when I am forced !—and I have been accounted a good stick in a country-dance.-Odds jigs and tabors! I never valued your cross-over to couple-figure in-right and left-and I'd foot it with e'er a captain in the county!— but these outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillons are quite beyond me!-I shall never prosper at 'em, that's sure-mine are true-born English legs-they don't understand their curst French lingo!-their pas this, and pas that, and pas t'other!-damn me! my feet don't like to be called paws! no, 'tis certain I have most Anti-Gallican toes!

Enter SERVANT

Serv. Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger to wait on you, sir.
Acres. Show him in.

Enter SIR LUCIUS

Sir Luc. Mr. Acres, I am delighted to embrace you.
Acres. My dear Sir Lucius, I kiss your hands.

Sir Luc. Pray, my friend, what has brought you so suddenly to Bath?

Acres. Faith! I have followed Cupid's Jack-a-lantern, and find myself in a quagmire at last. In short, I have been very ill used, Sir Lucius.-I don't choose to mention names, but look on me as a very ill-used gentleman.

Sir Luc. Pray, what is the case?—I ask no names.

Acres. Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady-her friends take my part-I follow her to Bath-send word of my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of.-This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill used.

Sir Luc. Very ill, upon my conscience.-Pray, can you divine the cause of it?

Acres. Why, there's the matter: she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath.-Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it.

Sir Luc. A rival in the case, is there ?—and you think v he has supplanted you unfairly?

こ

Acres. Unfairly! to be sure he has.-He never could have done it fairly.

Sir Luc. Then sure you know what is to be done!
Acres. Not I, upon my soul!

Sir Luc. We wear no swords here, but you under

stand me.

Acres. What! fight him!

Sir Luc. Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else?
Acres. But he has given me no provocation.

Sir Luc. Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world.-Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another than to fall in love with the same woman? O, by my soul! it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship.

Acres. Breach of friendship! Ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir Luc. That's no argument at all-he has the less right then to take such a liberty.

Acres. Gad, that's true.-I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius !-I fire apace! Odds hilts and blades! I find a man may have a deal of valour in him and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right of my side?

Sir Luc. What the devil signifies right when your honour is concerned? Do you think Achilles, or my little Alexander the Great, ever inquired where the right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broadswords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it.

Acres. Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart! I believe courage must be catching!-I certainly do feel a kind of valour rising as it were a kind of courage, as I may say-Odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly.

Sir Luc. Ah, my little friend! if I had BlunderbussHall here, I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the new room, every one of whom had killed his man!-For though the mansion-house and dirty acres have slipt through my fingers, I thank Heaven our honour and the family-pictures are as fresh as ever.

Acres. O, Sir Lucius! I have had ancestors too!every man of 'em colonel or captain in the militia! Odds balls and barrels ! say no more-I'm braced for it. -The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast!- -Z-ds! as the man

in the play says, 'I could do such deeds'.

Sir Luc. Come, come, there must be no passion at all in the case—these things should always be done civilly.

Acres. I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius-I must be in a rage. Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if you love me.- -Come, here's pen and paper.-(Sits down to V write.)-I would the ink were red!-Indite, I say indite! -How shall I begin? Odds bullets and blades! I'll write a good bold hand, however.

Sir Luc. Pray compose yourself.

Acres. Come-now, shall I begin with an oath? Do, Sir Lucius, let me begin with a damme.

Sir Luc. Pho! pho! do the thing decently, and like a Christian. Begin now- Sir,'

Acres. That's too civil by half.

Sir Luc. To prevent the confusion that might arise'-
Acres. Well-

Sir Luc. From our both addressing the same lady'.
Acres. Ay-there's the reason-same lady'-Well

Sir Luc. I shall expect the honour of your company
Acres. Z-ds! I'm not asking him to dinner.
Sir Luc. Pray be easy.

Acres. Well, then, 'honour of your company
Sir Luc. To settle our pretensions

Acres. Well.

Sir Luc. Let me see, ay, King's Mead-field will do
in King's Mead-fields."

Acres. So that's done.

-Well, I'll fold it up pre

sently; my own crest-a hand and dagger shall be the

seal.

Sir Luc. You see now this little explanation will put a stop at once to all confusion or misunderstanding that might arise between you.

Acres. Ay, we fight to prevent any misunderstanding. Sir Luc. Now, I'll leave you to fix your own time.Take my advice, and you'll decide it this evening if you can; then let the worst come of it, 'twill be off your mind

to-morrow.

Acres. Very true.

Sir Luc. So I shall see nothing more of you, unless it be by letter, till the evening.- I would do myself the honour to carry your message; but, to tell you a secret, I believe I shall have just such another affair on my own hands. There is a gay captain here who put a jest on me lately, at the expense of my country, and I only want to fall in with the gentleman to call him out.

Acres. By my valour, I should like to see you fight first! Odds life! I should like to see you kill him, if it was only to get a little lesson.

Sir Luc. I shall be very proud of instructing you.Well for the present- but remember now, when you meet your antagonist, do everything in a mild and agreeable manner.--Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished as your sword.

[Exeunt severally.

ACT IV. SCENE I.

ACRES'S Lodgings

ACRES and DAVID

David. Then, by the mass, sir! I would do no such thing-ne'er a Sir Lucius O'Trigger in the kingdom should make me fight when I wa'n't so minded. Oons! what will the old lady say when she hears o't?

Acres. Ah! David, if you had heard Sir Lucius !— Odds sparks and flames! he would have roused your valour.

David. Not he, indeed. I hates such bloodthirsty cormorants. Look'ee, master, if you'd wanted a bout at boxing, quarter-staff, or short-staff, I should never be the man to bid you cry off; but for your curst sharps and snaps, I never knew any good come of 'em.

Acres. But my honour, David, my honour! I must be careful of my honour.

David. Ay, by the mass! and I would be very careful of it; and I think in return my honour couldn't do less than to be very careful of me.

Acres. Odds blades! David, no gentleman will ever risk the loss of his honour!

David. I say then, it would be but civil in honour never to risk the loss of a gentleman.-Look'ee, master, this honour seems to me to be a marvellous false friend: ay, truly, a very courtier-like servant.-Put the case, I was a gentleman (which, thank God, no one can say of me); well-my honour makes me quarrel with another gentleman of my acquaintance.-So-we fight. (Pleasant