diocesan in his district, for at least nine months out of the twelve; are topics infinitely above the scope and pretensions of my talents; and, from a mixture of delicacy and diffidence, I confess myself extremely averse to the discussion of them.

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of

Resigning therefore to others the wide range political disquisition, I am content that my own poor efforts should be confined to the humble and neglected provinces of English literature. Now, sir, the greatest obstacle to the real improvement of the arts among us, appears to me to have arisen from an unfortunate blunder through which authors have totally mistaken the bearings of their genius, and applied it to those subjects, of all others, in which it was impossible they should excel.

"Thus the poet affects metaphysical subtlety; the philosopher, poetical embellishment; the divine enters the list with the painter and musician; while, to complete the climax of cross-purposes, and render ⚫ confusion worse confounded,' the female politician quits the sampler and the spindle, to discover the origin of civil government, and to maintain, with senatorial eloquence, the Rights of Man! It is obvious that this unnatural perversion of genius, and misapplication of talents, must produce as much disorder in the literary world, as would result from a confusion of trades and professions to the common offices and occurrences of civil life.

"To provide some effectual remedy for this sort of evil, has been for many years the wish of my heart, and the constant employment of my leisure; and I know not that I should ever have escaped from the embarrassments in which I have been involved by this research, had I not enjoyed the honour of a correspondence with a distinguished professor of a foreign university. My enterprise long

appeared to be hopeless; for what project could be more difficult and hazardous, than the attempt to convince authors, or to furnish them with the means of convincing themselves, that they had totally misapprehended their powers, and were unqualified by nature and habits for the pursuits they had chosen? This, you will readily allow, was no very promising task; and after various schemes, successive efforts, and repeated communications on the subject, I began to despair of ever bringing my labours to a successful issue, unless something could be invented, which might decide these nice questions by an appeal to the senses, and exhibit a palpable and unfailing evidence upon the point in dispute.

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Poetry has been from childhood my favourite study; and as I acquired a relish for the best productions of that divine art, from the observations of my uncle Geoffrey, a man eminent for the taste and solidity of his criticisms, my first wish was to do honour to my favourite study, by furnishing the community of poets, at present so numerous, with a just criterion whereby they might ascertain the extent of their powers, and discriminate their peculiar tendencies. This project I was upon the verge of abandoning as visionary and impracticable, when I received the enclosed letter from my ingenious friend Tiberius Vosterhusius, whom I had

some

months since excited to the same pursuit. The original is in the German language; but, for the benefit of a numerous description of society, I mean the poets and poetesses of our island, I beg to present it to you in an English dress.

form

January, 1792.

It is with the most animated satisfaction I inyou that an infallible standard has at length

been discovered for the estimate and regulation of poetical genius. The discovery has been celebrated here with unusual rejoicings; the experiments it has given rise to, are daily tried with the most certain success; and the results in many instances have occasioned scenes the most laughable and ridiculous that the imagination can paint. Since the properties of the magnet were revealed, I know not that chance has led the votaries of science to any secret more wonderful in its nature, or important in its effects. In short, sir, a fluid has been discovered which possesses the surprising quality of showing the precise degree of genius which belongs to any pretender to poetical excellence.

It has at present obtained no better appellation than that of the sympathetic fluid; but I hope, when it is more known, and has been submitted to the inspection of your English societies, it will be honoured with a title more expressive of its merits. The mode of using it is as follows: a certain quantity is poured into a small thermometer; and this is applied, for a few seconds, to the temporal artery: the tube is fixed upon a scale marked at certain intervals with the words,

EPIC,

TRAGIC,

LYRIC,

&c. &c. &c.

• If the fluid rise gradually, and remain fixed and motionless, opposite to either of the titles upon the scale, the experimenter may assure himself that he possesses talents equal to that particular branch of the art. On the contrary, if the liquor ascends with a rapid irregular motion, appears in a state of fermentation, and then falls hastily within the bulb, he cannot show his prudence more, than by acquies

cing in the infallible decisions of his little silent monitor, whose verdict is not to be altered by supplications or bribes. Many chemical experiments have been made by our learned friend Slautenbunkius, upon this unparalleled fluid, but without effect: it hitherto escapes the most delicate analysis; and its sympathetic property is the only one with which we are at present acquainted.

• You will have pleasure in hearing that a separate establishment is soon to be erected, for a professor and six students, to whom the care of making these inimitable criteria is to be publicly consigned. A statute is also in contemplation, whereby it will be forbidden to any member of this university to compose verses on any subject, without consulting a poetical regulator, duly stamped with the arms of the Academy; and authorised, moreover, by the signature of the above-mentioned professor. I cannot conclude without congratulating you upon the rare merit of this important discovery, and expressing a hope that the enclosed may arrive safe, and meet with your approbation.

'Yours, &c.

TIBERIUS VOLTERHUSIUS.'

N. B. Immediately on the discovery, we found it difficult to prevail on authors to submit to the trial. Our fashionable bards were extremely shy: at length experiments were made, by order of the magistracy, upon three poets now under confinement at our public prison; one convicted of blasphemy and an Ode to Liberty; another, of writing obscene verses; the third, of stealing a shirt and six pair of silk stockings, besides seducing the affections of his patron's wife."

"Such is the interesting communication of my worthy correspondent Tiberius. Nothing could be more welcome to me than the arrival of this little magical tube. I cannot describe the emotions into which I was thrown upon taking it into my hands; and was half wild, till I found a proper subject on whom its effects might be tried. It was not long before an opportunity occurred; for, a few days after the receipt of it, I happened to dine with a certain great patron, whose table is always luxuriously spread before the sons of Apollo, several of whom were then in company. Excellent wines, and mirth, and wit, and song, went round, and at length began to overpower the faculties of many of these enthusiastic votaries, when the thought struck me of having recourse to the criticisms of my pocket companion; and, by occasionally changing my place, I gained an exact scale of the poetical capacities of each.

"The gentleman on whose temple I first placed my poetemeter, was a poet of considerable fame in high life, having written odes, comedies, tragedies, and a sort of epic poem. I had never read his works; but having seen them in a second edition, thought they might have some merit, and that the gay circle that approved them might not be entirely destitute of true taste. But what was my surprise, when, on the application of the tube, the column instantly rose with a very disturbed motion; and having made a momentary pause at each degree in the scale, it sunk with a kind of guggling noise that had nearly awakened the slumbering bard! I continued to hold it in the same position, hoping that the liquor might take a situation more favourable to the author, but in vain: the decision was irreversible, and it refused to ascend.