SIR LUCIUS. Pho! be easy. Well, now, if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance: for if it misses a vital part of your right side, 't will be very hard if it don't succeed on the left!

ACRES. A vital part!

SIR LUCIUS. But there - fix yourself so: [placing him] let him see the broad-side of your full front there now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.

me!

ACRES. Clean through me!-a ball or two clean through

SIR LUCIUS. Ay, may they; and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.

ACRES. Look'ee! Sir Lucius -I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valor! I will stand edgeways.

SIR LUCIUS [looking at his watch]. Sure they don't mean to disappoint us-hah!-no, faith, I think I see them coming. ACRES. Hey!-what!- coming!

SIR LUCIUS. Ay. Who are those yonder getting over the stile?

ACRES. There are two of them indeed! Well-let them come - hey, Sir Lucius! SIR LUCIUS. Run!

we

we

we - we

won't run.

ACRES. NO-I say we won't run, by my valor!

SIR LUCIUS. What the devil's the matter with you? ACRES. Nothing-nothing- my dear friend - my dear Sir Lucius-but-I-I-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as

I did.

SIR LUCIUS. O fie! Consider your honor.

ACRES. Ay-true-my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor.

SIR LUCIUS. Well, here they're coming.

[Looking.

ACRES. Sir Lucius - if I wa' n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid. If my valor should leave me! Valor will come and go.

SIR LUCIUS. Then pray keep it fast, while you have it. ACRES. Sir Lucius-I doubt it is going-yes-my valor is certainly going! It is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my h

SIR LUCIUS. Your hono ACRES. O mercy!-now could be shot before I was a

Enter FAULKLAND and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.

Hah!

SIR LUCIUS. Gentlemen, your most obedient. what, Captain Absolute! So I suppose, sir, you are come here just like myself: to do a kind office, first for your friend, then to proceed to business on your own account. ACRES. What-Jack!- my dear Jack! ABSOLUTE. Hark'ee, Bob, Beverley 's at hand.

my dear friend!

SIR LUCIUS. Well, Mr. Acres I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly. [To FAULKLAND.] So, Mr. Beverley, if you'll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground.

FAULKLAND. My weapons, sir!

ACRES. Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland: these are my particular friends.

SIR LUCIUS. What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr. Acres?

FAULKLAND. Not I, upon my word, sir.

SIR LUCIUS. Well, now, that's mighty provoking! But 1 hope, Mr. Faulkland, as there are three of us come on purpose for the game, you won't be so cantankerous as to spoil the party by sitting out.

ABSOLUTE. Oh pray, Faulkland, fight to oblige Sir Lucius. FAULKLAND. Nay, if Mr. Acres is so bent on the matter ACRES. No, no, Mr. Faulkland: I'll bear my disappointment like a Christian. Look'ee, Sir Lucius, there's no occasion at all for me to fight; and if it is the same to you, I'd as lieve let it alone.

SIR LUCIUS. Observe me, Mr. Acres - I must not be trifled with. You have certainly challenged somebody, and you came here to fight him. Now, if that gentleman is willing to represent him—I can't see, for my soul, why it is n't just the same thing.

ACRES. Why, no, Sir Lucius: I tell you 't is one Beverley I've challenged a fellow, you see, that dare not show his face! If he were here, I'd make him give up his pretensions directly!

ABSOLUTE. Hold, Bob let me set you right: there is no such man as Beverley in the case. The person who assumed that name is before you; and as his pretensions are the same in both characters, he is ready to support them in whatever way you please.

SIR LUCIUS. Well, this is lucky. Now you have an opportunity

ACRES. What, quarrel with my dear friend Jack Absolute? Not if he were fifty Beverleys! Zounds, Sir Lucius, you would not have me so unnatural!

SIR LUCIUS. Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, your valor has oozed away with a vengeance!

ACRES. Not in the least! Odds backs and abettors! I'll be your second with all my heart; and if you should get a quietus, you may command me entirely. I'll get you snug lying in the Abbey here; or pickle you, and send you over to Blunderbuss Hall, or anything of the kind, with the greatest pleasure.

SIR LUCIUS. Pho! pho! you are little better than a coward. ACRES. Mind, gentlemen, he calls me a coward; coward was the word, by my valor!

SIR LUCIUS. Well, sir?

ACRES. Look'ee, Sir Lucius, 't is n't that I mind the word coward coward may be said in joke. But if you had called

me a poltroon, odds daggers and balls!

SIR LUCIUS. Well, sir?

ACRES. I should have thought you a very ill-bred man.
SIR LUCIUS. Pho! you are beneath my notice.

ABSOLUTE. Nay, Sir Lucius, you can't have a better second than my friend Acres. He is a most determined dog-called in the country, Fighting Bob. He generally kills a man a

week - don't you, Bob?

ACRES. Ayat home!

SIR LUCIUS. Well, then, captain, 't is we must begin; so come out, my little counsellor, [draws his sword] and ask the gentleman whether he will resign the lady, without forcing you to proceed against him?

ABSOLUTE. Come on then, sir: [draws] since you won't let it be an amicable suit, here's my reply.

Enter SIR ANTHONY ABSOLUTE, DAVID, MRS. MALAPROP, LYDIA, and JULIA.

DAVID. Knock 'em all down, sweet Sir Anthony: knock down my master in particular, and bind his hands over to their good behavior!

SIR ANTHONY. Put up, Jack, put up, or I shall be in a frenzy: how came you in a duel, sir?

ABSOLUTE. Faith, sir, that gentleman can tell you better