footman, at the door just now, that it was all a lie, and your nephew looks out of the two-pair-of-stairs window, with eyes all on fire, and tells the whole story; upon that there gather'd such a mob!

Whit. I shall be murder'd, and have my house pull'd down into the bargain!

Tho. It is all quiet again. I told them the young man was out of his senses, and that you were out of town; so they went away quietly, and said they would come and mob you another time.

Whit. Thomas, what shall I do?

Tho. Nothing you have done, if you will have malters mend.

Whit. I am out of my depth, and you won't lend me your hand to draw me out.

Tho. You were out of your depth to fall in love; swim away as fast as you can, you'll be drowned if you

marry.

Whit. I'm frighten'd out of my wits; yes, yes, 'lis all over with me; I must not stir out of my house; but am order'd to stay to be murder'd in it for aught I know-what are you muttering, Thomas? Pr'ythee speak out and comfort me.

Tho. It is all a judgment upon you; because your brother's foolish will says the young man must have your consent, you won't let him have her, but will marry the widow yourself; that's the dog in the manger; you can't eat the oats, and won't let those who

can.

Whit. But I consent that he shall have both the widow and the fortune, if we can get him into his right

senses.

Tho. For fear I should lose mine, I'll get out of Bedlam as soon as possible; you must provide yourself with another servant.

Whit. The whole earth conspires against me! you shall stay with me till I die, and then you shall have a good legacy, and I won't live long I promise you. [Knocking at the Door. Tho. Here are the undertakers already. [Exit. Whit. What shall I do? my head can't bear it; I

will hang myself for fear of being run through the body.

Re-enter THOMAS, with Bills.

Tho. Half a score people I never saw before, with these bills and drafts upon you for payment, signed Martha Brady.

Whit. I wish Martha Brady was at the bottom of the Thames! what an impudent, extravagant baggage, to begin her tricks already! Send them to the devil, and say I won't pay a farthing.

Tho. You'll have another mob about the door.

[Going. Whit. Stay, stay, Thomas; tell them I am very busy, and they must come to-morrow morning;-stay, stay; that is promising payment; no, no, no-tell 'em they must stay till I am married, and so they will be satisfied, and trick'd into the bargain.

Tho. When you are trick'd we shall all be satisfied. [Aside and exit. Whit. That of all dreadful things I should think of a woman, and that woman should be a widow, and that widow should be an Irish one!-Who have we here? Another of the family, I suppose. [Retires. Enter WIDOW as Lieutenant O'Neale, seemingly fluttered, and putting up his Sword, THOMAS following. Tho. I hope you are not hurt, captain.

Wid. O, not at all, at all; 'tis well they run away, or I should have made them run faster; I shall teach them how to snigger and look through glasses at their betters; these are your maccaroons, as they call themselves; by my soul but I would have taught them better manners, if they would have stood still till I had overtaken them; these whipper-snappers look so much more like girls in breeches, then those I see in petticoats, that fait and trot, it is a pity to hurt 'em; but to business; friend, where is your master?

Tho. There, captain; I hope he has not offended you. Wid. If you are impartinent, sir, you will offend me; lave the room.

Tho. I value my life too much not to do that-what

a raw-bon'd tartar! I wish he had not been caught and sent here. [Aside to Whittle. Exit. Whit. Her brother, by all that's terrible! and as like her as two tigers! I sweat at the sight of him; I'm sorry Thomas is gone; he has been quarrelling already. [Aside.

Wid. Is your name Whittol?

Whit. My name is Whittle, not Whittol.

Wid. We shan't stand for trifles-and you were born and christen'd by the name of Thomas?

Whit. So they told me, sir.

Wid. Then they told no lies, fait; so far, so good. [Takes out a Letter] Do you know that hand-writing? Whit. As well as I know this good friend of mine, who helps me upon such occasions.

[Showing his right Hand, and smiling. Wid. You had better not show your teeth, sir, till we come to the jokes-the hand-writing is yours. Whit. Yes, sir, it is mine. [Sighs. Wid. Death and powder! what do you sigh for? Are you asham'd, or sorry, for your handiworks? Whit. Partly one, partly t'other.

Wid. Will you be plas'd, sir, to rade it aloud, that you may know it again when you hare it.

Whit. [Takes the Letter and reads] Madam

Wid. Would you be plas'd to let us know what madam you mean? for woman of quality, and woman of no quality, and woman of all qualities, are so mixed together, that you don't know one from t'other, and are all called madams; you should always read the subscription before you open the letter.

Whit. I beg your pardon, sir.I don't like this ceremony, [Aside] To Mrs. Brady, in Pall-mall. Wid. Now prosade-fire and powder but I wouldWhit. Sir! what's the matter?

Wid. Nothing at all, sir; pray go on.

Whit. Madam,-As I prefer your happiness to the indulgence of my own passions

Wid. I will not prefer your happiness to the indulgence of my passions-Mr. Whittol, rade on.

Whit. I must confess that I am unworthy of your charms and virtues.

Wid. Very unworthy indeed; rade on, sir.

Whit. I have, for some days, had a severe struggle between my justice and my passion

Wid. I have had no struggle at all: my justice and passion are agreed.

Whit. The former has prevailed, and 1 beg leave to resign you, with all your accomplishments, to some more deserving, though not more admiring servant than your miserable and devoted, THOMAS WHITTLE.

Wid. And miserable and devoted you shall be-to the postscript; rade on.

Whit. Postscript: Let me have your pity, but not your anger.

Wid. In answer to this love epistle, [Snatches the Letter] you pitiful fellow, my sister presents you with her tinderest wishes, and assures you that you have, as you desire, her pity, and she generously throws her contempt too into the bargain.

[Tears the Letter, and throws it at him. Whit. I'm infinitely oblig'd to her.

Wid. I must beg lave in the name of all our family to present the same to you.

Whit. I am ditto to all the family.

Wid. But as a brache of promise to any of our family was never suffer'd without a brache into somebody's body, I have fix'd upon myself to be your operator; and I believe that you will find that I have as fine a hand at this work, and will give you as little pain, as any in the three kingdoms.

[Sits down and loosens her Knee-bands. Whit. For heaven's sake, captain, what are you about?

Wid. I always loosen my garters for the advantage of lunging; it is for your sake as well as my own, for I will be twice through your body, before you shall feel

me once.

Whit. What a terrible fellow it is! I wish Thomas would come in.

[Aside.

Wid. Come, sir, prepare yourself; you are not the first, by half a score, that I have run through and through the heart, before they knew what was the matter with

them.

Whit. But, captain, suppose I will marry your sis

ter?

Wid. have not the laste objection, if you recover of your wounds. Callaghan O'Connor lives very happy with my great aunt, Mrs. Deborah O'Neale, in the county of Gallway; except a small asthma he got by my running him through the lungs, at the Currough: he would have forsaken her, if I had not stopp'd his perfidy by a famous family styptic I have here: O ho! my little old boy, but you shall get it. [Draws.

Whit. What shall I do?-well, sir, if I must, I must; I'll meet you to-morrow morning in Hyde-park, let the consequence be what it will.

Wid. For fear you might forget that favour, I must beg to be indulged with a little pushing now; I have set my heart upon it; and two birds in hand is worth one in the bushes, Mr. Whittol-come, sir.

Whit. But I have not settled my matters.

Wid. O, we'll settle 'em in a trice, I warrant you. [Puts herself in a Position. Whit. But I don't understand the sword; I had rather fight with pistols.

Wid. I am very happy it is in my power to oblige you; there, sir, take your choice; I will plase you if I [Offers Pistols.

can.

Whit. Out of the pan into the fire! there's no putting him off; if I had chosen poison, I dare swear he had arsenic in his pocket. [Aside] Lookye, young gentleman, I am an old man, and you'll get no credit by killing me; but I have a nephew as young as yourself, and you'll get more honour in facing him.

Wid. Ay, and more pleasure too-I expect ample satisfaction from him, after I have done your business; prepare, sir.

Whit. What the devil! won't one serve your turn?