Miss N. Yes, madam; but you must hear the rest, madam: A little more this way, or he may hear us: You'll hear how he puzzled him again. Mrs. H. He seems strangely puzzled now himself, methinks:

Tony. (Still gazing.) A damn'd up and down hand, as if it was disguised in liquor. (Reading.) Dear sir, ay, that's that. Then there's an M, and a T, and an S, but whether the next be an izzard, or an R, confound me, I cannot tell,

Mrs. H. What's that, my dear. Can I give you any assistance.

Miss N. Pray, aunt, let me read it. Nobody reads a cramp hand better than I. (Twitching the letter from him.) Do you know who it is from?

Tony: Can't tell, except from Dick Ginger the feeder.

Miss N. Ay, so it is, (pretending to read.) Dear 'squire, hoping that you're in health, as I am at this present. The gentlemen of the Shakebag club has cut the gentlemen of the Goose-green quite out of feather. The odds-um-odd battle-um long fighting um-here, here, it's all about cocks and fighting; it's of no consequence, here, put it up, put it up:

[Thrusting the crumpled letter upon him. Tony. But I tell you, miss, it's of all the consequence in the world: 1 would not lose the rest of it for a guinea. Here, mother, do you make it out. Of no consequence! [Giving Mrs. H. the letter. Mrs. H. How's this? (Reads.) "Dear 'squire, I'm now waiting for Miss Neville, with a post-chaise and pair, at the bottom of the garden, but I find my horses yet unable to perform the journey. I expect you'll assist us with a pair of fresh horses, as you promised. Dispatch is necessary, as the hag (ay the hag), your mother, will otherwise suspect us. Yours, Hastings." Grant me patience. I shall run distracted. My rage chokes me.

Miss. N. I hope, madam, you'll suspend your resentment for a few moments, and not impute to me any impertinence, or sinister design, that belongs to another.

Mrs. H. (Courtesying very low.) Fine spoken madam, you are most miraculously polite and engaging, and quite the very pink of courtesy and circumspection, madam.

ill-fashioned oaf, with scarce sense enough to keep your mouth shut. Were you too joined against me? But I'll defeat all your plots in a moment. As for you, madam, since you have got a pair of fresh horses ready, it would be cruel to disappoint them. So, if you please, instead of running away with your spark, prepare this very moment to run off with me. Your old aunt Pedigree will keep you secure, I'll warrant me. You too, sir, may mount your horse, and guard us upen the way. Here, Thomas, Roger, Diggory, I'll show you that I wish you better than you do yourselves.

[Exit.

Miss N. So now I'm completely ruined.
Tony. Ay, that's a sure thing.

Miss N. What better could be expected from being connected with such a stupid fool, and after all the nods and signs I made him ?

Tony. By the laws, miss, it was your own cleverness, and not my stupidity, that did your business. You were so nice and busy with your Shake-bags and Goose greens, that I thought you could never be making believe.

Enter HASTINGS.

Hast. So, sir, I find by my servant that you have shown my letter, and betrayed us. Was this well done, young gentleman?

Tony. Here's another. Ask miss there, who betrayed you? Ecod, it was her doing, not mine.

Enter MARLOW.

Mar. So I have been finely used here among you. Rendered contemptible, driven into ill manners, despised, insulted, laughed at.

Tony. Here's another. We shall have old Bedlam broke loose presently.

Miss N. And there, sir, is the gentleman to whom we all owe every obligation.

Mar. What can I say to him, a mere boy, an idiot, whose ignorance and age are a protection.

Hast. A poor contemptible booby, that would but disgrace correction.

Miss N. Yet with cunning and malice enough to make himself merry with all our embarrassments.

Hast. An insensible cub.

Mar. Replete with tricks and mischief.

Tony. Baw! dam'me, but I'll fight you both one after the other-with baskets. Mar. As for him, he's below resentment. But your conduct, Mr. Hastings, requires an explanation. You knew of my mistakes, yet would not undeceive me.

Hast. Tortured as I am by my own disappointments, is this a time for explanations? It is not friendly, Mr. Marlow. Mar. But, sir

Miss N. Mr. Marlow, we never kept on your mistake, till it was too late to undeceive you.

Enter SERVANT.

Ser. My mistress desires you'll get ready immediately, madam. The horses are putting to. Your hat and things are in the next room. We are to go thirty miles before morning. [Exit. Miss N. Well, well; I'll come presently. Mar. (To HASTINGS.) Was it well done, sir, to assist in rendering me ridiculous. To hang me out to the scorn of all my acquaintance. Depend upon it, sir, I shall expect an explanation.

Hast. Was it well done, sir, since you are upon that subject, to deliver what I entrusted to yourself, to the care of another,

sir?

Miss N. Mr. Hastings, Mr. Marlow. Why will you increase my distress by this groundless dispute? I implore, I entreat

you

Enter SERVANT.

Ser. Your cloak, madam. My mistress is impatient. [Exit. Miss N. I come. Pray be pacified. If I leave you thus, I shall die of appre

hension.

Enter SERVANT.

The horses are waiting.
Ser. Your fan, muff, and gloves, madam.

Miss N. O, Mr. Marlow! if you knew what a scene of constraint and ill-nature lies before me, I'm sure it would convert your resentment into pity.

Mar. I'm so distracted with a variety of passions, that I don't know what I do. You know my hasty temper, and should Forgive me, madam, George, forgive me. not exasperate it.

Hast. The torture of my situation is my only excuse.

have that esteem for me that I think, that Miss N. Well, my dear Hastings, if you I am sure you have, your constancy for three years will but increase the happiness of our future connexion. If

Constance, why Constance, I say.
Mrs. Hard. (Within.) Miss Neville.

Miss N. I'm coming. Well, constancy, remember, constancy is the word. [Exit. this. To be so near happiness, and such Hast. My heart! how can I support happiness!

Mar. (To TONY.) You see now, young gentleman, the effects of your folly. What might be amusement to you, is here disappointment, and even distress.

Tony. (From a reverie.) Ecod, I have hit it. It's here. Your hands. Yours, and yours, my poor Sulky. My boots there, ho! Meet me two hours hence at the bottom of the garden; and if you don't find Tony Lumpkin a more goodnatured fellow than you thought for, I'll give you leave to take my best horse, and Bet Bouncer into the bargain. Come along. My boots, ho! [Exeunt

SCENE 1.-The same. Enter SIR CHARLES and HARDCASTLE. Hard. Ha ha ha! The peremptory tone in which he sent forth his sublime commands.

Sir C. And the reserve with which I suppose he treated all your advances. Hard. And yet he might have seen something in me above a common innkeeper, too.

Sir C. Yes, Dick, but he mistook you for an uncommon innkeeper, ha! ha! ha! Hard. Well, I'm in too good spirits to

think of any thing but joy. Yes, my dear friend, this union of our families will make our personal friendships hereditary; and though my daughter's fortune is but small

If

Sir C. Why, Dick, will you talk of fortune to me? My son is possessed of more than a competence already, and can want nothing but a good and virtuous girl to share his happiness and increase it. they like each other, as you say they do→→ Hard. If, man! I tell you they do like each other. My daughter as good as told me so.

Sir C. But girls are apt to flatter themselves, you know.

Hard. I saw him grasp her hand in the warmest manner myself; and here he comes to put you out of your ifs, I warrant him. Enter MARLOW.

Mar. I come, sir, once more, to ask pardon for my strange conduct. I can scarce reflect on my insolence without confusion. Hard. Tut, boy, a trifle. You take it too gravely. An hour or two's laughing with my daughter will set all to rights again. She'll never like you the worse for it. Mar. Sir, I shall be always proud of her approbation.

Hard. Approbation is but a cold word, Mr. Marlow; if I am not deceived, you have something more than approbation thereabouts. You take me.

Mar. Really, sir, I have not that happi

ness.

Hard. Come, boy, I'm an old fellow, and know what's what as well as you that are younger. I know what has passed between you; but mum.

Mar. Sure, sir, nothing has passed between us but the most profound respect on my side, and the most distant reserve on her's. You don't think, sir, that my impudence has been passed upon all the rest of the family?

Hard. Impudence! No, I don't say that -not quite impudence-though girls like to be played with, and rumpled a little too sometimes. But she has told no tales, I assure you.

Mar. I never gave her the slightest

cause.

Hard. Well, well, I like modesty in its place well enough. But this is over acting, young gentleman. You may be open. Your father and I will like you the better for it.

Mar. May I die, sir, if I everHard. I tell you, she don't dislike you; and as I'm sure you like her

Mar. Dear sir-I protest, sir

Hard. I see no reason why you should not be joined as fast as the parson can tie

you.

Mar. But hear me, sir

Hard. Your father approves the match, I admire it, every moment's delay will be doing mischief, 80

Mar. But why won't you hear me? By all that's just and true, I never gave Miss Hardcastle the slightest mark of my attach

ment, or even the most distant hint to suspect me of affection. We had but one interview, and that was formal, modest, and uninteresting.

Hard (Aside.) The fellow's formal, modest impudence is beyond bearing. Sir C. And you never grasped her hand, or made any protestations?

Mar. As heaven is my witness, I came down in obedience to your commands. I saw the lady without emotion, and parted without reluctance. I hope you'll exact no farther proofs of my duty, nor prevent me from leaving a house in which I suffer so many mortifications.

[Exit.

Sir C. I am astonished at the air of sincerity with which he parted.

Hard. And I'm astonished at the deliberate intrepidity of his assurance.

Sir C. I dare pledge my life and honour upon his truth.

Hard. Here comes my daughter, and I would stake my happiness upon her ve racity.

Enter MISS HARDCASTLE.

Hard. Kate, come hither, child. Answer us sincerely and without reserve; has Mr. Marlow made you any professions of love and affection?

Miss H. The question is very abrupt, sir! But since you require unreserved sincerity, think he has.

I

Hard. (To SIR C.) You see..

and

Sir C. And pray, madam, have you my son had more than one interview? Miss H. Yes, sir, several. Hard. (To SIR C.) You see. Sir C. But did he profess any attachment?

Miss H. A lasting one.

Sir C. Did he talk of love.

Miss H. Much sir.

Sir C. Amazing! And all this formally? Miss H. Formally.

Hard. Now, my friend, I hope you are satisfied.

Sir C. And how did he behave, madam?

Miss H. As most professed admirers do. Said some civil things of my face, talked much of his want of merit, and the greatness of mine; mentioned his heart, gave a short tragedy speech, and ended with pretended rapture.

Sir C. Now I'm perfectly convinced, indeed. I know his conversation among women to be modest and submissive. This forward, canting, ranting manner by no

means describes him, and, I am confident, he never sate for the picture.

Miss H. Then what, sir, if I should convince you to your face of my sincerity? If you and my papa, in about half an hour, will place yourselves behind that screen, you shall hear him declare his passion to me in person.

Sir C. Agreed. And if I find him what you describe, all my happiness in him must have an end: [Exit. Miss H. And if you don't find him what I describe-I fear my happiness must never have a beginning. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.-The back of a garden. Enter HASTINGS. Hast. What an idiot am I, to wait here for a fellow, who probably takes a delight in mortifying me. He never intended to be punctual, and I'll wait no longer. What do I see! It is he! and perhaps with news of my Constance.

Enter TONY, booted and spattered. Hast. My honest 'squire! I now find you a man of your word. This looks like friendship.

Tony. Ay, I'm your friend, and the best friend you have in the world, if you knew but all. This riding by night, by the by, is cursedly tiresome. It has shook me worse than the basket of a stage-coach.

Hast. But how? where did you leave your fellow-travellers? Are they in safety? are they housed?

Tony. Five and twenty miles in two hours and a half is no such bad driving. The poor beasts have smoked for it: rabbet me, but I'd rather ride forty miles after a fox, than ten with such varment.

Hast. Well, but where have you left the ladies? I die with impatience.

Tony. Left them? Why where should I leave them but where I found them.

Hast. This is a riddle.

Tony. Riddle me this then. What's that goes round the house, and round the house, and never touches the house?

Hast. I'm still astray.

Tony. Why that's it, mon. I have led them astray. By jingo, there's not a pond or a slough within five miles of the place but they can tell the taste of.

Hast. Ha! ha! ha! I understand; you took them in a round, while they supposed themselves going forward, and so you have at last brought them home again.

Tony. You shall hear. I first took them down Featherbed Lane, where we stuck fast in the mud. I then rattled them crack over the stones of Up-and-down Hill-I then introduced them to the gibbet on Heavytree Heath, and from that with a circumbendibus, I fairly lodged them in the horse-pond at the bottom of the garden. Hast. But no accident, I hope ?

Tony. No, no. Only mother is confoundedly frightened. She thinks herself forty miles off. She's sick of the journey, and the cattle can scarce crawl. So if own horses be ready, you may whip off with cousin, and I'll be bound that no soul here can budge a foot to follow you.

your

Hast. My dear friend, how can I be grateful? But I must hasten to relieve Miss Neville; if you keep the old lady employed, I promise to take care of the young one. [Exit. Tony. Never fear me. Here she comes. Vanish. She's got from the pond, and draggled up to the waist like a mermaid.

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE.

Mrs. Hard. Oh, Tony, I'll killed-shook -battered to death. I shall never survive it. That last jolt that laid us against the quickset hedge has done my business.

Tony. Alack, mamma, it was all your own fault. You would be for running away by night without knowing one inch of the way.

Mrs. Hard. I wish we were at home again. I never met so many accidents in so short a journey. Drenched in the mud, overturned in a ditch, stuck fast in a slough, jolted to a jelly, and at last to lose our way. Whereabouts do you think we are, Tony ?

Tony. By my guess we should come upon Crackskull Common about forty miles from

home.

Mrs. H. O lud! O lud! The most notorious spot in all the country. We only wantarobbery to make a complete night on't

Tony. Don't be afraid, mamma, don't be afraid. Two of the five that kept here are hanged, and the other three may not find

us.

Don't be afraid. Is that a man that's galloping behind us? No; it's only a tree. Don't be afraid.

Mrs. H. The fright will certainly kill me. Tony. Do you see any thing like a black hat moving behind the thicket? Mrs. H. O death!

Tony. No, it's only a cow. Don't be afraid, mamma; don't be afraid.

Tony. (Aside.) Father-in-law, by all that's unlucky, come to take one of his night walks. (To her.) Ah, it's a highwayman, with pistols as long as my arm. damn'd ill-looking fellow !

A

Mrs. H. Good heaven defend us! he approaches.

Tony. Do you hide yourself in that thicket, and leave me to manage him. If there be any danger I'll cough and cry hem. When I cough be sure to keep close. [MRS. HARDCASTLE hides behind a tree in the back scene. Enter HARDCASTLE:

Hard. I'm mistaken, or I heard voices of people in want of help. Oh, Tony, is that you! I did not expect you so soon back: Are your mother and her charge in safety ?

Tony. Very safe, sir, at my aunt Pedigree's. Hem:

Mrs. H. (From behind.) Ah death! find there's danger.

I

Hard. Forty miles in three hours; sure that's too much, my youngster:

Tony. Stout horses and willing_minds make short journeys, as they say. Hem. Mrs. H. (From behind.) Sure he'll do the dear boy no harm.

Hard. But I heard a voice here; I should be glad to know from whence it

came.

Tony. It was I, sir, talking to myself, sir. I was saying that forty miles in four hours was very good going. Hem. As to be. sure it was. Hem. I have got a sort of cold by being out in the air. We'll go in if you please. Hem.

Hard. But if you talked to yourself, you did not answer yourself. I'm certain I heard two voices, and am resolved (raising his voice) to find the other out.

Mrs. H. (From behind.) Oh! he's coming to find me out. Oh!

Tony: What need you go, sir, if I tell you: Hem. I'll lay down my life for the truth-hem-I'll tell you all, sir.

[Detaining him Hard. I tell you I will not be detained. I insist on seeing. It's in vain to expect I'll believe you.

Mrs. H. (Running forward from behind.) O lud! he'll murder my poor boy, my darling. Here, good gentleman, whet your

Hard. My wife! as I'm a Christian. From whence can she come; or what does she mean?

Mrs. H. (Kneeling.) Take compassion on us, good Mr. Highwayman. Take our money, our watches, all we have, but spare our lives. We will never bring you to justice, indeed we won't, good Mr. Highwayman.

Hard. I believe the woman's out of her senses. What, Dorothy, don't you know me?

Mrs. H. Mr. Hardcastle, as I'm alive! My fears blinded me. But who, my dear, could have expected to meet you here, in this frightful place, so far from home? What has brought you to follow us?

Hard. Sure, Dorothy, you have not lost your wits? So far from home! when you are within forty yards of your own door. (To him.) This is one of your old tricks, you graceless rogue you. (To her.) Don't you know the gate, and the mulberry tree; and don't you remember the horse-pond, my dear?

Mrs. H. Yes, I shall remember the horse-pond as long as live; I have caught my death in it. (To Tony.) And is it to you, you graceless varlet, I owe all this? I'll teach you to abuse your mother, I will

Tony. Ecod, mother, all the parish say you have spoiled me, and so you may take the fruits on't.

Mrs. H. I'll spoil you, I will.

[Follows him off the stage. Exit. Hard. There's morality, however, in his [Exit.

reply.

SCENE III.-A Parlour. Enter SIR CHARLES and MISS HARD

CASTLE.

Sir C. What a situation am I in! If what you say appears, I shall then find a guilty son. If what he says be true, I shall then lose one that, of all others, I most wished for, a daughter.

Miss H. I am proud of your approba tion, and to show I merit it, if you place yourselves as I directed, you shall hear his explicit declaration. But he comes.

Sir C. I'll go to your father and keep him to the appointment. [Exit.

Enter MARLOW.
Mar. Though prepared for setting out,