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preparing the diet of mankind, your petitioners ought to be placed first in your guardianship, as being useful in a degree superior to all other workmen, and as being wholly conversant in clearing and adorning the head of man.

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That the said Longbottom, above all the rest of mankind, is skilful in taking off that horrid excrescence on the chins of all males, and casting, by the touch of his hand, a chearfulness where that excrescence grew; an art known only to this your artificer.

That Charles Lilly prepares snuff, and perfumes, which refresh the brain in those that have too much for their quiet, and gladdens it in those who have too little to know their want of it.

That Bat. Pidgeon cuts the luxuriant locks growing from the upper part of the head, in so artful a manner, with regard to the visage, that he makes the ringlets, falling by the temples, conspire with the brows and lashes of the eye, to heighten the expressions of modesty and intimations of goodwill, which are most infallibly communicated by ocular glances.

That J. Norwood forms periwigs with respect to particular persons and visages, on the same plan that Bat. Pidgeon corrects natural hair; that he has a strict regard to the climate under which his customer was born, before he pretends to cover his head; that no part of his wig is composed of hair which grew above twenty miles from the buyer's place of nativity; that the very neck-lock grew in the same country, and all the hair to the face in the very parish where he was born.

That these your cephalic operators humbly intreat your more frequent attention to the mechanic arts, and that you would place your petitioners at

the head of the family of cosmetics, and your petitioners shall ever pray, &c.'

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Guardian of good fame.

The memorial of Esau Ringwood sheweth,

THAT though nymphs and shepherds, sonnets and complaints, are no more to be seen or heard in the forests and chases of Great Britain, yet are not the huntsmen who now frequent the woods so barbarous as represented in the Guardian of the twenty-first instant; that the knife is not presented to the lady of quality by the huntsman to cut the throat of the deer; but after he is killed, that instrument is given her, as the animal is now become food, in token that all our labour, joy, and exultation in the pursuit, were excited from the sole hope of making the stag an offering to her table; that your honour has detracted from the humanity of sportsmen in this representation; that they demand you would retract your error, and distinguish Britons from Scythians.

P. S. Repent, and eat venison.'


Avenger of detraction.

The humble petition of Susanna How-d'ye-call most humbly sheweth,

THAT your petitioner is mentioned at all visits, with an account of facts done by her, of speeches she has made, and of journeys she has taken, to all which circumstances your petitioner is wholly a stranger; that in every family in Great Britain,

glasses and cups are broken, and utensils displaced, and all these faults laid upon Mrs. How-d'ye-call; that your petitioner has applied to counsel, upon these grievances; that your petitioner is advised, that her case is the same with that of John-a-Styles, and that she is abused only by way of form; your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that in behalf of herself, and all others defamed under the term of Mr. or Mrs. How-d'ye-call, you will grant her and them the following concessions; that no reproach shall take place where the person has not an opportunity of defending himself; that the phrase of a "certain person' means no certain person:" that the How-d'ye-calls,' some people,' a certain set of men,' there are folks now-a-days,' and things are come to that pass,' are words that shall concern nobody' after the present Monday in Whitsun-week, 1713.

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That it is baseness to offend any person, except the offender exposes himself to that person's examination; that no woman is defamed by any man, without he names her name; that exasperated mistress,' 'false fair,' and the like, shall from the same Whitsun-Monday, signify no more than Cloe, Corinna, or Mrs. How-d'ye-call; that your petitioner, being an old maid, may be joined in marriage to John-a-Nokes, or, in case of his being resolved upon celibacy, to Tom Long the carrier, and your petitioner shall ever pray, &c.'


The humble petition of Hugh Pounce, of Grubstreet, sheweth,

THAT in your first paper you have touched upon the affinity between all arts which concern the

good of society, and professed that you should promote a good understanding between them.

That your petitioner is skilful in the art and mystery of writing verses or distichs.

That your petitioner does not write for vainglory, but for the use of society.

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That, like the art of painting upon glass, the more durable work of writing upon iron is almost lost.

< That your petitioner is retained as poet to the Ironmongers company.

Your petitioner therefore humbly desires you would protect him in the sole making of posies for knives, and all manner of learning to be wrought on iron, and your petitioner shall ever pray.'



THOUGH every body has been talking of writing on the subject of Cato, ever since the world was obliged with that tragedy, there has not, methinks, been an examination of it, which sufficiently shows the skill of the author merely as a poet. There are peculiar graces which ordinary readers ought to be instructed how to admire; among others, I am charmed with his artificial expressions in well adapted similies: there is no part of writing in which it is more difficult to succeed, for on sublime occasions it requires at once the utmost strength of the imagination, and the severest correction of the judgment. Thus Syphax, when he is forming to himself the sudden and unexpected destruction which is to befal the man he hates,

* The art of painting on glass was never lost. See Walpole's Anecdotes of Painting, &c. vol. ii. p, 26. et seq.

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expresses himself in an image which none but a Numidian could have a lively sense of; but yet, if the author had ranged over all the objects upon the face of the earth, he could not have found a representation of a disaster so great, so sudden, and so dreadful as this;

So where our wide Numidian wastes extend,
Sudden th' impetuous hurricanes descend,
Wheel through the air, in circling eddies play,
Tear up the sands, and sweep whole plains away,
The helpless traveller, with wild surprise,
Sees the dry desert all around him rise,
And smother'd in the dusty whirlwind, dies.'

When Sempronius promises himself the possession of Marcia by a rape, he triumphs in the prospect, and exults in his villainy, by representing it to himself in a manner wonderfully suited to the vanity and impiety of his character.

So Pluto, seiz'd of Proserpine, convey'd
To hell's tremendous gloom th' affrighted maid;
There grimly smil'd, pleas'd with the beauteous prize,
Nor envy'd Jove his sunshine and his skies.

Pray old Nestor, trouble thyself no more with the squabbles of old lovers; tell them from me, now they are past the sins of the flesh, they are got into those of the spirit; Desire hurts the soul less than Malice; it is not now, as when they were Sappho and Phaon.

I am, Sir,

Your affectionate humble servant,

A. B.'

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