➡she shall be search'd for intelligence- you'll excuse me, gentlemen,
Hyp. Sir, the occasion presses you.
you," "But he won't come," So, of course, the diately; and then, if you please, we'll run
Irishman was a prisoner,
over some old stories of my good friend Fer