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gain by it, offers to well-nigh double our fortune for a paltry ten shillings a share, and you fly in the face of Providence and kick fifty thousand pounds into somebody's lap who has the feelings that a father of a family ought to have, if he is one."

I was so pestered about The Manitoulin Company (Limited), that I spoke to Mr. Floater. I told him that I would not incur any liability, but I would take fifty fully paid-up shares if there were any to be had. Mr. Floater accommodated me. Samuel Wilkins, Esq.-who, I afterwards learnt, was Mr. Floater's late servant-sold me fifty shares at par. Six months afterwards I wanted to sell, but could not find a purchaser; and in nine months The Manitoulin Diamond Fields and Gold Quartz Crushing Company (Limited) was wound up in Chancery, and the shareholders who could pay had to meet a call of three pounds per share. I lost two hundred and fifty pounds, and many families were beggars. If I were in Parliament, I would propose to alter the preamble of the Limited Liability Act, and to describe it as an act to assist rascally schemers in deceiving and plundering the public. Mrs. Gummer was very vexed about our loss, and I told her how much worse it might have been.

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CHAPTER XIV.

ARRIVAL OF MR. SPARKES.

UMMER, if there is anything that makes every inch of one's body feel in eider-down and beautiful, this is it."

It was the first ride in our own carriage, built by a crack builder, on the recommendation of Colonel De Crespin. The figure in the bill was heavy, but the vehicle was not dear; for, as Mrs. Gummer remarked, "the painting is far finer then any of the pictures at Hampton Court, the linings are fit for a palace, and the springs would go over the moon itself without a jolt." The harness was silver-plated. The cattle swells always call carriage horses cattle were contracted—that is, hired-by the advice of Colonel De Crespin, who thought

it a safer plan than buying. The coachman, selected by Colonel De Crespin, and our James were in new and handsome liveries, which Mrs. Gummer warned them to take care of, and never to wear indoors.

The first drive in one's carriage is a real pleasure. Keeping a carriage puts one above the millions who don't, and is a certificate of social importance. It is also a genuine comfort. You can go where you like, when you like, and stop out as long as you like, with nothing extra to pay. The only drawback to our perfect enjoyment was the fierce way in which the cattle were pulled up, and the awkwardness of James. He climbed up and down as if he had never done it before-as he had not.

"That boy will tear his new livery, and be under the horses' feet; and we shall have to pension his mother."

Mrs. Gummer jerked the check-string, and told James to mind what he was about, and to practise getting up and down when the horses were out of the carriage.

Fortunately for the horses-I mean the cattle-we had a family dinner party at seven, or our first drive might have lasted till midnight. The De Crespins were to dine with us, and the dinner was to be sent in from the pastrycook's. It went off without a hitch. Mrs. Gummer and I were in spirits far above proof. Hitherto, in spite of their cordiality, we had been rather stiff and fidgety with the De Crespins. Perhaps it was the ride in our own splendid carriage that caused us to feel at least their equals. If the De Crespin blood had been new as wine in the wood, instead of old as a guinea a bottle port, we could not have been more free and social.

The Colonel was unusually jolly. He had seen a place that would suit the young people, the lease of which was to be bought for £500. The term was short, but in a few years Max might want a larger place. This remark was the signal for a little laugh all round, and a blush for Janet.

The ladies were talking about dress, and Janet being presented. The Colonel told me the presentation was a plot to reduce my banker's balance. Mrs. De Crespin said the Colonel was to be the victim, as she had determined he was to pay for the presentation dress. There was a loud laugh, in which the Colonel joined, and Max said that it was a beautiful sell for the governor.

I was sipping a glass of claret, when Jones

came in, and whispered to Mrs. Gummer. Up she jumped, and exclaimed

"Gummer, young lawyer Sparkes is back, and is in the drawing-room.'

I was startled, and went hot and cold in a second.

"Shall we ask him in, my dear?"

"Certainly not, Gummer," said the Colonel. "Leave us with your wine, and you go and look after the lawyer."

"Gummer, its mints and banks of money, and perhaps the Colonel will help us in the counting."

Mrs. Gummer supposed that Sparkes had brought the fortune in sovereigns.

The Colonel smiled, and said—

"I don't think I shall be wanted; but we are a united family, and I am at your service in case of need."

"Come with us, Colonel," I replied. "We have no secrets from you."

The Colonel finished his glass of claret, and offered his arm to Mrs. Gummer. I followed them into the drawing-room.

MR. DILLY'S TABLE TALK.

THIS week I introduce a few more of the quaint sayings of my good old friend, Mr. James Dilly. The reader will trace the vein of quiet fun running through many of these interesting recollections of a past generation:

Mr. Dilly's account of Grattan's easy flowing talk quite accorded with Rogers' notes.

"So, you live in the town of Drogheda," said Grattan to him one day. "A good meat market there?"

"Yes, sir."

"And a good fish market?" "Excellent."

"Then I presume you have a considerable number of clergy of the Established Church resident there?"

Grattan explained Flood's failure by the subject-the India Bill-with which the House was familiar. "Then, too, he rose suddenly, when many of the men had gone out to eat; and they all came crowding in in a body, which frightened him."

I once dined in company with Warren Hastings, Warren Angelo, and "Farquhar the Miser," as he was called. Hastings was an old man, broad and full-faced, with long

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I once saw the eccentric Lord Colerainewho, when he was bowed to, used to take off the hat of the person next him.

Ries, Beethoven's only pupil, was my master. He told me that he once went to Monzani and Hill's, the well-known musicsellers of the day, to get some of Beethoven's music for Beethoven himself. He was obliged to pay for it. They said—

"We charge Mr. Beethoven just as we do any one else."

Yet these people had made a fortune out of Beethoven's works. Ries insisted on a receipt to show. He said he did all he could to prevent Beethoven's coming to England, for he knew he never would get on with the people here.

Tamburini often spoke to me of the excellent musical taste of the Queen: of her going over to the piano to ask why he and

Lablache had transposed such a duet-this ton, the Surgeon-General, from a rather without seeing the music.

Tommy Moore told me he knew the Godwins very well. They were queer, strange people: would give parties when they were not on speaking terms-never addressing each other the whole night. Godwin had a list of the company hung up at the mantelpiece; and, as each guest entered, he, went over and struck the name out.

I was once at a party given by a wealthy Jewish lady, well known for her charities. Cardinal Wiseman was there; and the hostess asked Mrs. W- wife of a Conservative Minister, would she like to be presented to the Cardinal. The lady refused almost with horror, and went off into a violent tirade against Popery.

"Well," said the hostess, "we are only Jews, you know; so you must forgive us if we don't understand how Christians feel about these matters."

A fine rebuke.

My friend Dilly excelled in little sketches almost too frail to bear transferring to print: as his little outline of the late Bishop of L- at Ella's morning concert, who slept profoundly all through, but at the end woke up, and was heard blandly assuring the leading players that "it was the finest music he had ever heard."

The Irish nobleman with the strong brogue, which he wished to refine:"Let me send you a little beacon with your vale."

Apropos of this dish comes the story of Lady N―, a parvenue, who affected to be surprised and delighted when was set before her, as though she had seen it for the first time.

"Oh, I so like it! Do, my lord, let us have a bacon for dinner to-morrow."

I was at the Opera one night when Queen Caroline went in state. The Prince was there also, but at the opposite side of the house. Whitbread came in ostentatiously to pay his homage—a fine, portly-looking man, so stately; also Brougham. There was prodigious shaking of hands and welcome.

I once brought an introduction to Cramp

talkative lady, who was given to laying down the law. He spoke of her kindly.

"She considers you," I said, "the second best physician in Ireland."

He looked rather taken back. "For," I added, "she looks on herself as the first."

I have seen old Louis XVIII. eating. It was disgusting. He was limited at breakfast to twelve chops!

At Rome I once gave a dinner party, at which were the ex-Queen of Denmark and Mezzofanti, the linguist. There are many stories of his wonderful powers, and no doubt much exaggeration; but this I can vouch for. She was quoting some lines from a Danish poet, when Mezzofanti said"Are you sure it runs so?"

He then gave the correct version.

I knew the late Lord Guillamore, the facetious Chief Baron O'Grady. Some of his sayings were excellent: as when he heard that some spendthrift barristers, friends of his, were appointed to be Commissioners of Insolvent Debtors

"At all events, th' insolvents can't complain of not being tried by, their peers!"

Also his sarcastic judgment when two of his brethren differed from each other"I agree with my brother Jreasons given by my brother M

for the

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READY-MONEY MORTIBOY.

A MATTER-OF-FACT STORY.

CHAPTER THE TWENTY-SEVENTH.

AVING-STONES become hard after walking about on them for twentyfour hours or so, no doubt," Frank said to himself as he strolled along the Embankment, and looked in vain for a seat. A policeman passed him. "Now, who would be a bobby?" he thought. "What an awful time of it they must have. Yet I might put on the blue. I suppose I could procure a nomination. I might come down to that, and yet be No; a gentleman drives a Hansom, or he enlists as a soldier, but nobody ever heard of a gentleman in the police force. Officers, it is true; but even a metropolitan magistrate has never yet complimented them on their gentlemanlike demeanour in the box. Prejudices are queer things. I confess-though I haven't many left I have an objection to the force. Francis Melliship, you must aim higher than

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"He sent a bit of flint skimming over the river wall.

He pulled out his watch. It had stopped at half-past six. The key was at Islington. He looked up at the clock tower. It was a quarter to nine.

"A quarter to nine. I am getting hungry again. Remarkable thing. I do not remember being hungry before nine a.m. since

VOL. IX.

Price 2d.

I left school. My appetite is becoming serious and embarrassing. The wind,' as Mr. Sterne very prettily said, though King David generally gets the credit of it, 'is tempered to the shorn lamb.' My experience is, that his appetite does not suit itself to his circumstances. Hang it, I must have some breakfast, and as well now as in an hour's time."

He walked through the Temple into Fleetstreet. In the window of a modest-looking coffee-house, an impracticable china tea-pot, surrounded by freshly cut chops and rashers of ham, gave notice to hungry men that breakfast was to be had within.

Frank took a seat in a box near the door, and ordered his meal; ate it with the greatest relish, and wondered if Dick Mortiboy was up, and whether he would be surprised if his cousin failed to keep his appointment with him.

Then he took up that wonderful chronicle, the advertisement sheet of the Times. Order in disorder, if you happen to know where to look for things. Frank did not; so he looked at every page but the right before his eye caught the columns of Wanteds and Want Places. He read the list-the contents of which everybody knows perfectly well, because it never alters-with the curiosity of one interested. He was struck, of course, with that coincidence of people advertising for a place in terms that exactly suit the apparent requirements of people advertising for a person. Everybody has noticed this peculiarity, and the novelists have made an especially good thing out of it.

"Why don't they read this paper, apply for the vacant places, and save their money?" was his reflection.

Any number of cooks and clerks were wanted by advertisers; any number of "gentlemen," possessed of every possible qualification, advertised for employment for time, capital, or both.

There was not in the list one advertisement which seemed to fit his case. Stay,

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NO. 224.

there was one-a secretary was wanted for an established public company. "A knowledge of the Fine Arts absolutely requisite. Preference will be given to a graduate of Oxford or Cambridge." Frank wrote down the address in his pocket-book. It was an Agency; and Frank Melliship had neither heard, nor read, nor learned from experience, that of all the humbugs in a city full of them, Agencies of all sorts are the greatest humbugs. And the very cream of these swindles are Agencies that rob those poor wretches who, having tried every other method of getting employment, as a last resource enter one of these spiders' dens. I will give an example of their common method of procedure, which is representative. I will take a Servants' Agency to serve my purpose.

Here is a copy of an advertisement from the Times. You may see one similarly catching any day and every day:—

GENERAL SERVANT. Is a good PLAIN

Has no objection to undertake washing. Fond of children. Age 24. From the country. Clean, active, willing, and obliging. Waits well at table.. 3 years' excellent character. Wages £9.-"Mary," Mrs.

street.

This advertisement appears in the Times, the Telegraph, and the Standard on the same day. The advertisements cost say four

teen shillings altogether.

Now, how many poor innocent ladies do you think apply to Mrs. for that domestic treasure?-poor women who have large families and little means; who can only afford to keep one servant; and perhaps, ever since they were first married, have been wanting that clean, willing country girl who will cook the dinner, and nurse the children, and all well for nine pounds a-year, and have never found her. How many? I should not like to say.

Do you think there ever was such a "Mary"? Never.

Apply to the advertiser. You may write to her, or go and see her. If the latter, she will smile affably, and tell you-what she will tell you in a letter if you write to herthat it is most unfortunate, because somebody has just engaged that particular "Mary." On payment, however, of a fee of half a crown, your name will be placed on the books of the Agency, and you will, doubtless-say in a week or two-be rewarded by having such another phoenix of domestic servants transferred to your own kitchen.

Transparent traps to catch half-crowns. The sun shines through a ruse so clumsy. Very likely. But people won't see it. A proportion of the applicants-large enough to made the game at least remunerative— pay their half-crowns in the certain assurance of getting a Mary exactly like the one who was so unfortunately ravished from their grasp. Of course, they never get her. Then the fool-trap is baited afresh.

Now, multiply Mrs.'s humble halfcrown by eight. That makes a sovereign. The fee is one sovereign. Divide the number of applicants by any numeral you think will give you the truth as the result of this sum in simple division, and you will know how much Mr., who flies at higher game, gets by his profession of not finding places for secretaries, clerks, ushers, and the rest, who want employment in this great city;-always remembering that his most

frequent quarry is the broken man who knows neither trade nor profession, but must have a gentlemanlike occupation: men who, like young Frank Melliship, are ruined; but who, unlike him, have no friend. Hundreds of these men have given a sovereign out of their last two or three to the Agent, and

received in return 0.

To find these men who want work and can't get it, who deserve well-yet, asking bread, receive stones: here is a field for charity!

Now let us return to Frank Melliship.

I have not called him the hero of my story, because he has done nothing heroicbecause he seems to stand in the way of his own success; and, with that noble object he has in view, to be wasting precious time only to earn an indifferent living.

Why does he not apply to John Heathcote? Why will he not be helped by his superlatively rich cousin, Dick Mortiboy?

I will tell you why, for I must paint him as he was. He was on his mettle: it was a point of pride: determined to show his independence of all those who, as he thought, ought to have saved his father from ruin, madness, and death.

"I will do without them. The world is wide. Energy overcomes all difficulties. Labor omnia vincit."

Boys' copybook rubbish. It does not. RES OMNIA VINCIT. It is capital that conquers all things, from a kingdom up to a woman.

"To London and to Art." He had

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