Col. O. A fine girl, master Jenkins, a devilish fine girl! she has got my eye to a twinkle. There's fire for you-spirit! I design to marry her to a duke: how much money do you think a duke would expect with such a wench?

Jenk. Why, colonel, with submission, I think there is no occasion to go out of our own country here; we have never a duke in it I believe, but we have many an honest gentleman, who, in my opinion, might deserve the young lady.

Col. O. So you would have me marry Dy to a country squire, eh! How say you to this, Dy? would not you rather be married to a duke?

Diana. So my husband's a rake, papa, I don't care what he is.

Col. O. A rake! you damned, confounded, little baggage; why you would not wish to marry a rake, would you? So her husband is a rake, she does not care what he is! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Diana. Well, but listen to me, papa-When you go out with your gun, do you take any pleasure in shooting the poor tame ducks and chickens in your yard? No, the partridge, the pheasant, the woodcock are the game; there is some sport in bringing them down, because they are wild; and it is just the same with an husband, or a lover. I would not waste powder and shot, to wound one of your sober, pretty-behaved gentlemen; but to hit a libertine, extravagant, madcap fellow, to take him upon the wing

Col. O. Do you hear her, master Jenkins? Ha, ha, ha! Jenk. Well but, good colonel, what do you say to my worthy and honourable patron here, sir John Flowerdale? He has an estate of eight thousand pounds a year as well paid rents as any in the kingdom, and but one only daughter to enjoy it; and yet he is willing, you see, to give this daughter to your son.

Diana. Pray, Mr. Jenkins, how does miss Clarissa and our university friend, Mr. Lionel? That is the only grave young man I ever liked, and the only handsome one I ever was acquainted with, that did not make love

to me.

Col. O. Ay, master Jenkins, who is this Lionel? They say he is a damn'd, witty, knowing fellow; and, 'egad, I think him well enough for one brought up in a college.

Jenk. His father was a general officer, a particular friend of sir John's, who, like many more brave men, that live and die in defending their country, left little else than honour behind him. Sir John sent this young man, at his own expense, to Oxford. During the vacation he is come to pay us a visit, and sir John intends that he shall shortly take orders for a very considerable benefice in the gift of the family, the present incumbent of which is an aged man.

Diana. The last time I was at your house, he was teaching miss Clarissa mathematics and philosophy. Lord, what a strange brain I have! If I was to sit down to distract myself with such studies→→→

Col. O. Go, hussy, let some of your brother's rascals inform their master that he has been long enough at his toilet; here is a message from sir John FlowerdaleYou a brain for mathematics indeed! We shall have women wanting to head our regiments to-morrow or next day.

Diana. Well, papa, and suppose we did. I believe, in a battle of the sexes, you men would hardly get the better of us.

AIR.

To rob them of strength, when wise nature thought fit
By women to still do her duty,

Instead of a sword she endu'd them with wit,
And gave them a shield in their beauty.

Sound, sound then the tumpet, both sexes to arms!
Our tyrants at once and protectors!

We quickly shall see, whether courage or charms,
Decide for the Helens or Hectors.

[Exit.

Col. O. Well, master Jenkins! don't you think now that a nobleman, a duke, an earl, or a marquis, might be content to share his title-I say, you understand me

-with a sweetener of thirty or forty thousand pounds, to pay off mortgages? Besides, there's a prospect of my

whole estate; for I dare swear her brother will never have any children.

Jenk. I should be concerned at that, colonel, when there are two such fortunes to descend to his heirs, as yours and sir John Flowerdale's.

Col. O.. Why look you, master Jenkins, sir John Flowerdale is an honest gentleman; our families are nearly related; we have been neighbours time out of mind; and if he and I have an odd dispute now and then, it is not for want of a cordial esteem at bottom. He is going to marry his daughter to my son; she is a beautiful girl, an elegant girl, a sensible girl, a worthy girl, and a word in your ear-damn me if I an't very sorry for her.

Jenk. Sorry! colonel?

Col. O.. Ay-between ourselves, master Jenkins, my son won't do.

Jenk. How do you mean?

Col. O. I tell you, master Jenkins, he won't do-he is not the thing, a prig-At sixteen years old, or thereabouts, he was a bold, sprightly boy, as you should see in a thousand; could drink his pint of port, or his bottle of claret- -now he mixes all his wine with water.

Jenk. Oh! if that be his only fault, colonel, he will ne'er make the worse husband, I'll answer for it.

Col. O. You know my wife is a woman of qualityI was prevailed upon to send him to be brought up by her brother, lord Jessamy, who had no children of his own, and promised to leave him an estate-he has got the estate indeed, but the fellow has taken his lordship's name for it. Now, master Jenkins, I would be glad to know how the name of Jessamy is better than that of Oldboy.

Jenk. Well but, coionel, it is allowed on all hands that his lordship has given your son an excellent education.

Col. O. Pshaw! he sent him to the university, and to travel forsooth; but what of that; I was abroad, and at the university myself, and never a rush the better for either. I quarrelled with his lordship about six years

before his death, and so had not an opportunity of seeing how the youth went on; if I had, master Jenkins, would no more have suffered him to be made such a monkey of He has been in my house but three days, and it is all turned topsyturvey by him and his rascally servants then his chamber is like a perfumer's shop, with wash-balls, pastes, and pomatum and do you know he had the impudence to tell me yesterday, at my own table, that I did not know how to behave myself? Jenk. Pray, colonel, how does my lady Mary?

-but

Col. O. What, my wife? In the old way, master Jenkins; always complaining; ever something the matter with her head, or her back, or her legswe have had the devil to pay lately-she and I did not speak to one another for three weeks.

Jenk. How so, sir?

Col. O. A little affair of jealousy-you must know my gamekeeper's daughter has had a child, and the plaguy baggage takes it into her head to lay it to meUpon my soul it is a fine, fat, chabby infant as ever I set my eyes on; I have sent it to nurse; and, between you and me, I believe I shall leave it a fortune.

Jenk. Ah, colonel, you will never give over.

Col. O. You know my lady has a pretty vein of poetry; she writ me an heroic epistle upon it, where she calls me her dear false Damon; so I let her cry a little, promised to do so no more, and now we are as good friends as ever.

Jenk. Well, colonel, I must take my leave; I have delivered my message, and sir John may expect the pleasure of your company to dinner.

Col. O. Ay, ay, we'll come-pox o' ceremony among friends. But won't you stay to see my son; I have sent to him, and suppose he will be here as soon as his valet-de-chambre will give him leave.

.

Jenk. There is no occasion, good sir: present my humble respects, that's all.

Col. O. Well but, zounds, Jenkins, you must not go till you drink something let you and I have a bottle of bock

Jenk. Not for the world, colonel; I never touch any thing strong in the morning.

Col. O. Never touch any thing strong! Why one bottle won't hurt you, man; this is old, and mild as milk. Jenk. Well but, colonel, pray excuse me.

AIR.

To tell you the truth,
In the days of my youth,
As mirth and nature bid,
I lik'd a glass,
And I lov'd a lass,

And I did as younkers did.
But now I am old,

With grief be it told,

I must those freaks forbear;
At sixty-three,

"Twixt you and me,

A man grows worse for wear.

[Exit.

1

Enter MR.JESSAMY, LADY MARY OLDBOY, and Maid. Lady M. Shut the door, why don't you shut the door there? Have you a mind I should catch my death? This house is absolutely the cave of Æolus; one had as good live on the Eddystone, or in a windmill.

Mr. J. I thought they told your ladyship that there was a messenger here from sir John Flowerdale.

Col. O. Well, sir, and so there was; but he had not patience to wait upon your curling-irons. Mr. Jenkins was here, sir John Flowerdale's steward, who has lived in the family these forty years.

Mr. J. And pray, sir, might not sir John Flowerdale have come himself: if he had been acquainted with the rules of good breeding, he would have known that I ought to have been visited.

Lady M. Upon my word, colonel, this is a solecism. Col. O. 'Sblood, my lady, it's none. Sir John Flowerdale came but last night from his sister's seat in the west, and is a little ont of order. But I suppose he thinks he ought to appear before him with his daughter