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becoming a gentleman, as loaded dice or a slow, he has entered into my plot with such arass-hilted sword.


E.cit. Doil. Larning unbecoming a gentleman!- Doil. Why, you've been in wonderful haste Very well!

to get rid of the igranler part-but as it hapGrad. Hebrew I leave to the Jew rabbis, pened, that was the only part I cared for; so Greek to the bench of bishops, Latin to the now you may carry, your hogs to another pothecaries, and astronomy io almanac ma- market; they won't do for me. Doil. Belter and better.

skers. Grad. My hogs ! Grad. The mathematics-mixed, pure, spe- Doil. Ay, your boars-your improvements culative, and practical, with their whole circle-your fashionable airs-your-in short, you, of sciences, I consign in a lump to old mer are not the man I took you for, so you may who want blood, and to young ones who trot back to college again; go, mister, and want bread. And now you've heard my whole teach 'em the tone, do.. Lord, how they'll abjuration. [Doiley, rushing forward. stare! Jeremy Gradus, or the monkey returned

Doil. Yes: and I have heard too-1 håre from travel! heard. Oh, that I should ever have been such Sand. Upon my honour, you are too sea dolt, as to take thee for a man of larning ! vere. Leave us, man- leave us—I'll settle

Grad. Mr. Doiley! [Confounded. your affair, I warrant. [To Gradus.

Doil. What! don't be dashed, man; go on Grad. Not so easily, I fear, he sticks to his with your abjurations, do. Yes, you'll make point, like a rusly weather-cock-all my dea shine in the tone?-Oh, that ever I should pendance is on the lady. have been such a nincompoop!

Sand. You'll allow Gradus to speak to Miss Sand. My dear Mr: Doiley, do not be in a Doiley? heat. How can a man of your discernment Doil. Oh, ay, to be sure the more he -Now look at Gradus-I'm sure he's a much speaks the less she'll like him. Here, show, prettier fellow than he was--bis figure and Mr. Gradus the dressing-room. (Excit Grahis manner quite different things.

dus] Give her another dose; surfeit her by Doil. Yes, yes, I can see that — I can see all means.-- Why, sure, Mr. Sandford, you that-Why, he has turned little Aesop upside had no hand in transmogrifying the down; he's the lion in the skin of an ass. Sand. Yes, faith, I bad. I couldn't endure

[Walking about the idea of seeing your charming daughter Grad. I must retrieve myself in his opini- Lied to a collection of Greek apothegms and on. The skin, Mr. Doiley, may be put off; Latin quotations; so I endeavoured to English and be assured that the mind which has once bim. felt the sacred energies of wisdom, though it Doil. English him! I take it shocking ill of may assume, for a moment

you, Mr. Sandford-that I must tell you.-Miss D. So, so!

[Angrily. Here are all my hopes gone, like a whiff of Sand. [Aparl] Hark ye, Sir! that won't do. tobacco ! By Heaven, if you play relrograde, I'll forsake Sand. Pho! my dear Mr. Doiley, this atyou on the spot. You are ruined with your tachment of yours to scholarship is mistress in a moment.

whimGrad. Dear Madam! believe me, that as Doil. Whim! well, suppose it is, I will for-What can I say?-How assimilate my- bave my whim. Wi-ke?" hard forty years, self to two such opposite tastes? I stand reel- and saved acout

as many thousand ing here between two characters, like a sub-pounds; and if so v! ch labour and so much stantive between two adjectives.

money won't eniille a man to whim, I don't Doil. You! you for to turn fop and mac- know what the devil should. caroni! Why, 'twould be as nalural for a Jew Sand. Nor I either, I'm sure. rabbi to turn parson. An elephant in pin- Doil. To tell you a bit of a secret-lack of pers—a bishop with a rattle and bells, couldn'llarning has been my great detriment. If I'd be more posterous.

been a scholar, there's no knowing what I Sand. Nay, now, my dear Mr. Doiley- mought have got--my plumb might have been

Doil. Dear me, no dears. Why, if I wanted two--mya maccaroni, I might have had choice; every Sand. Why, doubtless, a little classical alley from Hyde Park to Shadwell Dock swarmis knowledge might have been useful in driving with 'em-genuine; and d’ye think I'll have your bargains for Russia tallow and whale an amphiberous thing-hall and balf, like the blubber. sea-calf at Sir Ashton's ?

Doil. Ay, to be sure! And I do verily beSand. Oh, if that's all, a hundred to ten lieve it hindered me from bing Lord Mayor Gradus will soon be as complete a character-only think of thal-Lord Mayor of Londou! as if he had never learned bis alpba beta : or Sand. How so? known more of the classics than their names. Doil. Way, I tended the common council

Doil. Oh, I warrant him. Now, what do and all the parish meetings for fifteen years, ye think of the Scratchi, the Horsi, and the without daring for to make one arangue; at rest of 'em ? ay ?

last a westry was called about chusing of a Grad. Oh, a mere bore! a parcel of hrawny, turncock. So now, thinks I, I'll show 'em untaught fellows, who knew no more of life what I'm good for.–Our alderman was in the than they did of Chinese. If they'd stood purples-so, thinks I, if he tips off, why not candidates for rank in a college of taste, they'ai as well as another ;-So l'll make a speech have been returned ignorantur-Would they about patrols, and then ax for their votes. not, Madam?

Sand. Very judicious! Miss D. Oh certainly.- I could kiss the fel- Doil. If you'll believe me, I got up three

a mere

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times-Silence! says Mr. Crier; and my ton-, Sand. Well, since you are so very earnest, gue grew so dry with fright, that I couldn't I'll see what I can do.

[Etia wag it; so I was forced to squat down again, Doil. Thank'e, thank'e! I'cod! I'll buy bim 'midst horse-laughs; and they nick-named me twice as many books as a college library, but Dummy, through the whole ward.

what I'll bribé him -- that I will. What the Sund. Wicked rogues! Well, I ask your dickens can Elizabeth be about with that thing pardoo-I had no idea of these important rea- tbere, that Gradus! He a man of larning! Yet, how men differ! Now the family

. Hang me, if I don't believe bis head's as bolof Sir Wilford Granger are quite distressed low as my cane. Shure, she can't have taken by the obstinate attachment to the sciences, a fancy to the smattering monkey! Ho, there of that fine young fellow I told you of this they are-bere he comes! Why, there's Greek morning.

and algebra in his face Doil. Ay! What's hc Sir William Granger's son? Knew his father very well: -- kept Enter SANDFORD and GRANGER, dressed in à fine study of horses, and lost many thou

black. sands by it; lent him money many a timegood man-always punctual.

Mr. Granger, your very humble servant, Sir, Sand. Ay, Sir, but this youth disappointed - I'm very glad to see you, Sir. all his hopes. Mighty pleasant, to see a Grang: I thank you, Sir. [Very solemnly. young fellow, formed io possess life in all its Doil. I knew your father, Sir, as well as a points and bewitching varieties, shrink from beggar knows his dish. Mayhap, Mr. Sardihe world, and bury himself amidst obsolete ford told you that I wanted for to bring you books, systems, and schisms, whilst pleasure and my daughter acquainted-Pll go and cal wooes bim to her soft embrace and joys so-her in. licit him in vain! Ob, it gave his father great

Grang. 'Tis unnecessary. trouble.

Doil. He seems a mighty silent man. Doil. Great trouble! Dear me, dear me! I

[Apori always thought Sir Wilford had been a wiser Sand. Studying-studying. Ten to onekes

- Why, I would have given the world forming a discourse in Arabic, or revolving for such a son.

one of Euclid's problems. Sand. He swallows it rarely! [ Aside] Oh, Doil. Couldn'i you set him a talking a bit' he piques himself on such trilles as reading I long for to hear bim talk. the Greek and Latin authors in their own Sand. Come, man! forget the old sages a tongues, and mastering all the quibbles of our moment. Can't the idea of Miss Doiley give English philosophers

a fillip to your imagination? Þoil

. English philosopbers! I woulun't give Grang. Miss Doiley, I'm informed, is as a farthing for them.

lovely as a woman can be. But wbat is woSand. Why, sure you have heard of a man?-Only one of Nature's agreeable blunders Bacon, a Locke, a Newlon

Doil. Hum! That smacks of sometbing! Doil. Newlon! oh, ay – I have heard of [ Aside]-Why, as to that, Mr. Granger, a Sir Isaac-every body has heard of Sir Isaac woman with no portion but her whims, migot - great man--master of the Mint.

be but a kind of a Jew's bargain; but when Sand. Oh, Sir! this youth has found a do- fifty thousand is popped into the scale, she zen mistakes in his thries, and proved him must be bad indeed, if her husband does not wrong in one or two a."his calculations. In find her a pen'worth. short, he is advised to give the world a system Grang. With men of the world, Mr. Des of his own, in whico, for aught I know he'll ley, fifty thousand pounds might bave the prove the earth to be concave instead of sphe-weight; but in the balance of philosophy, gum rical, and the moon to be no bigger than ajis light as dephlogisticated air. punchbowl.

Doil. That's deep-I can make no bingo Doil. (Aside) He's the man - he's the man! it: that must be deep. [Aside] Mr. Grasger ! Look'e, Mr. Sandford, you've given a descrip- the great account I have had of your larning, tion of this young fellow, that's set my blood and what nol, has male me willing for to be in a ferment. Do you-now, my dear friend, akin to you. do you think that you could prevail upon him Grang. Mr. Sandford suggested to me your to marry my daughter!

design, Sir; and as you have so nobly proSand. Why, I don't know-neither beauty posed your daughter as the prize of learning, nor gold has charms for him. Knowledge i have an ambition to be related to you. knowledge is his mistress.

Doil. [ Aside] But I'll sce a bit farther into Doil. Ay! I'm sorry for that-and yet I'm him, though, first

. Now pray, Mr. Granger! glad of it too. Now, sce what ye can do pray now-a-I say [To Šand.] As him some with him-sec what ye can do with him! deep question, that he may show himsed a

Sand. Well, well, I'l! try, He promised to bit. call on me here this evening, in his way to Sand. What the deril shall I say? A deep the Museum. I don't know whether he isn't question you would have it? Let me see! below now.

Oh, Granger, is it your opinion that the anDuil. Below now! Ifackins, that's lucky-- cient antipodes walked erect, or aawled on hang me if it isn'ı! Do, go and — and speak all fours?" to him a bit--and bring him up--bring himi Grang: A thinking, man always doubtsup. Tell him, if he'll marry Elizabeth, I'll but the best informations concur, that they give him, that is, I'll leave him every farthing were quadrupedes during two revolutions of I bare in the world.

the sun, and bipedes ever after.


Doil. Quadpedes! Bipodes! What a fine Granger - he's one of your great genus men man he is.

[Aside. --going to write a book abont Sir Isaac, and Sand. A surprising 'ransformation! the inoon, and the devil knows what.

Grung. Not more surprising than the trans- [Miss Doil. and Char. enter at the formation of an eruca to a chrysalis, a chry

back of the stage. salis to a nymph, and a nymph to a butterfly. Grad. If so, the more glorious will be my

Doil. There again! I see it will do-I see victory. Come, Şir! let us enter the lists, it will do: ay, that I will-hang me if I don't. since it must be so, for this charming prize;

[Aside. Exit, chuckling and laughing: [Pointing to Miss Doiler] choose your weaGrang. Wbat's be gone off for, so abruptly? pons,--Hebrew - Greek - Latin, or English.

Sand. For his daughter, I hope. Give ye Name your subject; we will pursue it syllojoy, my dear fellow !" tbe nymph, the eruca, gistically, or socratically, as you please. and the chrysalis, have won the day.

Grang. [Aside] Curse your syllogisms and Grang. Jsow shall I hound my happiness! socratisms. My dear Sandford, that was the luckiest ques- Doil. No, no, I'll not have no Englishtion, about the antipodes.

what a plague! every shoe-black jabbers EngSand. Yes, pretty successful. Have you lish, so give us a touch of Greek to set off been at your studies ?

with-come, Gradus, you begin. Grang. Oh, I've been in the dictionary this Miss Doil. Undone! undone! half hour; and have picked up, cramp words Grad. If it is merely a recitation of Greek enough to puzzle and delight the old gentle-that you want, you shall be gratified. An man the remainder of his life.

epigram that occurs to me, will give you an Sand. Here he is, faith

idea of that sublime larguage ! Grang. And Elizabeth with him I hear her Char. [ Aside] Oh, confound your sublime dear footsteps ! O how shall !!

language! Doil. [Without] Come along, I say what Grad. Panta gelos, kai panta konis kai a plague are you so modest for? Come in

panta to meden here, [Pulls in Gradus by the arm], Here, Panta gar exalagon, esti ta ginoI've brought him-one of your own kidneyba! ha! ha! Now I'll lay you a gallon you Doil. Panta tri pantry! Why, that's all can't guess what I've brought him for, l've about the pantry. What, the old Grecians brought him ---ba! ha! ha! for to pit him loved tit-bits, mayhap-but that's low! aye, against you [To Granger] to see which of Sandford ? you two is the most larned-ha! ha!'

Sand. Oh, cursed low! he might as well Grang. Ten thousand devils, plagues, and have talked about a pig-slye. furies!

Doil. Come, Granger, now for it! Elizabeth Sand. Here's a blow up!

and fifty thousand pounds! Doil. Why, for all be looks so like a nin- Grang. Yes, Sir. 1-1-am not much precompoop, in this pye-picked jacket, he's got pared: I could wish I could wish–Sandford ! bis noddle full of Greek and algebra, and

[Apart: them things. Why, Gradus, don't stand aloof, Sand. Zounds! say something any thing! man- this is a brother scholar, I tell ye. Char. [Aside] Ah! it's all over. He could

Grad. A scholar! all who have earned that as easily furnish the ways and means, as a distinction are my brethren. Carissime fra- word in Greek. ter, gaudeo te videre.

Doil. Hoity, toity! What, at a stand! Why Grang. Sir-you-1-most obedient. I wish sure you can talk Greek as well as Gradus. thou wert in the bottom of the Red sea, and Grang. 'Tis a point I cannot decide, you the largest folio in thy library about thy neck. must determine it. Now, impudence, embrace

(Aside. me with thy seven-fold'shield! Zantbus , I Sand. For Heaven's sake, Mr. Doiley, what remember, in describing such a night as thism do you mean?

Grad. Zanthus! you surely err. Homer Doil. Mean! why I mean for to pit 'em, mentions but one being of that name, except to be sure, and to give Elizabeth to the win- a river, and he was a horse.

- Touch bim up, touch him up! [To Grang. Sir, he was an orator—and such a Granger] Show bim what a fool he is. one that, Homer records, the gods themselves

Sand. Why, sure you won't set them toge-inspired him. ther by the cars !

Grad. True, Sir-but you won't denyDoil. No, no; but I'm resolved for to set Doil. Come, come! I sha'n't have no browthem together by the tongues. To cut the beating-nobody offered for to contradict you business short-Mr. Gradus! you are to be so begin [To Granger] What said orator sure a great dab at larning, and what not; Zanthus? but I'll bet my daughter, and fifty thousand Grang. Yon lucid orb, in acther pensile, to boot, that Granger beats ye-and be that irradiates th' expanse. Refulgent scintillations, wins shall bave her.

in th' ambient void opake, emit humid splenGrang. Heavens, what a stake! Tis suffi- dor. Chrysalic spheroids th' horizon vivifycient to inspire a' dolt with the longues of astifarious constellations, nocturnal sporades, Babel.

in refrangerated radii, illume our orb terrene. Sand. My dear friend, think of the indeli- Miss D. I breathe again.

[Aside. cacy

Doil. There ! there; well spoke, Granger! Doil. Fiddle-de-dee!-I tell you, I will have -Now, Gradus, beat that! my whim-and so, Gradus, set off. By Jen- Grad. I am enwrapt in astonishment! You kin! you'll find it a tough business to beall are imposed on, Sir,-instead of classical lan




guage, you have heard a rant in English- to him of yourself-he's a man after my own

Doil. English! Zounds! d'ye take me for a heart. fool? D'ye think I don't know my own Miss D. ben, Sir, without reserve, I acther-tongue !—'Twas no more like English, tbən knowledge Ir choice of Mr. Granger is I am like Whitlinglon's cat.

Iperfectly ag ble to mine. Grad. It was every syllable English. Doil. Thats my dear Bet! [Kissing her)

Doil. There's impudence !- There wasn't no We'll have the wedding directly. There ! word of it English–If you take that for Eng-d’ye understand that, Mr. Tri-pantry?-Is that Jish, devil take me if I believe there was a English ? word of Greek in all your lry-pantrys. Grad. Yes, so plain, that it has exsuscitated

Grad. Oh! the torture of ignorance ! my understanding - I perceive I have been Doil. Ignorant!-Come, come, none of your duped. tricks upon travellers. I know you mean all Doil. Ay, well! I had rather you sbould that as a skit upon my edication - But I'll be the dupe than me. have you to knowv, Sir, that I'll read the hard- Grad. Well, Sir, I have no inclination to est cbapter of Nehemiah with you for your contest—if the lovely Charlotte will perform

her promise. Grad. I repeat that you are imposed on. Char. Agreed! provided that, in your chaMr. Sandford I appeal to yru.

racter of husband, you will be as singular Grang. And I appeal

and old fashioned, as the wig you wore this Sand. Nay, gentlemen, Mr. Doiley is your morning. judge in all disputes concerning the vulgar Doil. What, cousin! have


taken a tongue. fancy to the scholar? Egad! you're a cute girl

, Doil. Ay, to be sure I am. Who cares and mayhap, may be able to make something for your peals? I peal too; and I tell you, I of him, and I don't care if I throw in a fer won't be imposed on. Here, Elizabeth, I have hundreds, that you mayn't repent your bargot ye a husband, at last, to my heart's con-gain. Well, now I've settled this affair es

actly to my mind, I am the happiest man in Miss D. Him, Sir! You presented that gentle- the world. And, 'd'ye hear, Gradus? I dont man to me this morning, and I have found love for to bear malice. If you'll trot back such a fund of merit in him

to college, and larn the difference between Doil. In he! what in that beau-bookworm! Greek and English, why you may stand a that argufes me down, I don't know English! chance to be tutor-when they've made me a

for to provoke me-bid that Mr. grandfather. Granger welcome to my house-be'll soon be Grad. I have had enough of languages. master on'.

You see I have just engaged a tutor to teach Miss D. Sir, in obedience to the commands me to read the world, and if I play my part of my father

[Significantly. there as well as I did at Brazen-Nose, your Doil. Sha'n't say obedience, say something indulgence will grant me applause.



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