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him.) You were observing, sir, that in this age I tell you, cousin Con, it won't do; so I beg of hypocrisy-something about hypocrisy, sir. you'll keep your distance; I want no nearer re
Mar. Yes, madam. In this age of hypocrisy, | lationship. there are few, who, upon strict enquiry, do not- [She follows, coquetting him to the back
scene.) Miss Hard. I understand you perfectly, sir. Mrs rura. Well! I vow, Mr Hastings, you
Niur. (Aside.] Egad! and that's more than I are very entertaining. There's nothing in the do nivselt.
world I love to talk of so much as London, and Miss Hard. You mean, that in this hypocriti- the fashions, though I was never there myself. cal age, there are few that do not condemn in Hast. Never there! You amaze me! From public what they use in private, and think they your air and manner, I concluded you had been pay every debt to virtue when they praise it. bred all your life either at Ranelagh, St James's,
Diar. True, madam; those who have most or Tower Wharf. virtue in their mouths, have least of it in their Mrs Hard. O, sir! you're only pleased to say bosoms. But I'm sure I tire you, madam.
We country persons can have no manner at Miss Hard. Not in the least, sir; there is all. I'm in love with the town, and that serves something so agreeable and spirited in your man- to raise me above some of our neighbouring rusner, such life and force—Pray, sir, go on. tics : but who can have a manner that has never
Mar. Yes, madam. I was saying- -that seen the Pantheon, the Grotto Gardens, the Bothere are some occasions- -when a total want rough, and such places where the nobility chiefof courage, madam, destroys all the
-and ly resort? All I can do, is to enjoy London at seputs us- -upon a
cond-hand. I take care to know every tete-aAliss Hard. I agree with you entirely. A tete from the Scandalous Magazine, and have all want of courage, upon some occasions, assumes the fashions, as they come out, in a letter from the appearance of ignorance, and betrays us the two Miss Rickets of Crooked-lane Pray, when we most wish to excel.' I beg you'll pro how do you like this head, Mr Hastings? ceed.
Hast. Extremely elegant and degagée, upon var. Yes, madam: Morally speaking, ma- my word, madam! Your friseur is a Frenchman, dam- But I see Miss Neville expecting us I suppose ? in the next room. I would not intrude for the Mis Hard. I protest I dressed it myself from world.
a print in the ladies' memorandum book for the Miss Hard. I protest, sir, I never was more agrecably entertained in all my life. Pray, go Hust. Indeed ! Such a head in a side box, at on.
the play-house, would draw as many gazers as Jiar. Yes, madam. I was—But she beckons my lady Mayoress at a city-ball. us to join her. Madam, shall I do myself the Mrs Hard. I vow, since inoculation began, honour to attend you?
there is no such thing to be seen as a plain woMiss Hard. Well, then, I'll follow.
man; so one must dress a little particular, or one Mar. [Aside.] This pretty smooth dialogue has may escape in the crowd. done for me.
(Erit. Hust. But that can never be your case, maMiss Hard. Ha! ha! ha! Was there ever dam, in any dress.
[Bowing. such a sober sentimental interview? I am cer- Airs Hard. Yet, what signifies my dressing, tain he scarce looked in my face the whole time. when i have such a piece of antiquity by my Yet the fellow, but for his unaccountable bash- side as Mr Hardcastle? all I can say will not arfulness, is pretty well, too. He has good sense, gue down a single button from his clothes. I but then so buried in his fears, that it fatigues have often wanted him to throw off his great one more than ignorance. If I could teach him Haxen wig, and where he was bauld, to plaster it a little conhdence, it would be doing somebody over. like my lord Pately, with powder. that I kuow of a piece of service. But who is Hast. You are right, madam; for, as among that somebody? that, faith, is a question I can the ladies, there are none ugly, so, among the scarce answer.
[Erit. men, there are none old.
Mrs Hard. But what do you think his answer Enter Tony and Miss Neville, followed by
was? Why, with his usual Gothic vivacity, he Miss IIARDCASTLE and Hastings.
said I only wanted to throw off bis wig to con
vert it into a tete for my own wearing. Tony. What do you follow me for, cousin Hast. Intolerable! At your age, you may Con? I wonder you're not ashamed to be so very wear what you please, and it must become you. engaging.
Mrs Hard. Pray, Mr Hastings, what do you Aliss Neo. I hope, cousin, one may speak to take to be the most fashionable age about towo! one's own relations, and not be to blame.
Hast. Some time ago, forty was ail the mode; Tony. Ay, but I know what sort of a relation but I am told the ladies intend to bring up tifyou want to make me though; but it won't do. ty for the ensuing winter.
Mrs Hard. Seriously? Then, I shall be too itself; not to keep dinging it, dinging it into one young for the fashion.
Hast. No lady begins now to put on jewels Mrs Hard. Tbat's false; I never see you when till she is past forty. For instance, Miss, there, you are in spirits. No, Tony, you then go to the in a polite circle, would be considered as a child, ale-house or kennel. I am never to be delighta mere maker of samplers.
ed with your agreeable, wild notes, uufeeling Mrs Hard. And yet Mrs Niece thinks herself monster! as much a woman, and is as fond of jewels, as Tony. Ecod ! mamma, your own notes are the the oldest of us all.
wildest of the two. Hast. Your niece is she? And that young Miss Hard. Was ever the like? But I see he gentleman, a brother of yours, I should pre- wants to break my heart; I see he does. sume?
Hast. Dear madam, permit me to lecture the Mrs Hard. My son, sir! They are contracted young gentleman a little. I am certain I can to each other. Observe their little sports. They persuade hiin to his duty. fall in and out ten times a day, as if they were Mrs Hurd. Well! I must retire.—Come, man and wife already. [To them.] Well, Tony, Coustance, my love. You see, Mr Hastings, the child, what soft things are you saying to your wretchedness of my situation! Was ever poor cousin Constance this evening?
woman so plagued with a dear, sweet, pretty, Tony. I have been saying no soft things; but provoking, undutiful boy. that it's very hard to be followed about so.
[E.reunt Mrs HARDCASTLE and Miss Ecod! I've not a place in the house now, that is
NEVILLE. left to myself, but the stable.
And fain would have his will.
Rang do didlo dee. cousin's manner.
He falls out before faces to be forgiven in private.
Don't mind her. Let her cry. It's the comfort Tony. That's a damned confounded
of her heart. I have seen her and sister cry crack.
over a book for an hour together; and they said Mrs Hard. Ah, he's a sly one! Don't you they liked the book the better the more it made think they're like each other about the mouth, them cry. Mr Hastings? The Blenkinsop mouth, to a T.- Hast. Then, you're no friend to the ladies, I They are of a size, too. Back to back, my pret- find, niy pretty young gentleman? ties, that Mr Hastings may see you. Come, Tony. That's as I find 'um. Tony.
Hast. Not to her of your mother's choosing, I Tony. You had as good not make me, I tell dare answer? And yet she appears to me a pretyou.
[ Measuring ty well-tempered girl. Miss Nev. O, lud! he has almost cracked my Tony. That is because you don't know her as head.
well as I. Ecod! I know every inch about her ; Mrs Hard. O, the monster! For shame, To- and there's not a more bitter cantanckerous toad ny! You a man, and behave so!
in all Christendom. Tony. If I am a man, let me have my
fortin. Hast. (Aside.] Pretty encouragement this for Ecod! I'll not be made a fool of no longer. a lover !
Mrs Hard. Is this, ungrateful boy, all that I Tony. I have seen her since the height of that! am to get for the pains I have taken in your edu- She has as many tricks as a hare in a thicket, or cation? I, that have rocked you in your cradle, and a colt the first day's breaking. fed that pretty mouth with a spoon! Did not I Hast. To me
appears sensible and silent. work that waistcoat to make you genteel? Did Tony. Ay, before company. But when she's dot I prescribe for you every day, and weep with her play-mates, she's as loud as a hoy in a while the receipt was operating ?
gate. Tony. Ecod! you had reason to weep, for you Hast. But there is a meck modesty about her have been dozing me ever since I was born. I that charms me. have gone through every recipe in the Complete Tony. Yes, but curb her never so little, she Huswife ten times over; and you have thoughts kicks up, and you're flung in a ditch. of coursing me through Quincy next spring. - Hasi. Well, but you must allow her a little Bat, ecod! I tell you, I'll not be made a fool of beauty-Yes, you must aliow her some beauty. no longer.
Tony. Bandbox ! She's all a made up thing, Mrs Hard. Was not it all for your good, vi- mun. Ah! could you but see Bet Bouncer of per? Was not it all for your good?
these parts, you might then talk of beauty. Ecod, Tony. I wish you would let me and my good she has two eyes as black as sloes, and cheeks as alone, then. Snubbing this way when I am in broad and red as a pulpit cushion! She'd wake spirits! If I am to have any good, let it come of two of she.
Hast. Well, what say you to a friend that your chaise that shall trundle you off in a twinkwould take this bitter bargain off your
hands? ling, and may be get you a part of her fortin beTony. Anan?
side, in jewels, that you little dream of. Hast. Would you thank him that would take Hast. My dear 'squire, this looks like a lad of Miss Neville, and leave you to happiness and spirit. your dear Betsy?
Tony. Come along, then, and you shall see Tony. Ay; but where is there such a friend, more of my spirit before you have done with me, for who would take her?
[Singing Hast. I am he. If you but assist me, I'll engage to whip her off to France, and you shall Il’e are the boys never hear more of her.
That fears no noise, Tony. Assist you! Ecod I will, to the last Where the thundering cannons roar! drop of my blood. I'll clap a pair of horses to
AC T III.
Miss Hard. Mr Marlow's: his mauvaise honte,
his timidity struck me at the first sight. Enter HARDCASTLE.
Hard. Then your first sight deceived you; for
I think him one of the most brazen first sights Hard. What could my old friend, sir Charles, that ever astonished my senses. mean, by recommending his son as the modestest Miss Hurd. Sure, sir, you rally? I never saw young man in town? To me he appears the most any one so modest. impudent piece of brass, that ever spoke with a Hard. And can you be serious! I never saw tongue. He has taken possession of the easy such a bouncing, swaggering puppy since I was chair by the fire-side already. He took off his born. Bully Dawson was but a fool to him. boots in the parlour, and desired me to see them Miss Hard. Surprising ! He met me with a taken care of. I'm desirous to know how bis respectful bow, a stammering voice, and a look impudevce affects my daughter-She will cer- ixed on the ground. tainly be shocked at it.
Hard. He met me with a loud voice, a lordly
air, and a familiarity that made my blood freeze Enter Miss HARDCASTLE, plainly dressed.
Miss Hard. He treated me with diffidence Well, my Kate, I see you have changed and respect-censured the manners of the ageyour dress as I bid you; and yet, I believe, there admired the prudence of girls that never laughwas no great occasion.
d-tired me with apologies for being tiresomeMiss Hard. I find such a pleasure, sir, in obey- hen left the room with a bow, and, madam, I ing your commands, that I take care to observe pould not for the world detain you. them without ever debating their propriety. Hard. He spoke to me as if he knew me all
Hard. And yet, Kate, I sometimes give you lus life before. Asked twenty questions, and sonie cause, particularly when I recommended never waited for an answer. Interrupted my my modest gentleman to you as a lover to-day. best remarks with some silly pun, and when I
Diss Hard. You taught me to expect some- tas in my best story of the Duke of Marlbothing extraordinary, and I find the original ex- rough and Prince Eugene, he asked if I had not ceeds the description.
a good hand at making punch. Yes, Kate, he Hurd. I was never so surprised in my life! asked your father if he was a maker of punch ! He has quite confounded all my faculties! Miss Hurd. One of us must certainly be misa
Miss Hard. I never saw any thing like it :- taken. And a nian of the world, too !
Hard. If he be what he has shewn himself, Hard. Ay, he learned it all abroad—what a I'm determined he shall never have my consent, fool was I, to think a young man could learn Miss Hurd. And if he be the sullen thing I modesty by traveiling! He might as soon learn take him, he shall never have mine. wit at a masquerade.
Hard. In one thing, then, we are agreed-to Miss Hard. It seems all natural to him. reject hiin.
Hard. A good deal assisted by bad company, Miss Hard. Yes. But upon conditions. For and a French dancing-master.
if you should find him less impudent, and I more Aliss Hard. Sure you mistake, papa! a French presuming—if you find him more respectful, and dancing-inaster could never have taught him I more importunate I don't know the that timid look--that aukward address—that fellow is well enough for a man-Certainly we bashful manner
don't meet many such at a horse race in the Hard. Whose look? whose manner, child country.
Hard. If we should find him so- -But that's Tony. Never you mind her resentment; leave impossible. The first appearance has done my me to manage that. I don't value her resentbusiness. I'm seldom deceived in that.
ment the bounce of a cracker. Zounds! here Miss Hard. And yet there may be many good they are! Morrice! Prance ! qualities under that first appearance.
[Ecit HASTINGS. Hard. Ay, when a girl finds a fellow's outside to her taste, she then sets about guessing the rest
Enter Mrs HARDCASTLE, and Miss Neville. of his furniture. With her, a smooth ace stands for good sense, and a genteel figure for every
Mrs Hard. Indeed, Constance, you amaze me. virtue.
Such a girl as you want jewels ! It will be time Miss Hard. I hope, sir, a conversation begun enough for jewels, my dear, twenty years hence, with a compliment to my good sense, won't end when your beauty begins to want repairs. with a sneer at my understanding?
Miss Neo. But what will repair beauty at forHard. Pardon me, Kate! But if young Mrty, will certainly improve it at twenty, madam. Brazen can find the art of reconciling contradic- Mrs Hard. Yours, my dear, can admit of tions, he may please us both, perhaps.
That natural blush is beyond a thousand Miss Hard. And as one of us must be mis- ornaments. Besides, child, jewels are quite out taken, what if we go to make further discoveries? | at present. Don't you see half the ladies of our
Hard. Agreed. But depend on't I'm in the acquaintance, my lady Kill-day-light, and Mrs right.
Crump, and the rest of them, carry their jewels Miss Hard. And depend on't I'm not much in to town, and bring nothing but paste and mar
casites back?. Ereunt. Miss Nev. But who knows, madam, but sone
body, that shall be nameless, would like me best Enter Tony, running in with a caskat.
with all my little finery about me?
Mrs Hurd. Consult your glass, my dear, and Tony. Ecod! I have got them. Here they are.
then see it, with such a pair of eyes, you want My cousin Con's necklaces, bobs and all. My any better sparklers
. What do you think, Tony, mother shan't cheat the poor souls out of their my dear? does your cousin Con want any jewels, fortune neither. O! my genius, is that you? in your eyes, to set off her beauty?
Tony. That's as bereafter may be.
Miss Nev. My dear aunt, if you knew how it
would oblige me. Hast. My dear friend, how have you managed Mrs Hard. A parcel of old-fashioned rose with your mother? I hope you have amused her and table-cut things. They would make you look with pretending love for your cousin, and that like the court of king Solomon at a puppet-show. you are willing to be reconciled at last? Our Besides, I believe I can't readily come at them. horses will be refreshed in a short time, and we They may be missing for aught I know to the shall soon be ready to set off.
contrary. Tony. And here's something to bear your Tony. [Apart to Mrs Hard.) Then why doni charges by the way, (giving the cusket.] Your you tell her so at once, as she's so longing for sweetheart's jewels. Keep them, and hang those, them? Tell her they're lost. Its the only way I say, that would rob you of one of them. to quiet her. Say they're lost, and call me to Hast. But how have you procured them from bear witness.
Mrs Hard. [Apart to Tony.) You know, my Tony. Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you dear, I'm only keeping them for you. So if I say no tibs. I procured them by the rule of thumb they're gone, you'll bear me witness, will you? If I had not a key to every drawer in mother's He he he! bureau, how could I go to the alehouse so often Tony. Never fear mc. Ecod! I'll say I saw as I do? An honest man may rob himself of his them taken out with my own eyes. own at any time.
Miss Nev. I desire them but for a day, madam. Hast. Thousands do it every day. But, to be Just to be permitted to shew them as relics, and p'rin with you, Miss Neville is endeavouring to then they may be locked up again. procure them froin ber aunt this very instant. If Mrs Hard. To be plain with you, my dear she succeeds, it will be the most delicate way at Constance, if I could find them, you should least of obtaining them.
have them. They're missing, I assure you. Lost, Tony. Well, keep them, till you know how it for aught I know; but we must have patience will be. But I know how it will be well enough; wherever they are. she'd as soon part with the only sound tooth in Miss Nev. I'll not believe it. This is but a her head.
shallow pretence to deny me. I know they're Hasl. But I dread the effects of her resent- too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you ment, when she finds she has lost them.
are to answer for the loss.
Mrs Hard. Don't be alarmed, Constance. If Mrs Hard. My dearest Tony, but hear me. they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. But They're gone, I say !
I my son koows they are missing, and not to be Tony. By the laws, mamma, you make me for found.
to laugh, ha, ha! I know who took them well Tony. That I can bear witness to. They are enough, ha, ha, ha! missing, and not to be found, I'll take
oath Mrs Hard. Was there ever such a blockhead, on't.
that can't tell the difference between jest and Mrs Hard. You must learn resignation, my earnest! I tell you I'ın not in jest, booby. dear; for, though we lose our fortune, yet we Tony. That's right, that's right: You must be should not lose our patience. See me, how calm in a bitter passion, and then nobody will suspect I am.
either of us. I'll bear witness that they are gone. Miss Nev. Ay, people are generally calın at
Mrs Hard. Was there ever such a crossthe misfortunes of others.
grained brute, that won't hear me! Can you bear Mrs Hard. Now, I wonder a girl of your good witness that you're no better than a fool? Was sense should waste a thought upon such trum- ever poor woman so beset with fools on one hand, pery. We shall soon find them; and, in the mean and thieves on the other! time, you shall make use of my garnets till your Tony. I can bear witness to that. jewels be found.
Mrs Hard. Bear witness again, you blockhead Miss Nev. I detest garnets.
you, and I'll turn you out of the room directly! JIrs Hard. The most becoming things in the My poor niece ! what will become of her? Do world to set off a clear complexion. You have you laugh, you unfeeling brute, as if you enjoyed often seen how well they look upon me. You my distress? shall have them.
[Erit. Tony. I can bear witness to that. Miss Neo. I dislike them of all things. You Mrs Hard. Do you insult me, monster? I'll shan't stir-Was ever any thing so provoking, to teach you to vex your mother, I will. mislay my own jewels, and force me to wear Tony. I can bear witness to that. trumpery?
[He runs off, she follows him. Tony. Don't be a fool. If she gives you the garnets, take what you can get. The jewels are
Enter Miss HARDCASTLE, and Maid. your own already. I have stolen them out of her Miss Hard. What an unaccountable creature bureau, and she does not know it. Fly to your is that brother of mine, to send them to the spark; he'll tell you more of the matter. Leave house as an inn, ha, ha! I don't wonder at his me to manage her.
impudence. Miss Ned. My dear cousin !
Maid. But what is more, madam, the young Tony. Vanish! She's here, and has missed gentleman, as you passed by in your present them already. Zounds! how she fidgets and dress, asked me if you were the bar-maid. He spits about, like a Catharine wheel!
mistook you for the bar-maid, madam.
Miss Hard. Did he? Then, as I live, I'm reEnter MRS HARDCASTLE.
solved to keep up the delusion. Tell me, Pimple, Mrs Hard. Confusion ! thieves! robbers! We how do you like my present dress? Don't you are cheated, plundered, broke open, undone! think I look something like Cherry in the Beaux
Tony. What's the matter, what's the matter, Stratagem? mamma? I hope nothing has happened to any of Maid. It's the dress, madam, that every lady the good family!
wears in the country, but when she visits or reMrs Hard. We are robbed! My bureau has ceives company. been broke open, the jewels taken out, and I'm Miss Hard. And are you sure he does not reuodone!
member my face or person? Tony. Oh! is that all? Ha, ha, ha! By the Maid. Certain of it. laws, I never saw it better acted in my life! Miss Hard. I vow I thought so; for though Ecod, I thought you was ruined in earnest, ha, we spoke for some time together, yet his fears ha, ha!
were such, that he never once looked up during Mrs Hard. Why, boy, I am ruined in earnest. the interview. Indeed if he had, my bonnet My bureau has been broke open, and all taken would have kept him from seeing me. away.
Maid. But what do you hope from keeping Tony. Stick to that; ha, ha, ha! stick to that; him in his mistake? I'll bear witness, you know; call me to bear wit- Miss Hard. In the first place, I shall be seen;
and that is no small advantage to a girl, who Mrs Hard. I tell you, Tony, by all that's pre- brings her face to a market. Then I shall percious, the jewels are gone, and I shall be ruined haps make an acquaintance; and that's no small for ever!
victory gained over one, who never addresses any Tony. Sure I know they're gone, and I am to
but the wildest of her sex. But my chief aim is say so.
to take my gentleman off his guard, and, like an Vol. II.