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some papers in the Daily News on the content with the shower that the pulling of “Literature of the Lower Orders," and on one string brings on them. “London Prisons,” he wrote a “Life of John There was some history at the back of Howard," a book that at once attracted the that sound; and though I cannot transcribe attention it deserved, and passed through all of it, perhaps I may be able to furnish three editions in the first year after its pub- a few details. No doubt, there was a mixlication, this was in 1849.
ture of the physical in this peculiar sneez“Robert Blake, Admiral and General at ing, along with the moral. Mrs. Timepiece Sea," appeared in 1852. Mr. Dixon was had a backbone as strong as a whale's; and also one of the most energetic and able pro- whatever the Lancet may say, I contend moters of the Great Exhibition of 1851. that sneezing has something to do with His latest works are “New America," "Her the backbone. During sleep, this important Majesty's Tower," "Spiritual Wives," "Free part of the body gets into a suppressed, Russia, and "The Switzers.” These works- torpid state, and sneezing is an effect of its as their popularity attests—are written in a first efforts towards quickening. It is a sort manner very pleasing to the general reader. of appeal to the brain for an increase of The style is lively and discursive-one in vitality. I ask those who read this to try which new information on topics of the and count up the many times they have greatest interest is marshalled with the skill greeted the new-born day with this peculiar of a practised pen, without the matter ever all-hail
, and they will find by the sum total becoming dry or the pages tedious to the that my idea about it is not altogether a reader; who, resigning himself to the spell of wild one. the writer's power, visits with him the places It must not be supposed that Mrs. Timeand people he has described with so much piece only snoze in the early morning; the freshness and originality,
phenomenon was visible and audible gene
rally within an hour after she had dined, MY FRIEND MRS. TIMEPIECE. –V.
and sometimes in the latter part of the even
ing. There may have been the faint shadow HER HABIT OF SNEEZING, AND THE HISTORY of an inarticulate feeling in the Misses
Timepiece that the phenomenon was a cuMRS
RS. TIMEPIECE was a great sneezer. rious one, but whatever their mother did
It may seem a very slight thing to was right. make a record of, but not really so when I think, at the bottom of her heart, Mrs. minutely looked into. Her sneezing was Timepiece held these fits of sneezing to the end of a chain: I mean, in plainer words, be rather curious phenomena, for she occathat "thereby hangs a tale.". There were sionally vouchsafed a half-apology for them, earlier histories in her life which might fairly stating that it had been the same with her be called an element in this sneezing. grandmother. There are many varieties of
The world in general is very slow in sneezing; and it may, to some extent, be tracing effects to their true causes; and it is taken as an indication of character. If I so because those causes are, in the large had had nothing else to judge from, I should majority of cases, not agreeable ones to have decided that Mrs. Timepiece was a
, contemplate, or to be believed in, or to be strong-minded woman. I am obliged to associated with. It is very sad to see this own that hers was a vulgar sneeze; but in lamentable want of courage in facing the her innermost being she was not vulgar. It truth: for to take refuge in even a whitey- was what a good man in the old time debrown lie is about as safe a position as bor- scribed as the outward man-in this case, rowing money at fifty per cent of a Jew. the outward woman—that was a little vulgar. There is a short line in one of Frederick There was wanting in her what, I think, the Robertson's sermons which I commend to French call finesse: you could see the abthe notice of the clergy and the world; it is, sence of this in her nature by her way of “Above all, be true.”
playing whist. There were some of the I can compare Mrs. Timepiece's sneezing terms, by the way, used in that game which to a shower bath, with about twenty strings she much disliked: for instance, the word to it. I don't know that such—may I call “trick”; this word, she said, had a flavour of them repeating?-baths are made now; and, deceit about it, and would be better changed indeed, I should think that most people are to something else—she did not suggest what.
She threw down her knaves with an air, as if hole below, and get to the sea.” (I suppose she hated such characters, and seemed only he had the trout stream in view.) half pleased when they took a trick.
But it must be remembered men and I have heard some people, when they women have two natures, and that they snoze, seem to pronounce the word “acacia.” don't always, like water and blood, "agree I fancy, as there is a greenhouse flower of in one.” We have indications of this by a this name, that this might be called a gen- student of himself and of human nature, teel sneeze. From others the sound has called Saul, afterwards Paul, looked up to by not been verbal, but rather like that which Mrs. Timepiece as a great authority. a molested kitten makes when a dog comes One of these natures is often like a very into the room. Very often, a pocket hand strong horse with a very hard mouth; and kerchief applied just when the tide was at the other like a very light rein held by a its full has modified the sound into one like very weak hand, and pulling back the strong the rustling of leaves in a corner-a very horse in vain. ghostly sound, and calculated in the dark Doctors of divinity call the strong horse to frighten a bad conscience. But Mrs. Satan-I suppose, partly out of politeness.
, Timepiece, true to character, let hers come I fancy Death manages to kill him outright; full, without let or hindrance. She said it but he is very troublesome up to the last. was injurious to check it; and I think she In some, he assumes the dimensions of a was right, especially in her case so, for the roaring lion, and has to be put under a reaction of a barrier would have caused double curb rein, in a kind of house that something like a whirlwind at the sources takes its name from the moon;-a very imfrom whence the sneezes came.
proper compliment, as I have always thought, But we have had enough of the meta- since that pale, calm, beautiful creature, the physical and pictorial aspect of sneezes. very image of thoughtful majesty, has no The moral must have its turn. Mrs. Time-connection whatever either with this house piece's had the sound of a broken heart or its inmates. There would be no roaring in it; yet her heart was not broken, and lions in human shape if the rein worked pronever will be. She stands in the same rela- perly on the strong horse's neck: his mouth tion to her sex that the oak stands in to the becomes soft if he is held tight. other trees.
The Architect of these two natures has She knew well that sorrow was in her heart nothing whatever to do with the necessity by many an inward sign, which she hid from for madhouses: it is the strong horse that every other eye--for she would have con- does it all. Men and women fling the reins sidered it a weakness to show it; but, poor on his neck, and let him go whithersoever dear old lady, it came out in her sneezes he listeth; and he drinks and strains himself unknown to herself, or, I feel sure, she in every possible way, sometimes in what would not have let them come without a seems a respectable way—a strain, however, check.
all the same—until he foams at the mouth, I once saw a Quaker young lady follow strikes his icy limbs into a furious gallop, her husband's coffin on foot, erect and tear- and fancies that he is pursued by wolves, as less, as a Grenadier would behind his gene- Mazeppa was. ral's. She was rich, and could have followed I think our doctors of human nature, the in a carriage, and she loved her husband; clergy, might show us more minutely and inbut she had been taught from her youth up, telligibly what this strong horse is like, and that the manifestation of feeling was a weak- how to manage him. They waste ammuness, and that at funerals it was a way or nition upon such subjects as the credibility form of murmuring at Providence, neither of miracles, and others, which teach us proper nor straightforward. Let us hope that to wrestle with flesh and blood about as this form of Quakerism is on its deathbed. much as the story of the man in the moon I will answer for it that that poor young lady does. Our churches should be a kind of had a dull aching at her heart that would armoury, from which, on the day of rest, we have come away if she had been allowed might go with an increased knowledge of to weep.
ourselves, and of what our thoughts and “Natur', sir, natur,”—as our old friend feelings mean. The secret of most kinds the boatman said to Willy—“must have its of victories lies in self-knowledge; but it is coorse;
you try to stop it, it'll make a rather hard to expect a young man fresh
from the University to be a doctor of human horses of the Sun. Poor dear old lady, her nature. I don't think that either our great fault was that she held the reins of the strong seats of learning or the laying.on of a bishop's horse-before spoken of—in her, too tightly. hands can be expected to do this for a man. She would have gone very evenly, and very
It might, however, be more distinctly un- well, and with entire respectability, with a derstood than it is, that the study of human slackish rein. But she had not enough faith nature is as important to a clergyman as in the horse to do this; though, no doubt, the walking of the hospitals is to a medical she thought him a very respectable creature;
But that exquisite attainment of look- and, moreover, a slackish rein does not look ing at things from that point of view which well. others look at them from, which gives to a man that secret charm spoken of by Brown- ECHOES OF THE FOUR COURTS. ing, by means of which he is able to draw
BY AN IRISH Q.C. “ All human creatures living beneath the sun After him, as you never saw"-
EAR MR. EDITOR-I see that “Mr.
Dilly's Table Talk” has come to an is not reached to in a day; and a selfish end; so I send you a few morçeaux picked up person never can reach to it, because he in the hall of the Dublin Four Courts, where sees no other standing-point but his own. witticisms of past and gone legal humorists
I think that a man who has attained to are long remembered, and transmitted from this power of looking at things with other one to another by the young barristers people's eyes will find that there is a vast waiting for business. In cases where the amount of good in men and women, which authors are dead, I mention the names; but is hidden from the common eye because it not those of any living jokers. One or two puts itself into queer shapes. He will, too, jeux d'esprits here given may have appeared have discovered a source of great interest; before in print, but the greater number of for he will be able to explain to himself them are now published for the first time. movements in his fellow-creatures which, though apparently crooked and awry, are Lord A., when Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, as natural as the inclination of the needle was supposed to be a most polished gentleof the compass to the north. Thus, he un-man, whilst Lady A., his wife, was extremely riddles that "something in the world amiss" religious; yet B., a well-known barrister, ”
, of which Tennyson speaks; and often, by who was not at all finished in his manners, these perceptions, he can help a man out of and who was supposed to be rather lax in the tanglings of his own web without his his religious opinions, was said to have inknowing that he is helped, a concealment gratiated himself both with Lord and Lady A. necessary to the success of the transaction. This being mentioned to C., a well-known This, it strikes me, should be the plan with joker, he repliedthose doctors of human nature which we “I always told you that B. was a devilish call clergymen—to help men and women out clever fellow, and see now the proof of it: he of their own webs without their knowing that has managed to induce Lord A. to think they are helped. This is not done by dis- that he is a gentleman, and Lady A. that he courses on the credibility of miracles or the is a Christian.” authenticity of the Pentateuch, but by showing them in a nice way the meaning of them- Howard, a high Protestant Cork attorney, selves.
was in his day a constant prisoners' advocate, I must not, however, forget Mrs. Time- although rather of a low class. On one ocpiece, who, though she had not learnt the casion, upon a criminal trial, he happened to art of looking at things from the standing- be engaged on the side of the Crown, against points of others—her own being to her the the prisoner; and this was so unusual an only Mount Pisgah whence promised lands occurrence that he thought it necessary to could be viewed—kept pretty clear of webs; advertise the court of the fact, and said to and, when she did get into a little bit of a the judgetangle, broke herself out of it by sheer “My lord, in this case I am for the strength, just as a powerful bluebottle Crown." smashes right and left the meshes of a O'Connell
, who was for the prisoner, said, spider's lair. She would have driven the | in a sneering way
“Ay, or for half a crown, if you could get plication was grounded upon the affidavit of no more.”
the process-server, which detailed the at“No, Mr. O'Connell,” said Howard; tempts made to serve the writ, and then “whatever you may be, I am no advocate proceeded : “ Deponent further saith that for divided allegiance.”
when he arrived at the defendant's house at
-, the said defendant appeared at the The point of the following story depends window with a blunderbuss in his hand, and. upon a rule of criminal law not, perhaps, swore that, if this deponent did not at once known to all the readers of this magazine- go away, he (the defendant) would blow his namely, that a sentence when once pro- soul to the D. --, which deponent verily nounced by a judge cannot be legally altered believes the said defendant would then and or added to by the judge. The late Chief there have done, if this deponent had not Baron O'Grady, many years ago, was sen- run off as fast as ever he could.” tencing a pickpocket in Cork to be whipped The order made upon the application de-a common punishment in those days. tailed in the last paragraph was, that the
“You must,” the Chief Baron said, “be process-server was directed by the Court whipped from North Gate to South Gate." (Common Pleas) to make another attempt
“ Bad luck to you, you old blackguard," to serve the writ; and the result, as detailed said the prisoner, "you done your worst." to the Court in a fresh affidavit, was that the
"-And back again,” said the Chief Baron, process-server handed the writ to the deas if he had been interrupted by the prisoner fendant, who, instead of pocketing it, stood in the delivery of the sentence.
over the process-server with a loaded pistol,
and compelled him to chew and swallow the Dalkey Church, in the neighbourhood of parchment. On this being detailed to the Dublin, is built upon foundations excavated Court, Lord Norbury (C.J.) observed from a solid rock.
“Pho!–God bless me! I hope the writ “Ah," said a Protestant gentleman to was not returnable in this court." Paddy Costello, a well known Roman Catholic jester, “there is the church that is A., who was the leader of the Pope's founded on a rock."
forces at the bloodless battle of Spoleto-in “ Yes,” said Paddy, “but it is blasted respect of which hundreds of masses were rock."
said for the souls of those who never fell at
all-accosted S., who was then member for In the fashionable days of Irish duelling, a large Irish county, in the hall of the Four two great agitators declined to fight duels- Courts, and said to himone of them alleging as his reason his affec- “ Mr. S., I think it is only fair to aption for his wife, the other his affection for prize you that I intend, at the general elechis daughter. Bushe, a well-known Irish tion"—then impending—“to contest with
" humorist, indicted this epigram upon the you the representation of the county of occasion:
“Ah, then, will you?" said S. " Two heroes of Erin, abhorrent of slaughter, Improved on the Bible command;
then, if you do, you will have to bleed a little One honoured his wife, and the other his daughter, more freely than you did at Spoleto."
That his days might be long in the land.”
Farrell, a moderate Catholic, purchased of Curran,” had a very red face. Bushe said death, and, amongst other improvements, he of him— “ O’Regan's look,
put new stone steps to the hall door. Unlike his book,
" It is evident," said Paddy Costello, obIs red.”
serving this alteration, “that this young
gentleman does not intend to tread in the A process-server found it impossible to steps of his predecessor." serve a writ personally upon an Irish gentleman, and had an application to the court Lord Norbury had frequently observed a made for liberty, as it is called, to substitute low prisoners' attorney touting in the dock service of the writ--namely, that personal for business amongst the prisoners, and was service might be dispensed with. The ap- determined to punish him. So, on one oc
casion, as the attorney was climbing over the representation was confined to the narthe rails of the dock, after conferring with row limits of a theatric arena, with shifting the prisoners, his lordship, pretending to scenery and a prompter's box; for, howmistake him for a prisoner, called out to the ever imposing and sensational might be the
entrance on the stage of an African despot, “Gaoler, put that man back-one of your grasping with dignity the thigh bone of an prisoners is escaping."
ill-fated missionary, and followed by a motWhereupon the gaoler thrust the lawyer ley band of noble savages flourishing tomaback into the dock; but having worked his hawks, and yelling the praises of their bloodway to the front of the dock, he addressed thirsty chief, we doubt if the drama would the judge, when the following conversation be instructive to the performers, and it might took place between them,
possibly be uninteresting to the play-going Attorney.--"My lord, there is a mistake. public. I am an attorney."
The event, such as it was, came off in the Lord Norbury.—"I am very sorry, sir, famed Phoenix, a portion of the park being indeed, to see a gentleman of your respect partitioned off as the scene of action; and able position in the dock as a prisoner." the first object presented to the view of the
Attorney.--"But, my lord, I have not surrounding spectators was a collection of committed
canvas huts, supposed to be an African vilLord Norbury.-"Oh, sir, I have nothing lage, while in the background emerged, from to say to that—that must be decided by a behind some brushwood, the miniature batjury of your countrymen."
tlements of a mimic fort. Attorney.—"But, my lord, there is no The plan arranged was that a number of charge--no indictment against me."
boys, dressed as soldiers and travel-stained Lord Norbury.—“Then, sir, you will be tourists, should visit the village to procure discharged by public proclamation at the end recruits; that then the Ashantees should of the assizes.” (To the gaoler.) “Gaoler, make an attack, and carry off several victims put back that prisoner.”
from the village; and, finally, that a large Whereupon the officer thrust back the English force should attack the assailants, limb of the law, and kept him until the rescue the captives, and blow up the fort. rising of the Court, when his lordship sent Unfortunately, the catastrophe was premato the gaoler a message instructing him to turely brought about with sad and unlookedlet him out.
for result. Some Ashantees were seen in
front of their stronghold, feathered and "FOR VALOUR" IN WESTERN painted with true native magnificence, perAFRICA.- PART I.
forming a war-dance, when suddenly a loud BY CAPTAIN E. ROGERS.
explosion was heard, followed by the demo
lition of the canvas structure in rear, an FEW years ago, a curious and deplor- operation loudly applauded by the uncon
able accident befel one of the boys of scious spectators as part of the programme; the Hibernian School in Dublin. It ap- but when the smoke cleared away, a lad was pears customary at that institution, in their observed stretched on the ground a corpse, annual fêtes, to include the representation of killed by the premature bursting of fireworks some modern battle-field; but to enliven the prepared by a pyrotechnist inside the fort, somewhat dull, albeit stern and direful, reali- as a final display. ties of present-day fighting, the selection This fatal occurrence closed the proceedhas generally been placed in wars partaking ings, as may be supposed, and sent home more or less of the horrible-grotesque. the spectators thoughtful and dispirited.
Sometimes a Maori episode is brought What stronger commentary on, what more upon the stage, and sometimes West Afri- fitting corollary to, the actual events of the can conflicts furnish the res gesta of the Ashantee War could possibly have been submimic strife; as, for instance, on the occa- mitted? Facts are ever stranger than ficsion referred to, when the so-called Ashan- tion, and the mimicry of war conceived by tee War of 1863 was chosen to be enacted the authorities of the Hibernian School but in farce by the juvenile warriors, as afford dimly interpreted the sad realities of the ing the specialities required in an interesting campaign in the pestilential swamps and sham fight. But let it not be supposed that fastnesses of Guinea Coast; for whereas in