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ACT III.

SCENE I.-The Tavern.

Per. A hundred and thirty-five ! why, that's

prodigious, now !-Well, certainly 'tis the finest $ACKBUT and the Colonel, in an Egyptian dress

. thing in the world to be a traveller. Sack. A lucky beginning, colonel you have Col. For my part, I'value none of the modern got the old beau's consent.

fashions a fig-leaf. Col. Ay, he's a reasonable creature; but the Per. No more don't I, sir; I had rather be other three will require some pains.—Shall I pass the jest of a fool, than his favourite.--I am upon him, think you ? 'Egad, in my mind, I look laughed at here for my singularity-This coat, as antique as if I had been preserved in the ark. you must know, sir, was formerly worn by that

Sack. Pass upon him! ay, ay, as roundly as ingenious and very learned person, Mr John white wine dash'd with sack does for mountain Tradescant, of Lambeth. and sherry, if you have assurance enough

Col. John Tradescant ! Let me embrace you, Col. I have no apprehension from that quar-sir-John Tradescant was my uncle by my moter; assurance is the cockade of a soldier. ther's side; and I thank you for the honour you

Sack. Ay, but the assurance of a soldier dif- do his memory; he was a very curious man, infers much from that of a traveller.-Can

you

lie deed. with a good grace?

Per. Your uncle, sir !--Nay, then, 'tis no Col. As heartily, when my mistress is the wonder that your taste is so refined; why, you prize, as I would meet the foe, when my country have it in your blood. -My humble service to called, and king commanded; so don't you fear you, sir; to the immortal memory of John that part: if he don't know me again, I am safe Tradescant, your never-to-be-forgotten uncle ! -I hope he'll come.

[Drinks. Sack. I wish all my debts would come as sure. Col. Give me a glass, landlord. I told him you had been a great traveller, had Per. I find you are primitive, even in your many valuable curiosities, and was a person of a wine; Canary was the drink of our wise foremost singular taste. He seemed transported, and fathers; 'tis balsamic, and saves the charge of begged me to keep you till he came.

apothecaries' cordials Oh, that I had lived in Col. Ay, ay; he need not fear my running your uncle's days ! or rather, that he were now away.-Let's have a bottle of sack, landlord; our alive!-Oh, how proud he'd be of such a neancestors drank sack,

phew! Sack. You shall have it.

Sack. Oh, pox! that would have spoild the Col. And whereabouts is the trap-door you jest.

Aside. mentioned?

Per. A person of your curiosity must have Sack. There's the conveyance, sir. [Erit. collected many rarities.

Col. Now, if I should cheat all these roguish Col. I have some, sir, which are not yet come guardians, and carry off my mistress in triumph, ashore; as, an Egyptian idol. it would be what the French call a grand coup Per. Pray, what may that be? d'eclat-Odso! here comes Periwinkle.

Col. It is, sir, a kind of ape, which they forAh! Deuce take this beard; pray Jupiter it does merly worshipped in that country; I took it from not give me the slip, and spoil all!

the breast of a female mummy.

eir Enter SackBut with wine, and PERIWINKLE idolatry to this day; for many an ape lies upon

Per. Ha, ha! our women retain part of following.

a lady's bosom : ha, ha!Sack. Sir, this gentleman, hearing you have Sack. A smart old thief.

[ Aside. been a great traveller, and a person of fine spe- Col. Two tusks of an hippopotamus, two pair culation, begs leave to take a glass with you; he of Chinese nut-crackers, and one Egyptian mumis a man of a curious taste himself.

my. Col. The gentleman has it in his face and Per. Pray, sir, have you never a crocogarb-Sir, you are welcome.

dile? Per. Sir, I honour a traveller, and men of Col. Humph !—The boatswain brought one your inquiring disposition; the oddness of your with a design to shew it; but touching at Rothabit pleases me exceedingly; 'tis very antique ; terdam, and hearing it was no rarity in England, and for that I like it.

he sold it to a Dutch poet. Col. 'Tis very antique, sir ;-this habit once Sack. The devil's in that nation, it rivals us in belonged to the famous Claudius Ptolemeus, who every thing! lived in the year one hundred and thirty-five. Per. I should have been very glad to have

Sack. If he keeps up to the sample, hre shall seen a living crocodile. lie with the devil for a bean-stack, and win it, Col. My genius led me to things more worthy every straw.

(Aside. of regard — Sir, I have seen the utmost limits

nature.

of this globular world; I have seen the sun rise ports none of them; they would certainly find and set; know in what degree of heat he is at their account in them. noon, to the breadth of a hair; and what quan- Col. Right; if they could find the leaves. tity of combustibles he burns in a day; and how (Aside.] -Look ye, sir, do you see this little much of it turns to asbes, and how much to cin- phial ? ders.

Per. Pray you, what is it? Per. To cinders! You amaze me, sir! I never Col. This is called Poluflosboio. heard that the sun consumed any thing.- -Des- Per. Poluflosboio !- It has a rumbling cartes tells us

sound, Col. Descartes, with the rest of his brethren, Col. Right, sir; it proceeds from a rumbling both ancient and modern, knew nothing of the

-This water was part of those waves matter.-I tell you, sir, that nature admits of an which bore Cleopatra's vessel when she sailed to annual decay, though imperceptible to vulgar meet Antony. eyes. Sometimes his rays destroy below, some- Per. Well, of all that ever travelled, none had times above. You have heard of blazing co- a taste like you! mets, I suppose ?

Col. But here's the wonder of the world.Per. Yes, yes; I remember to have seen one; This, sir, is called Zona, or Moros Musphonon; and our astrologers tell us of another which will the virtues of this are inestimable. happen very quickly.

Per. Moros Musphonon! What, in the name Col. Those comets are little islands bordering of wisdom, can that be? To me it seems a plain on the sun, which, at certain times, are set on fire belt. by that luminous body's moving over them per- Col. This girdle has carried me all the world pendicular, which will one day occasion a gene- over. ral conflagration.

Per. You have carried it, you mean: Sack. One need not scruple the colonel's ca- Col. I mean as I say, sir. Whenever I am pacity, faith!

[Aside. girded with this, I am invisible; and, by turning Per. This is marvellous strange! These cin- this little screw, can be in the court of the Great ders are what I never read of in any of our Mogul, the Grand Signior, and king George, in learned dissertations.

as little time as your cook can poach an egg. Col. I don't know how the devil

you

should. Per. You must pardon ine, sir; I cannot be

[Aside. lieve it. Sack. He has it at his finger's ends; on would Col. If my landlord pleases, he shall try the swear he had learned to lie at school, he does it experiment immediately. so cleverly.

[Aside. Sack. I thank you kindly, sir; but I have no Per. Well! you travellers see strange things ! inclination to ride post to the devil

. Pray, sir, have you any of those cinders ?

Col. No, no, you shan't stir a foot; I'll only Col. I have, among my other curiosities. make you invisible.

Per. Oh, what have I lost for want of travel- Sack. But if you could not make me visible ling !-Pray, what have you else?

again? Col. Several things worth your attention.-I Per. Come, try it upon me, sir; I am not afraid have a muff made of the feathers of those geese of the devil, nor all his tricks. 'Sbud, I'll stand that saved the Roman Capitol.

them all. Per: Is't possible !

Col. There, sir; put it on. Come; landlord, Sack. Yes, if you are such a gander as to be you and I must face to the east.-[They turn lieve him.

(Aside. about.]-Is it on, sir ! Col. I have an Indian leaf, which, open, will

Per. 'Tis on. [They turn about again. cover an acre of land, yet folds up in so little a Sack. Heaven protect me! Where is he? compass, you may put it into your snuff-box. Per. Why here, just where I was.

Sack. Humph! That's a thunderer! (Aside. Sack. Where, where, in the name of virtue? Per. Amazing!

Ah, poor Mr Periwinkle! Egad, look to't, you Col. Ah! mine is but a little one; I have had best, sir; and let him be seen again, or I seen some of them that would cover one of the shall have you burnt for a wizard. Caribbee Islands.

Col. Have patience, good landlord. Per. Well, if I don't travel before I die, I Per. But really don't you see me now? shan't rest in my grave--Pray, what do the Sack. No more than I see my grandmother, Indians with them?

that died forty years ago. Col. Sir, they use them in their wars for tents; Per. Are you sure you don't lie? Methinks, I the old women for riding-hoods, the young for stand just where I did, and see you as plain as I fans and umbrellas.

did before. Sack. He has a fruitful invention ! Aside Sack. Ah! I wish I could see you once again. Per. I admire our East India Company im- Col. Take off the girdle, sir. (He takes it off. Sack. Ah, sir, I am glad to see you, with all Per. Such a shining breast as the hiumming bird? my heart

[Embraces him. Col. Such a shape as the antelope? Per. This is very odd; certainly there must Per. Or, in all the artful mixture of their vabe some trick in't. Pray, sir, will you do me the rious dresses, have they half the beauty of one favour to put it on yourself?

box of butterflies ? Col. With all my heart.

Col. No, that must be allowed-For my part, Per. Bat, first, I'll secure the door.

if it were not for the benefit of mankind, I'd Col. You know how to turn the screw, Mr have nothing to do with them; for they are as inSackbut?

different to me as a sparrow, or a flesh-fly. Sack. Yes, yes. Come, Mr Periwinkle, we Per. Pray, sir, what benefit is the world to must turn fall east.

reap from this lady? (They turn, the COLONEL sinks down the Col. Why, sir, she is to bear me a son, who trap-door.

shall revive the art of enibalming, and the old Col. 'Tis done; now turn. (They turn. Roman manner of burying their dead; and, for

Per. Ha! Mercy upon me! my Hesh creeps the benefit of posterity, he is to discover the upon my bones. This must be a conjurer, Mr longitude, so long sought for in vain. Sackbut.

Per. Od! these are valuable things, Mr SackSack. He is the devil, I think.

but! Per. Oh, Mr Sackbut, why do you name the Sack. He hits it off admirably, and t'other devil, when, perhaps, he may be at your elbow? swallows it like sack and sugar-Aside.—Cer

Sack. At my elbow? marry, Heaven forbid ! tainly this lady must be your ward, Mr PeriwinCol. Are you satisfied ?

kle, by her being under the care of four persons. [From under the

stage. Per. By the description, it should—'Egad, Per. Yes, sir, yes

How hollow his voice if I could get that girdle, I'd ride with the sun, sounds!

and make the tour of the world in four and twenSack. Yours seemed just the same-Faith, 1 ty hours.--[Aside.}-- And are you to give that wish this girdle were mine, I'd sell wine no more. girdle to the first of the four guardians that shall Hark ye, Mr Periwinkle-[Takes him aside till give his consent to marry that lady, say you, sir? the COLONEL rises again.}if he would sell this Col. I am so ordered, when I can find him. girdle, you might travel with great expedition. Per. I fancy I know the very, woman

- her Col. But it is not to be parted with for mo- name is Anne Lovely. ney.

Col. Excellent! he said, indeed, that the first Per. I'm sorry for’t, sir, because I think it the letter of her name was L greatest curiosity I ever heard of.

Per. Did he really? Well, that's prodigiously Col. By the advice of a learned physiognomist amazing, that a person in Grand Cairo should in Grand Cairo, who consulted the lines in my know any tlring of my ward ! face, I returned to England, where he told me i Col. Your ward ! should find a rarity in the keeping of four men, Per. To be plain with you, sir, I am one of which I was born to possess for the benefit of those four guardians. mankind; and the first of the four that gave ine Col. Are you, indeed, sir? I am transported to bis consent, I should present him with this girdle find the man who is to possess this Moros Mus-Till I have found this jeweh, I shall not part phonon is a person of so curious a taste! Here is with the girdle.

a writing, drawn up by that famous Egyptian, Per. What can that rarity be? Didn't he name which, if you will please to sign, you must turn it to you?

your face full north, and the girdle is yours. Col. Yes, sir : he called it a chaste, beautiful, Per. If I live till this boy is born, I'll be emunaffected woman.

balmed, and sent to the Royal Society, when I Per. Pish! Women are no rarities I never | die. had any taste that way. I married, indeed, to Col. That you shall most certainly. please my father, and I got a girl to please my wife; but she and the child, (thank Heaven)

Enter a Drawer. died together-Women are the very gewgaws Draw. Here's Mr Staytape the tailor inquires of the creation; playthings for boys, which, when for you, colonel. they write man, they ought to throw aside. Col. Who do you speak to, you son of a

Sack. A fine lecture to be read to a circle of whore? ladies! [Aside. Per. Ha! colonel !

[ Aside. Per. What woman is there, drest in all the Col. Confound the blundering dog! { Aside. pride and foppery of the times, can boast of such Draw. Why, to colonela foretop as the cockatoo ?

Sack. Get out, you rascal! Col. I must humour him-[Aside.)-Such a

(Kicks him out, and goes after him. skin as the lizard?

Draw. What the devil is the matter? VOL. IL

4G

Col. This dog has ruined all my schemes, I see | trivance, Mr Freeman, as this fellow had found by Periwinkle's looks.

(Aside. out. Per. How finely I should have been choused! Free. Mr Sackbut has told me the whole sto- Colonel, you'll pardon me that I did not give ry, Mr Periwinkle; but now I have something to you your title before-It was pure ignorance; tell you of much more importance to yourself. I faith it was-Pray-hem, hem! Pray, colonel, happened to lie one night at Coventry, and, what post had this learned Egyptian in your re- knowing your uncle, sir Toby Periwinkle, I paid ginient?

him a visit, and, to my great surprise, found him Col. A pox of your speer !--[Aside.]—I don't dying. understand you, sir.

Per. Dying! Per. No, that's strange! I understand you, Free. Dying, in all appearance; the servants colonel An Egyptian of Grand Cairo! Ha, weeping, the room in darkness: the apothecary, ha, ha! I am sorry such a well-invented tale shaking his head, told me the doctors had given should do you no more serviceWe old fel him over; and then there are small hopes, you lows can see as far into a mill-stone as them that know. pick it, I am not to be tricked out of my trust Per. I hope he nade his will-he always told -mark that.

me he would make me his heir. Col. The devil! I must carry it off; I wish I Free. I have heard you say as much, and were fairly out.-[Aside.}-Look ye, sir, you may therefore resolved to give you notice. I should make what jest you please—but the stars will be think it would not be amiss if you went down toobeyed, sir; and, depend upon't, I shall have the morrow morning. lady, and you none of the girdle. Now for Mr Per. It is a long journey, and the roads very Freeman's part of the plot.[Aside.]

bad.

(Erit COLONEL. Free. But he has a great estate, and the land Per. The stars ! ha, ha! No star has favoured very good —Think upon that. you, it seems-The girdle ! ha, ha, ha! none Per. Why, that's true, as you say; I'll think of your legerdemain tricks can pass upon me- upon it: in the mean time, I give you many Why, what a pack of trumpery has this rogue thanks for your civility, Mr Freeman, and should picked up !-His Pagod, Poluflosboio, his Zonos, be glad of your company to dine with me. Moros Muspbonons, and the devil knows what Free. I am obliged to be at Jonathan's coffeeBut I'll take care-Ha, gone! Aye, 'twas time to house at two, and now it is half an hour after sneak off. Soho! the house !

one. If I dispatch my business, I'll wait on you;

I know your bour.
Enter SackBUT.

Per. You shall be very welcome, Mr FreeWhere is this trickster? Send for a constable; I'll man; and so your humble servant. have this rascal before the lord mayor; I'll Grand

[Exit PERIWINKLE Cairu him, with a pox to bim! I believe you bad a hand in putting this imposture upon me,

Re-enter COLÓXEL and SACKBUT. Sackbut.

Free. Ha, ba, ha! I have done your business, Sack. Who, I, Mr Periwinkle? I scorn it. I colonel; he has swallowed the bait. perceived he was a cheat, and left the room on Col. I overheard all, though I am a little in purpose to send for a constable to apprehend the dark; I am to personate a highwayman, I him, and endeavoured to stop him when he went suppose-that's a project I am not fond of; for out-But the rogue made but one step from the though I may fright him out of his consent, he stairs to the door, called a coach, leaped into it, may fright me out of my life, when he discovers and drove away like the devil, as Mr Freeman me, as he certainly must in the end. can witness, who is at the bar, and desires to Free. No, no; I have a plot for you without speak with you; he is this minute come to town. danger. But first, we must manage Tradelove

Per. Send bin in.—Erit SACKBUT.]-What Has the tailor brought your clothes? a scheme this rogue has laid! How I should have Sack. Yes, pox take the thief ! been laughed at, had it succeeded !

Free. Well, well, no matter; I warrant we Enter Freeman, booted and spurred.

have him yet-But now you must put on the

Dutch merchant. Mr Freeman, your dress commands your welcome Col. The deuce of this trading plot! I wish he to town; what will you drink? I had like to have had been an old soldier, that I might have atbeen imposed upon here by the veriest rascal- tacked him in my own way, heard him fight o'er

Free. I am sorry to hear it- -The dog flew all the battles of the late war-But for trade-by for’t; he had no: escaped me, if I had been Jupiter, I shall never do it. aware of him; Sackbut struck at him, but mis- Sack. Never fear, colonel; Mr Freeman will sed his blow, or he had done his business for instruct you. him.

Free. You'll see what others do; the coffeePer. I believe you never heard of such a con- house will instruct you.

Col. I must venture, however- -But I have a Cal. Come along, then—Now for the Dutchfarther plot in my head upon Tradelove, which Honest Ptolomy, by your leave. you must assist me in, Freeman; you are in credit with bim, I heard you say.

Now must bag-wig and business come in play; Free. I am, and will scruple nothing to serve

A thirty thousand pound girl leads the way. you, colonel,

[Exeunt.

man

ACT IV.

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SCENE I.—Jonathan's coffee-house, in 'Change- Trade. [Reads.] 'Sir, as I hare many obliga

alley. A crowd of people, with rolls of paper . tions to you, I cannot miss any opportunity to and parchment in their hands ; a bar, and shew my gratitude ; this moment my lord has recoffee-boys waiting.

ceived a private express, that the Spaniards have

raised their siege from before Cagliari. If this Enter TRADELOVE and Stock-jobbers, with rolls proves any advantage to you, it will answer of paper and parchment.

both the ends and wishes of, sir, your most ob1st Stock. South-Sea at seven-eights; who bliged humble servant, buys?

• HENRICUS DUSSELDORP. 9d Slock South-sea bonds due at Michaelinas, Postscript. 1718. Class lottery-tickets?

* In two or three hours the news will be pub3d Stock. East India bonds? 4h Stock. What, all sellers and no buyers? May one depend upon this, Mr Freeman ? Gentlemen, I'll buy a thousand pound for Tues

[Aside to FreeMAN. day next, at three-fourths.

Free. You may. I never knew this person Cof. Boy. Fresh coffee, gentlemen; fresh cof- send me a false piece of news in my life. fee?

Trade. Sir, I am much obliged to you—'Egad, Trade. Hark ye, Gabriel, you'll pay the differ- 'tis rare news! Who sells South Sea for next ence of that stock we transacted for t’other day? week?

Geb. Aye, Mr Tradelove, here's a note for the Stock-Job: (Altogether.] I sell; I, I, I, I, I money upon the Sword Blade Company.

sell.

[Gives him a note. 1st Stock. I'll sell 50001. for next week, at five Cof. Boy. Bohea tea, gentlemen?

eighths.

2d Stock: I'll sell ten thousand at five-eighths Enter a Man.

for the same time. Man. Is Mr Smuggler bere?

Trade. Nay, nay; hold, hold; not all together, 1st Cof. Boy. Mr Smuggler's not here, sir;- gentlemen; I'll be no bull, I'll buy no more than I you will find him at the books.

can take: will you sell ten thousand pounds at 2d Stock. Ho! here come two sparks from a half, for any day next week, except Saturday? t'other end of the town; what news bring they? 1st Stock. I'll sell it you, Mr Tradelove.

Free. [Whispers to one of the gentlemen.] Enter two Gentlemen.

Gent. [Aside. The Spaniards raised the siege Trade. I would fain bite the spark in the of Cagliari; I don't believe one word of it. brown coat; he comes very often into the alley, 2d Gent. Raised the siege ! as much as you but never employs a broker.

have raised the monument.

Free. 'Tis raised, I assure you, sir.
Enter COLONEL and Freeman.

2d Gent. What will you lay on it? 2d Stock. Who does any thing in the Civil Free. What you please. List Lottery? or Caco? Zounds, where are all 1st Gent. Why, I have a brother upon the the Jews this afternoon ? Are you a bull or a spot, in the Emperor's service; I am certain, if bear to-day, Abraham?

there were any such thing, I should have had a Sd Stock. A bull, faith! but I have a good letter. put for next week.

2d Stock. How's this ? the siege of Cagliari Trade. Mr Freeman, your servant ! Who is raised? I wish it may be true, 'twill make busithat gentleman?

ness stir, and stocks rise. Free. A Dutch merchant just come to Eng- 1st Stock. Tradelove's a cunning fat bear; if land. But bark ye, Mr Tradelove I have a piece this news proves true, I shall repent I sold him of news will get you as much as the French the five thousand pounds. Pray, sir, what assuking's death did if you are expeditious. (Shewing a rance have you that the siege is raised? letter.] Read there; I received it just now Free. There is come an express to the Empefrom one that belongs to the Emperor's mini-ror's minister. ster.

2d Stock. I'll know that presently.

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