ON HEADS. "Work with all the ease and speed you can, without breaking your heads, and be not so industrious in starting scruples." DRYDEN. HEADS! a truly momentous name for the "front" of an article in the New Monthly! Oh, thou ambiguous word, in which so many ideas are comprehended! thou on which the greatest philosophers have philosophized, from whom all the philosophy has proceeded, and in whom all the philosophy is concentrated. Oh, thou box of knowledge! thou emporium of reason! thou bazaar of understanding! thou magazine of intellectuality! thou conglomeration of heterogeneous concoctions! how much is comprehended in thy trifling four letters! Thou art as deceitful as every thing else, because thou sometimes art large and fair-proportioned, and truly thou art worth nothing; and again, thou art small, and truly thou art great in value. How multifarious are thy shapes! how wonderful are thy organizations!-and how many more miraculous things could be said about thee! But as I hope my paper will appear in the New Monthly Magazine, here must I pause, or I undoubtedly shall be pronounced to have thee peculiarly thick. Truly these reflections have been called to my mind by lately hearing of nothing but thee; and it was only the other day that I wished from my heart that men had been born without thee, for which wickedness I afterwards was much grieved; nevertheless I have some reason for that wish, inconsiderate as it was. It was only last Friday when, stretched upon a delightful sofa after dinner, having placed the footstool also upon it, I was endeavouring to take a siesta; and when I had flattered myself I had just lost my recollection, the door was hastily flung open, and in rushed a friend, (but who was any thing but one at that moment,) and Somnus, who had only paid me a visit on my most earnest entreaty, hastily snatched up his hat, and walked off without even bidding me good-bye. I certainly did not view Mr. Rwith complacency, nor was it regained by his vociferous address. "Ah, ha!" roared he with the voice of a fisherman, "C-, I have it! I have it! as plain as that Alexander had a nose; it's certain! (applying his hand to the back of his head, and pushing off his hat)-feel it yourself. Didn't I, on our journey to Wales, walk off from the Cat and Tinderbox' without paying a farthing, because the landlord would charge for those pickles? Didn't I send back six pairs of hessians, and kick the man down stairs with the last, because the bootmaker did not give me sufficient room for my excruciating corn? Didn't I "For God's sake,” said I, amazingly out of humour, "tell me what you are talking about, R "Talking about?" cried he, "haven't I been almost sure these two days, and an't I sure now? I "What the devil is it?" roared I, half rising up, ,, any man. "The what?" and kicking the footstool from the sofa. However, nothing could disturb his good-humour. "What is it?" he said; "why I'm convinced I have the organ of firmness. Dr.-___” "Only feel yourself; just put your hand there to the back of my head, and there-do you feel that bump?-no, not that one, that was given to me by the watchman that night, you know— another proof of my firmness, by the by; no it's this one-that Sir-that's the organ of firmness, as much developed in me as in You may smile, but I have it. I could give you a thousand proofs; witness, when a child, my constant adherence to green apples and gooseberries, and my never tasting meat, merely because my nursery-maid told me it was good for me all firmness, Sir. Then again, didn't I at school get beat till I was blind, and get flogged till I was flayed, before I'd learn my Cæsar? Didn't I fall in love with Miss T, and break off the match because she let Simperton hand her to her carriage instead of me? and have I ever seen her more? Didn't I the other night get pummelled by pickpockets, because, after they'd taken all the rest, wouldn't give them the remaining shilling which I held in my hand? Didn't I the other day-hum !-and isn't this firmness? isn't this Alexandrian? Isn't-" Really," said I, now completely up, and getting into good-humour, "you have the organ of insanity very strongly developed. Drs. Gall and Spurzheim seem to have turned your brain!"" Ah," cried he, "you've no firmness, depend upon it. But good night; I'm afraid I've interrupted your nap." So saying, he took his hat, and was off like an arrow. 66 He « Pray, My sleep was interrupted-I must pass my time in some other way. I determined on a visit to a young physician, who was entirely engrossed by the new theory of physiognomy. I knocked at his door-he was at home. I would not trouble the servant to announce me. I opened the parlour-door, but the occupant of the room was too busy to hear it. He was looking earnestly into the chimney-glass, with his hand on his forehead, and his finger and thumb on his temples. Just as I entered, he soliloquized thus: "It won't do! No, I have it not. Dr. Spurzheimturned round-he saw me-he looked rather foolish. Doctor," said I, "what were you doing?" "Doing? why-he stopped. "What!" said I, casting my eye on a book with the engraving of the heads of Sterne and Shakspeare, "still at physiognomy?" "Yes," said he"; "and if you must know, I was trying to develope my organ of imagination a little more than it is. It is not" (with a sigh) "sufficiently large; but I am still young -only twenty-three last December. I must have it; only witness my puns. I'll give you a few of them. The other day— I assured him, I had heard and admired them. "Ah!" said he, evidently pleased, "you, C, you know what a good pun is; You positively I hav'n't seen you,-You must dine with me. hav'n't tasted my Muscadelle, I think. Zooks, your friendship is extraordinarily developed, upon my soul, too; and the organ of amativeness is confoundedly large. I see you're a sad dog. What a cerebellum !" (I suppose this was intended for a compliment.) "But, my dear fellow," said he, "did you ever see my wrinkles of thought!" (making his eyebrows meet, and putting on the most formidable frown I ever saw.) There, do those? Feel that! there, those going up to the forehead-they say that Byron has been screwing up his forehead these five years, but you see get them. No, they don't belong to every one, Šir.--Very strong in me! are they not?"-I could bear it no longer. I shook hands with him, and departed, in spite of his begging me to let him examine my cranium, and declaring, as I ran to the door, that "I'd as much veneration as the Archbishop of Canterbury. I hastened home; I had to take my tea with a family. I dressed myself, and proceeded to the house. Most of my readers will know what sort of party I mean, when I say that I was asked to take a quiet cup of tea. "Quiet," in that way, is generally synonimous with "dull." Two or three fathers and mothers bring their "young folks," drink tea, and depart: they are things that, unluckily, must happen in the best-ordered family. It was too early in the season to dance (for these parties are as formal as others), and the only resource was singing Canadian boat-songs,' and "The pleasing whisper of a lady's tongue." The party consisted of five old gentlemen, who were entirely taken up in discussing the politics of the day; as many old ladies, who were entirely taken up in discussing-any body's business but their own; four young men, who were entirely taken up in talking about themselves; and five young ladies (their pardon for mentioning them last), who were entirely taken up in thinking about themselves. "Come now, my masters, is there not a score?" I had the honour of being placed next to one of the latter. She was what is called a sensible young lady, i. e. she now and then read something else than " the last new novel." I found it so to my cost. We were unintroduced; and, according to English custom, remained silent. But on a sudden she turned round to me with a "Pray, Sir, don't you think my philo-progenitiveness very strong?" "Your what, Madam !" said I, with rather a rueful face. “I suppose you read Gall and Spurzheim ?" rejoined she. have looked over it."-" Well, then, I think I've philo-progenitiveness very strong. I always have had a love for children. I'm sure I shall make a tender mother!" This was accompanied by a glance of the tenderest nature. A new way, thought I, of get " I hear me. “Sure, ting a husband: physiognomy may be useful yet. "A ball once set in motion would go on for ever, if it were not for the friction," says Archimedes: a young lady's tongue once set in motion, will go on for ever in spite of the friction; and it was so. you 're a disciple," she said, "of the new doctrine. I'm sureI begged her pardon, I was not a disciple. She continued, "You will be one, I'm sure, when you I have discovered that my maid has covetiveness most horridly developed. The poor girl has the most vehement desire to steal! Indeed, she says, that in spite of all her endeavours, she has stolen a great many things already." "Has she robbed you, ma'am?" said I. "Oh yes, Sir," was the reply. "Will she be transported or hung, ma'am ?" asked I. "Neither, Sir. She has the organ of covetiveness, and steal she must-she was born to steal. The arbitrary laws may punish her, but it is not her fault."" Then," said I," we ought to be blamed for no crimes ?" Undoubtedly not, Sir, our craniums are in fault; thanks to physiognomy and Dr. Spurzheim." -"A delightful doctrine, ma'am," said I;-and luckily, one of the five young ladies took upon herself to murder " Auld Robin Gray." I pleaded business, and hastened home, exclaiming with Burnet, "These heads are of a mixed order;" and I wished I could conclude his sentence, by saying, that I only "proposed such as were of a natural order.” 66 FORTUNE'S FICKLENESS. WHEN kindling ruby in the goblet glances, And the heart madly in the bosom dances To music of mirth's revelries ; When wit like lightning shoots, and peals of laughter Round us with joyous thunders roll,— Still, still a fear of sorrows to come after Will steal within and sting the soul. By trembling silence when the nymph confesses A mutual joy at love's first kiss ; When with her blushing timidness she blesses Our arms, and steeps the soul in bliss ; When cherubs form around their angel mother A halo of domestic joy, A dread still lurks that some dark change may smother Love's light, and all our hopes destroy. When the rapt miser gloats upon his treasure, Feasting his eyes and heart with gold; When on the hero's ear that throbs with pleasure, When patriots dare a tyrant's frown undaunted, The miser, hero, patriot, still are haunted With thoughts of Fortune's fickleness. H A. A. JOURNAL OF A TOURIST. (Continued from page 421.) July 2.-Reached Abbeville at night, passing over moats, fortifications, and drawbridges, into towns of a most desolate and antediluvian aspect, stagnant as the ditches by which they were surrounded; through whose streets the lazy stream of life hardly moved with sufficient activity to keep the grass from resuming possession of the soil. Some of the villages through which we passed, consisting of mud-built cottages, with holes in the roof for the admission of light, presented a miserable and disheartening aspect, sufficiently in keeping, however, with the half-starved lank sheep and gaunt longlegged pigs, whom we occasionally encountered on the road. The preponderance of weeds, and the general slovenly state of their agriculture-the late hours at which the husbandmen were labouring in the fields the number of women and children whom we saw leading their cows by a string to pick up the scanty pittance of grass that skirted the road, all tended, on a superficial view, to impress convictions of a sterile country and suffering population, of which, however, a little inquiry and reflection were sufficient to prove the fallacy. In point of agricultural proficiency France is indeed indisputably behind England; but as its excellence in the latter country is found to be compatible with universal distress, so may its inferiority in France co-exist with a great diffusion of rural comfort and competency. As to the sheep and pigs they were the breed of the country, not very comely indeed to the eye, but when we came to taste them they upset Lavater's theory at once, and convinced us by their good qualities how wrong we should have been to judge them from their looks. Those husbandmen, whom we had pitied for working in the fields so unseasonably late, were mostly small proprietors, who preferred the cool of the evening to the heat of the day for cultivating their lands; and we found that in France about one-third of the population was directly interested in the soil, while in England the same class scarcely constitutes one-seventh of the inhabitants. The vagabond cows were the property of cottagers, whose children were providing a comfortable dinner for themselves by supplying one to their horned companions; and if it has been truly said of a country, not very remote from England, that "man is the only plant that dwindles there," the reverse would appear to be applicable to this part of France, where, amid many marks of meagre vegetation and external penury, the population were robust, well clothed even to superfluity, and universally cheerful and gay. Even the beggar-girls and boys that waltzed up the hills, by the side of our carriage, to the music of their own songs, seemed by their sleek looks and laughing eyes to be conscious that they were only making an experiment upon our credulity; though they were capable of assuming the true mendicant whine and studied woe-begone face, if they failed of success in their more lively appeals; and cold and forbidding as the weather was at this period, we more than once saw the villagers assembled in the evening, and dancing on the damp ground with an air of perfect enjoyment and hilarity. |