point of time-[Looks on her Watch] But wait on their lordships and their ladyships I got into my fav'rite author. Duke. Yes, I found her ladyship at her studies this morning.-Some wicked poem, Lady B. Oh, you wretch! I never read but one book, Kit. What is your ladyship so fond of? Lady B. Shikspur. Did you never read Shikspur? too. [Aside and exit. Phil. Well, ladies, what say you to a dance, and then to supper? have you had your tea? All. A dance, a dance-No tea, no tea. Phil. Come here--where are all our people? Enter Coachman, Cook, KINGSTON, and CLOE. Kit. Shikspur? Shikspur?-Who wrote it? I'll couple you,-My lord duke will take KitNo, I never read Shikspur. ty,-lady Bab will do me the honour of her Lady B. Then you have an immense plea- hand; sir Harry lady Charlotte, coachman and sure to come. Kit. Well then, I'll read it over one aftermoon or other.-Here's lady Charlotte. Enter LADY CHARLOTTE, in a Chair. -Dear lady Charlotte. cook, and the two devils will dance together, ha, ha, ha! Duke. With submission, the country dances_by-and-by. Lady C. Ay, ay; French dances before supper, and country dances after.—I beg the duke Lady C. Oh, Mrs. Kitty, I thought I never and Mrs. Kitty may give us a minuet. hould have reached your house. Such a fit Duke. Dear lady Charlotte, consider my f the cholic seized me-Oh, lady Bab, how poor gout. Sir Harry will oblige us. ong has your ladyship been here?-My chair [Sir Harry bows. men were such drones. My lord duke, the All. Minuet, sir Harry. Minuet, sir Harry. ink of all good breeding. Duke. What minuet would you please to Duke. Oh, ma'am [Bowing. have? Lady C. And, sir Harry-your servant, sir Kit. What minuet?-Let me see- -play larry. [Formally. marshal Thingumbob's minuet. I am sorry Sir H. Madam, your servant o hear your ladyship has been ill. Lady C. You must give me leave to doubt e sincerity of that sorrow, sir. - Remember e Park. [A Minuet by Sir Harry and Kitty; awkward and conceited. They sit down. Phil. We will set the wine on the tablehere is Claret, Burgundy, and Champagne, and a bottle of Tokay for the ladies - there are tickets on every bottle-if any gentleman Sir H. The Park? I'll explain that affair, [Scornfully. Duke. Port?-Tis only fit for a dram. Sir H. Dear lady Charlotte!Kit. Lady Bab, what shall I send you?Lady C. No, sir; I have observ'd your cool- Lady Charlotte, pray be free; the more free, ss of late, and despise you-a trumpery the more welcome, as they say in my counronet! try.-The gentlemen will be so good as take care of themselves. [A pause. Duke. Lady Charlotte, hob or nob! Lady C. Done, my lord-in Burgundy, if you please. Sir H. I see how it is; nothing will satisfy u but nobility-that sly dog, the marquisLady C. None of your reflections, sir-the rquis is a person of honour, and above inring after a lady's fortune, as you meanly Duke. Here's your sweetheart and mine, and the friends of the company. Sir H. I, I, madam?—I scorn such a thing. [They drink. A pause. assure you, madam, I never- that is to Phil. Come, ladies and gentlemen, a bum-'egad I am confounded. My lord duke, per all round-I have a health for you-Here at shall I say to her.-Pray help me out. is to the amendment of our masters and mi[Aside. stresses. Juke. Ask her to show her legs-ha, ha, [Aside. All. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! [Loud laugh. A pause. Phil. My lord duke, your toast. Duke. Lady Betty Phil. Oh no. All. A song, a song, ay, ay, sir Harry's song-sir Harry's song. Duke. A song to be sure, but first,-preludio-[Kisses Kitty] Pray gentlemen, put it about. [Kissing round; Kingston kisses Cloe heartily. Sir H. See how the devils kiss! Kit. I am really hoarse; but-hem-I must clear up my pipes-hem-this is sir Harry's song; being a new song, entitled and called The Fellow Servant, or All in a Livery. SONG. KITTY, Come here, fellow servant, and listen to me, Chorus. Both high and low in this do agree, 'Tis here fellow servant, And there fellow servant, And all in a livery. See yonder fine spark in embroidery drest, What is he? i'faith, but a servant at best. The fat shining glutton looks up to the shelf, And the curlpated beau is a slave to himself. Phil. How do you like it, my lord duke? Duke, O very low! very low indeed. you Phil. He is very drunk indeed-[Aside]— Mrs. Kitty and I had got into a good book, your honour. Free. Ay, ay, they have been well employed, I dare-say, ha, ha, ha! Loc. Come, sit down, Freeman, - lie you there. [Lays his Pistols down] I come a little unexpectedly, perhaps, Philip ·Phil. A good servant is never afraid of being caught, sir. Lov. I have some accounts that I must settle. Lov. Yes; to-night-I find myself perfectly Kit. Your honour must not sit here. Kit. You will certainly take cold, sir; the [Peeping out Phil. Pox take you!-hold your tongue Sir H. That is very conceited. Duke. What is conceited, you scoundrel? Sir H. Scoundrel! you are a rascal I'll [Aside. pull you by the nose[All rise. Duke. Lookye, friend; don't give yourself Free. You have just nlck'd them in the very [Aside to Lovel airs, and make a disturbance among the ladies minute. -If you are a gentleman, name your weapons. Lov. I find I have-mum-[Aside to FreeSir H. Weapons! what you will-pistols-man] Get some wine, Philip—[Exit Phil.] Duke. Done-behind Montague-houseSir H. Done-with seconds Duke. Donc.- Phil. Oh shame, gentlemen-My lord duke! [Duke and Sir Harry affect to sing. Phil. What the devil can that be, Kitty? Phil. Kingston, run up stairs and peep. [Exit Kingston] It sounds like my master's rap-Pray heaven it is not he!— Re-enter KINGSTON. Well Kingston, what is it? King. It is my master and Mr. FreemanI peep'd through the keyhole, and saw them by the lamp light. Lov. [Without] Philip-where's Philip? Phil. Oh the devil! he's certainly coming down stairs-Sir Harry, run down into the cellar-My lord duke, get into the pantry away, away. Kit. No, no; do you put their ladyships into the pantry, and I'll take his grace into the coal-hole. Visitors. Any where, any where-up the chimney if will. you Phil. There-in with you. [They all go into the Pantry. Lov. [Without Philip - PhilipPhil, Coming, sir,-[Aloud]-Kitty, have you never a good book to be reading of? Kit. Yet; here is one. Phil. 'Egad, this is black Monday with us -Though I must eat something before I drink Free, I could eat a morsel of cold meat. Lov. You shall have it-Here. [Rises] Open the pantry door-I'll be about your board wages! I have treated you often, now you shall treat your master. Kit. If I may be believed, sir, there is not a scrap of any thing in the world in the pantry. [Opposing him. Sir H. [Peeping] Mrs. Kitty, Mrs. KittyKit. Peace, on your life. Lov. Kitty, what voice is that? [Sir Harry sneezes. PHILIP brings Wine. [Aside Phil. Oh! that is the duke's damn'd rappee. [Aside Lov. Didn't you hear a noise, Charles? Free. Somebody sneez'd, I thought. Lov. Damn it! there are thieves in the house-I'll be among 'em- [Takes a Pistol. Kit. Lack-a-day, sir, it was only the catthey sometimes sneeze for all the world like a Christian-here Jack, Jack-he has got a cold, sir-puss-puss. Lov. A cold? then I'll cure him-here Jack, Jack-puss, puss— Kit. Your honour won't be so rash-pray, your honour, don't, [Opposing Lov. Stand off — here, Freeman-bere's a barrel for business, with a brace of slugs, and -sit down-seem to read your book-Here well prim'd as you see Freeman-I'll hold he is, as drunk as a piper- [They sit down. you five to four-nay, I'll hold you two to one, I hit the cat through the keyhole of that pantry door. Enter LOVE with Pistols, affecting to be drunk, FEEEMAN following. Lov. Philip, the son of Alexander the Great, where are all my myrmidons? - What the devil makes you up so early this morning? Free. Try, try; but I think it impossible.Lov. I am a damn'd good marksman. [Cocks the Pistol, and points it at the Pantry-door-Now for it! [4 violent shriek, and all is discovered]-Who the devil are all these? One-two-three-four. Phil. They are particular friends of mine, sir. Servants to some noblemen in the neighbourhood. Phil. Kit. Oh, sir-good sir! Lov. You, madam, may stay here till tomorrow morning-and there, madam, is the book you lent me, which I beg you'll read "night and morning, before you say your [Exit. Lov. I told you there were thieves in the prayers." house. Free. Ha, ha, ha. Phil. I assure your honour they have been entertained at our own expense, upon my word. Kit. Yes, indeed, your honour, if it was the last word I had to speak. Kit. I am ruin'd and undone. Lov. But you, sir, for your villany, and (what I hate worse) your hypocrisy, shall not stay a minute longer in this house; and here comes an honest man to show you the way out-Your keys, sir. [Philip gives the Keys. Enter TOM. Loo. Take up that bottle-[Philip takes up a Bottle with a Ticket to it, and is going off-bring it back-Do you usually entertain-Tom, I respect and value you-you are an your company with Tokay, monsieur? honest servant, and shall never want encouragePhil. 1, sir, treat with wine! ment be so good, Tom, as to see that Lov. O yes, "from humble port to imperial gentleman out of my house [Points to Philip] Tokay," too. [Mimicking himself. Phil. How! Jemmy, my master! Kit. Jemmy! the devil! Phil. Your honour is at present in liquor -but in the morning, when your honour is recovered, I will set all to rights again. Lov. [Changing his Countenance, and turning his Wig] We'll set all to rights now -There, I am sober, at your service-what have you to say, Philip? [Philip starts] You may well start-Go, get out of my sight. Duke. Sir-1 have not the honour to be known to you, but I have the honour to serve his grace the duke of —and then take charge of the cellar and plate. Tom. I thank your honour; but I would not rise on the ruin of a fellow servant. Lov. No remonstrances, Tom; it shall be as I say. Phil. What a cursed fool have I been? [Exeunt Servants. Lov. Well, Charles, I must thank you for my frolic-it has been a wholesome one to me-have I done right? Free. Entirely-no judge could have determined better-as you punished the bad, it was but justice to reward the good. Lov. A faithful servant is a worthy character. Free. And can never receive too much encouragement. Lov. Right. Lov. And the impudent familiarity to assume his title your grace will give me leave to tell you, "that is the door"-and if ever you enter there again, I assure you, my lord duke, Free. You have made Tom very happy. I will break every bone in your grace's skin Lov. And I intend to make your Robert so -be gone-I beg their ladyships' pardon, per-too-every honest servant should be made haps they cannot go without chairs-Ha, ha, ha! happy. Free. Ha, ha, ha! [Sir Harry steals off. Free. But what an insufferable piece of asDuke. Low bred fellows! [Exit. surance is it in some of these fellows to affect and imitate their master's manners. Lady C. I thought how this visit would turn out. [Exit. Lady B. They are downright Hottenpots. [Exit. Phil. Kit. I hope your honour will not take away our bread. Loo. "Five hundred pounds will set you up in a chocolate-house-you'll shine in the bar, madam"-I have been an eye-witness of your roguery, extravagance, and ingratitude. Loo. What manners must those be which they can imitate? Free. True. Lov. If persons of rank would act up to their standard, it would be impossible that their servants could ape them-but when they affect every thing that is ridiculous, it will be in the power of any low creature to follow their example. BON TON: OR, HIGH LIFE ABOVE STAIRS. THIS agreeable after-piece, which abounds with pleasantry and possesses an excellent moral, is an additional proof of Mr. Garrick's useful talents, and always commands a well-deserved applause.-"This is a well-timed satirical piece, in which the profligate fashions of the age, imported from France and Italy, and greedily swallowed by the high-born fools of London, are well contrasted with the plain downright manners of an honest country gentleman, who, by an accidental visit to the metropolis, discovers a most shocking metamorphosis in the morals of both sexes, and more especially exemplified among his own relations. Enter LADY MINIKIN and MISS TITTUP. Lady M. It is not, my dear, that I have the least regard for my lord; I had no love for him before I married him, and, you know, matrimony is no breeder of affection; but it hurts my pride, that he should neglect me, and run after other women. Miss T. He is a very handsome man. Lady M. He is a lord, and a little goes a great way. Miss T. He has great good nature. Lady M. No wonder-he's a fool. Miss T. And then his fortune, you'll allowLady M. Was a great one-but he games, and if fairly, he's undone; if not, he deserves Miss T. Ha, ha, ha! how can you be so hy-to be hanged-and so, exit my Lord Minikinpocritical, Lady Minikin, as to pretend to un- and now, let your wise uncle, and my good easiness at such trifles! but pray have you cousin, Sir John Trotley, baronet, enter: where made any new discoveries of my lord's gal-is he, pray? lantry? Miss T. In his own room, I suppose, readLady M. New discoveries! why, I saw him ing pamphlets, and newspapers, against the myself yesterday morning in a hackney-coach, enormities of the times; if he stays here a with a minx in a pink cardinal; you shall ab-week longer, notwithstanding my expectations solutely burn yours, Tittup, for I shall never from him, I shall certainly affront him. bear to see one of that colour again. Miss T. Sure she does not suspect me! [Aside] And where was your lady ship, pray, when you saw him? Lady M. Taking the air with Colonel Tivy in his vis-a-vis. very Lady M. I am a great favourite, but it is impossible much longer to act up to his righteous ideas of things;-isn't it pleasant te hear him abuse every body, and every thing and yet always finishing with a-you'll excuse me, cousin? ha, ha, ha! Miss T. But, my dear Lady Minikin, how Miss T. What do you think the Goth said can you be so angry that my lord was hurting to me yesterday? one of the knots of his te your pride, as you call it, in the hackney- hanging down his left shoulder, and his fringed coach, when you had him so much in your cravat nicely twisted down his breast, and power, in the vis-a-vis? thrust through his gold button-hole, which Lady M. What, with my lord's friend, and looked exactly like my little Barbet's head my friend's lover! [Takes her by the Hand] in his gold collar-"Niece Tittup," cries be O fie, Tittup! drawing himself up, "I protest against this Miss T. Pooh, pooh, love and friendship manner of conducting yourself, both at home are very fine names to be sure, but they are and abroad." What are your objections, Sir mere visiting acquaintance; we know their John? answered I, a little pertly. "Various names indeed, talk of 'em sometimes, and let and manifold," replied he; "I have no time 'em knock at our doors, but we never let 'em to enumerate particulars now, but I will veein, you know. [Looking roguishly at her. ture to prophesy, if you keep whirling round Lady M. I vow, Tittup, you are extremely in the vortex of Pantheons, Operas, Festinos, polite. Coteries, Masquerades, and all the Devilades Miss T. I am extremely indifferent in these in this town, your head will be giddy, down affairs, thanks to my education. We must you will fall, lose the name of Lucretia, and marry, you know, because other people of be called nothing but Tittup ever after-you'll fashion marry; but I shonld think very meanly excuse me, cousin!"-and so he left me. of myself, if, after I was married, I should Lady M. O, the barbarian! feel the least concern at all about my husband. Enter GYMP. Gymp. A card, your ladyship, from Mrs. Pewitt. Lady M. I hate to praise myself, and yet I may with truth aver, that no woman of quality ever had, can have. or will have, so con- Lady M. Poor Pewitt! if she can be but summate a contempt for her lord, as I have seen at public places, with a woman of quality, for my most honourable and puissant Earl of she's the happiest of plebeians. Minikin, Viscount Periwinkle, and Baron Titmouse-ha, ha, ha! [Reads the card. "Mrs. Pewitt's respects to lady Minikin, Miss T. But is it not strange, Lady Minikin, and Miss Tiltup; hopes to have the pleathat merely his being your husband, should sure of attending them to Lady Filligree's create such indifference; for certainly, in every ball this evening. Lady Daisey sees masks." other eye, his lordship has great accomplish- We'll certainly attend her-Gymp, put some ments? message cards upon my toilet, I'll send an Lady M. Accomplishments! thy head is cer- answer immediately; and tell one of my foottainly turned; if you know any of 'em, pray men, that he must make some visits for me let's have 'em; they are a novelty, and will to-day again, and send me a list of those be amuse me. Miss T. Imprimis, he is a man of quality. Lady M. Which, to be sure includes all the cardinal virtues-poor girl! go on! made yesterday: he must be sure to call at Lady Pettitoes, and if she should unluckily be at home, he must say that he came to inquire after her sprained ancle. Miss T. Ay, ay, give our compliments to her sprained ancle. [Exit, Miss T. By getting me in the humour. Col T. Are you in the humour now? Col. How shall I? Lady M. That woman's so fat, she'll never get well of it, and I am resolved not to call at her door myself, till I am sure of not finding her at home. I am horribly low spirited today; do, send your colonel to play at chess with me, since he belonged to you, Titty, I Miss T. How shall I?-you a soldier, and have taken a kind of liking to him; I like not know the art military?-how shall I?— every thing that loves my Titty. [Kisses her. I'll tell you how; - when you have a subtle, Miss T. I know you do, my dear lady. treacherous, polite enemy to deal with, never [Kisses her. stand shilly shally, and lose your time in treaLady M. That sneer I don't like; if she ties and parleys, but cock your hat, draw your suspects, I shall hate her: [Aside] Well, dear sword;-march, beat drum-dub, dub, a dub Titty, I'll go and write my cards, and dress-present, fire, piff-puff-'tis done! they fly, for the masquerade, and if that won't raise my they yield-victoria! victoria! [Running off. spirits, you must assist me to plague my lord Col. T. Stay, stay, my dear, dear angel!a little. [Bringing her back. Miss T. Yes, and I'll plague my lady a Miss T. No, no, no, I have no time to be little, or I am much mistaken: my lord shall killed now; besides, Lady Minikin is in the know every tittle that has passed: what a vapours, and wants you at chess, and my lord poor, blind, half-witted, self-conceited crea- is low spirited, and wants me at picquet; my ture this dear friend and relation of mine is! uncle is in an ill humour, and wants me to and what a fine spirited gallant soldier my discard you, and go with him into the country. colonel is my Lady Minikin likes him, he Col. T. And will you, Miss? likes my fortune; and my lord likes me, and I like my lord; however, not so much as he imagines, or to play the fool so rashly as he may expect. She must be very silly indeed, Miss T. Nay, but colonel, if you won't obey who can't flutter about the flame, without your commanding officer, you shall be broke, burning her wings-what a great revolution and then my maid won't accept of you; so in this family, in the space of fifteen months! march, colonel! lookye, Sir, I will command -we went out of England, a very awkward, before marriage, and do what I please afterregular, good English family? but half a year wards, or I have been well educated to very in France, and a winter passed in the warmer little purpose. climate of Italy, have ripened our minds to every refinement of ease, dissipation, and plea-I sure. Enter COLONEL TIVY. Col. T. May I hope, Madam, that your humble servant had some share in your last reverie? Miss T. How is it possible to have the least knowledge of Colonel Tivy, and not make him the principal object of one's reflections! Miss T. Will I?-no, I never do as I am bid? but you ought-so go to my lady. Col. T. Nay, but Miss [Exit. Col T. What a mad devil it is!-now, if had the least affection for the girl, I should be damnably vexed at this!-but she has a fine fortune, and I must have her if I can.-Tol, lol, lol, etc. [Exit singing. Enter SIR JOHN TROTLEY and DAVY. Sir J. Hold your tongue, Davy; you talk like a fool. Davy. It is a fine place, your honour, and I could live here for ever! Sir J. More shame for you:-live here for ever!-what, among thieves and pickpockets! Col. T. That man must have very little feeling and taste, who is not proud of a place in the thoughts of the finest woman in Europe. what a revolution since my time! the more Miss T. O fie, colonel! I see, the more I've cause for lamentation; [Courtesies and blushes. what a dreadful change has time brought Col. T. By my honour, Madam, I mean what about in twenty years! I should not have I say. known the place again, nor the people; all Miss T. By your honour, colonel! why will the signs that made so noble an appearance, you pass off your counters to me? don't are all taken down;-not a bob or tye-wig to know that you fine gentlemen regard no hon-be seen! all the degrees, from the parade in our but that which is given at the gaming St. James' Park, to the stool and brush at the table; aine which indeed ought to be the only corner of every street, have their hair tied up honour you should make free with. Col. I. How can you, Miss, treat me so cruelly? have I not absolutely forsworn dice, mistress, every thing, since I dared to offer myself to you? Miss T. Yes, colonel, and when I dare to receive you, you may return to every thing again, and not violate the laws of the present happy matrimonial establishment. Col. T. Give me but your consent, Madam, and your life to come -the mason laying bricks, the baker with his basket, the post-boy crying newspapers, and the doctors prescribing physic, have all their hair tied up; and that's the reason so many heads are tied up every month. Davy. I shall have my head tied up to-mor row; Mr. Whisp will do it for me - - your honour and I look like Philistines among 'em. Sir J. And I shall break your head if it is tied up; I hate innovation;-all confusion and no distinction!-the streets now are as smooth Miss T. Do you get my consent, colonel, as a turnpike road! no rattling and exercise and I'll take care of my life to come. Col. T. How shall I get your consent? in the hackney-coaches; those who ride in 'em are all fast asleep; and they bave strings |