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Lady True. I keep him for my steward, and find you have taken a great affection to my movenot my companion. He's a sober man.
ables. Tin. Yes, yes ; he looks like a put, a queer old Tin. My dear, I love every thing that belongs dog, as ever Í
life: we must turn him off, widow. He cheats thee confoundedly, I see Lady True. I see you do, sir; you need not that.
inake any protestations upon that subject. Lady True. Indeed you're mistaken; he has Tin. Pho, pho, my dear, we are growing serialways had the reputation of being a very honest ous; and, let me tell you, that's the very next step
lo being dull. Tin. What! I suppose he goes to church? Lady True. Believe me, sir, whatever you Lady True. Goes to church! so do you, too, think, marriage is a serious subject. I hope.
Tin. For that very reason, my dear, let us run Tin. I would, for once, widow, to make sure
over it as fast as we can. I'll tell you a story, wi
dow: I know a certain lady, who, considering the Lady True. Ah, Mr Tinsel ! a husband, who craziness of her husband, had, in case of mortaliwould not continue to go thither, would quickly ty, engaged herself to two young fellows of my forget the promise he made there.
acquaintance. They grew such desperate rivals for Tin. Faith, very innocent, and very ridiculous! her, while her husband was alive, that one of them Well, then, I warrant thee, widow, thou wouldst pinked the other in a duel. But the good lady not, for the world, marry a sabbath-breaker! was no sooner a widow, but what did my dow
Lady True. Truly, they generally come to a ager do? Why, faith, being a woman of honour, bad end. I reinember the conjurer told you, you she married a third, to whom, it seems, she had were short-lived.
given her first promise. Tin. The conjurer ! Ha, ha, ha!
Lady True. And this is a true story, upon Lady True. Indeed, you're very witty! your own knowledge ?
Tin. Thou art the idol I adore: here must I Tin. Every tittle, as I hope to be married, or pay my devotion—Prithee, widow, hast thou any never believe Tom Tinsel. timber upon thy estate?
Lady True. Pray, Mr Tinsel, do you call this Lady True. The most impudent fellow I ever talking like a wit, or like a rake? met with!
[ Aside. Tin. Nay, now you grow vapourish; thou'lt Tin. I take notice thou hast a great deal of begin to fancy thou hearest the drum, by and old plate here in the house, widow.
by. Lady True. Mr Tinsel, you are a very obser Lady True. If you had been here last night, ving man.
about this time, you would not have been so Tin. Thy large silver cistern would make a very good coach: and half a dozen salvers, that I Tin. About this time, say'st thou! Come, saw on the sideboard, might be turned into sis as faith, for humour's sake, we'll sit down and lisa pretty horses as any that appear in the ring.
Lady True. You have a very good fancy, Mr Lady True. I will, if you'll promise to be seTinsel? What pretty transformations you could rious. make in my house !But I'll see where 'twill Tin. Serious! never fear me, child; ha, ha, end.
[Aside. ha! Dost not hear hiin? T'in. Then, I observe, child, you have two or Lady True. You break your word already. three services of gilt plate; we'd eat always in Tin. I'll tell thee what, now, widow-I would china, my dear,
engage, by the help of a white sheet, and a penLady True. I perceive you are an excellent nyworth of link, in a dark night, to frighten you manager-How quickly you have taken an inven- a whole country village out of their senses, and tory of my goods !
the vicar into the bargain.- [Drum beats)Tin. Now, hark ye, widow; to shew you the Hark! Hark! What noise is that? Heaven delove that I have for you
fend us! This is more than fancy. Lady True. Very well; let me hear.
Lady True. It beats more terrible than Tin. You have an old-fashioned gold caudle-ever. cup, with a figure of a saint upon the lid on't. Tin. 'Tis very dreadful! What a dog have I Lady True. I have—What, then?
been, to speak against my conscience, only to Tin. Why, look ye, I'd sell the caudle-cup shew my parts ! with the old saint, for as much money as they'd Lady True. It comes nearer and nearer. I fetch; which I would convert into a diamond-wish you have not angered it, by your foolish disbuckle, and make you a present of it.
Lady True. Oh, you are generous to an extra Tin. Indeed, madam, I did not speak from my vagance! But, pray, Mr Tinsel, don't dispose of heart. I hope it will do me no hurt, for a little my goods before you are sure of my person. I harmless raillery.
Lady True. Harmless, d'ye call it? It beats love in this house any more. I have now only bard by us, as if it would break through the the conjurer to deal with. I don't question but wall.
I shall make his reverence scamper as fast as the Tin. What a devil had I to do with a white lover; and then the day's my own. But the sersheet?
vants are coming ; I must get into my cup-board. [Scene opens, and discovers FANTOME.
(He goes in. Mercy on us, it appears ! Lady True. Oh, 'tis he ! 'tis he himself ! 'tis
Enter ABIGAIL and Servants. sir George ! 'tis my husband ! (She faints.
Tin. Now, would I give ten thousand pounds Abi. Oh, my poor lady! This wicked drum has that I were in town.-['ANTOME advances to frighted Mr Tinsel out of his wits, and my lady him, drumming.}-I beg ten thousand pardons : into a swoon. Let me bend her a little forward I'll never talk at this rate any more.—[FANTOME ---She revires---Here, carry her into the fresh still advances, drumming. By my soul, sir air, and she'll recover.—[They curry her off]George, I was not in earnest.-Falls on his This is a little barbarous to my lady'; but 'uis all knees.}-Have compassion on my youth, and for her good : and I know her so well, that she consider I am but a coxcomb.—[FANTOM E points would not be angry with me, if she knew what I to the door. — But see, he waves me off-Aye, was to get by it. And, if any of her friends with all my heart-What a devil bad I to do should blame me for it hereafter, with a white sheet? (He steals off the stage, mending his pace as
I'll clap my hand upon my purse, and tell 'em, the drum beats.
'Twas for a thousand pounds, and Mr Vellum. Fan. The scoundrel is gone, and has left his
[Exit. mistress behind him. I'm mistaken if he makes
know I went with you last night into the garden,
when the cook-maid wanted a handful of parsley. Enter Sir George in his conjurer's habit ; the
But. Why, you don't think I'll stay with the Butler marching before him, with two large conjurer by myself?, candles ; and the two Servants coming afier
Gurd. Corne, we'll all three go, and fetch the him, one bringing a little table, and another a
pen and ink together. chair.
Sir Geo. There's nothing, I see, makes such Bat. An't please your worship, Mr Conjurer, strong alliances as fear. These fellows are all the steward has given all of us orders to do what- entered into a confederacy against the ghost. soever you shali hid us, and to pay you the same There must be abundance of business done in respect as if you were our master.
the family, at this rate. But here comes the Sir Geo. Thou say'st well.
triple-alliance. Who could have thought these Gard. An't please your conjurership’s worship, three rognes could have found each of them au shall I set the table down here?
employment in fetching a pen and ink? Sir Geo. Here, Peter.
Gard. Peter! He knows my name by his Enter Gardener with a sheet of paper, Coachlearning
mun with a stundish, and Butler with a pen. Coach. I have brought you, reverend sir, the largest elbow-chair in the house; 'tis that the Gard. Sir, there is your paper. steward sits in, when be holds a court.
Coach. Sir, there is your standish. Sir Geo. Place it there.
But. Sir, there is your crow-quill pen -- I'm But. Sir, will you please to want any thing glad I have got rid on't.
Gard. (Aside.)-He forget's that he's to make Sir Geo. Paper, and pen and ink.
a circle-Doctor, shall I help you to a bit of But. Sir, I believe we have paper that is fit chalk? for your purpose; my lady's mourning paper,
Sir Geo. It is no matter. that is blacked at the edges. Would you choose But. Look ye, sir, I shewed you the spot, to write with a crow-quill?
where he's beard oftenest. If your worship can Sir Geo. There is none better.
but ferret him out of that old wall in the next But. Coachman, go fetch the paper and standish out of the little parlour.
Sir Geo. We shall try. Coach. [To Gardener.}Peter, prithee, do Gard. That's right, John. His worship must thou go along with me -I'm afraid Yuu 'let fy all his Icarning at that old wall.
But. Sir, if I was worthy to advise you,
I Sir Geo. Speak. would have a bottle of good October by me. Gard. The butler and I, Mr Doctor, were Shall I set a cup of old stingo at your elbow? both of us in love, at the same time, with a cer
Sir Geo. I thank thee -We shall do with- tain person. out it.
Sir Geo. A woman. Gard. John, he seems a very good-natured Gard. How could he know that? [Aside. man for a conjurer.
Sir Geo. Go on. But. I'll take this opportunity of inquiring af Gard. This woman has lately had two chilter a bit of plate I have lost. I fancy, whilst he dren at a birth. is in my lady's pay, one may hedge in a question Sir Geo. Twins. or two into the bargain. Sir, sir, may I beg a Gard. Prodigious! Where could he bear word in your ear?
(Aside. Sir Geo. What wouldst thou?
Sir Geo. Proceed. But. Sir, I know I need not tell you, that I Gard. Now, because I used to meet her somelost one of my silver spoons last week.
times in the garden, she has laid them bothSir Geo. Marked with a swan's neck
Sir Geo. To thee. But. My lady's crest! He knows every thing. Gard. What a power of learning he must have! [Aside.}Ilow would your worship advise me to he knows every thing.
[Aside. recover it again?
Sir Geo. Hast thou done? Sir Geo. Hum
Gard. I would desire to know, whether I am But. What must I do to come at it?
really father to them both? Sir Geo. Drink nothing but small-beer for a Sir Geo. Stand before me: let me survey thee fortnighi
round. But. Small-beer! rot-gut!
(Lays his wand upon his head, and makes hin Sir Geo. If thou drink'st a single drop of ale
turn about. before fifteen days are expired—it is as much Coach. Look yonder, John, the silly dog is as thy spoon—is worth.
turning about under the conjurer's wand. If he But. 'I shall never recover it that way -I'll has been saucy to him, we shall see him puffed e'en buy a new one.
(Aside. off in a whirlwind immediately. Coach. D'ye mind how they whisper?
Sir Geo. Twins, dost thou say? Gard. I'll be hanged if he be not asking him
[Still turning him. something about Nell
Gurd. Aye; are they both mine, d'ye think? Coach. I'll take this opportunity of putting a Sir Geo. Own but one of them. question to him about poor Dobbin. I fancy he Gard. Aye, but Mrs Abigail will have me take could give me better counsel than the farrier. care of them both-she's always for the butler.
But. [TO GARDENER.}-A prodigious man! If my poor master, sir George, had been alive, He knows every thing. Now is the time to find he would have made him go halves with me. out thy pick-axe.
Sir Geo. What, was sir George a kind masGard. I have nothing to give him. Does not ter ? he expect to have his hand crossed with silver? Gard. Was he ! Aye, my fellow servants will
Coach. (To Sir George.)—Sir, may a man bear me witness. venture to ask you a question?
Sir Geo. Did ye love sir George? Sir Geo. Ask it.
But. Every body loved him. Coach. I have a poor horse in the stable, that's Coach. There was not a dry eye in the parish bewitched
at the news of his deathSir Geo. A bay gelding.
Gard. He was the best neighbour-
Coach. The truest friend to the poor-
[Whistles. it would have been the death of herSir Geo. Six years old, last Lammas.
Sir Geo. I protest these fellows melt me--I Coach. To aday!Aside.}-Now, sir, I would think the time long till I am their master again, know whether the poor beast is bewitehed by that I may be kind to them.
[Aside. Goody Crouch, or Goody Fly? Sir Geo. Neither.
Enter VELLUM. Couch. Then it must be Goody Gurton; for Vel. Have you provided the doctor every thing she is the next oldest woman in the parish. he has occasion for? If so-you may depart. Gard, Hast thou done, Robin ?
[Ereunt servants. Coach. [To Gardener.)---He can tell thee Sir Geo. I can, as yet, see no hurt in my wife's any thing
behaviour; but still have some certain pangs and Gard. [To SIR GEORGE.}-Sir, I would beg to doubts, that are natural to the heart of a fond take you a little further out of hearing. man-[Aside.)-Dear Vellum, I am impatient
to hear some news of my wife. How does she, the whole story, and do it with all the art you are after her fright?
master of, that the surprise may not be too great Vel. It is a saying, somewhere in my lord for her. Coke, that a widow
Vel. It shall be done. But since her ho—nour Sir Geo. I ask of my wife, and thou talkest to has seen this apparition, she desires to see you me of my lord Coke-Prithee, tell me how she once more, before you encounter it. does, for I am in pain for her?
Sir Geo. I shall expect her impatiently; for Vel. She is pretty well recovered. Mrs Abi- now I can talk to her without being interrupted gail has put her in good heart; and I have given by that impertinent rogue, Tinsel. I hope thou her great hopes from your skill.
hast not told Abigail any thing of the secret? Sir Geo. That, I think, cannot fail, since thou Vel. Mrs Abigail is a woman; there are many hast got this secret out of Abigail. But I could reasons why she should not be acquainted with it": not have thought my friend Fantome would have I shall only mention sixserved me thus.
Sir Geo. Hush, here she comes! Oh, my Vel. You will still fancy you are a living heart ! man. Sir Geo. That he should endeavour to ensnare
Enter LADY TRUEMAN and ABIGAIL. my wife
Sir Geo. (Aside, while VELLUM talks in dumb Vel. You have no right in her after your de- shew to LADY TrueMAN.] Oh, that loved womise. Death extinguishes all property-Quoad man! How I long to take her in my arms! If hanc—It is a maxim in the law.
I find I am still dear to her memory, it will be a Sir Geo. A pox on your learning! Well, but return to life indeed! But I must take care of what is become of Tinsel ?
indulging this tenderness, and put on a behaviour Vel. He rushed out of the house, called for more suitable to my present character. his horse, clapped spurs to his sides, and was out [Walks at a distance in a penside posture, of sight in less time than I can call ten.
waving his wand. Sir Geo. This is whimsical enough! My wife Lady True. To Vellum.] This is surprising will have a quick succession of lovers in one day. indeed! So all the servants tell me; they say Fantome has driven out Tinsel, and I shall drive he knows every thing that has happened in the out Fantome.
family. Vel. Even as one wedge driveth out another Abi. [Aside.] A parcel of credulous fools! they -He, he, he! You must pardon me for being first tell him their secrets, and then wonder how jocular.
he comes to know them. Sir Geo. Was there ever such a provoking [Erit Vellum, erchanging fond looks with blockhead! But he means me well-You must
ABIGAIL. remember, Vellum, you have abundance of busi-, Lady True. Learned sir, may I have some conness upon your hands; and I have but just time versation with you, before you begin your cereto tell it you over.
All I require of you is dis- monies ? patch; therefore, hear me.
Sir Geo. Speak-But hold—First, let me feel Vel. There is nothing more requisite in busi- your pulse. ness than dispatch
Lady True. What can you learn from that? Sir Geo. Then, hear me.
Sir Geo. I have already learned a secret from Vel. It is, indeed, the life of business it, that will astonish you. Sir Geo. Hear me, then, I say.
Ludy True. Pray, what is it? Vel. And, as one hath rightly observed, the Sir Geo. You will have a husband within this benefit that attends it is four-fold. First- half hour.
Sir Geo. There is no bearing this. Thou art Abi. (Aside.] I am glad to hear that--He going to describe dispatch, when thou shouldst be must mean Mr Fantome. I begin to think practising it.
there's a good deal of truth in his art. Vel. But your ho—nour will not give me the Lady True. Alas! I fear you mean I shall see hearing
sir George's apparition a second time. Sir Geo. Thou wilt not give me the hearing. Sir Geo. Have courage; you shall see the ap
[Angrily. parition no more. The husband I mention, shall Vel. I am still.
be as much alive as I am. Sir Geo. In the first place, you are to lay my
Abi. Mr Fantome, to be sure. [Aside. wig, hat, and sword, ready for me in the closet, Lady True. Impossible; I loved my first too and one of my scarlet coats. You know how well. Abigail has described the ghost to you.
Sir Geo. You could not love the first better Vel. It shall be done.
than you will love the second. Sir Geo. Then you must remember, whilst I Lady True. Alas! you did not know sir am laying this ghost, you are to prepare my wife George ! for the reception of her real husband. Tell her Sir Geo. As well as I do myself-I saw him
with you in the red damask room, when he first scoundrel he looked, when he left your ladyship made love to you; your mother left you together, in a swoon! Where have you left my lady says under pretence of receiving a visit from Mrs I. In an elbow-chair, child, says he. And where Hawthorn, on her return from London.
are you going ? says I. To town, child, says be; Lady True. This is astonishing !
for, to tell thee truly, child, says he, I don't care Sir Geo. You were a great admirer of a single for living under the same roof with the devil, life for the first half hour; your refusals then says
he. grew still fainter and fainter. With what ecsta Sir Geo. Well, lady, I see nothing in all this, that cy did sir George kiss your hand, when you told may binder sir George's spirit from being at rest, bim you should always follow the advice of your Ludy True. If he knows any thing of what mamma!
passes in my heart, be cannot but be satisfied of Lady True. Every circumstance to a tittle! that fondness which I bear to his memory. My
Sir Geo. Then, lady, the wedding-night! I sorrow for him is always fresh, when I think of saw you in your white satin night-gown, You him. He was the kindest, truest, tenderest would not come out of your dressing-room, till Tears will not let me go onsir George took you out by force. He drew you Sir Geo. This quite overpowers me!-I shall gently by the hand -You struggled — but he discover anyself before my time. [Aside.] Madam, was too strong for you -You blushed; he you may now retire, and leave me to myself.
Ludy True. Oh, stop there! go no further Lady True. Success attend you ! He knows every thing!
[Aside. Abi. I wish Mr Fantome gets well off from Abi. Truly, Mr Conjurer, I believe you have this old Don—I know he'll be with him immebeen a wag in your youth.
diately. Sir Geo. Mrs Abigail, you know what your (E.reunt Lady TRUEMAx and ABIGAIL, good word cost sir George; a purse of broad Sir Geo. My heart is now at ease!-- she is the pieces, Mrs Abigail.
same dear woman I left her. Now for my reAbi. The devil's in him! (Aside.] Pray, sir, venge upon Fantome! I shall cut the ceremosince
have told so far, you should tell my nies short-A few words will do his business.lady, that I refused to take them.
Now, let me seat myself in form-A good easy Sir Geo. 'Tis true, child; he was forced to chair for a conjurer this—Now for a few mathethrust them into your bosom.
matical scratches-A good lucky scrawl thatAbi. This rogue will mention the thousand Faith, I think it looks very astrological— These pounds, if I don't take care. (Aside.] Pray, sir, two or three magical pot-hooks about it, make it though you are a conjurer, methinks you need a complete conjurer's scheme. (Drum beats.] not be a blab.
Ha, ha, ha! sir, are you there? Enter, drummer Lady True. Sir, since I have now no reason -Now must I pore upon any paper. to doubt your art, I must beseech you to treat this apparition gently. It has the resemblance
Enter Fantome, beating his drum. of my deceased husband. If there be any un- Pr’ythee, don't make a noise; I'm busy. [Faxe discovered secret, any thing that troubles his TOM E beats.] A pretty march! Pr’ythee beat rest, learn it of him.
that over again. "[He beats and advances.] [RiSir Geo. I must, to that end, be sincerely in- sing.] Ha! you're very perfect in the step of a formed by you, whether your heart be engaged ghost. You stalk it majestically. [Fantome adto another. --Have not you received the addresses vunces.] How the rogue stares ! he acts it to of many lovers since his death?
admiration! I'll be hanged if he has not been Lady True. I have been obliged to receive practising this half hour in Mrs Abigail's wardmore visits than bave been agreeable.
robe ! [FANTOME stares, gives a rup with his Sir Geo. Was not Tinsel welcome ? — I'm drum.] Pr’ythee, don't play the fool. [Fare “afraid to hear an answer to my own question. Tome beats. Nay, nay; enough of this, good air
[ Aside. Fantome. Lady True. He was well recommended.
Fan. (Aside.] Death! I am discovered. Tl.is Sir Geo. Racks !
[Aside. jade, Abigail, has betrayed me. Lady True. Of a good family.
Sir Geo. Mr Fantome, upon the word of an Sir Geo. Tortures !
[Aside. astrologer, your thousand pound bribe will never Lady True. Heir to a considerable estate, gain my lady Trueman.
Sir Geo, Death! [Aside.] And you still love Fan. 'Tis plain, she has told him all. (Aside, him? ---I'm distracted !
[Aside. Sir Geo. Let me advise you to make off as Lady True. No, I despise bim. I found he fast as you can, or I plainly perceive by my art, had a design upon my fortune; was base, pro- Mr Ghost will have his bones broke, fligate, cowardly, and every thing that could be Fan. (To Sir Grorge. Look ye,
old gentleexpected from a man of the vilest principles. man, I perceive you have learned this secret Sir Geo. I'm recovered.
[Aside. from Mrs Abigail. Abi. Oh, madaın, bad you seen how like a Sir Geo. I have learned it from my art.