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Bis. No! why then play me a jig. Come, sir. Dur. By this light, I cannot; faith, madam, I have sprain'd my leg.

Bis. Then sit you down, sir: and now tell me what's your business with me? What's your errand? Quick, quick, dispatch-Odso, may be you are some gentleman's servant, that has brought me a letter, or a haunch of venison.

Dur. 'Sdeath! madam, do I look like a carrier?

Bis. O, cry you'mercy; I saw you just now, I mistook you, upon my word: you are one of the travelling gentlemen-and pray, sir, how do all our impudent friends in Italy?

Dur. Madam, I came to wait on you with a more serious intention than your entertainment has answered.

Bis. Sir, your intention of waiting on me was the greatest affront imaginable, howe'er your expressions may turn it to a compliment: your visit, sir, was intended as a prologue to a very scurvy play, of which Mr. Mirabel and you so handsomely laid the plot."Marry! No, no, I'm a man of more honour." Where's your honour? Where's your courage now? Ads my life, sir, I have a great mind to kick you.-Go, go to your fellow-rake now, rail at my sex, and get drunk for vexation, and write a lampoon-But I must have you to know, sir, that my reputation is above the scandal of a libel, my virtue is sufficiently approv'd to those whose opinion is my interest: and for the rest, let them talk what they will; for when I please I'll be what I please, in spite of you and all mankind; and so, my dear man of honour, if you be tir'd, con over this lesson, and sit there till I come to you. [Runs off.

Dur. Tum ti dum. [Sings] Ha, ha, ha! Ads my life, I have a great mind to kick you!"-Oons and confusion! [Starts up] Was ever man so abus'd?-Ay, Mirabel set me on.

Re-enter PETIT.

Pet. Well, sir, how d'ye find yourself?

Dur. You son of a nine-ey'd whore, d'ye come to abuse me? I'll kick you with a vengeance, you dog. [Petit runs off, and Duretete after him.

[graphic]

SCENE I. The same.

Enter Old MIRABEL and MIRABEL.

O. Mir. Bob, come hither, Bob.

Mir. Your pleasure, sir?

O. Mir. Are not you a great rogue, sirrah?

Mir. That's a little out of my comprehension, sir; for I've heard say that I resemble my father.

O. Mir. Your father is your very humble slave-I tell thee what, child, thou art a very pretty fellow, and I love thee heartily; and a very great villain, and I hate thee mortally.

Mir. Villain, sir! Then I must be a very.impudent one, for I can't recollect any passage of my life that I'm asham'd of.

O. Mir. Come hither, my dear friend; dost see this picture? [Shows him a little Picture.

Mir. Oriana's! Pshaw!

O. Mir. What, sir, won't you look upon't?-Bob, dear Bob, pr'ythee come hither now-Dost want any money, child?

Mir. No, sir.

O. Mir. Why then here's some for thee; come here now-How canst thou be so hard-hearted, an unnanatural, unmannerly rascal (don't mistake me, child, I an't angry), as to abuse this tender, lovely, good-natur'd, dear rogue?Why, she sighs for thee, and cries for thee, pouts for thee, and snubs for thee; the poor little heart of it is like to burst-Come, my dear boy, be good-natur'd like your own father, be now-and then see here, read this- -the effigies of the lovely Oriana, with ten thousand pounds to her portion-ten thousand pounds, you dog; ten thousand pounds, you rogue. How dare you refuse a lady with ten thousand pounds, you impudent rascal?

Mir. Will you hear me speak, sir?

O. Mir. Hear you speak, sir! If you had ten thousand tongues, you could not out-talk ten thousand pounds, sir.

Mir. Nay, sir, if you won't hear me, I'll be gone, sir! I'll take post for Italy this moment.

O. Mir. Ah! the fellow knows I won't part with him. [Aside] Well, sir, what have you to say?

Mir. The universal reception, sir, that marriage has had in the world, is enough to fix it for a public good, and to draw every body into the common cause; but there are some constitutions, like some instruments, so peculiarly singular, that they make tolerable music by themselves, but never do well in a concert.

O. Mir. Why this is reason, I must confess; but yet it is nonsense too: for though you should reason like an angel, if you argue yourself out of a good estate, you talk like a fool."

Mir. But, sir, if you bribe me into bondage with the riches of Croesus, you leave me but a beggar for want of my liberty.

O. Mir. Was ever such a perverse fool heard? 'Sdeath, sir, why did I give you education? was it to dispute me out of my senses? Of what colour now is the head of this cane? You'll say 'tis white, and ten to one make me believe it too. I thought that young

fellows studied to get money.

Mir. No, sir, I have studied to despise it; my reading was not to make me rich, but happy, sir..

O. Mir. There he has me again now. [Aside] But, sir, did not I marry to oblige you?

Mir. To oblige me, sir! In what respect pray? O. Mir. Why, to bring you into the world, sir; wan't that an obligation?

Mir. And because I would have it still an obligation, I avoid marriage.

O. Mir. How is that, sir?

Mir. Because I would not curse the hour I was born. O. Mir. Lookye, friend, you may persuade me out of my designs, but I'll command you out of yours; and though you may convince my reason that you are in the right, yet there is an old attendant of sixty-three, call'd positiveness, which you nor all the wits in Italy shall ever be able to shake: so, sir, you're a wit, and I'm a father: you may talk, but I'll be obey'd.

Mir. This it is to have the son a finer gentleman than the father; they first give us breeding that they don't understand, then they turn us out of doors 'cause we are wiser than themselves. But I'm a little aforehand with the old gentleman. [Aside] Sir, you have been pleas'd to settle a thousand pounds sterling a year upon ine; in return of which, I have a very great honour for you and your family, and shall take care that your only and beloved son shall de nothing to make him hate his father, or to hang himself. So, dear sir, I'm your very humble servant. [Runs off. O. Mir. Here, sirrah, rogue, Bob, villain!"

Enter DUGARD.

Dug. Ah, sir, 'tis but what he deserves.

O. Mir. "Tis false, sir, he don't deserve it: what have you to say against my boy, sir?

Dug. I shall only repeat your own words.

O. Mir. What have you to do with my words? I have swallow'd my words already, I have eaten them up, and bow can you come at 'em, sir?-I say that Bob's an honest fellow, and who dares deny it?

Enter BISARRE.

Bis. That dare I, sir-I say that your son is a wild, foppish, whimsical, impertinent coxcomb; and were I abus'd as this gentleman's sister is, I would make it an Italian quarrel, and poison the whole family.

Dug. Come, sir, 'tis no time for trifling; my sister is abus'd, you are made sensible of the affront, and your honour is concern'd to see her redress'd.

O. Mir. Lookye, Mr. Dugard, good words go furthest. I will do your sister justice, but it must be after my own rate; nobody must abuse my son but myself. For although Robin be a sad dog, yet he's nobody's puppy but my own.

Bis. Ay, that's my sweet-natur'd, kind old gentleman. [Wheedling him] We will be good then, if you'll join with us in the plot.

O. Mir. Ah, you coaxing young baggage, what plot can you have to wheedle a fellow of sixty-three?

Bis. A plot that sixty-three is only good for, to bring other people together, sir; a Spanish plot, less dangerous than that of eighty-eight; and you must act the Spaniard, 'cause your son will least suspect you; and if he should, your authority protects you from a quarrel, to which Oriana is unwilling to expose her brother. O. Mir. And what part will you act in the business, madam?

Bis. Myself, sir. My friend is grown a perfect changeling: these foolish hearts of ours spoil our heads presently; the fellows no sooner turn knaves, but we turn fools. But I am still myself; and he may expect the most severe usage from me, 'cause I neither love him nor hate him.

[Exit. O. Mir. Well said, Mrs. Paradox; but, sir, who must open the matter to him?

Dug. Petit, sir, who is our engineer-general. And here he comes.

Enter PETIT.

Pet. O, sir, more discoveries! Are all friends about us?

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