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Well, Muslin, have you seen his prime minister?

Mus. Yes, ma'am, I have seen Mr William. He says his master is going out, according to the old trade, and he does not expect to see him again till to-morrow morning. Mr Lovemore is now in the study. Sir Brilliant Fashion is with him: I heard them, as I passed by the door, laughing as loud as two actors in a comedy.

Mrs Love. About some precious mischief, I'll be sworn, and all at my cost. Heigho!

Mus. Dear Ma'am, why chagrin yourself about a vile man, that is not worth-no, as I hope for mercy, not worth a single sigh!

Mrs Love. What can I do, Muslin? Mus. Do, ma'am !-If I was as you, I'd do for him. If I could not cure my grief, I'd find some comfort; that's what I would.

me.

Mrs Love. Comfort? alas! there is none for

Mus. And whose fault, then? Would any body but you-It provokes me to think of it-Would any but you young, handsome, with wit, graces, talents would any body, with so many accomplishments, sit at home here, as melancholy as a poor servant out of place?-And all for what? For a husband! And such a husband! What do you think the world will say of you, ma'am?

Mrs Love. I care not what they say; I am tired of the world, and the world may be tired of me, if it will. My troubles are to myself only, and I must endeavour to bear them. Who knows what patience may do? If Mr Lovemore has any feeling left, my conduct and his own heart may one day incline him to do me justice.

Mus. But, dear ma'am, that's waiting for dead men's shoes. Incline him to do you justice!What signifies expecting and expecting? Give me a bird in the hand. If all the women in London, who happen to be in your case, were to sit down and die of the spleen, what would become of the public places They might turn Vauxhall to a hop-garden; make a brewhouse of Ranelagh, and let both the play-houses to a methodistpreacher. We should not have the racketing we have now. John, let the horses be put to-John, go to my lady Trumpabout, and invite her to a small party of twenty or thirty card-tables. John, run to my lady Catgut, and let her know I'll wait upon her ladyship to the opera. John, run, as fast as ever you can, with my compliments to Mr Varney, and tell him, it will be the

death of me, if I have not a box for the new play. Lord bless you, ma'am, they rantipole it about this town, with as unconcerned looks, and as florid outsides, as if they were treated at home like so many goddesses: though every body knows possession has ungoddessed them all long ago, and their husbands care no more for them, no, by jingo, no more than they care for their husbands!

Mrs Love. At what a rate you run on! Mus. It is enough to make a body run on. If every body thought like you, ma'am

Mrs Love. If every body loved like me! Mus. A brass thimble for love, if it is not returned by love. What the deuce is here to do? Love for love is something: but to love alone, where's the good of that? Shall I go and fix my heart upon a man, who shall despise me for that very reason? And ay, says he, Poor fool! I see she adores me. The woman is well enough, only she has one inconvenient circumstance about her; I am married to her, and marriage is the devil!'

Mrs Love. Will you have done?

Mus. I have not half done, ma'am. And when the vile man goes a rogueing, he smiles impudently in your face, and I am going to the cho'colate-house, my dear; amuse yourself in the

mean time, my love.' Fy upon them! I know them all. Give me a husband that will enlarge the circle of my innocent pleasures: but a husband now-a-days is no such thing. A husband now is nothing but a scare-crow, to shew you the fruit, but touch it if you dare. The devil's in them! the Lord forgive me for swearing! A husband is a mere bugbear, a snap-dragon, a monster; that is to say, if one makes him so, then he is a monster indeed; and if one do not make him so, then he behaves like a monster; and of the two evils, by my troth-But here, ma'am, here comes one who can tell you all about it. Here comes sir Brilliant: ask his advice, ma'am.

Mrs Love. His advice?-Ask advice of the man, who has estranged Mr Lovemore's affections from me?

Mus. Well, I protest and vow, I think sir Brilliant a very pretty gentleman. He is the very pink of the fashion. He dresses fashionably, lives fashionably, wins your money fashionably, loses his own fashionably, and does every thing fashionably; and then he looks so lively, and so much to say, and so never at a loss!-But here he comes.

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Sir Bril. My panegyric? Then am I come most apropos to give the portrait a few finishing touches. Mr Lovemore, as soon as he is dressed, will wait upon you in the mean time, I can help you to some anecdotes, which will enable you to colour your canvas a little higher.

Mrs Love. Among those anecdotes, I hope you will not omit the bright exploit of seducing Mr Lovemore from all domestic happiness?

[She makes a sign to MUSLIN to go. Sir Bril. I, madam?-Let me perish, if everMrs Love. Oh! sir, I can make my observations.

Sir Bril. May fortune eternally forsake me, and beauty frown on me, if I am conscious of any plot upon earth!

Mrs Love. Don't assert too strongly, sir Brilliant.

Sir Bril. My late project!

Mrs Love. Your late project, sir. Not content with leading Mr Lovemore into a thousand scenes of dissipation, you have introduced him lately to your Mrs Bellmour. You understand me, sir?

Sir Bril. Madam, he does not so much as know the widow Bellmour.

Mrs Love. Nay, sir Brilliant, have a care: justify it, if you can, or give it a turn of wit.— There is no occasion to hazard yourself too far.

Sir Bril. Falsehood I disdain, madam, and I, sir Brilliant Fashion, declare that Mr Lovemore is not acquainted with the widow Bellmour.And if he was, what then? Do you know the lady?

Mrs Love. I know her, sir? A person of that character?

dam

to?

Love. [Within.]-William, are the horses put
Sir Bril. We are interrupted.

Sir Bril. May I never throw a winning cast- Sir Bril. Oh! I see you don't know her; but Mrs Love. It is in vain to deny it, sir. I will let you into her history. Pray, be seated. Sir Bril. May I lose the next sweepstakes, if You shall know her whole history, and then I have ever, in thought, word, or deed, been ac-judge for yourself. The widow Bellmour, macessary to his infidelity! I alienate the affections of Mr Lovemore! Consider, madam, how would this tell in Westminster Hall? Sir Brilliant Fashion, what say you? guilty of this indictment, or not guilty? Not guilty, poss. Thus issue is joined. You enter the court: but, my dear madam, veil those graces that adorn your person: abate the fire of those charms: so much beauty will corrupt the judges: give me a fair trial.

Mrs Love. And thus you think to laugh it

away.

Sir Bril. Nay, hear me out. You appear in court: you charge the whole upon me, without a syllable as to the how, when, and where: no proof positive; the prosecution ends, and I begin my defence.

Mrs Love. And, by playing these false colours, you think I am to be amused?

Sir Bril. Nay, Mrs Lovemore, I am now upon my defence. Only hear.-You will please to consider, gentlemen of the jury, that Mr Lovemore is not a minor, nor I his guardian. He loves gaiety, pleasure, and enjoyment: is it my fault? He is possessed of talents, and a taste for pleasure, which he knows how to gratify: can I restrain him? He knows the world, makes the most of life, and plucks the fruit that grows around him: am I to blame? This is the whole affair. How say you, gentlemen of the jury?—Not guilty. There, you see how it is. I have cleared myself.

Enter LOVEMore.

Love. Very well let the carriage be brought round directly. How do you do, my dear? Sir Brilliant, I beg your pardon. My love, you don't answer me: how do you do this morning?

[With an air of cold civility.

Mrs Love. A little indisposed in mind: but indisposition of the mind is of no consequence : nobody pities it.

Love. I beg you pardon, Mrs Lovemore. Indisposition of the mind--Sir Brilliant, that's a mighty pretty ring on your finger.

Sir Bril. A bauble: will you look at it?
[Gives the ring.

Mrs Love. Though I have but few obligations to sir Brilliant, I suppose I am to ascribe to him the favour of this visit, Mr Lovemore?

Love. [Looking at the ring, and laughing.]— Now, there you wrong me. Your inquiries about my health have been very obliging this morning, and I came to return the compliment before I got out. It is set very neatly.

[Gives back the ring.

Mrs Love. Are you going out, sir? Love. A matter of business-How I do hae business! But business-[Examining his ruffles.] Mrs Love. Brisk, lively, and like yourself, sir-business must be done. Pray, is there any Brilliant! But if you can imagine this bantering

way

Sir Bril. Acquitted by my country, madam; fairly acquitted.

Mrs Love. After the very edifying counsel which you give to Mr Loveniore, this loose strain is not in the least surprising. And, sir, your late project

news? Any news, my dear?

Mrs Love. It would be news to me, sir, if you would be kind enough to let me know whether I may expect the favour of your company at dinner to-day?

Love. It would be impertinent in me to answer such a question; for I can give no direct answer to it. I am the slave of events; just as

things happen; perhaps I may; perhaps not.But don't let me be of any inconvenience to you. Is it material where a body eats? Have you heard what happened to me?

[Aside to SIR BRILLIANT.

Sir Bril. When, and where? Love. A word in your ear-with your permission, madam?

Mrs Love. That cold, contemptuous civility, Mr Lovemore

Love. Po! Prithee, now, how can you? that is very peevish, and very ill-natured. [Turning to SIR BRILLIANT.]-I lost every thing I played for, after you went. The foreigner and he understand one another. I beg your pardon, Mrs Lovemore it was only about an affair at the opera.

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Mrs Love. The opera, or any thing, is more agreeable than my company.

It is grown habitual to him: he will drive to your Mrs Bellmour, I suppose.

Sir Bril. Apropos; that brings us back to the little history I was going to give you of that lady. What is your charge against her? That she is amiable? Granted. Young, gay, rich, handsome, with enchanting talents, it is no wonder all the pretty fellows are on their knees to her. Her manner so entertaining! That quickness of transition from one thing to another! That round of variety! and every new attitude does so become her; and she has such a feeling heart, and, with an air of giddiness, so nice a conduct!

Mrs Love. Mighty well, sir: she is a very vestal. Finish your portrait. A vestal, from your school of painting, must be a curiosity-But how comes it, sir, if she is this wonder, that your honourable proposals are at an end there?

Sir Bril. Compulsion, madam: it is not vo

Love. Now, there again you wrong me.-[Toluntary. My lord Etheridge is the happy man. SIR BRILLIANT.]-We dine at the St Alban's. How can you, Mrs Lovemore? I make it a point not to incommode you. You possibly may have some private party; and it would be unpolite in me to obstruct your schemes of pleasure. Would not it, sir Brilliant?

Sir Bril. Oh! Gothic to the last degree! Love. Very true; vulgar and mechanic! [Both stand laughing. Mrs Love. Go on; make sport for yourselves, gentlemen.

Love. Ho, ho, ho! I am sore with laughing. If you, madam, have arranged an agreeable party, for me to be present, it would look as if we lived together like sir Bashful Constant and his lady; who are always, like two game-cocks, ready armed to goad and spur one another. Hey! Sir Brilliant?

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Sir Bril. Oh, the very thing: or, like sir Theodore Traffic, at Tunbridge, taking his wife under the arm in the public rooms, and Come ' along home, I tell you.'

Love. Exactly so.—[Both continue laughing.] --Odds my life! I shall be beyond my time.[Looks at his watch.]—Any commands into the city, my dear?

Mrs Love. Commands! No, sir, I have no commands.

Love. I have an appointment at my banker's, sir Brilliant. You know old Discount?

Sir Bril. He that was in parliament, and had the large contract?

Love. The same: Entire Butt, I think, was the name of his borough. Can I set you down? Sir Bril. No; my carriage waits. I shall rattle half the town over, presently.

Love. As you will. Sir Brilliant will entertain you, madam. Au revoir, my love. Sir Brilliant, yours. Who waits there? [Exit singing. Sir Bril. Bon voyage. You see, madam, that I don't deprive you of his company.

Mrs Love. Your influence is now unnecessary.

I thought he was out of the kingdom; but his lordship is with her every evening. I can scarce gain admittance; and so all that remains for me, is to do justice to the lady, and console myself in the best way I can, for the insufficiency of my pretensions.

Mrs Love. Am I to believe all this?

Sir Bril. May the first woman I pay my addresses to, strike me to the centre with a supercilious eye-brow, if every syllable is not minutely true! So that, you see, I am not the cause of your inquietude. There is not in the world a person, who more earnestly aspires to prove the tender esteem he bears you. I have long panted for an opportunity-by all that's soft, she listens to me![Aside.]-I have long panted, madam, for a tender moment like this

Mrs Love. [Looking gravely at him.]-Sir! Sir Bril. I have panted with all the ardour, which charms, like yours, must kindle in every heart

Mrs Love. [Walks away.]-This liberty, sirSir Bril. Consider, madam: we have both cause of discontent; both disappointed; both crossed in love; and the least we can do is both to join, and sweeten each other's cares.

Mrs Love. And your friend, sir, who has just left you-

Sir Bril. He, madam, for a long time--I have seen it, with vexation seen it-yes, he has long been false to honour, love, and you.

Mrs Love. Sir Brilliant, I have done. You take my wrongs too much to heart, sir.

[Rings a bell. Sir Bril. Those eyes, that tell us what the sun is made of, those hills of driven snow! Mrs Love. Will nobody answer there?

Enter MUSLIN.

Sir Bril. Madam, I desist: when you are in better humour, recollect what I have said. Your adorer takes his leave. Sir Brilliant, mind your

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know it from William; I'll be hanged in my own garters, if he does not!

Mrs Love. I know not what to do. Let my chair be got ready.

Mus. Your chair, madam! Are you going out?

Mrs Love. Let me hear no more questions: do as I order you.

[Exit. Mus. Which way is the wind now? No matter; she does not know what she'd be at. If she would but take my advice-go abroad, visit every

Mrs Love. Impertinence!-[Walks about.]—where, see the world, throw open her doors, give Oh, Mr Lovemore! To make his character public, and render him the topic of every tea-table throughout this town! I must avoid that.

Mus. What the deuce is here to do? An unmannerly thing, for to go for to huff me in this manner! [Aside. Mrs Love. That would only widen the breach; and, instead of neglect, might call forth resentment, and settle, at last, into a fixed aversion; lawyers, parting, and separate maintenance !— What must be done?

Mus. What is she thinking of now? A sulky thing, not to be more familiar with such a friend as I ain. Did you speak to me, madam? Mrs Love. It may succeed; suppose I try it? Muslin?

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balls, assemblies, concerts; sing, dance, dress, spend all her money, run in debt, ruin her husband; there would be some sense in that: the man would stay at home, then, to quarrel with her. She would have enough of his company.But no; mope, mope for ever; heigho! tease, tease; Muslin, step to William; where's his master? When did he come home? How long has he been up? A fine life, truly! I love to be in the fashion, for my part. Bless me, I had like to have forgot! Mrs Marmalet comes to my route to-night. She might as well stay away: she is nothing but mere lumber. The formal thing won't play higher than shilling whist. How the devil does she think I can make a shilling party for her? There is no such a thing now-a-days: nobody plays shilling whist now, unless I was to invite the trade's-people; but I shan't let myself down for Madam Marmalet, that I promise her. [Exit.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-An apartment at SIR BASHFUL CONSTANT'S.

Enter SIR BASHFUL.

Sir Bash. DID not I hear a rap at the door? Yes, yes, I did; I am right. The carriage is just now driving away. Who answers there? Sideboard! step hither, Sideboard. I must know who it is: my wife keeps the best company in England. Hold, I must be wary. Servants love to pry into their masters' secrets.

Enter SIDEBOARD.

Sir Bash. Whose carriage was that at the door?

Side. The duchess of Hurricane, your honour. Sir Bash. The duchess of Hurricane?-Walks side, and smiles.]-A woman of great rank! What did she want?

Side. She has left this card for my lady.

Sir Bash. A card? Let me see it.—[ Reads.]— The duchess of Hurricane presents compliments to lady Constant. She has left the hounds and 'foxes, and the brutes that gallop after them, to 'their own dear society for the rest of the win

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ter. Her grace keeps Wednesdays at Hurricane 'House for the rest of the winter.'-Make me thankful, here's a card from a duchess! What have you there?

Side. A parcel of cards, that have been left here this morning.

Sir Bush. All these in one morning?-[Looks at them.]-Why, I may as well keep an inn; may as well keep the coach and horses in Piccadilly.-[Reads fast.]-Lady Riot-Mrs Allnight -the duchess of Carmine-look ye there, another duchess!-Lady Basset-lord Pleurisiethe countess of Ratifie-sir Richard Lungs-lord Laudanum-sir Charles Valerian-lady Hectick -lady Mary Gabble--I cannot bear all this, Sideboard-[Aside, and smiling.]—I cannot bear the pleasure of it: all people of tip-top condition to visit my wife!

Enter FURNISH.

Sir Bash. What's the matter, Furnish? Fur. The matter, sir? Nothing's the matter. Sir Bash. What are you about? Where are you going? What have you to do now?

Fur. Only to tell the chairmen they must take

Black George with his flambeau with them this evening, and carry the chair to pay visits for my lady.

had I do in parliament? My country! What's my country to me? The debts of the nation,

and your gaming debts, are nothing to me. I must help to pay both, must I? I can vote against taxes, and can advertise in the gazette to secure me from your extravagance. I have not lived in the Temple for nothing.

Fur. He slept there, and calls it studying the

Sir Bash. An empty chair to pay visits! what polite ways people of fashion have got of being intimate with each other!-[Aside.]-Absurd as it is, I am glad to see my wife keep pace with the best of them. I laugh at it, and yet like it. 'Zounds! I shall be found out by my servants.-law. I tell you, Sideboard, and you, Mrs Busy Body, Sir Bash. Hold you your tongue, Mrs Pert; that your mistress leads a life of noise and hur- leave the room. Go both about your business. ry, and cards and dice, and vanity and nonsense, and I am resolved to bear it no longer. Don't I[Aside.] I have kept it up before my servants. hear her coming? [Looks at LADY CONSTANT.] She is a fine woman, after all!

Fur. My lady is coming, sir.

Sir Bash. [Aside, and smiling.] She looks chariningly. Now, I'll tell her roundly a piece of my mind. You shall see who commands in this house.

Enter LADY CONSTANT.

Sir Bash. [Steals a look.] I could almost give up the point when I look at her.-So, madam, I have had my house full of duns again to-day? Lady Con. Obliging creatures, to call so often. What did they want?

Sir Bash. Want!-what should they want but money?

Lady Con. And you paid them, I suppose? Sir Bash. You suppose! -'Sdeath, madam,

what do you take me for?

Lady Con. I took you for a husband: my brother prescribed you. But his prescription has done me no good.

Sir Bash. Nor me either: I have had a bitter pill of it.

Lady Con. But the pill was gilded for you. My fortune, I take it, has paid off the old family mortgage on your estate.

Sir Bash. And, at the rate you go on, a new mortgage will swallow up my estate. I see you are an ungrateful woman.

Lady Con. That is, as you keep the account. Sir Bush. And my accounts will shew it. Day after day, nothing but extravagance to gratify your vanity! Did not I go into parliament to please you? Did not I go down to the borough of Smoke-and-Sot, and get drunk there for a whole month together? Did not I get mobbed at the George and Vulture? and pelted and horse-whipped the day before the election? And was not I obliged to steal out of the town in a rabbit-cart? And all this to be somebody, as you call it! Did not I stand up in the House to make a speech, to shew what an orator you had married? And did not I expose myself? Did I know whether I stood upon my head or my heels for half an hour together? And did not a great man from the Treasury-bench tell me never to speak again?

Lady Con. And why not take his advice?

Sir Bash. What, in the name of common sense,

[Exeunt FURNISH and SIDEBOARD.

Lady Con. Is there never to be an end of this usage, sir? Am I to be for ever made unhappy by your humours?

Sir Bash. Humours! good sense and sound judgment, in the fine lady's dictionary, are to be called humours?

Lady Con. And your humours are now grown insupportable.

Sir Bush. Your profusion is insupportable. At the rate you go on, how am I to find money for my next election?—If you would but talk this natter over coolly-She talks like an angel, and I wish I could say-[Aside.]—the same of myself. What will the world think?-Only command your temper-what will they think, if I am seen to encourage your way of life?

Lady Con. Amuse yourself that way, sir.— Avoid one error, and run into the opposite extreme.

Sir Bash. [Aside.] There; a translation from Horace! Dum vitant stulti vitia-She is a notable woman!

Lady Con. Let me tell you, there is not in life a more ridiculous sight, than the person who guards, with imaginary wisdom, against one giant vice, and leaves himself open to a million of absurdities.

Sir Bash. [Aside.] I am nothing to her in argument--she has a tongue that can reason me out of my senses.-I could almost find it in my heart to tell her the whole truth.-You know, my lady Constant, that when you want any thing in reason

Lady Con. Is it unreasonable to live with decency? Is it unreasonable to keep the company my rank and education have entitled me to? Is it unreasonable to conform to the modes of life, when your fortune can so well afford it?

Sir Besh. [Aside.] She is a very reasonable woman; and I wish I had but half her sense You know I am good-natured in the main, and if a sum of money within a moderate compass-If a brace, of hundreds-[Aside.] why should not I make it three?-I know that you have contracted habits of life, and [In a softened tone.] habit, I know, is not easily conquered and if three [Smiling.] hundred pounds will prevent disputes,

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